Hello all, Im very new on here and have been having a look around the site. I am married with kids and ...well I like what I see! however I have a wife who most certainly wouldnt like what Im seeing. Ive been faithfully married for 19 years but getting pretty peed off by my wifes decreasing interest in sex (queue up those with the "have you tried....etc" ...yes I have and some maybe my fault but I am not taking the blame, I am prepared to try different thingswithin our marriage but my wife most certainly is not) hence the dear deadrie post. Is there abyone else who has been or is in a similar situation? if so do you, or anyone have any advice before I wank myself stupid? this post will look like I havent got a clue what I want...well havent but quite open minded. have a dig if you feel like it but this is how it is.
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Moral dilemma
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Sex God
Quote by pleasureseeker
Hello all, Im very new on here and have been having a look around the site. I am married with kids and ...well I like what I see! however I have a wife who most certainly wouldnt like what Im seeing. Ive been faithfully married for 19 years but getting pretty peed off by my wifes decreasing interest in sex (queue up those with the "have you tried....etc" ...yes I have and some maybe my fault but I am not taking the blame, I am prepared to try different thingswithin our marriage but my wife most certainly is not) hence the dear deadrie post. Is there abyone else who has been or is in a similar situation? if so do you, or anyone have any advice before I wank myself stupid? this post will look like I havent got a clue what I want...well havent but quite open minded. have a dig if you feel like it but this is how it is.
Awwwwwww poor man
Read the last post from me on the link below, you might not consider it advice though. Try Relate. Or try a prostitute. Failing that, there are people off here who will meet with cheats.
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopicpage/55774/140.html
Quote by pleasureseeker
Hello all, Im very new on here and have been having a look around the site. I am married with kids and ...well I like what I see! however I have a wife who most certainly wouldnt like what Im seeing. Ive been faithfully married for 19 years but getting pretty peed off by my wifes decreasing interest in sex (queue up those with the "have you tried....etc" ...yes I have and some maybe my fault but I am not taking the blame, I am prepared to try different thingswithin our marriage but my wife most certainly is not) hence the dear deadrie post. Is there abyone else who has been or is in a similar situation? if so do you, or anyone have any advice before I wank myself stupid? this post will look like I havent got a clue what I want...well havent but quite open minded. have a dig if you feel like it but this is how it is.
My advice would be to stick it out, its not worth risking the upset for a shag.
Either that or explain your needs to your wife and ask her if it ok to get those needs met else were
Sex God
Quote by NorthHantsCouple
Why do people always have a dig with posts like this? Are you saying that just by visiting this site he's cheating? That doesn't seem to make sense.
I re-read the post, and maybe I'm naive, but it sounded like he was asking for advice.
He also said have a dig if you feel like it. Read his post. Advice was given . Ie, contact Relate or try a prostitute. I also said that there are people on here who will meet him/other married people who cheat. I'm not the only one who's taken his post to mean he seeks a shag.
Oh, and his name is a bit of a clue as to why he's here. I did say "have a dig because despite this being a very open forum, there are still those who sit in judgement, whats the weather like up there on your moral highground frecklebird? why should I visit a prostitute? is that ok ?warped sense of right and wrong you have developed there! as for cheating, I havent ...yet whch is why I decided to ask here. Still thanks for the replies.
Sex God
Quote by pleasureseeker
I did say "have a dig because despite this being a very open forum, there are still those who sit in judgement, whats the weather like up there on your moral highground frecklebird? why should I visit a prostitute? is that ok ?warped sense of right and wrong you have developed there! as for cheating, I havent ...yet whch is why I decided to ask here. Still thanks for the replies.
I didn't judge you. I pointed you to a post I had made and I advised you to seek advice from Relate or a prostitute. I didn't say it was OK or not OK to visit a pro, just said it was an option. Oh, and my moral highground is just that - mine. Your name, because it's on here as a username, suggests that you're hoping for something other than a sitcom to derive pleasure from. If you're not looking to play, you could have looked elsewhere for advice. Point is, you're obviously looking to do something on here that gives you pleasure and it will involve cheating unless your wife knows about it. So why dress it up by giving a reason - to justify it? Just say you're looking for a shag.
, there are people who would meet you.Oh, and just as a side issue - doesn't the title of your thread imply that you have a moral dilemma. That in turn implies that you at least think you're doing something morally incorrect.
freckle, you freely used the term "cheat" which having sex outside of marriage without the knowledge and/or consent of the spouse is, however do you really think using such a loaded term about everyone who has sex outide marriage is pertinent? I feel cheated within my marriage and im sure im not alone in that. it is worth considering that people "cheat" because they are either selfish barstewards or at at the end of their tether with an unresponsive partner. you sound a very bitter person...perhaps this explians your viewpoint
Visit a prostitute !!! I cant beleive any one would give that advice to someone who is clearly trying to find some sort of answers.
Yes visit a prosittute by all means but get ready for the impending divorce and never seeing your kids again!!
A more sensible solution might be to find someone in similar circumstances and keep quiet about the whole thing
Yes visit a prosittute by all means but get ready for the impending divorce and never seeing your kids again!!
A more sensible solution might be to find someone in similar circumstances and keep quiet about the whole thing
Sex God
Quote by pleasureseeker
freckle, you freely used the term "cheat" which having sex outside of marriage without the knowledge and/or consent of the spouse is, however do you really think using such a loaded term about everyone who has sex outide marriage is pertinent? I feel cheated within my marriage and im sure im not alone in that. it is worth considering that people "cheat" because they are either selfish barstewards or at at the end of their tether with an unresponsive partner. you sound a very bitter person...perhaps this explians your viewpoint
Good grief no, definitely not bitter. I have a husband and two children. I swing with my husband and we're very happy about it thanks. I don't think the term 'cheat' is loaded - it's simply saying it as it is, with no frills. You say you're cheated on within your marriage. How do you think your wife would feel if she knew you were here, or if you do have sex outside your marriage? Cheated?
I freely admit that I don't like the idea of cheating on a partner. I don't dress it up at all - that's just how I feel. You asked for advice - if a pro isn't an option, try Relate.
You also said that the thought of visiting a prostitute leaves you cold. Why - they provide a service, after all ? If it's the idea of sex with someone you don't love that leaves you cold, then maybe you're on the wrong site anyway. I certainly don't love anyone I've had sex with whilst swinging, other than my husband.
Sex God
Quote by treasurechest
Visit a prostitute !!! I cant beleive any one would give that advice to someone who is clearly trying to find some sort of answers.
Yes visit a prosittute by all means but get ready for the impending divorce and never seeing your kids again!!
A more sensible solution might be to find someone in similar circumstances and keep quiet about the whole thing
Maybe if his wife found out he was on here a divorce might be impending anyway?
I agree, a more sensible solution would be to find someone in similar circumstances. But don't try and dress it up as anything but cheating.
I think it is really quite simple.
You sit your wife down and tell her that you want more sex.
If she isnt prepared to give you it, you ask whether you can get it elsewhere. If she says that she cant agree to that, you either divorce her or put up with it.
If you go behind her back you might just end up divorced anyway.
Dr Happy Cats
You sit your wife down and tell her that you want more sex.
If she isnt prepared to give you it, you ask whether you can get it elsewhere. If she says that she cant agree to that, you either divorce her or put up with it.
If you go behind her back you might just end up divorced anyway.
Dr Happy Cats
Sex God
Quote by pleasureseeker
frckle, ive read all you have posted and taken on board all your points, however ive also decided your opinions are worth jack and have disregarded them but thanks for taking the time to reply anyway
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Worthless because they aren't what you wanted to hear?
Sorreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Not what I wanted to hear????? read my first post again...line near the end is a clue!
your opinions shed no light on my situation.
for the record, I love my wife, I have no intention of leaving unless chucked out, should give abetter idea of my situation, divorce my wife because she wont perform??? now that really is callous!
your opinions shed no light on my situation.
for the record, I love my wife, I have no intention of leaving unless chucked out, should give abetter idea of my situation, divorce my wife because she wont perform??? now that really is callous!
you could always ask your wife to swing with you, no offence but she may think that sex with you no longer gives her the same thrill it used to (it happens)....
you never know she might be well up for it which will in turn solve your problems, however she could be enlightened by her new found freedom and enjoy it immensly, having gained new confidence, with your permission, and will then leave you (maybe) for somebody else with whom sex has not become stale and or lacking in excitment....
IMHO avoid swinging sites for the moment and experiment with new ideas with the missus, if all else fails, as others have said, there is always prostitutes, however the risk of STD's ever prevelant makes this a risky choice, and there are ppl who use the site who will conduct extra marital sexual relations.
i do sympathise with you but have you REALLY tried everything to make things work???
you never know she might be well up for it which will in turn solve your problems, however she could be enlightened by her new found freedom and enjoy it immensly, having gained new confidence, with your permission, and will then leave you (maybe) for somebody else with whom sex has not become stale and or lacking in excitment....
IMHO avoid swinging sites for the moment and experiment with new ideas with the missus, if all else fails, as others have said, there is always prostitutes, however the risk of STD's ever prevelant makes this a risky choice, and there are ppl who use the site who will conduct extra marital sexual relations.
i do sympathise with you but have you REALLY tried everything to make things work???
Quote by pleasureseeker
Not what I wanted to hear????? read my first post again...line near the end is a clue!
your opinions shed no light on my situation.
for the record, I love my wife, I have no intention of leaving unless chucked out, should give abetter idea of my situation, divorce my wife because she wont perform??? now that really is callous!
Well, if you feel cheated and cant get things to change, what else can you do, other than just put up with it?
Sex God
Quote by pleasureseeker
Not what I wanted to hear????? read my first post again...line near the end is a clue!
your opinions shed no light on my situation.
!
You also invited people to have a dig, yet you object when they appear to (to you). It's a no-win for anyone unless they agree with you
You'll just reject their replies without any consideration.Mr Purple wasn't suggesting you divorce her, I reckon he was saying that you should at least try and that divorce may be a last resort. If I misunderstood that, I apologise Mr Purple.
stean, yes, tried all sorts and yes im well aware she may not even find me attractive anymore, (she says she still does) she has no interest in sex outside the normal, duty bound rituals. it is stale a but she says she is happy with the infrequency and amount. she says she doesnt find anyone else attractive, not even celebs on tv or in movies which I find very odd. but there you go.
Sex God
Quote by pleasureseeker
freckle, you need to read the posts more carefully, I wasnt referring to mr Purple
HC
Sex God
Quote by pleasureseeker
freckle, you need to read the posts more carefully, I wasnt referring to mr Purple
Oh right, I apologise. However, I think that any of the people who have mentioned divorce have said it in the manner of ' try everything else first or divorce her because if you cheat you might finish up divorced anyway'.
oh why do all the interesting posts happen when i'm working lol
Well having had a read at your post i would say thats you have to make a choice in your life and thats whats more important your wife or sex, i'm not going to say try this, that and the other because you have already said you have tryed thing and they have not worked, so now is the time to be blunt and, going back to happycats post, saying to her look i have needs and your just not providing for them, sounds cruel but the truth is always better than cheating, in the end she may agree for you to meet others for NSA sex or you may get a slap and her packing her bags, but hey at least them your free to meet who you chose and lets face it if you really cared for her you wouldn't be here asking strangers advice on wether you should cheat on her or not!!
So i suppose what i'm saying is just be honest with her, tell her how frustrated you are and how you can't go without sex like she can, honesty is the only way :thumbup:
Well having had a read at your post i would say thats you have to make a choice in your life and thats whats more important your wife or sex, i'm not going to say try this, that and the other because you have already said you have tryed thing and they have not worked, so now is the time to be blunt and, going back to happycats post, saying to her look i have needs and your just not providing for them, sounds cruel but the truth is always better than cheating, in the end she may agree for you to meet others for NSA sex or you may get a slap and her packing her bags, but hey at least them your free to meet who you chose and lets face it if you really cared for her you wouldn't be here asking strangers advice on wether you should cheat on her or not!!
So i suppose what i'm saying is just be honest with her, tell her how frustrated you are and how you can't go without sex like she can, honesty is the only way :thumbup:
Sex God
Quote by naughtynymphos1
oh why do all the interesting posts happen when i'm working lol
Well having had a read at your post i would say thats you have to make a choice in your life and thats whats more important your wife or sex, i'm not going to say try this, that and the other because you have already said you have tryed thing and they have not worked, so now is the time to be blunt and, going back to happycats post, saying to her look i have needs and your just not providing for them, sounds cruel but the truth is always better than cheating, in the end she may agree for you to meet others for NSA sex or you may get a slap and her packing her bags, but hey at least them your free to meet who you chose and lets face it if you really cared for her you wouldn't be here asking strangers advice on wether you should cheat on her or not!!
