Hello!
We joined this site to obviously meet other people with the same 'interests' as us, but while we've had a few back and forth messages, we haven't had as much interaction as we would like.
To be honest we're wondering whether this website is really the best thing for us? Ideally we are looking for friends who swing rather than swingers who seem like nice people, so the non-sex/social side is really important for us. There doesn't seem to be very much in our area and those who we've tried to message haven't responded back (which is no problem - they don't have I be attracted to us after all)
Our age requirements are limiting, however we really do want to meet people our own age (which is logical given what we want out of the lifestyle). We also don't want to go to clubs as that doesn't seem to be our thing, so really we can understand that our options are reduced somewhat.
We're really unsure where the kinds of people go that we want to meet? Where do mid 20's/early 30's people go that want to explore their sex lives with other people that isn't swingers clubs or the Internet??? You would think we would just go out to vanilla clubs etc, however our social life is knackered and anyway, historically we've been hopeless at the whole pulling thing - as you can see we are a great catch hahahaha!
Does anyone have any advice at all?
Thanks in advance.
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Meeting Swingers In Non-Swingy Places?
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Quote by groupslut85
Hello!
We joined this site to obviously meet other people with the same 'interests' as us, but while we've had a few back and forth messages, we haven't had as much interaction as we would like.
To be honest we're wondering whether this website is really the best thing for us? Ideally we are looking for friends who swing rather than swingers who seem like nice people, so the non-sex/social side is really important for us. There doesn't seem to be very much in our area and those who we've tried to message haven't responded back (which is no problem - they don't have I be attracted to us after all)
Our age requirements are limiting, however we really do want to meet people our own age (which is logical given what we want out of the lifestyle). We also don't want to go to clubs as that doesn't seem to be our thing, so really we can understand that our options are reduced somewhat.
We're really unsure where the kinds of people go that we want to meet? Where do mid 20's/early 30's people go that want to explore their sex lives with other people that isn't swingers clubs or the Internet??? You would think we would just go out to vanilla clubs etc, however our social life is knackered and anyway, historically we've been hopeless at the whole pulling thing - as you can see we are a great catch hahahaha!
Does anyone have any advice at all?
Thanks in advance.
Just as a quick question, how many clubs have you tried? I'm not advocating that clubs are the best solution, for many they're not. However, if you've tried just one club and not liked it, then I'd say you were limiting your options as each club has a different feel and vibe (no pun!)... some clubs I'd never step back through the door again, others clubs are more for the older swinger..while you may also find that the very same club on a different night is the perfect place.
Being (now) of the older brigade, I'm 45, I'd not have the foggiest idea where the mid 20's to early 30's are swinging..
BTW, nice first post, I would suggest getting to know others via the forum, it is how many of us have become friends over the last *cough* years... that and fucking each other.
Thanks for the reply. I'd like to think our profile is also well put together. We're certainly trying!
We have never been to a club unfortunately. We just don't feel comfortable with it. Not that we're keeping anything totally secret, but its more that we're more interested in doing this behind closed doors rather than in front of anyone. I suppose we would go if we had another similar couple that we trusted to show is the ropes, but its obviously finding that first couple and everything going absolutely perfect (which might be a little unrealistic).
If truth be told we're very inexperienced in the lifestyle so that probably doesn't help either.
We have never been to a club unfortunately. We just don't feel comfortable with it. Not that we're keeping anything totally secret, but its more that we're more interested in doing this behind closed doors rather than in front of anyone. I suppose we would go if we had another similar couple that we trusted to show is the ropes, but its obviously finding that first couple and everything going absolutely perfect (which might be a little unrealistic).
If truth be told we're very inexperienced in the lifestyle so that probably doesn't help either.
Hiya.
Do you have access to the chatrooms? They can be great for going in and introducing yourself and getting to know people. They can seem a bit intimidating at first but stick with it.
Another idea is to try a Social. They are advertised elsewhere on the forum and what happens is that whoever is organising it hires a room and a DJ. Then people go and meet face to face rather than online, chat, drink, dance, act daft etc. There's no play involved. Anything that may happen takes place at hotels afterwards, if you feel like it. There's no pressure involved at all.
