i agree.. PC Shite !
Crappy people with nothing better to do with their lives then interfere in other peoples....
The same with the one about the old lady who lived in a shoe (she had so many children ahe didn't know what to do.. etc etc) which apparently promotes beating your children?!?
FFS - why???? its bloody ridiculous!! in a world where they see the new, is a nursery rhyme, or childrens tv programme or anything else going to make a difference???
All politically incorrect words and phrases should now be changed to the following:
Dirty Old Man: Sexually focused chronologically gifted individual.
Perverted: Sexually dysfunctional.
Serial Killer: Person with difficult-to-meet needs.
Lazy: Motivationally deficient.
Fat: Horizontally challenged.
Dwarf: Vertically challenged
Fail: Achieve a deficiency.
Dishonest: Ethically disoriented.
Bald: Follicularly challenged.
Clumsy: Uniquely coordinated.
Body Odor: Nondiscretionary fragrance.
Alive: Temporarily metabolically abled.
Worst: Least best.
Wrong: Differently logical.
Ugly: Cosmetically different.
Unemployed: Involuntarily leisured.
Dead: Living impaired.
Vagrant: Nonspecifically destinationed individual.
Drunk: Chemically inconvenienced.
Pregnant: Parasitically oppressed.
Ignorant: Knowledge-based non-possessor.
It's almost 200 years since Lord Nelson's famous naval victory over the French and Spanish in the Battle of Trafalgar.
How Nelson would have fared if he's been subject to modern health and safety regulations.
You are now on the deck of the recently renamed British Flagship, HMS Apeasement.
Order the signal, Hardy.
Aye, aye, sir.
Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer. What's the meaning of this?
Sorry, sir?
England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. What gobbledegook is this?
Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting "England" past the censors, lest it be considered rascist.
Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco.
Sorry, sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working environments.
In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle.
The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. It's part of the Government's policy on binge drinking.
Good heavens. Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it. Full speed ahead.
I think you'll find that there's a 4 mph speed limit in this stretch of water.
Dammit, man, we are on the eve of the greatest sea fight in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please.
That won't be possible, sir.
What?
Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness. And they say that rope ladder doesn't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected.
Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy.
He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle
Admiral.
Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd.
Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled.
Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card.
Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency.
Whatever next? Give me a full sail. The salt spray beckons.
A couple of problems there, too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without crash helmets. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?
I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy.
The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral.
What? This is mutiny.
It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks.
Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?
Actually, sir, we're not.
We're not?
No, sir. The Frenchies and Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation.
But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil.
I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on a disciplinary.
You must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of your King.
Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest, it's the rules.
Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?
As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu. And there's a ban on corporal punishment.
What about sodomy?
I believe it's to be encouraged sir.
In that case - giz a shag Hardy.
Can understand why they stopped using the Robinsons Golliwog
I guess that could be offensive
It is about time that the fat controller has been noticed for his work and dedication.
A knighthood at the very least, to be bestowed on him is a tribute to how efficient his railway is.
Although I'm not surprised.. they've banned certain nursey rhymes to try and be more politically correct 
Sorry... it just tickled me that I wasn't the only one 
:wave: 
