I got back today from a fabulous weekend at WOMAD, the world music festival at Reading. The sun shone, the music was absolutely fantastic and the people wonderfully friendly and tolerant. I enjoyed it... quite a lot. Why not 'Totally'? Because although I travelled down with a mate I was mostly on my own and just plain didn't want to be. On Saturday in the course of two hours I managed to position myself, at various sound stages, near five canoudling couples, floating on wine, herbal errmm... thingies and fine music. And I wanted to be a canoodler too.
Every so often a fine male speciman would be in the vicinity and I would perk up a bit. Then the bird woud turn up and I would go 'Oh bugger' again.
It got in the way of my enjoyment. What's my problem? Is it shared? How can I stop it happening and learn to be content on my own?
Jezzay.
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OK you other singles - I need help
I go to festivals all the time on my own. I tried taking a partner (OK fuck buddy) once but spent the whole weekend feeling like my style was totally cramped. (Not that I have any style)
Saying that though I'm always with a group of people, (some of them couples) I would probably feel like a totally lost soul if I was completely alone.
Saying that though I'm always with a group of people, (some of them couples) I would probably feel like a totally lost soul if I was completely alone.
Orgasminator
You're not the only one, sometimes being in a big crowd, amongst lots of strangers, can make you feel extremely isolated. I think you just become acutely aware that everyone else is with someone, I know I feel that way sometimes. I'm quite a shy person so find it hard to just approach strangers anyway. Also I think a lot a enjoyment comes from actually sharing an experience with someone, just being able to talk about it afterwards and having someone who can fully relate to it.
I get by on my own but wouldn't say I was fully content, not sure I ever would be. I need someone to stimulate my mind lol.
I get by on my own but wouldn't say I was fully content, not sure I ever would be. I need someone to stimulate my mind lol.
I think what you are describing is a sense of lonliness.
The situation you describe is one I can identify with as I have felt it often and frequently. It seems that the world is full of couples or gathered in groups of likeminded friends. Or it seems that the opposite sex just isn't interested in you. Everyone else is enjoying themselves and you aren't!
It's a sense of alienation that is very common. Others feel it too but it's hard to detect that they are feeling that way. No one probably noticed you were feeling like that. Probabaly thought you were just having a good time...while your mind was elsewhere.
I think that what you were experiencing was a projection of your own mind. Perhaps some insecurities about yourself and your life. You felt self-conscious about yourself in a crowd, made worse by the fact that you were feeling self-conscious about not enjoying yourself, so it gos on. You get caught in a loop.
The best thing to do next time is to just enjoy what's going on around you. It's a party after all. People are letting go of themselves and so should you. Join in and start talking to people - they won't bite. Just enjoy the music, go with it. Best of all just forget about yourself and immerse onself in enjoyment of the moment.
It's not always easy I know, especially if there are unresolved issues in ones life. I offer this advice only as someone who has experienced these things and has gone some way to resolving them.
Regards LC (Dr)
The situation you describe is one I can identify with as I have felt it often and frequently. It seems that the world is full of couples or gathered in groups of likeminded friends. Or it seems that the opposite sex just isn't interested in you. Everyone else is enjoying themselves and you aren't!
It's a sense of alienation that is very common. Others feel it too but it's hard to detect that they are feeling that way. No one probably noticed you were feeling like that. Probabaly thought you were just having a good time...while your mind was elsewhere.
I think that what you were experiencing was a projection of your own mind. Perhaps some insecurities about yourself and your life. You felt self-conscious about yourself in a crowd, made worse by the fact that you were feeling self-conscious about not enjoying yourself, so it gos on. You get caught in a loop.
The best thing to do next time is to just enjoy what's going on around you. It's a party after all. People are letting go of themselves and so should you. Join in and start talking to people - they won't bite. Just enjoy the music, go with it. Best of all just forget about yourself and immerse onself in enjoyment of the moment.
It's not always easy I know, especially if there are unresolved issues in ones life. I offer this advice only as someone who has experienced these things and has gone some way to resolving them.
Regards LC (Dr)
For me I was lonelier in my first marriage than at any other time in my life. People find it hard to believe that you can be lonely when you are with someone, but I spent many a lonely evening, on my own, sat next to my wife.
We were obviously not meant to be together and split up when we had three boys under the age of four.
Then I was lucky enough to meet the most wonderful person in the world and I have never looked back.
Judy, you are right that there are some who like their own company, I'm afraid I don't and to be with somebody like my wife now is heaven. We are still very much in love after being together for 18 years and our daughters are always complaing that 'is it love week or something' as we still kiss and cuddle.
The only time I get lonely now is when she is not there and my heart still jumps a beat when I turn up and see her car outside the house, knowing she is going to be there.
We were obviously not meant to be together and split up when we had three boys under the age of four.
Then I was lucky enough to meet the most wonderful person in the world and I have never looked back.
Judy, you are right that there are some who like their own company, I'm afraid I don't and to be with somebody like my wife now is heaven. We are still very much in love after being together for 18 years and our daughters are always complaing that 'is it love week or something' as we still kiss and cuddle.
The only time I get lonely now is when she is not there and my heart still jumps a beat when I turn up and see her car outside the house, knowing she is going to be there.
I suppose this is why it makes us all so happy when two single people become a couple, and like life itself the result is more than the sum of it's parts . All you can do is continue to do things that wil allow you to meet like minded men , and avoid convincing yourself that someopne is Mr Rightr, when he isn't, in the meantime . There are at least 2 ladies I know on this forum who have met someone special in this forum , and you can see how that can happen ,here , without all the "agendas" of a relationship based dating site .
Quote by TheFacilitator
For me I was lonelier in my first marriage than at any other time in my life. People find it hard to believe that you can be lonely when you are with someone, but I spent many a lonely evening, on my own, sat next to my wife.
Life is often not complete. After 27 years of marriage I have a mix of emotions. I'm sure we should not have stayed together, but we did. Now we are separated by a wide gulf which includes what we do in leisure time, sex, home entertainment and loads more and yet at the same time there is an affection born of spending so many years together. We are there for each other in a crisis. Some days I think it's not enough, but if I had been going to change it I should have done it a long time ago.
The result of all this is that I spend too much time alone as well. In effect when I go to my leisure activities I'm a single, I work from home so I don't relate to co-workers or join pals for lunch, and sat in front of a TV watching total crap I might as well be alone there too. Sometimes I can feel pretty isolated. Odd thing is, if I get home and she's not in I have a measurable disappointment, so it's not like we're locked in a hate thing, just that we occupy different worlds.
I've come to terms with most of it, a table for one in a restaurant full of couples is probably still the worst public bit but what is there to do? For the rest, well who gets it all? We have enough to eat, we've paid for the house, within reason what material comforts we want we can have.
I commiserate with all the posters on this thread, to some degree we all know what it's like.
