My experience with sticky-backed plastic

8 Mar 2004

Just continue a topic that was threatening to hijack the Midlands Munch thread http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopicpage/5712/260.html
Please bare in mind I was about fifteen when I did this, and be warned that this may contain more detail of sexual perversions that you are prepared for.
(SUN JOURNALISTS: You have my permission to publish this as a cautionary tale for others, lol

)

Quote by Dawn_Mids
I missed out on sticky backed plastic, you think its worth me trying now? :lol:

In short: no.
I had an erection, :wanker: and I wrapped the sellotape around my penis (I forget exactly what was going through my mind). Then I lost my erection. :doh: But because it was stuck to the sellotape, my foreskin (and the rest of the skin on my penis) stayed stretched, while my actual member was flopping around flacidly inside it. So I tried to pull the sellotape off, but because it was all now crinkled (as there was nothing pushing outwards to make it keep its shape) it was hard to find the end. And because my foreskin was flopping around, all that happened if I pulled the sellotape was my foreskin was pulled with it - it wasn't coming off.
Right about now I was starting to panic and I got a pair of nail-scissors and tried to cut it off, which was very dangerous because it was stuck tight against my foreskin and there wasn't really any way to get the scissors in-between the tape and the flesh. Somehow - I forget how - I managed to make a few small snips in the tape but not my skin, and from there on it was easier as I was able to ease the blade of the scissors under the tape and cut my way through it.
It's amazing how resilient the sexual organs are, really. blink

8 Mar 2004

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao::rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Dawn :silly:

8 Mar 2004

I bet every male cringes and crosses their legs when they read this!!

8 Mar 2004

:eeek: :eeek: :eeek: :grin: :grin: :grin:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

8 Mar 2004

I've sure you're not the only young lad to "experiment" with sellotape. Someone I know had to go to the doctors to get some removed once - now how embarrassing is THAT!

8 Mar 2004

my mate once told me ( he works in the local hospital ) about a guy who came in with his appendage stuck in a bottle and was passing out with panic.....he had to apply ice, but the poor guy was so humiliated and low he refused to leave the place until they let him out of the back door....
bless

8 Mar 2004

Cringing and leg crossing taking place :shock:
Just made me think of the instance when I trapped my foreskin in my trouser zip. :embarrased: #
Paul

8 Mar 2004

This week's outright winner of the Eye-Watering-Tale-for-Males Award

8 Mar 2004

Ooo ow, bet that stung (Crosses legs)...
Well to counter I know of a lady who ended calling an ambulance after 'losing' a bannana (She had peeled it as she felt it would be more hygenic) She ended up in casualty having it removed, luckily only pride hurt for her redface

...
Not all from the casualty ward so lucky, more eye watering was the gentleman who tried to insert a bottle in himself, and it broke off.. eeeoow... That apparently not too uncommon.
Enough of others misfortune, myself so far not managed to do myself any serious harm, worst so far similiar to Fun when I zipped willie all the way up in jama's. (Aged 6 or so) Seeing it zig zagged through the zip for a good inch, worst bit, knowing you have to unzip to release it :cry: brings tears to the eyes to remember it...

8 Mar 2004

Quote by tallnhairy
<...> Seeing it zig zagged through the zip for a good inch, worst bit, knowing you have to unzip to release it :cry: brings tears to the eyes to remember it...

Hell's Bells !!!
(Or should that be "Hell's Bell Ends?")

8 Mar 2004

Quote by tallnhairy
Seeing it zig zagged through the zip for a good inch, worst bit, knowing you have to unzip to release it :cry: brings tears to the eyes to remember it...

Ewwwwww! :upset:
And for the ultimate eww-factor, try this guy, whose left testicle was ripped off my a factory machine - and so he stapled the wound shut! The moral of this story - never masturbate using industrial machinery.

8 Mar 2004

With regards to getting caught in your zip.
Have you ever done this in public? (I.E a public loo lol)
I did it last week, god it was so embarrasing.
Picture this. I jump off the bus that has just braught me into Leigh busstation and am desperate for a wee. So i run towards the loos. I then suss out that it's later than I thought and my bus into Manchester will be there any second. So, on my way into the loos, i light up a ciggie.
I know it's not very hygenic to pee and smoke at the same time but i was gagging for both!!
So anyway, i gets into the loos, undo my fly and start to erm, "Do my thing" lol. finish, an pull the zip up quickly, but i'm in that much of a rush that i catch the tip and trap it in the zip.
I'm in that much pain that the ciggie i have hanging out of my mouth falls out and burns me right on the back of my hand. that hurt like a bastard.
Now, there's other people in the toilet at the time, and yelling out would have only caused more looks than i was already getting.
So i absorb this pain without a sound, hobble around a corner, and,god knows how i didn't scream like a bitch, had to free myself there.
Somebody laughed at me, wich was nothing compared to the "ordeal" i'd already gone through.
Then, to make matters worse, i missed the bus lol!!
Feel free to pour on the sympathy lol.

