I'd say 'fourthed' but with my lisp you might get the wrong idea.
H.x
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Married Men
Quote by Cfnmaction
Cfnmaction wrote:
I'm a married man who has made contact with several Members albeit failing totally to even engage in a conversation But that's possibly due to my 'preference' in terms of what I am looking for right now...
I totally agree that Swinger's engage in a lifestyle that cannot be compared to what men like me have done - or, in my case, are attempting to do. If I ever do get to meet someone and fulfill my fantasy desire,I will have cheated on my wife.,
Then why look to fulfil your fantasy and desire on a swinging site?
The fact that I believe my marriage conditions at present warrant such an act is for my conscience alone, the details of which I am not prepared to go into.
the phrase "at present" suggests you have some hope that things will change, that the marriage is salvageable. If true, why risk everything for the sake of a fantasy?
I would not wish to meet anyone who is not aware of my situation and as such I clearly state that I am married in my Profile and advertise the fact that I am not here with permission.
So you are being honest and above board with everyone then, except your wife.
It is my situation that actually makes me seek a little erotic distraction that, ideally, does not involve intercourse. But for me to have my fun in this case generally comes across as being selfish as the needs to the Lady are ignored, which isn't fair, and hence my view that I may exceed my ideal scenario if mutually agreeable.
So you don't want to have sex with the lady, but will force yourself just to please her..thats very noble of you..
I guess in my case I'm trying to engage in a little light erotic teasing without the full sexual experience precisely because I am looking to cheat and I want to minimise the cheating in the event that my marriage comes right.
So you want to cheat, but just a bit, because things may work out in the end. How about working things out in the beginning and not cheating at all.
Of course, a Swinging site is possibly not the best place to seek this as I have learnt that the majority of you appear to take the Swinging Lifestyle seriously and good on you - I wish my wife could see that this is a lifestyle that can enhance a relationship! But I would never attempt to try and make her try something she isn't comfortable with.
Seriously, have you asked her? yes some take it very seriously, me I don't, but I do take honesty to my wife seriously and I think you should give it a try before you do something that may wreck your marriage beyond all redemption.
Anyway, just my 2p.
my 2p
I'm sorry if the above sounds harsh, but it sounds to me like you’re looking for some fun away from home and you’re trying to justify your choice to everyone including yourself. Dawn said your post was honest, maybe it was to a site full of strangers; honest to everyone except the one person you should be honest with.
I personally don’t care who you meet or who meets you, that is for you and them to be comfortable with, I don’t care what your marriage troubles are, they are between you and your wife, but I do care when you come looking for absolution from me....you won't get it.
Sort out you marriage one way or the other,then start swinging.
Sex God
Quote by Stormwalker
I personally don’t care who you meet or who meets you, that is for you and them to be comfortable with, I don’t care what your marriage troubles are, they are between you and your wife, but I do care when you come looking for absolution from me....you won't get it.
Sort out you marriage one way or the other,then start swinging.
If you dont care, why bother pulling his post apart and adding your views? Also, I am struggling to see where in his post he has asked for your absolution. Very harsh reply considering, as you say, you dont care who meets with the guy.
Quote by Stormwalker
...but I do care when you come looking for absolution from me....you won't get it.
You really don't have to worry about it; I don't intend to look to you for absolution - no offence intended.
But thank you for your words - I have taken your comments on board and, to be fair, I think you raise valid points albeit I obviously think differently to you - but then I am privy to knowledge about my private life that you are not. I cannot answer all of your questions without going into something I do not wish to discuss. I will answer why I chose to give this Site a visit: it came highly recommended.
Sex God
Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
I personally don’t care who you meet or who meets you, that is for you and them to be comfortable with, I don’t care what your marriage troubles are, they are between you and your wife, but I do care when you come looking for absolution from me....you won't get it.
Sort out you marriage one way or the other,then start swinging.
If you dont care, why bother pulling his post apart and adding your views? Also, I am struggling to see where in his post he has asked for your absolution. Very harsh reply considering, as you say, you dont care who meets with the guy.
Totally agree with you NWC :thumbup:
If you really don't care then you just look elsewhere surely Stormwalker???
