Men that can no longer "Get it up"

23 Jan 2007

I have another rolleyes

question.
It's about men that, for whatever reason, can't get, or maintain an erection; or have some other reason that they can no longer perform penetrative sex with their partner.
I think it's aimed mainly at men, but obviously, the girlies will have views/opinions. And mainly at men in "established, long term" relationships.
Some inspiration is taken from boofys thread about playing alone, but I didn't want to aim the questions directly to boofys, or detract from that thread.
Here we go . . . . .
Personally.
I get a terrific buzz out of seeing, and I suppose moreover, being part of, any sexual partner "getting theirs" And that's particularly true if there is also an emotional attachment as there is with HLB.
By and large, their buzz gives me mine. It's not about the oft claimed "selfless lover" "they are more important than I" etc etc etc. I'm quite happy to admit it's about ego. Mine. I've never made a girl orgasm, but I like to think I've helped a few get there, and they've come because of me being with them wink

Now - I can no longer fuck they way I did when I was 25. Nor for as long. Or as quickly again. Clearly, I've learned over the years that that's much more to it than putting my cock in and wiggling my arse. The physical being tongue, hands/fingers, thighs, knees toys etc. And with one particular girl - toes :shock:
So I have no problem using any and all means at my disposal to give (and therefore get) sexual pleasure.
That's also the advice I often see given to people as to how to get round the problem of "not getting it up"
One of my faves (at the moment) is what I call "vibe/dildo fucking" As opposed to the girl using the vibe to pleasure herself the "normal" way; the vibe/dildo is used as sort of a replacement cock. In and out just like a cock.
But . . . . . . . At the moment, I do this by choice. (it also let's Mr PotatoHead have a breather redface

)
Having recently gone through a period when it could have been possible that I couldn't "perform" (see the My Health thread) I began to wonder if I (and anyone) could/would carry that attitude forward when it wasn't by choice.
After the rambling surprised

ops: - that last paragraph contained the question :oops:

23 Jan 2007

I am 50 so I get occasions where I don't perform like a 19 year old. I can still perform but its a question of reconciling expectations with what you can actually do at the time. But if its a case of clinical inability then you need help through the various agencies that offer help and advice. wink

23 Jan 2007

I had a period where i could not rise to the occasion redface

ops:
It was a gradual thing getting worse and worse
I must admit it did worry me quite alot :cry: :cry:
Lucky for me it did not last long and it was down to stress and emotions due to my marital break up
I did try the magic blue pill but it just gave me a headache and not the result i wanted sad

:(
It turned out all i needed was a little TLC and a woman that makes me feel like i am Superman (thank you ML)

23 Jan 2007

Thanks both.
But I'm interested to hear whether we, as macho "men" are able and willing to carry forward the attitude of using "all sorts of stuff" to give the girlies what they want/deserve; once the cock stops working - for whatever reason.
:thumbup:

23 Jan 2007

Quote by dambuster
Thanks both.
But I'm interested to hear whether we, as macho "men" are able and willing to carry forward the attitude of using "all sorts of stuff" to give the girlies what they want/deserve; once the cock stops working - for whatever reason.
:thumbup:

not forgetting gay men dammie - I am sure that they have the same problem... they can't actually share a cock between one of them. It must remain attached to the original owner.
I aint no expert with men... not by a long chalk. redface

but surely it would stand (pun intended) to reason that men have sex using more than just their cocks ?
I know that the sex I have with women has been amazing.. I wouldn't have done it so often and with so many if it wasn't. None of them had a cock (not that I noticed anyway)
I do tend to be very cock focussed now that I have come out as bi. but in a long term relationship I wouldn't imagine that the only way he could please me but would be with his "little fella".. (couldn't put cock again it was beginning to grate) Just like I wouldn't expect anal sex everytime... :twisted:
am I making any sense?