Hope this helps.
Do you have access to the chatrooms? They can be great for going in and introducing yourself and getting to know people. They can seem a bit intimidating at first but stick with it.
Another idea is to try a Social. They are advertised elsewhere on the forum and what happens is that whoever is organising it hires a room and a DJ. Then people go and meet face to face rather than online, chat, drink, dance, act daft etc. There's no play involved. Anything that may happen takes place at hotels afterwards, if you feel like it. There's no pressure involved at all.
Hope this helps.
Sexpert
Quote by groupslut85
Hello!
We joined this site to obviously meet other people with the same 'interests' as us, but while we've had a few back and forth messages, we haven't had as much interaction as we would like.
To be honest we're wondering whether this website is really the best thing for us? Ideally we are looking for friends who swing rather than swingers who seem like nice people, so the non-sex/social side is really important for us. There doesn't seem to be very much in our area and those who we've tried to message haven't responded back (which is no problem - they don't have I be attracted to us after all)
Our age requirements are limiting, however we really do want to meet people our own age (which is logical given what we want out of the lifestyle). We also don't want to go to clubs as that doesn't seem to be our thing, so really we can understand that our options are reduced somewhat.
We're really unsure where the kinds of people go that we want to meet? Where do mid 20's/early 30's people go that want to explore their sex lives with other people that isn't swingers clubs or the Internet??? You would think we would just go out to vanilla clubs etc, however our social life is knackered and anyway, historically we've been hopeless at the whole pulling thing - as you can see we are a great catch hahahaha!
Does anyone have any advice at all?
Thanks in advance.
Interesting situation, firstly welcome to the site! sure you will find what you are looking for once you get used to it.
We do a lot of chatting in the chat rooms, yes there are quite a few people who obviously don't read your profile but once you learn who they are you can actually chat to people sensibly about things other than breast size and togger length. From that friendships can form and you find you may have other interests in common. From there a social meeting or restaurant and so on. So I don't think it is "you" but nor do I think it is because you are "newbies" but perhaps (dare I suggest) you maybe expecting things to happen a bit too quickly.
Perhaps chill on the site, use it for it's facilities (forums, chat, stories)and just see what happens. There are all sorts of people on here, just take your time and find the right ones.
I think our issue is that some of our expectations are going to be met over the long term, but also that we have some quick and dirty fantasies that we want to do right now - the issue being that we're coming up short on the short term stuff too.
We've spent about 2 years between thinking about it, talking about it, then finding someone who really quickly found a non swinging partner, and then back to nothing that it's getting really frustrating having to once again go back to square one. After all, this really shouldnt feel too much like hard work yet it does, and now to potentially have to spend a long time once again finding anyone at all just does not seem fun.
As for the club thing - we're not confident right now really. Maybe in the future we would do it - we've certainly considered it - but it's not for us unless we had someone take us under their wing for a bit. Obviously that is not conductive to fun times (essentially having to babysit s). Not only that, we recognise we're not experienced so want to control what we do and play in private before looking to fumble about and potentially disrupt other peoples good times.
Thanks for all the advice - it's very much appreciated.
We've spent about 2 years between thinking about it, talking about it, then finding someone who really quickly found a non swinging partner, and then back to nothing that it's getting really frustrating having to once again go back to square one. After all, this really shouldnt feel too much like hard work yet it does, and now to potentially have to spend a long time once again finding anyone at all just does not seem fun.
As for the club thing - we're not confident right now really. Maybe in the future we would do it - we've certainly considered it - but it's not for us unless we had someone take us under their wing for a bit. Obviously that is not conductive to fun times (essentially having to babysit s). Not only that, we recognise we're not experienced so want to control what we do and play in private before looking to fumble about and potentially disrupt other peoples good times.
Thanks for all the advice - it's very much appreciated.
Sex God
If you look in the Let's Meet Up forum, there is a social in the Midlands coming up. Why not sign up? Socials are a chance to put faces to names etc and maybe get the lowdown on the local scene.