:? :? Sex God
Quote by Cfnmaction
...but I do care when you come looking for absolution from me....you won't get it.
You really don't have to worry about it; I don't intend to look to you for absolution - no offence intended.
But thank you for your words - I have taken your comments on board and, to be fair, I think you raise valid points albeit I obviously think differently to you - but then I am privy to knowledge about my private life that you are not. I cannot answer all of your questions without going into something I do not wish to discuss. I will answer why I chose to give this Site a visit: it came highly recommended.
You don't need to justify yourself Cfnmaction. You'll find people on here who share your views and understand your position.
One of the things that makes this site so great is the fact that there are so many different views and opinions and people with different reasons for being her in the first place.
For every person who objects there will be those who agree with you, or at least share your views. Just be patient and enjoy.
:D :D 
Sex God
Can I just ask, is it a problem for Swinging Heaven to have married men on here?..
I don't think it's a problem for SH to have married men or women on here. There seems to be an equal amount of people for and against. Each to their own and all that.
It would be a HUGE problem for me though if we were to meet a married woman playing away from home unbeknown to us and we were later cited in a divorce and dragged throught the courts. Sometimes there are not only implications in the life of the married person playing away but also in the lives of the people that come into contact with them.
Personally if I knew someone was playing away I would not meet them as I can't separate sex from emotion enough to not feel guilt about their partner.
xxxxxx
I don't think it's a problem for SH to have married men or women on here. There seems to be an equal amount of people for and against. Each to their own and all that.
It would be a HUGE problem for me though if we were to meet a married woman playing away from home unbeknown to us and we were later cited in a divorce and dragged throught the courts. Sometimes there are not only implications in the life of the married person playing away but also in the lives of the people that come into contact with them.
Personally if I knew someone was playing away I would not meet them as I can't separate sex from emotion enough to not feel guilt about their partner.
xxxxxx
Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
I personally don’t care who you meet or who meets you, that is for you and them to be comfortable with, I don’t care what your marriage troubles are, they are between you and your wife, but I do care when you come looking for absolution from me....you won't get it.
Sort out you marriage one way or the other,then start swinging.
If you dont care, why bother pulling his post apart and adding your views? Also, I am struggling to see where in his post he has asked for your absolution. Very harsh reply considering, as you say, you dont care who meets with the guy.
When I say I don’t care, I mean it’s none of my business who he meets or who meets him. It is for the people involved to decide where their consciences lie, and to act on it. The fact he made the post suggests he is looking for some kind of acceptance from the reader (me in this case) he will not get it from me because I disagree with the idea of cheating.
As for pulling his post apart and adding my views, It happens every day on this and every other forum I read, that is what forums do, people post, people respond, what makes this post any different?
Harsh? Yes it was harsh…maybe harsh enough to make someone think very carefully before they make a choice that could wreck at least two lives, maybe more
to the OP. and anyone else who cares to read this.
I couldn't give a monkey's cuss if you are married or not - I aint marrying you. I could go into a long convoluted discussion about theology and the law etc etc but I won't.
Basically a lot of people judge my lifestyle and choices and make no effort to know me as a person I would be a bit of a hypocrite to do the same to anyone else.
I am sure that some people think that wor lass is a figment of my imagination. But for those that matter they know that she is more than happy for me to be here. She has even been sighted. That said if someone had no proof that she was happy I wouldn't allow them to talk to her to 'check'. My thoughts being that if they don't trust me enough to know that from talking to me I don't trust them enough to have sex with them. (plus wor lass would never let me hear the end of it if she had to give permission like she owns me and my body
)
I couldn't give a monkey's cuss if you are married or not - I aint marrying you. I could go into a long convoluted discussion about theology and the law etc etc but I won't.
Basically a lot of people judge my lifestyle and choices and make no effort to know me as a person I would be a bit of a hypocrite to do the same to anyone else.