So i suppose what i'm saying is just be honest with her, tell her how frustrated you are and how you can't go without sex like she can, honesty is the only way :thumbup:
Agree with this (sorry if others have said it before) - an honest matter of fact discussion will usually produce surprising results. Far better that trying this or trying that and failing - frustrating for both partners in the long run.
Quote by pleasureseeker
freckle, you freely used the term "cheat" which having sex outside of marriage without the knowledge and/or consent of the spouse is, however do you really think using such a loaded term about everyone who has sex outide marriage is pertinent? I feel cheated within my marriage and im sure im not alone in that. it is worth considering that people "cheat" because they are either selfish barstewards or at at the end of their tether with an unresponsive partner. you sound a very bitter person...perhaps this explians your viewpoint
In for a penny - in for a pound.......
19 years ago you stood next to your fiance and declared:
With thy body I thee honour
Forsaking all others until death us do part
...... now unless the marriage vows have changed significantly with the adendum "until you piss me off by not coming across with the goodies" - I believe the words you said to her 19 years ago still stand because they are obviously still stand for her, hence her unwillingness and reluctance to get involved in swinging.
Swingers are people who freely have sex with others WITH THEIR PARTNER'S CONSENT AND/OR BLESSING - if your partner decides that she does not want to 'swing' but is happy for you to do so then at least you will have given her the choice.
She can:
a) dissolve the marriage
b) swing with you (you could be wrong about her if you haven't asked her)
c) seek help WITH YOU to save your marraige
I spoke to a young couple recently on here who joined to swing. They then had second thoughts about it so my advice was not to do anything until they were both sure that swinging is what they BOTH wanted - they risked their relationship by going ahead when only one was keen on it - my advice to you is consult your wife or else risk the same end result.
Quote by Wishmaster
freckle, you freely used the term "cheat" which having sex outside of marriage without the knowledge and/or consent of the spouse is, however do you really think using such a loaded term about everyone who has sex outide marriage is pertinent? I feel cheated within my marriage and im sure im not alone in that. it is worth considering that people "cheat" because they are either selfish barstewards or at at the end of their tether with an unresponsive partner. you sound a very bitter person...perhaps this explians your viewpoint
In for a penny - in for a pound.......
19 years ago you stood next to your fiance and declared:
With thy body I thee honour
Forsaking all others until death us do part
...... now unless the marriage vows have changed significantly with the adendum "until you piss me off by not coming across with the goodies" - I believe the words you said to her 19 years ago still stand because they are obviously still stand for her, hence her unwillingness and reluctance to get involved in swinging.
Swingers are people who freely have sex with others WITH THEIR PARTNER'S CONSENT AND/OR BLESSING - if your partner decides that she does not want to 'swing' but is happy for you to do so then at least you will have given her the choice.
She can:
a) dissolve the marriage
b) swing with you (you could be wrong about her if you haven't asked her)
c) seek help WITH YOU to save your marraige
I spoke to a young couple recently on here who joined to swing. They then had second thoughts about it so my advice was not to do anything until they were both sure that swinging is what they BOTH wanted - they risked their relationship by going ahead when only one was keen on it - my advice to you is consult your wife or else risk the same end result.
WOW....I never thought of that
has everyones else life stayed exactly the same over the last 19 years or is it just mine that has evoved??? and for the self righteous among you who swing, can you honestly say you have never had sex with someone who was cheating??? who really expects to these days with 3 out of 5 marraiges ending in divorce and the average wedding costing upwards of £16000.....
we'd rather spend the money on a massive, munch to end all munches and make our vows
to honour, disobey (and then be punished)
for taking all others, till someone better (or richer) comes along us do part :twisted:
we'd rather spend the money on a massive, munch to end all munches and make our vows
to honour, disobey (and then be punished)
for taking all others, till someone better (or richer) comes along us do part :twisted: 