Or, why not make a weekend of it, and travel to a club slightly further afield. If you don't like it when you get there, you could always leave and still have a naughty night in a hotel, just the two of you.
It can be hard to make the first meet or to go to the first event... but it's all good fun once you take the plunge! 
Or, why not make a weekend of it, and travel to a club slightly further afield. If you don't like it when you get there, you could always leave and still have a naughty night in a hotel, just the two of you.
It can be hard to make the first meet or to go to the first event... but it's all good fun once you take the plunge! Quote by noladreams
The above is damned good advice, about the Midlands social, you may even find someone before you go, who is used to going to socials, who is ready to "hand-hold" you through the first couple of hours. Really, the first is the most difficult, but after about 10 mins, you'll wonder why you were nervous at all... :thumbup:
Master of Sex
Your post makes me wonder if you are actually ready to meet people yet even though you say you've been talking about this for a couple of years..
You seem to be putting up quite a few barriers for yourselves and limiting your opportunities to fulfil your fantasies. I don't think it will be hard for a sexy couple like yourselves to find playmates on here and you might have to just take the plunge and find "swingers who are nice" that could possibly turn into "friends who are swingers". If you are adamant that you want to forge a vanilla friendship first with people before playing, then perhaps this is because there is still an element of worry/uncertainty for you.
I'm early 30s, I was a newbie (still am really) and last year when I joined I was in the state of mind of "right, I'm doing this". Like the others have advised I engaged in the forums and the chat rooms and that's were I found my first meets. Finding playmates in a vanilla club sounds more like a fantasy scenario to me rather than a practical one- nevermind the fact you say you're not very good at chatting people up!
So I'm afraid the Internet and clubs are your best bet. Swinging, partner swapping, SEX with strangers, can be built up in your heads and a visit to a club and "seeing" it happen can help bring back it down to reality. Jeez my vision of clubs was nothing like the reality once I visited. You also have the advantage of being a couple and being each others hand-holders, I was a single lady!!
So in conclusion?.. I'm going to a club this weekend if you want someone to push I mean lead you through the door
You seem to be putting up quite a few barriers for yourselves and limiting your opportunities to fulfil your fantasies. I don't think it will be hard for a sexy couple like yourselves to find playmates on here and you might have to just take the plunge and find "swingers who are nice" that could possibly turn into "friends who are swingers". If you are adamant that you want to forge a vanilla friendship first with people before playing, then perhaps this is because there is still an element of worry/uncertainty for you.
I'm early 30s, I was a newbie (still am really) and last year when I joined I was in the state of mind of "right, I'm doing this". Like the others have advised I engaged in the forums and the chat rooms and that's were I found my first meets. Finding playmates in a vanilla club sounds more like a fantasy scenario to me rather than a practical one- nevermind the fact you say you're not very good at chatting people up!
So I'm afraid the Internet and clubs are your best bet. Swinging, partner swapping, SEX with strangers, can be built up in your heads and a visit to a club and "seeing" it happen can help bring back it down to reality. Jeez my vision of clubs was nothing like the reality once I visited. You also have the advantage of being a couple and being each others hand-holders, I was a single lady!!
So in conclusion?.. I'm going to a club this weekend if you want someone to push I mean lead you through the door
I think reading back, what I wrote was a bit hard headed.
We're not looking for friends first per se, but I suppose that because we're new to this,and because we're not totally confident in ourselves also, we're looking for people that can accept that.
We had talked about clubs before and we decided it wasn't right for us. I think a major reason for that other than the confidence issues is that we get the impression that people our age are thin on the ground, meaning that the majority of the people attending are our parents age. And what sicko wants sex with their parents??? :-D :-D :-D
Being a bit more serious about it, the age thing is important for us as we don't want to meet people too far from our cultural references, backgrounds etc etc etc and it does give us the opportunity to make new friends into the bargain. I'm not sure how tht comes across, but you can only like what you like I suppose. It's certainly not meant to come across as a negative comment.
We're not adverse at all to going to these places, and though we can't take you up on the kind hand holding offer this weekend, can we at least say we will discuss it a bit more? We're certainly going to seriously consider the social - though obviously the first question will be "what is the age range" lol.
Really, thanks for all you advice - it's very helpful.
We're not looking for friends first per se, but I suppose that because we're new to this,and because we're not totally confident in ourselves also, we're looking for people that can accept that.
We had talked about clubs before and we decided it wasn't right for us. I think a major reason for that other than the confidence issues is that we get the impression that people our age are thin on the ground, meaning that the majority of the people attending are our parents age. And what sicko wants sex with their parents??? :-D :-D :-D
Being a bit more serious about it, the age thing is important for us as we don't want to meet people too far from our cultural references, backgrounds etc etc etc and it does give us the opportunity to make new friends into the bargain. I'm not sure how tht comes across, but you can only like what you like I suppose. It's certainly not meant to come across as a negative comment.
We're not adverse at all to going to these places, and though we can't take you up on the kind hand holding offer this weekend, can we at least say we will discuss it a bit more? We're certainly going to seriously consider the social - though obviously the first question will be "what is the age range" lol.
Really, thanks for all you advice - it's very helpful.
Master of Sex
Honestly don't stress too much about the age thing and you will benefit more in the end. People I played with have always been close to my age, both through the site and at clubs. Although it happened naturally, I didn't exclude anyone based on age. Actually, a better way of phrasing this is I never had any set expectations when I met people from here face to face. Some really good friends of mine from here are 45-55yrs and getting to know them has been a pleasure and i did gain something from that relationship( yes besides the vacuum Mr C :lol2
Like I said before, your preconceived idea of what clubs/socials are like is holding you back from having a good night out (whether you hook up with anyone or not). I'm 32, my friend is 30, and we're going to a club with no idea what kind of ages will be there, but I'm sure we'll be fine whatever happens! I should mention though that the first time I ever went to a club it was a special evening for under 35s. I found the couples there very reserved, unapproachable, the women oh god overprotective of their men, and mostly there to exhibit themselves.. Next time I went, the evening had wider age range and I had a blast! You don't have to play with anyone you don't fancy, but "older" more experienced couples I found friendlier, easier to talk to, and more open to sharing each other.
Oh, and hey I once met up with a 42yr old..siigh..shame I can't attach the pic of his torso to this :twisted: never say never
A social is a good idea, go for it! In the meantime, take it easy, go with the flow, and have fun!
Like I said before, your preconceived idea of what clubs/socials are like is holding you back from having a good night out (whether you hook up with anyone or not). I'm 32, my friend is 30, and we're going to a club with no idea what kind of ages will be there, but I'm sure we'll be fine whatever happens! I should mention though that the first time I ever went to a club it was a special evening for under 35s. I found the couples there very reserved, unapproachable, the women oh god overprotective of their men, and mostly there to exhibit themselves.. Next time I went, the evening had wider age range and I had a blast! You don't have to play with anyone you don't fancy, but "older" more experienced couples I found friendlier, easier to talk to, and more open to sharing each other.Oh, and hey I once met up with a 42yr old..siigh..shame I can't attach the pic of his torso to this :twisted: never say never
A social is a good idea, go for it! In the meantime, take it easy, go with the flow, and have fun!
Master of Sex
Oh god I'm not 32 yet!!!! :eeek:!!!!!!! I'm 31, 31, 31!!
Erm.. Next month though.. Siigh :scared:
Erm.. Next month though.. Siigh :scared:
Quote by groupslut85
Hahaha! I'm 30 in September, but I've been saying I'm nearly 30 for the past two years! Why do we wish it away lol?
Over a certain age and it goes the other way. I'm still 30 (ish) ... in my head, reality is, I'm pushing 45
Seriously though, some very good replies above that seem to have got you thinking about what and where to go next, groupslut. Heck, you've gone from not knowing anyone to an offer to take you to a club! Aint bad in one post... ;)
Sexpert
They say age is just a number, but the older I get, the harder it is to read those numbers!