I am sure that some people think that wor lass is a figment of my imagination. But for those that matter they know that she is more than happy for me to be here. She has even been sighted. That said if someone had no proof that she was happy I wouldn't allow them to talk to her to 'check'. My thoughts being that if they don't trust me enough to know that from talking to me I don't trust them enough to have sex with them. (plus wor lass would never let me hear the end of it if she had to give permission like she owns me and my body
) Sex God
Quote by Stormwalker
When I say I don’t care, I mean it’s none of my business who he meets or who meets him. It is for the people involved to decide where their consciences lie, and to act on it. The fact he made the post suggests he is looking for some kind of acceptance from the reader (me in this case) he will not get it from me because I disagree with the idea of cheating.
So do a lot of other people, but I am lucky enough to be in a marriage (like you and a lot of others on this site) where both of us want to be in this lifestyle. I have not been in the situation of the poster and dont know his particular circumstances, so I do not find myself in a position to be able to judge him. Also, I am not sure why I should judge him. He has stated he is married, so this gives people the chance to decide if they want to meet or otherwise. He was giving his point of view and did not ask for any kind of acceptance (well, if he did, Im very sorry Stormy but I can see where he did ask for it)
Quote by Stormwalker
As for pulling his post apart and adding my views, It happens every day on this and every other forum I read, that is what forums do, people post, people respond, what makes this post any different?
What makes it different? Probably because you stated you didnt care but then took the trouble to give your response. You have now explained what you meant by that and it was more that you dont care who he meets rather than you dont care about the situation.
Quote by Stormwalker
Harsh? Yes it was harsh…maybe harsh enough to make someone think very carefully before they make a choice that could wreck at least two lives, maybe more
But you dont know for definate that it is going to wreck someones lives. Ok, the chances are that it could but you dont know that for definate, and I would like to think that people do know the possible consequences of their decisions, but again, we dont know and is this any of our business?
Being realistic, it has nothing to do with you, me or anyone else what is going on. As swingers we are doing things which a lot of people could class as imorral and we (well, me) would not like it if people judged me on what I did. Therefore, I dont feel that any of us have the right to judge others on their actions, just because it is something that we would not want to participate in ourselves. I dont think I am so high and mighty that I can put myself in someone elses shoes until I have actually worn them myself.
Sex God
I really hate these types of threads... because they do end up being so polarising
I am not going to condemn or condone the opening poster because I don't know enough about the situation... I don't want to know, and there are two sides to every story.... so without knowing the other person who was at the end of the conversation... they are not here to defend themselves so it is unfair to comment
those of us that have been here for a while have seen some of the consequences...
there have been divorces....
there have beed people of have been physically threatened as a result....
there have been people named in divorce proceedings..
there have been people whos partners have only found out after they have gone.....
we have seen the pain, the anguish and the tears...
only the opening poster knows whether it is worth it all in the long run, and all we can ask for is that they are truthful to the potential playing partners, regardless of where they are being truthful to others, so that we can make up our own minds is to whether to play or not........
I actually wished that this was locked before it get to this stage.....
sean xxxxxxxxxxx
I am not going to condemn or condone the opening poster because I don't know enough about the situation... I don't want to know, and there are two sides to every story.... so without knowing the other person who was at the end of the conversation... they are not here to defend themselves so it is unfair to comment
those of us that have been here for a while have seen some of the consequences...
there have been divorces....
there have beed people of have been physically threatened as a result....
there have been people named in divorce proceedings..
there have been people whos partners have only found out after they have gone.....
we have seen the pain, the anguish and the tears...
only the opening poster knows whether it is worth it all in the long run, and all we can ask for is that they are truthful to the potential playing partners, regardless of where they are being truthful to others, so that we can make up our own minds is to whether to play or not........
I actually wished that this was locked before it get to this stage.....
sean xxxxxxxxxxx
Quote by fabio
>snip<
there have been divorces....
there have beed people of have been physically threatened as a result....
there have been people named in divorce proceedings..
there have been people whos partners have only found out after they have gone.....>snip<
all as it happens in the Vanilla world then. Nowt new.
Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
Wrote a lot of good sense.
:thumbup:
Would we meet a single who we know to be playing away? Probably not for two reasons. We don't meet privately anyway, but more importantly we wouldn't want to get caught up in domestic fall-out.
