think..best way in all this is normally to test the water. Bring up swinging in the conversation....like oh saw a program on swinging other day etc etc.....see what reaction is. If the say..bunch of dirty perverts...might best not to say anything..lol However if they say Oh..and what was it like and ask questions....then ... maybe come clean. Fact is your past..is exactly that...your past, so its your choice how much to tell or say about it.
However i have to say, if this guy has no idea what swinging is about, I can understand him being concerned. People..(including myself, before I stumbled across this site ) think any gathering of swingers is a mass free for all, orgy !! If only I say under my breath..lol..... might be an idea to take him to a swingers social. Maybe see they are all average normal people who like a drink and a dance the same as everyone else.
Personally...I would say no.....what if you gave up your freinds and relationship don't work out, the way she wants. She has to find a way a showing him, that he can trust her when she is out with her swinging friends. If he can't trust....then maybe she should look at the relationship..and ask if it is the right one. Surely all good raltionships are built on mutual trust !!
I don't think I would give up my friends here. Over the years I have made some great friends, yes people come and go but that happens with vanilla friends too.
I had a friend who was open that he used to visit massage parlours and pay for sex there but got into a conversation about dogging one night and his view of people who do that was they are sick and swinging was the same to him.. Some people have strange morals.
But saying that I am unsure I would want to mix my swinging friends with my vanilla friends, although it has happened once or twice.
Hats off to the woman concerned for her honesty.
I have this problem with "loved ones" laying down rules of behaviour. I would send em off with a flea in their ear. She is not responsible for how he feels about her choices.
I agree with Ben - she's not responsible for how he feels and her past is her own.
Another thing is if he is judging her on that and already limiting her access to her friends for any reason it can only carry on the same way. Will he be jealous and insecure when she wants to go out with her girlfriends? When a guy looks at her in the pub?
Nah - she does right to be honest with him. She'll find out as much about him by doing so as he thinks he has about her.
well if she has told him, n he can t get his head around it.
then she has lost befor she has started....as he will all ways be thinking whats she up to now...when he s not with her.
keep yr swinging friends as good ones r hard to find that u make friends with.
others pass by in the night.
if she wants to settle down. then go for it...we find a little on the side keeps the sex side alive.
:laughabove::laughabove::laughabove:
Dump him.
He doesn't get the choice whether to handle her past. He gets the choice to stay or go. If he stays - he handles it. If he can't handle it - he has to go. Relationships should never be about a) hiding a past that you do not feel ashamed of, or b) pretending that past didn't happen and dumping your firends to achieve that. She deserves better than that - everyone does. And any relationship based on that level of non-acceptance is doomed, either to failure or to one of the couple living a life of tacitly (unspokenly) apologising for being who they are.
Wonderful wise words foxy.
but....playing devils advocate a little here.....we are all looking at this from our perspective as swingers. Before I joined this site....I thought swingers were people in surburbia that threw keys into a bowl . I never knew there were web sites..never knew there were clubs..never knew there were social meet ups.
I think she needs to try and make him see, that swinging is not just sex.....but a great massive large part of it is social friendship. If she can manage to get him out to a social, or even to meet a few of her freinds, i am sure slowly but surely he will come round to see this.
Lets remember we were all Vanilla once !!!! lol
Bro's before ho's.
A persons past has bought them to the point they are at today, good and bad, it has made them what they are.
In many instances, friends are there long after partners are, and if that friendship is strong and valued, should be given a lot of consideration, before the possibility of losing those friendships should arise.
My last relationship saw me lose a number of friends because of her nature, and foolishly, I let that happen. I now have some people who I count as fantastic friends, and no person, whether in a serious or otherwise 'relationship' will ever do or say anything to make me lose them.
I have gained some wonderful friends and acquaintances since being in swinging, some I talk to daily, some rarely, some in between, but they are a part of my life now, and no other person will ever stop this from continuing.
If someone can't be accepting and understanding of your past and present, then I'd say it was time to move on, something along the lines of the quote "if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"
End of (distracted) waffle.
In my eyes for a relationship to work it requires honesty and trust. She's played her part and it would have been easy for her to keep quiet about it. He needs to deal with what she's told him and realise it took a lot to tell him and either trust her on the basis that she's been honest or he needs to move on before he's dumped.
A bit of a conundrum really as the real world ain't that simple of course.
I was really interested in this post as it is something I encounter fairly frequently.
I have vanilla dating and relationships from time to time, (though because my free time is so limited due to work it is usually limited to dating for a month or so).
The girls I meet always assume I have had a lot of sexual partners and are shocked by my frank and open nature towards sex and sexual activity. I don't think they are used to guys who ask them about their sexual fantasies, what really turns them on or their deepest, darkest and naughtiest sexual thoughts and I feel they are a little embarrassed by them as they live in the "vanilla world" where had they have experienced the "swinging scene" the stuff they get embarrassed about would seem fairly tame.
I think what I am trying to do is gauge their reaction and level of sexual shock factor by coming in for want of a better phrase "through the back door".
If they tell me their naughty fantasy is to make love in front of a roaring log fire on a white rug,and they recoil in shock when I tell them I usually like to think about threesome's and bondage and roleplay when I'm horny, I usually assume our levels of sexual compatibility are far from balanced, thus the dating rarely lasts that long.
Sexual compatibility is a huge factor in the early, mid and even later stages of a relationship. Usually compatibility levels find a balance as you experiment and try new things during the course of the relationship, but if the prospective partner has, from the off, got toatlly different levels of sexual experience or standards, then I'm afraid I wouldn't hold out much hope of wedding bells.
In my humble opinion, she (your friend) should employ a strategy of testing the water to various levels and gauge reactions early on in the dating or relationship. If it looks unlikely the guy is going to be open to her past, she should either move on, or have to make the choice of facing not swinging anymore to be with the new partner. Honesty is the best policy and maybe implementing the policy of saying firmly but tactfully early on when sex talk comes up, something along the lines of "I've had a quite varied and to most people unusual sexual history, I won't ever lie to you if you ask me anything about it, but in asking me you should also be prepared to accept the truth and not get hurt by it as you yourself asked for the information". That way he can't ever say you (/r friend) lied if something comes out/up, and can't whinge if he ask's things and you (your friend)then answers "yeah i've had anal sex before and the guy and his friend who was getting the pleasure of my expert deep throating technique at the same time loved it!"
Good Post by the way OP.
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: 
already has ended it. It's about what she :whistling: should do in the future ;)
