Dear diary
Jan 1 I have been put on that bloody diet that she has threatened me with for two years. Bloody cow.
Jan 2 Weighed myself and bugger all gone
Jan 16 Weighed myself again and lost a pound. A whole fecking pound......I have been eating that much salad I should be put in a field with the rest of the veggie chewing animals of this world.
Jan 21 I want something that is cooked in grease and smothered in chocolate and cream. I will KILL for it.
Feb 1 Weighed my slef and lost 8lbs woooohooooooooooooooooooooo
Feb 2 Celebrated with a feck off fat smothered meal
Feb 10 Weighed myself and put on 3lb.......Bastard
Feb 16 Weighed myself and lost the 3lb again......wooohoooooo
Feb 23 Kids have been allowed chocolate. They left a family bag of Maltesers on the table. In 1 1/2 hours I have eaten the fecking lot. Ah bollox............don't want to weigh myself now
Dave_Notts
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Maltesers and diets
last reply
28 replies
1.5k views
0 watchers
0 likes
Sex God
Read this poem today in an anthology I got given as a leaving present…
Against Dieting by Blake Morrison
Please, darling, no more diets.
I’ve heard the talk on why it’s
good for one’s esteem. I’ve watched you
jogging lanes and pounding treadmills.
I’ve even shed two kilos of my own.
But enough. What are love-handles
between friends? For half a stone
it isn’t worth the sweat.
I’ve had it up to here with crispbread.
I doubt the premise too.
Try to see it from my point of view.
I want not less but more of you.
Great sentiment in my opinion!!
Nola x
Against Dieting by Blake Morrison
Please, darling, no more diets.
I’ve heard the talk on why it’s
good for one’s esteem. I’ve watched you
jogging lanes and pounding treadmills.
I’ve even shed two kilos of my own.
But enough. What are love-handles
between friends? For half a stone
it isn’t worth the sweat.
I’ve had it up to here with crispbread.
I doubt the premise too.
Try to see it from my point of view.
I want not less but more of you.
Great sentiment in my opinion!!Nola x
1) If no one sees you eat it --- it has no calories.
2)If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar they cancel each other out.
3) When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you dont eat more than they do.
4) Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts such as: Hot Chocolate, Brandy, Toast and Sarah Lee cheesecake.
5) Movie related foods don't count because they are simply part of the entire entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel, such as peanut m & m's, popcorn with extra butter, and cheesy nacho's.
6) Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage. The same goes for the slicing and cutting of foods such as piza, gateaux and pies.
7) Foods of the same colour have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate. Chocolate is a universal colour and may be substituted for any other.
8)Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!) .
9) If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off.
10) Food that is fattening is said to be full of 'empty calories'....if something is empty, there is nothing in it....therefore....
Empty calories = zero calories!
and remember stressed spelled backwards = desserts
:D
2)If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar they cancel each other out.
3) When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you dont eat more than they do.
4) Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts such as: Hot Chocolate, Brandy, Toast and Sarah Lee cheesecake.
5) Movie related foods don't count because they are simply part of the entire entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel, such as peanut m & m's, popcorn with extra butter, and cheesy nacho's.
6) Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage. The same goes for the slicing and cutting of foods such as piza, gateaux and pies.
7) Foods of the same colour have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate. Chocolate is a universal colour and may be substituted for any other.
8)Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!) .
9) If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off.
10) Food that is fattening is said to be full of 'empty calories'....if something is empty, there is nothing in it....therefore....
Empty calories = zero calories!
and remember stressed spelled backwards = desserts
:D 
Master of Sex
No, no, no, you have to support Dave. His wife is doing it with the best of intentions.
Harry and I hav just lost quite a bit of weight with the new year regime and its made him horny as feck!
Deffo not doing anything to spoil this one.....here.....have a lettuce leaf, ya sexy fecker!
xxx
Harry and I hav just lost quite a bit of weight with the new year regime and its made him horny as feck!
Deffo not doing anything to spoil this one.....here.....have a lettuce leaf, ya sexy fecker!
xxx
Quote by kittysin
No, no, no, you have to support Dave. His wife is doing it with the best of intentions.
Harry and I hav just lost quite a bit of weight with the new year regime and its made him horny as feck!
Deffo not doing anything to spoil this one.....here.....have a lettuce leaf, ya sexy fecker!
xxx
If you hold the lettuce leaf out be careful I don't bite your hand. At least your hand contains meat
Dave_Notts
Sex God
Quote by kittysin
No, no, no, you have to support Dave. His wife is doing it with the best of intentions.
Harry and I hav just lost quite a bit of weight with the new year regime and its made him horny as feck!
Deffo not doing anything to spoil this one.....here.....have a lettuce leaf, ya sexy fecker!
xxx
I think in the case of my post it was more empathy than sabotage!
Nola x
Sex God
Quote by Dave__Notts
This evening I shall be attempting to wheen myself off of the 'teasers with a glass of fruitjuice and couple of bars of Cadbury's Wholemilk...250g.
(corner shop, on offer... want one?)
lp
A bugger you are
Dave_Notts
Or you could join me in some Boddingtons.....Black Label...Chocolate Hob Nobs and Smoky Bacon Crisps
Sex God
Quote by Steve
Or you could join me in some Boddingtons.....Black Label...Chocolate Hob Nobs and Smoky Bacon Crisps
:shock: crumbs in the bed!
Sex God
Quote by Freckledbird
Or you could join me in some Boddingtons.....Black Label...Chocolate Hob Nobs and Smoky Bacon Crisps
:shock: crumbs in the bed!
Noooooooooooooo
Woooooooooow is normaly saved for the bed ;-)
Sex God
Quote by Steve
Or you could join me in some Boddingtons.....Black Label...Chocolate Hob Nobs and Smoky Bacon Crisps
:shock: crumbs in the bed!
Noooooooooooooo
Woooooooooow is normaly saved for the bed ;-)
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Sex God
I like em frozen, can suck on them for ages
Sex God
Quote by anaisput ya teeth in :lol2: :lol2:
I like em frozen, can suck on them for ages
Shall have to try that.....
What?? putting your teeth in????
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: Seriously, its a 'handy tip' someone once gave me and it does work, they last forever, ish :lol:
Quote by helnheavenput ya teeth in :lol2: :lol2:
I like em frozen, can suck on them for ages
Shall have to try that.....
What?? putting your teeth in????
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: Seriously, its a 'handy tip' someone once gave me and it does work, they last forever, ish :lol:
Not put ya teeth on the freezer, ya plonker :rotflmao: in ya mouth so you dont have to freeze the maltesers! :giggle: :giggle:
It does sound ok tho!! Dont suppose youve tried them fried in batter yet? :lol:
Sex God
*looks worriedly at almost empty family "Fun Sized" bag of Maltesers .... second one in 2 days*
Addicted?
:? :? :? :?
Moi? :? :? :? :? :?
Not at all
Anyone wants me ... I'm at the gym...
*Shoves Maltesers bag in gym bag and legs it out the house sharpish*
Addicted?
:? :? :? :?Moi? :? :? :? :? :?
Not at all
Anyone wants me ... I'm at the gym...
*Shoves Maltesers bag in gym bag and legs it out the house sharpish*
Sex God
Quote by sara_gra
Frozen rolo's are good too :haha:
But loads of naughty calories. Sound very nice though
Sex God
Quote by Rusty6666
someones going to get a frozzen easter egg this year.
:shock:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: 