This makes such good reading......
Wow.
Thought-provoking stuff...........probably raises more questions than it answers, but it's really interesting to hear other couples views (for me anyway)
And to get a tiny look into how it all works for 'successful' couples too....
Thanks x
I've thought really long and hard before replying to this.
Pete and I are a fairly strange 'swinging' couple, in that only I play. He is strictly a voyeur. He gets enjoyment from watching or hearing about the things I do. If it ever got to the stage where he no longer enjoys it, I would stop, immediately. No question. I enjoy the sex with other guys, but a large part of that is knowing how much he's getting out of it too.
If I had to go back to a monogamous relationship with him it wouldn't bother me. After all, he's the one who really lights my fire and makes my bells ring, and nothing could ever beat the completeness of our love-making.
My personal opinion is that people will do what works for them.(maybe that is too obvious)
I have been in 2 long term monogomous relationships spanning 9 years. I was faithful in both relationships and had no issue with it. That was the way that I was raised and that was the way that I thought everyone aspired to be.
I saw monogomy as the ultimate relationship anything else was less than perfect.
By pure accident I fell in love with someone this year who is Polyamorous and non-monogomous. I have known them for 9 years as a lover initially and then as friends and now as partners/lovers.
When looking at my partners relationships I saw how much love there is there and felt honoured to be a part of that. Because they live in the U.S I still live a very single lifestyle in terms of sleeping alone and living alone. We are all non-monogomous and my partner has other sexual encounters and another g/f and b/f.
We all talk openly and seperately as well as all together when we can. the internet is a beautiful thing.
Now that I have experienced the freedom of this type of love I know that I couldn't return to monogomy. The sex with my partner is more fulfilling because of my other encounters. We have the most open relationship in every way but especially in terms of emotional connection that I have ever had. I feel supported in a way that I have never had before because, as well as my partner, am free to have relationships on any level with anyone else that I want... this allows me to grow and develop as a person and my partner (in the future- partner'S) are free to be themselves without any expectation to be everything to me.
So for me monogomy is actually secondary... it would be a comprimise. It has been eye opening for my friends to see how happy I am with my new relationships and also eye opening for me to see how many of them envy me and would be happy with it themselves if only their partner was willing :shock:
When discussing things they asked if my relationship would progress to monogomy if we were both "in love" enough. I very quickly corrected them that my relationship is the most commited I have been in and I wouldn't want monogomy. Eventually we may live together but that is a long way off. (living on different continents works well for me right now)
I think that christian values have had a lot to do with presenting monogomy as the only way and also has been pointed out that Sexually transmitted infections have been influential. but we all practice safe sex with each other and others and none of us are Christian. Although the four of us were raised as Catholic, hawaiin, Jewish and Evangelist. So whatever that says I will leave to you....
I hope my ramblings are coherent and relevent. (thankyou Dammie for your enlightening post)
It is very easy to say what we could do... when we know we don't have to.
It is one thing to say what we have done... when we didn't know anything different at that time.
We can all give up things when 'we' are ready to give them up... is it so easy when we are told to?