Have we played with married guys and couples not married to each other? Yes. On the club scene we don't ask for a full CV and so don't know people's marital status. However, we definitely know that some people we've played with are playing away but the anonymity of the club scene insulates us from any domestics.
Is it our business to judge them? No, definitely not. We don't know their circumstances and have absolutely no idea what has driven them to behave as they do. We are all adults and make our own way and choices in life.
If playing with married men (or women) isn't your thing that's great, but why constantly throw stones at them? You may be sexually faithful but I would bet that there are other areas of your lives that wouldn't meet some people's moral standards.
It always surprises me that on a so called swingers site so many people see sexual fidelity as being the be all and end all. There are far more ways of being unfaithful to a partner than rubbing a few bits of skin together in an emotionless NSA shag.
Sex God
Quote by fabio
snip
there have been people named in divorce proceedings..
snip again
Just to clarify - there is no requirement to name the corespondent in cases of adultery. If the plaintiff does name the third party they are just rubbing their soon-to-be-ex spouses nose in it.
In mine I just had to admit there had been adultery and include a believable date - I had already left for a year btw, when the 'adultery' took place.
Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
When I say I don’t care, I mean it’s none of my business who he meets or who meets him. It is for the people involved to decide where their consciences lie, and to act on it. The fact he made the post suggests he is looking for some kind of acceptance from the reader (me in this case) he will not get it from me because I disagree with the idea of cheating.
So do a lot of other people, but I am lucky enough to be in a marriage (like you and a lot of others on this site) where both of us want to be in this lifestyle. I have not been in the situation of the poster and dont know his particular circumstances, so I do not find myself in a position to be able to judge him. Also, I am not sure why I should judge him. He has stated he is married, so this gives people the chance to decide if they want to meet or otherwise. He was giving his point of view and did not ask for any kind of acceptance (well, if he did, Im very sorry Stormy but I can see where he did ask for it)
I don’t know his situation either, only what he has told us. He is married and he is actively looking to deceive and cheat on his wife. If you feel it’s wrong to judge him on that, that is your choice, we can only judge on the evidence we have. He has given people the choice to decide if they want to meet him that’s good too, unless you are the wife. As I said by posting he was asking for opinions and therefore either acceptance or condemnation, Otherwise why post?
Quote by Stormwalker
As for pulling his post apart and adding my views, It happens every day on this and every other forum I read, that is what forums do, people post, people respond, what makes this post any different?
What makes it different? Probably because you stated you didnt care but then took the trouble to give your response. You have now explained what you meant by that and it was more that you dont care who he meets rather than you dont care about the situation.
I personally don’t care who you meet or who meets you, that is for you and them to be comfortable with, I don’t care what your marriage troubles are, they are between you and your wife, but I do care when you come looking for absolution from me....you won't get it.
Sort out your marriage one way or the other, then start swinging.
I think it was always perfectly clear what I said and what I was saying, I think you may have misread it and responded based on that misreading.
Quote by Stormwalker
Harsh? Yes it was harsh…maybe harsh enough to make someone think very carefully before they make a choice that could wreck at least two lives, maybe more
But you dont know for definate that it is going to wreck someones lives. Ok, the chances are that it could but you dont know that for definate, and I would like to think that people do know the possible consequences of their decisions, but again, we dont know and is this any of our business?
No, I don’t know for definite it will wreck anyone’s life, but cheating lying and deceiving are all right up there in the field guide to strengthening your marriage are they?
We both know that once this path is taken the chances of anything but misery are slim.
It is our business because he chose to make it our business, you don’t post your dirty washing in a public forum and expect no one to have, and voice, an opinion.
Being realistic, it has nothing to do with you, me or anyone else what is going on. As swingers we are doing things which a lot of people could class as imorral and we (well, me) would not like it if people judged me on what I did. Therefore, I dont feel that any of us have the right to judge others on their actions, just because it is something that we would not want to participate in ourselves. I dont think I am so high and mighty that I can put myself in someone elses shoes until I have actually worn them myself.
As I said, I don’t care who he meets or who meets him they have a choice, we have a choice to meet him or not, you have a choice to meet him or not, everyone has a choice, unless you are his wife who has no choice at all.
Think carefully about what you have just said
“Therefore, I dont feel that any of us have the right to judge others on their actions, just because it is something that we would not want to participate in
We really should not judge people by their actions? Not cheats, not thieves, not murderers, not rapists, not……. You see my point? We judge people all the time, just as you judged my words to be harsh.
Right my views expressed, I leave it to everyone else now.
Sex God
Quote by Dawnie
This thread has made me realise how lucky I am.
I have a great sex life with my other half and I'm allowed to shag others :smug:
Amen to that
Sexlightened
I refer to my earlier post and second that little word that I've seen on here a couple of times : 'snip'
A very close friend is registered with loving links (a discrete liason agency), she wants and needs an active sex life and her hubby is not only working down London monday to friday but doesn't have much of a sexual appetite anyway, and never has. However she's been involved with a very nice local man that's giving her everything she needs, and he, apparently, isn't getting it at his home either. Therefore two happy people! Isn't life wonderful?
My morals are fluid, except honesty is essential. So when you read this Jamey........... think on!
A very close friend is registered with loving links (a discrete liason agency), she wants and needs an active sex life and her hubby is not only working down London monday to friday but doesn't have much of a sexual appetite anyway, and never has. However she's been involved with a very nice local man that's giving her everything she needs, and he, apparently, isn't getting it at his home either. Therefore two happy people! Isn't life wonderful?
My morals are fluid, except honesty is essential. So when you read this Jamey........... think on!
Sexpert
We're all adults and if a Married guy (or woman!!!) can't get fulfillment at home then go find it elswhere. You only live once!
Quote by jameybruce
I refer to my earlier post and second that little word that I've seen on here a couple of times : 'snip'
A very close friend is registered with loving links (a discrete liason agency), she wants and needs an active sex life and her hubby is not only working down London monday to friday but doesn't have much of a sexual appetite anyway, and never has. However she's been involved with a very nice local man that's giving her everything she needs, and he, apparently, isn't getting it at his home either. Therefore two happy people! Isn't life wonderful?
My morals are fluid, except honesty is essential. So when you read this Jamey........... think on!
Two happy people cheating and two unhappy devastated people, if their partners find out! Sorry but I dont agree with cheating no matter what the circumstances...thats my opinion.
I think this idea that infidelity is going to destroy each and every couple is a bit over emotional.
Many couples recognise that their sexual requirements are beginning to differ unexpectedly. Obviously the majority of conventional couples don't get into swinging as a response to this. For many it goes on hold and in a lot of cases it simply falls by the wayside as companionship takes over. It will have to anyway with the onset of old age.
The discovery of infidelity does not invoke all hell and destruction. It can often bring to a conclusion an unsettled part of a relationship. Many couples recognise that infidelty occurs and they accept to live with it, handling it discreetly. Because the bond of companionship is stronger than lust.
Of course the period of going through this can lead to terrible scenes and emotions, but the vast majority survive this and rebuild themselves.
It might mean that the couple no longer have sex, but it concludes one phase and introduces the next, often re-establishing the relationship, and cutting out the emotional baggage that has been weighing it down. So any couple worth their salt can usually deal quite adequately with infidelity.
Many couples recognise that their sexual requirements are beginning to differ unexpectedly. Obviously the majority of conventional couples don't get into swinging as a response to this. For many it goes on hold and in a lot of cases it simply falls by the wayside as companionship takes over. It will have to anyway with the onset of old age.
The discovery of infidelity does not invoke all hell and destruction. It can often bring to a conclusion an unsettled part of a relationship. Many couples recognise that infidelty occurs and they accept to live with it, handling it discreetly. Because the bond of companionship is stronger than lust.
Of course the period of going through this can lead to terrible scenes and emotions, but the vast majority survive this and rebuild themselves.
It might mean that the couple no longer have sex, but it concludes one phase and introduces the next, often re-establishing the relationship, and cutting out the emotional baggage that has been weighing it down. So any couple worth their salt can usually deal quite adequately with infidelity.