23 Jan 2007

I would have thought that most men would feel guilty and embarrassed about the fact that they are unable to get/maintain an erection. Dont men see their cock as "proof" (wrong word but I cant think of another one at the minute) of their masculinity?? dunno

And therefore if the cock dont perform then they would feel that their masculiity was somehow undermined :dunno:
I have encountered men in the past who has suffered on the odd occassion but it never bothered me at all... They managed to satifsy me in other ways so I was a happy bunny :giggle:
I would have thought it would affect men in a phsycological way more than anything confused

Am I making sense?? :dunno:
Edit : Yes you made sense to me Splendid kiss

23 Jan 2007

Quote by dambuster
Thanks both.
But I'm interested to hear whether we, as macho "men" are able and willing to carry forward the attitude of using "all sorts of stuff" to give the girlies what they want/deserve; once the cock stops working - for whatever reason.
:thumbup:

Well as it happens i have been having a bit of trouble with this and found lots off play helps. Only used hands and tongue as yet but am looking to explore other avenues whilst sorting out what ever may be the trouble via the doc. And so i have been told by xxxxx she was very happy with what i did.
I myself feel play is of equal importance to the actual penetrative sex and love to make the lady happy before any of my needs.
But
To me havingto use alternative meathods instead of rather than as well as makes me feel lacking and embarrassed by not being able to stay as it were and i still feel i have let xxxx down some how.
Am i being macho or am i being my normal worrysome self and making it worse lol

No 12 months ago i wouldnt have posted this and may wish i hadnt as soon as i do.

23 Jan 2007

Quote by Shireen
I would have thought that most men would feel guilty and embarrassed about the fact that they are unable to get/maintain an erection. Dont men see their cock as "proof" (wrong word but I cant think of another one at the minute) of their masculinity?? And therefore if the cock dont perform then they would feel that their masculiity was somehow undermined :dunno:

I think that's where the question is based.
Someone PM'd me and asked for claritication of the actual question.
This was my answer.

Quote by a friend
what exactly is the question?
for those who cant get or maintain a hard-on do they keep the attitude of 'wanting to pleasure a fem by any means possible' ?? is that what you meant?

Quote by in answer, I
Exactly.
Or, is there the danger that being "men" we would think "Well, I can't give it to her properly, so I won't bother at all"

23 Jan 2007

Goose you are a brave man to tell us that kiss

Dammie I would hope that they would want to find alternative options rather than not bothering at all but.... I do feel that a lot of men would possibly shy away from the situation dunno

23 Jan 2007

My hubby gets more pleasure out of seeing me enjoying myself, I think quite a lot of men do. Half of our fun is to watch each other with another person and to be honest, if I were unable to make love to him I would not cope with him going off on his own knowing he'd be having the type of fun we used to have, but that's me. I'm not a jealous person but I know what we have is good and to lose that is terrible which is why I feel so sorry for people it happens to.
At this moment in time I hope to go on for many more years the same as we are today, but life doesn't always work like that does it?

23 Jan 2007

Quote by goose35
Thanks both.
But I'm interested to hear whether we, as macho "men" are able and willing to carry forward the attitude of using "all sorts of stuff" to give the girlies what they want/deserve; once the cock stops working - for whatever reason.
:thumbup:

Well as it happens i have been having a bit of trouble with this and found lots off play helps. Only used hands and tongue as yet but am looking to explore other avenues whilst sorting out what ever may be the trouble via the doc. And so i have been told by xxxxx she was very happy with what i did.
I myself feel play is of equal importance to the actual penetrative sex and love to make the lady happy before any of my needs.
But
To me havingto use alternative meathods instead of rather than as well as makes me feel lacking and embarrassed by not being able to stay as it were and i still feel i have let xxxx down some how.
Am i being macho or am i being my normal worrysome self and making it worse lol

No 12 months ago i wouldnt have posted this and may wish i hadnt as soon as i do.
I think it's great that you have and I admire your honesty smile