8 Mar 2004

Quote by krissxxx
Feel free to pour on the sympathy lol.

Maybe when I have stopped laughing rotflmao

:lol:
Dawn :silly:

8 Mar 2004

Quote by Dawn_Mids
Feel free to pour on the sympathy lol.

Maybe when I have stopped laughing rotflmao

:lol:

Yeah, well, you're just mean! *sticks out toungue* lol. I probably would piss my sides too if it hadn't happened to me!

8 Mar 2004

Quote by krissxxx
! *sticks out toungue* l

and the same to you
Dawn :silly:

8 Mar 2004

I'm not going to tempt fate by going anywhere near this string !
lhk
Kat
P.S. Suspect this one is an urban myth - bloke goes into the BMH in Germany with a candle stuck up his backside - claims he was standing on the setee, naked, hoovering the curtains, slipped and fell on the candle. lol

:lol:

8 Mar 2004

Yeah, that happens to me all the time! ;-) lol..perhaps I should just be quiet for a while eh?

9 Mar 2004

I do know that in America they have invented a special gel which they have to pump into the anus for those unfortunates who have "lost" a light bulb!
Apparently they were breaking a lot of bulbs recovering them leading to surgery to recover the bits of glass.
Now if someone goes into casualty complaining they have lost a light bulb they just inject some of this stuff - it sets like rubber around the bulb and they then extract the whole plug with the bulb intact!
Bet it makes their bloody eyes water though! rolleyes

:roll: :roll:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

9 Mar 2004

Continuing the ouch theme, I heard about a bloke that was guiding a forklift truck forward. The driverâ€™s foot slipped, it lurched forward and the bloke was pinned to the wall by one of the forks on his left testicle. confused

:? :? (Makes my toes curl !!)

9 Mar 2004

Another ouch story. A guy phones a medical centre and asks to be seen by a male doctor and would not tell the nurse anything in triage.
On the doctors return, the staff were told that the male decided to see what it was like to stir emulsion with his penis confused

: And then remove it with white spirit!!!!
Bet that stung! lol

9 Mar 2004

Quote by BlueEyes
Another ouch story. A guy phones a medical centre and asks to be seen by a male doctor and would not tell the nurse anything in triage.
On the doctors return, the staff were told that the male decided to see what it was like to stir emulsion with his penis : And then remove it with white spirit!!!!
Bet that stung!

You think that's weird... there was something on telly recently about blokes masturbating with stinging nettles!

9 Mar 2004

OMG!!! I crossed my legs at that - and I am female!!!
biggrin

9 Mar 2004

Be grateful you'll never know what happens if you leave Immac on your scrotum too long!

9 Mar 2004

I had a frfiend who discovered that her (then) boyfriend was cheating on her, so she got her revenge in spectacular style.
Whenever he was pissed, he would fall asleep, completely naked, upon his duvet. So she coveed it completely with leg wax.
*Winces out of the thread*

9 Mar 2004

Quote by Ice Pie
there was something on telly recently about blokes masturbating with stinging nettles!

Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

9 Mar 2004

Quote by krissxxx
With regards to getting caught in your zip.
Have you ever done this in public? (I.E a public loo lol)
I did it last week, god it was so embarrasing.
Then, to make matters worse, i missed the bus lol!!
Feel free to pour on the sympathy lol.

Hi Kriss,
No I not done this since I was a kid, but I don't smoke... Do you think the goverment should put that on the front of fag packet:
WARNING: Smoking may cause delays in bus journeys when combined with genital activity of any sort...
Hehe
:violin: Much sympathy, I remember how much it hurts, women lucky they cant do this...

9 Mar 2004

Am sorry guys ...... i do sympathise with your mishaps .......... amd some of them did make me cross my legs lol
However ...................... i haven't laughed

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: like this in ages
Thank you all sooooooooooooooooooooo much kiss

Lucy :silly: