Need some ones advice

7 Nov 2005

Hi everyone
Will try not to make this sound like a "dear Deidree" But really could do with some good sound advice.
I'm a 30-year-old guy in a relationship with a girl( for the past 5 years, Iâ€™ve whom I love a great deal). Problem is that she is not the most interesting person to sleep with. I have suggested on more than on occasion that we perhaps try swinging. Not with another "Girl" but maybe another guy. After many discussions, she has decided that she is a One man girl and thatâ€™s the end of that.
Now over the years sex has kind of dwindled to less than once a week and become mundane to say the least rolleyes

so I have increasingly become more frustrated and the thoughts of "swinging" has increased the need for cold showers nine fold.
So about a year ago I started dogging after reading a newspaper article. The first few experiences went extremely well as I felt maybe because I was "missing out at home" I deserved to be getting it elsewhere. After a while I progressed to swinging clubs and really enjoyed the sexy feeling I got.
Now getting a "Hard on" with my partner has never been a problem but the last few visits to a said swinging club in Darleston have been quite literally been a "Flop" Last night being one. I just could not believe it!!! I was just sat there in a video room watching a porno and the sexiest girl came over to me and said " Can I play with youâ€ and promptly started to suck my cock. While this is going on I started to think about my partner and wondering what sheâ€™s doing for tea and MY God my cocks not getting hard !!!!!! Shit my cocks really not getting hard!!!!!! Oh please cock get hard!!!!!! All these pleads fell on deaf ears redface

and I had to say enoughâ€™s enough and promptly left a slightly bemused sexy girl and her boyfriend to wonder what they had done to upset me.
Now I'm beginning to think this swinging caper is just not for me and that I have let Fantasy take over into reality and that I better leave well alone. Is there anybody else that can relate to this story??? I would be really nice to here from you all. I know there is properly a lot of people who just say "you should not be cheating on your missus" to these people I totally agree with you but sometimes when us guys get the horn its pretty difficult to ignore the "old Chap" :twisted:
Anyway thanks again wink

7 Nov 2005

I think you know the answer to this. What difference does it make whether anyone else can relate to your story? It's only how you deal with it in regard to your partner that matters.
Next time you get the horn, deal with the 'old chap' manually.
You might want to do a search of older threads to find out what some other people think. The subject has been covered many times so it shouldn't be too difficult.

7 Nov 2005

Bless you.
I think your body is telling you what your heart believes.
Your relationship is more important to you than you thought.
Watching is one thing, participating is quite another, for some.
Maybe I'm wrong, but it was brave of you to share your story and I hope you get sorted, one way or another.

7 Nov 2005

Quote by Vix
Bless you.
I think your body is telling you what your heart believes.
Your relationship is more important to you than you thought.
Watching is one thing, participating is quite another, for some.
Maybe I'm wrong, but it was brave of you to share your story and I hope you get sorted, one way or another.

I totally agree with Vix on this.
No condemnations from me.
But maybe your curiosity has now been fully satisfied and you have come to know (without realising it) that there are more important things than just physical pleasure.
You opened up to us - I wish you well - perhaps now is the time to make the most of what you have - perhaps a few romantic treats - candlelit meals - a bit of 'playing' together on the sofa rather than waiting till bed. A snog on the way home from a restaurant.
maybe take the initiative with trying something new in bed - small steps at a time.
You never know - she may start to enjoy it more and that would pay dividends for you!
Godd luck - whatever happens!
Hugs, Alex x

7 Nov 2005

thanks FB
I knew people were going to tell me what I already know but I suppose that is why I posted. Just to be told for a second time. Sometimes the voice in your head is not quite enough to get the message through, it take another person to say what the F*** are you playing at.
and thanks vix
xxx it has been hard to say that I've been wrong, but on the positive side, I've experienced some great thing and met some great people xxx

7 Nov 2005

well i for one understand , for years i did what you have been doing , at first with guilt and then just didnt give a fluck cos i felt cheated in my relationship.
the most important thing to me was one little question,, do you love her?
i dont mean like or lust or anything else
but do you love her?
if you do you wont want to cheat , guilt wont come into it, if you love her you will move on, if you dont then your relationship is doomed, mine was and it was just a matter of time.
Happy now by the way and the above was all prior to meeting wild rose.
staggy

7 Nov 2005

Quote by tomsy1
thanks FB
I knew people were going to tell me what I already know but I suppose that is why I posted. Just to be told for a second time. Sometimes the voice in your head is not quite enough to get the message through, it take another person to say what the F*** are you playing at.
and thanks vix
xxx it has been hard to say that I've been wrong, but on the positive side, I've experienced some great thing and met some great people xxx

You're very welcome. Now go try what Alex suggested :twisted:

7 Nov 2005

thanks Alex, your right its about the little things. Just feel a little silly that its taken looking like a twerp to make me realise what I have being missing out on with the one that I love.
thanks guys smile

7 Nov 2005

Quote by tomsy1
thanks Alex, your right its about the little things. Just feel a little silly that its taken looking like a twerp to make me realise what I have being missing out on with the one that I love.
thanks guys

There's really no need to feel silly. You never know, when you've tried some of what Alex suggested, your partner might surprise you. Who knows? you might be back here as a couple biggrin

7 Nov 2005

Once again guys thank you. And staggy I do love her alot just lost my way alittle and lost touch of whats important, thank you for your input.
bye for now guys hope maybe to see you in the future, hopefully as a "playing couple" wink

xxxxxxxxxxx

7 Nov 2005

Quote by tomsy1
Hi everyone
Will try not to make this sound like a "dear Deidree" But really could do with some good sound advice.
I'm a 30-year-old guy in a relationship with a girl( for the past 5 years, Iâ€™ve whom I love a great deal). Problem is that she is not the most interesting person to sleep with. I have suggested on more than on occasion that we perhaps try swinging. Not with another "Girl" but maybe another guy. After many discussions, she has decided that she is a One man girl and thatâ€™s the end of that.
Now over the years sex has kind of dwindled to less than once a week and become mundane to say the least so I have increasingly become more frustrated and the thoughts of "swinging" has increased the need for cold showers nine fold.
So about a year ago I started dogging after reading a newspaper article. The first few experiences went extremely well as I felt maybe because I was "missing out at home" I deserved to be getting it elsewhere. After a while I progressed to swinging clubs and really enjoyed the sexy feeling I got.
Now getting a "Hard on" with my partner has never been a problem but the last few visits to a said swinging club in Darleston have been quite literally been a "Flop" Last night being one. I just could not believe it!!! I was just sat there in a video room watching a porno and the sexiest girl came over to me and said " Can I play with youâ€ and promptly started to suck my cock. While this is going on I started to think about my partner and wondering what sheâ€™s doing for tea and MY God my cocks not getting hard !!!!!! Shit my cocks really not getting hard!!!!!! Oh please cock get hard!!!!!! All these pleads fell on deaf ears and I had to say enoughâ€™s enough and promptly left a slightly bemused sexy girl and her boyfriend to wonder what they had done to upset me.
Now I'm beginning to think this swinging caper is just not for me and that I have let Fantasy take over into reality and that I better leave well alone. Is there anybody else that can relate to this story??? I would be really nice to here from you all. I know there is properly a lot of people who just say "you should not be cheating on your missus" to these people I totally agree with you but sometimes when us guys get the horn its pretty difficult to ignore the "old Chap" :twisted:
Anyway thanks again

Guilt is a terrible thing dunno

. I can relate to what you're saying though I'm not in the same situation as you. I hope your partner made you a nice tea.... no, sorry, this was meant to be serious not flippant :dry: :wink:

7 Nov 2005

we all need humour blue!!! biggrin

and at the moment, I for one need a extra large helping!!!!!!!! :D :D
best wishes

7 Nov 2005

Quote by tomsy1
Once again guys thank you. And staggy I do love her alot just lost my way alittle and lost touch of whats important, thank you for your input.
bye for now guys hope maybe to see you in the future, hopefully as a "playing couple" xxxxxxxxxxx

All the best!

7 Nov 2005

the last 3 years with my ex wife were hell. i know she had pleasure out of it but i was just thinking of a lovely girl in work.... it was all that kept me going.
so all i can suggest to you is if you can't spice it up yourself maybe your with the wrong woman..

7 Nov 2005

I was in exactly the same posistion, not getting enough at home. Months would pass and I would become more and more angry. I tried everything candle lit dinners, going out driving the lot. When your wife scowls everytime you try to touch her enough is enough. I told her if I couldnt get it at home I woud get it else where to which she said fair enough.
Thats now what I do. I dont tell her I just go out. She knows but I dont make a big thing about it. So i live with a woman that I love but only have sex with when she feels she wants to (every two months if I am lucky) and then its poor just going through the motions. I dont ask her if she would like to cause theres always a reason not to. I cant remeber the last time I had a BJ from her or anything except straight missionary.
I think I am lucky I live with an understanding woman who is just not interested in sex unless it suits her. I could not live with my wife if I couldnt play about. I would have been so frustrated and angry all the time it would be no good for either of us or the kids. Yes we have kids it used to be different. Best of luck with your decision I know what your going through.

8 Nov 2005

34fun Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 8:06 pm Post subject:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the last 3 years with my ex wife were hell. i know she had pleasure out of it but i was just thinking of a lovely girl in work.... it was all that kept me going.
so all i can suggest to you is if you can't spice it up yourself maybe your with the wrong woman..
yes I agree, I'am going to try to spice things up(hopefully) and maybe things could work , maybe they won't, goto give it a whirl. Just hard to focus sometimes on more than the sex!!!!!(Although very important it is :twisted: ) thanks
was in exactly the same posistion, not getting enough at home. Months would pass and I would become more and more angry. I tried everything candle lit dinners, going out driving the lot. When your wife scowls everytime you try to touch her enough is enough. I told her if I couldnt get it at home I woud get it else where to which she said fair enough.
Thats now what I do. I dont tell her I just go out. She knows but I dont make a big thing about it. So i live with a woman that I love but only have sex with when she feels she wants to (every two months if I am lucky) and then its poor just going through the motions. I dont ask her if she would like to cause theres always a reason not to. I cant remeber the last time I had a BJ from her or anything except straight missionary.
I think I am lucky I live with an understanding woman who is just not interested in sex unless it suits her. I could not live with my wife if I couldnt play about. I would have been so frustrated and angry all the time it would be no good for either of us or the kids. Yes we have kids it used to be different. Best of luck with your decision I know what your going through.
Yes you are very lucky, I know my partner would be devestated if she got even a wiff of me having sex with anyone but her. This is whats made it so hard to lead a double life. The guilt just cripples me!!!!!! As some-one said earlier in this thread that if you really care for some one you do not cheat. His right because if your anything like me your dick won't let you, (if you know what I mean redface

Oh Mr floppy there you are!!!!!)

8 Nov 2005

Lots of very wise comments... It does sound like you're someone for whom sex and love come as a package.
The only question I'd have is does your wife feel the same? It may be she's quite happy to have love without sex, in which case all your efforts to set the right mood may fail. Is she someone who enjoys physical contact (e.g. hugs) or would she rather have you just as a friend?
Whatever happens, don't beat yourself up about it. No-one could accuse you of not caring.

8 Nov 2005

Lots of very wise comments... It does sound like you're someone for whom sex and love come as a package.
The only question I'd have is does your wife feel the same? It may be she's quite happy to have love without sex, in which case all your efforts to set the right mood may fail. Is she someone who enjoys physical contact (e.g. hugs) or would she rather have you just as a friend?
Whatever happens, don't beat yourself up about it. No-one could accuse you of not caring.
Reply: Thanks dude, very kind words. Biggest problem my wife has is that stress gets her down big time. She say's that sex is the last thing on her mind and she prefers *hugs* Which I can do, just miss sex being on "Tap" I'm hoping things will turn out right in the end. Once again thanks guy

8 Nov 2005

Quote by tomsy1
Reply: Thanks dude, very kind words. Biggest problem my wife has is that stress gets her down big time. She say's that sex is the last thing on her mind and she prefers *hugs* Which I can do, just miss sex being on "Tap" I'm hoping things will turn out right in the end. Once again thanks guy

Well if she likes hugs, then I think there's hope for you two. Good luck!

8 Nov 2005

Quote by tomsy1
Now getting a "Hard on" with my partner has never been a problem but the last few visits to a said swinging club in Darleston have been quite literally been a "Flop" Last night being one. I just could not believe it!!! I was just sat there in a video room watching a porno and the sexiest girl came over to me and said " Can I play with youâ€ and promptly started to suck my cock. While this is going on I started to think about my partner and wondering what sheâ€™s doing for tea and MY God my cocks not getting hard !!!!!! Shit my cocks really not getting hard!!!!!! Oh please cock get hard!!!!!! All these pleads fell on deaf ears and I had to say enoughâ€™s enough and promptly left a slightly bemused sexy girl and her boyfriend to wonder what they had done to upset me.

its called guilt