23 Jan 2007

I'll be honest, I was a little upset to discover that a recent sexual partner had trouble maintaining an erection long enough to be of any use. No matter what you or any magazine, book or documentary tells me - it still feels a teensy bit insulting. Sorry but thats the truth.
however, my experience tells me that men who suffer this regularly learn to be more talented in other areas - and that's aaaaaallllllllllllll good! :twisted:

23 Jan 2007

Goose i think its great that you have grown so much that you are able to talk much more freely about what are very personal issues kiss

,and im sure there are lots of men in the same situation as you but dont feel they can post but will benefit from your strength.
do you trust your partner??
Then trust what she says, if its not a issue for her dont let it be a issue for you!
Plus worring about it can make the problem worse.
Nicky

23 Jan 2007

Quote by Marya_Northeast
I'll be honest, I was a little upset to discover that a recent sexual partner had trouble maintaining an erection long enough to be of any use. No matter what you or any magazine, book or documentary tells me - it still feels a teensy bit insulting. Sorry but thats the truth.
however, my experience tells me that men who suffer this regularly learn to be more talented in other areas - and that's aaaaaallllllllllllll good! :twisted:

I can understand you feeling a bit insulted, a wee bit tho.. my hub did go through this some years ago but it was stress related and I did the usual weeping and wailing thinking it was me. Believe me tho if you are feeling insulted or upset you can bet he is too!.. can you imagine how you would feel if you couldn't get wet? you would be gutted because in your head you want to....... rolleyes

23 Jan 2007

Quote by jaymar
Believe me tho if you are feeling insulted or upset you can bet he is too!.. can you imagine how you would feel if you couldn't get wet? you would be gutted because in your head you want to.......

Ah - now there's something I have been through.
My apologies for not including that view in the original question.
Goose. Thank you. And all power to you :thumbup:

23 Jan 2007

Quote by dambuster
Believe me tho if you are feeling insulted or upset you can bet he is too!.. can you imagine how you would feel if you couldn't get wet? you would be gutted because in your head you want to.......

Ah - now there's something I have been through.
My apologies for not including that view in the original question.
Goose. Thank you. And all power to you :thumbup:
redface

been there i just couldn't get turned on as he was far too big surprised

ops:
some women like them we, I don't
He did please me in other ways though lol

23 Jan 2007

Quote by hisandhers
Believe me tho if you are feeling insulted or upset you can bet he is too!.. can you imagine how you would feel if you couldn't get wet? you would be gutted because in your head you want to.......

Ah - now there's something I have been through.
My apologies for not including that view in the original question.
Goose. Thank you. And all power to you :thumbup:
redface

been there i just couldn't get turned on as he was far too big surprised

ops:
some women like them we, I don't I don't either! There is such a thing as too big and i find it a bit scary! But that's another thread.
He did please me in other ways though lol

23 Jan 2007

Quote by Marya_Northeast
Believe me tho if you are feeling insulted or upset you can bet he is too!.. can you imagine how you would feel if you couldn't get wet? you would be gutted because in your head you want to.......

Ah - now there's something I have been through.
My apologies for not including that view in the original question.
Goose. Thank you. And all power to you :thumbup:
redface

been there i just couldn't get turned on as he was far too big surprised

ops:
some women like them we, I don't I don't either! There is such a thing as too big and i find it a bit scary! But that's another thread.
He did please me in other ways though lol

:lol: can you imagine if we started comparing sizes of our fannies? Actually, I've been told mine is quite tight therefore I struggle with the VWE men, I don't however struggle with their tongues! :shock: Oh no!, I've stooped to a new level of crudeness! :roll:

23 Jan 2007

Quote by Bi-Guy-Notts
I had a period where i could not rise to the occasion ops:
It was a gradual thing getting worse and worse
I must admit it did worry me quite alot :cry: :cry:
Lucky for me it did not last long and it was down to stress and emotions due to my marital break up
I did try the magic blue pill but it just gave me a headache and not the result i wanted :(
It turned out all i needed was a little TLC and a woman that makes me feel like i am Superman (thank you ML)

same thing happened to me when my marital break up, and my new great girlfriend thought it may be her, things are back to normal now thank god, i do think it was stress but didnt at the time,, oh beer dont help the matter but makes the girl friend better looking,,lol ,, sorry babe

23 Jan 2007

Quote by kvs4fun
oh beer dont help the matter but makes the girl friend better looking,,lol ,, sorry babe

I'm sure she'll be really pleased that you said that about her :shock:

23 Jan 2007

Quote by Freckledbird
oh beer dont help the matter but makes the girl friend better looking,,lol ,, sorry babe

I'm sure she'll be really pleased that you said that about her :shock:
:shock: wtf dunno

If I was your girlfriend I'd :kick: where it hurt so you couldn't perform after that comment :shock:

23 Jan 2007

Quote by hisandhers
oh beer dont help the matter but makes the girl friend better looking,,lol ,, sorry babe

I'm sure she'll be really pleased that you said that about her :shock:
:shock: wtf dunno

If I was your girlfriend I'd :kick: where it hurt so you couldn't perform after that comment :shock:
:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:

23 Jan 2007

:gagged:

23 Jan 2007

Thanks both.
But I'm interested to hear whether we, as macho "men" are able and willing to carry forward the attitude of using "all sorts of stuff" to give the girlies what they want/deserve; once the cock stops working - for whatever reason.
:thumbup:

Well as it happens i have been having a bit of trouble with this and found lots off play helps. Only used hands and tongue as yet but am looking to explore other avenues whilst sorting out what ever may be the trouble via the doc. And so i have been told by xxxxx she was very happy with what i did.
I myself feel play is of equal importance to the actual penetrative sex and love to make the lady happy before any of my needs.
But
To me havingto use alternative meathods instead of rather than as well as makes me feel lacking and embarrassed by not being able to stay as it were and i still feel i have let xxxx down some how.
Am i being macho or am i being my normal worrysome self and making it worse lol

No 12 months ago i wouldnt have posted this and may wish i hadnt as soon as i do.
Well done Goosey, I really hope you don't regret posting your feelings. It clarifies to all we are all human, have our little problems and to talk about them openly takes great braveness which can only help you work with it. Good luck.
pinky x

23 Jan 2007

In essence, we worked through it, accepted it and reached a new level with each other that makes the relationship itself stronger than ever. In addition to pleasuring me in the ways he knows I like “using all sorts of stuff” that fulfil my sexual needs - regardless of whether we have penetrative sex or not, he also blessed me with the freedom of being ‘here’, and that, imo, makes him more of a real man than anything or anyone. :inlove:

Dark, wow that was an amazing post, but I particularly loved the last bit above. What a great man and a great couple to work through it and find a suitable alternative keeping your relationship stronger than ever.
pink x

23 Jan 2007

Darkfire - wow! all respect to you and Mr.
Thankyou for sharing something so intimate and in such a way that i feel educated rather than slipping into the "aww poor them" luvvy duvvy bollox we so often see rolleyes

23 Jan 2007

Quote by Marya_Northeast
Darkfire - wow! all respect to you and Mr.
Thankyou for sharing something so intimate and in such a way that i feel educated rather than slipping into the "aww poor them" luvvy duvvy bollox we so often see

I'll second that. Very brave post and good on Mr. Dark for allowing Dark to share it with us.

23 Jan 2007

Darkfire . . . . worship

Mr Dark . . . . . :worship: :worship:
And - unrelated to the content of your post, I hope you sent a round of fucks into whoever questioned Mr Dark's attendance or motives for being at Notts.

23 Jan 2007

what a wonderful relationship you both have Mr & Mrs Darks
you have brought a tear to my eye kiss

23 Jan 2007

Quote by dambuster
Darkfire . . . .
Mr Dark . . . . . :worship: :worship:
And - unrelated to the content of your post, I hope you sent a round of fucks into whoever questioned Mr Dark's attendance or motives for being at Notts.

Absolutely agree with that too. :thumbup: