I'm high on painkillers and red wine at the moment (wisdom tooth on the move) so apologies if this goes majorly astray.
I had a discussion today with someone about open relationships ... basically it was about acceptance of each other as a married couple and trust etc, developing into open relationships and the other person just didn't get it ........... firstly assumed that it meant we'd shag anything and "anything goes" to why the fluck get married in the first place?
Understanding it seems to be a real problem in the "vanilla world" (which I suppose is common place for most things out of the ordinary) but I must admit that a few people I've mentioned open relationships too in a swinging context have criticised or judged quite surprisingly.
Anyone have any views for or against this ..... I'd be interested in seeing peoples opinions and understand the reasoning against open relationships .... our definition being ... we can shag whomever we want ... with the understanding that it's not an affair and will not turn into one, that we admit/discuss the act before or after, that it's okay to be flirty and that jealousy is to be discussed and avoided at all costs, the other partner needs to be safe (trust, knowing the person) and one night stands are anonymous, situations where awkwardness (ie collegeagues, peers and other marrieds without the same relationships) are to be totally avoided. Having an open relationship is not permission to be promiscuous, wild and reckless etc.
The few swingers who we have discussed this with either know us well enough to be comfortable with this or on the other hand assume that it's a permission slip to try and jump into bed with either of us.
The floor is yours ................
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Open relationships .......
I have an open relationship with my husband. He has a partner who I get on well with (in fact she’s down stairs at the moment playing with my kids on the playstation) He meets her 2 or 3 times a month and they have fun and enjoy themselves. I on the other hand enjoy swinging with different people and have a group of 10 or 12 close friends with whom I have fun with. We each do things with our other partners, which we would not do together. We trust each other completely and I love him as much today as I did on my wedding night 15 years ago. He sometimes joins me but I never join him and Dawn, as she is not bisexual which I am fine with. In fact we are her next of kin (only child both parents only children and dead)
Sex God
Brilliant topic Calista, and i'm sure it will be very heavily discussed 
Well we don't actually see ourselves as having an open relationship as we swing together mostly. However there have been situations where one or other of us has become involved to a different degree than the other. By this I mean when we have been either in the same room or apart completely. We have met couples where, if one stops playing then so does the other (just one extreme of play) which would seem to indicate a level of jealousy, but who say they have an open relationship :?:
We have also met couples who will NOT play in the same room as their partner (their way of swinging)
We are completely happy with our partner playing with whoever they wish, provided that we know about it either in advance or in retrospect (no lies or nasty backlashes then) but understand that this is not everyone's ideal. We are also both very flirty and not in the slightest bit jealous of one another. We are very careful anyway who we swing with, preferring to get to know a couple before we play (not into one off, one night stands) and I would certainly not consider meeting anyone alone unless in a public place(safety)
Hope this makes sense
Bev & Chris
xx
Well we don't actually see ourselves as having an open relationship as we swing together mostly. However there have been situations where one or other of us has become involved to a different degree than the other. By this I mean when we have been either in the same room or apart completely. We have met couples where, if one stops playing then so does the other (just one extreme of play) which would seem to indicate a level of jealousy, but who say they have an open relationship :?:
We have also met couples who will NOT play in the same room as their partner (their way of swinging)
We are completely happy with our partner playing with whoever they wish, provided that we know about it either in advance or in retrospect (no lies or nasty backlashes then) but understand that this is not everyone's ideal. We are also both very flirty and not in the slightest bit jealous of one another. We are very careful anyway who we swing with, preferring to get to know a couple before we play (not into one off, one night stands) and I would certainly not consider meeting anyone alone unless in a public place(safety)
Hope this makes sense
Bev & Chris
xx
Sex God
We don't have an open relationship.... We shag others but only in the company of each other because we enjoy watching each other with other people iykwim. Thats what really turns us on.. there'd be no point for us doing anything without the other there because we both enjoy watching the other one's reactions. (I hope that made sense) 
I echo what has already been said.
I would say an open relationship involves a certain amount of "going it alone" albeit with mutual consent, as opposed to the shared experiences of swinging. So I would say that Kit and I do not have an open relationship.
One of those 'fine lines' we draw for ourselves in the sand I suppose.
lhk
I would say an open relationship involves a certain amount of "going it alone" albeit with mutual consent, as opposed to the shared experiences of swinging. So I would say that Kit and I do not have an open relationship.
One of those 'fine lines' we draw for ourselves in the sand I suppose.
lhk
I've sometimes explained this by pointing out that sex and love are two different things.
Marriage is about love. Sex isn't (although they do work well together!)
Once someone admits to themselves that sex can actually be a LOT of fun with someone they don't love, just fancy, then the aparrent contradiction in having extra-marital sex disappears.
Marriage is about love. Sex isn't (although they do work well together!)
Once someone admits to themselves that sex can actually be a LOT of fun with someone they don't love, just fancy, then the aparrent contradiction in having extra-marital sex disappears.
I don't know if my relationship is open or not.
My partner encourages me to have sex with other women, and likes to hear everything about it. She is bi and enjoys threesomes but will not join in with another couple or have anything to do with another man.
Sometimes she will put limits on what I can do with another woman. She may tell me I can't do anal or that I can't kiss the other woman - that's her keeping control and I respect that.
But whatever happens she likes to hear everything, no secrets, and she goes out of her way to prove that she is best whenever I have been with someone else - something I am glad to say she is very good at.
I trust her implicitly and she trusts me to keep faith to her and the limits she sets.
So I wouldn't call that open. Am I nuts?
My partner encourages me to have sex with other women, and likes to hear everything about it. She is bi and enjoys threesomes but will not join in with another couple or have anything to do with another man.
Sometimes she will put limits on what I can do with another woman. She may tell me I can't do anal or that I can't kiss the other woman - that's her keeping control and I respect that.
But whatever happens she likes to hear everything, no secrets, and she goes out of her way to prove that she is best whenever I have been with someone else - something I am glad to say she is very good at.
I trust her implicitly and she trusts me to keep faith to her and the limits she sets.
So I wouldn't call that open. Am I nuts?
Sex God
Calista~
I, too, am high on the red at the moment (a lovely Australian Banrock Station, to be specific)...although I have no painkillers and all of my wisdom teeth are intact (making for 33 total in my mouth). Back to the topic at hand, though: I don't consider myself a particularly judgemental person and truly feel "to each their own", but I simply cannot get my head around the idea of "open relationships". Granted, Vix & I fuck other people, but this is something we only do as a couple. To be honest, I couldn't abide by it any other way. It is as if we share one soul, one mind and one spirit; albeit in two separate bodies. Whatever she experiences, I want to be a part of - and, I sincerely believe, vice versa.
From what I gather, perhaps incorrectly, is that an "open relationship" is one within which one partner simply doesn't care whatever the other may be doing. This seems to imply a distance between the two, and I cannot imagine a genuine loving relationship persisting under these circumstances. Maybe I'm a bit romaintic and old fashioned, but I want to share in everything that my partner is thinking, feeling and experiencing...thus, for an experience (sexual or otherwise) with another to be separate for either of us is totally out of the question for me. Sorry if this goes against the grain of the typical "swinging mentality", but it's nonetheless what I feel within my heart.
~Reese!
I, too, am high on the red at the moment (a lovely Australian Banrock Station, to be specific)...although I have no painkillers and all of my wisdom teeth are intact (making for 33 total in my mouth). Back to the topic at hand, though: I don't consider myself a particularly judgemental person and truly feel "to each their own", but I simply cannot get my head around the idea of "open relationships". Granted, Vix & I fuck other people, but this is something we only do as a couple. To be honest, I couldn't abide by it any other way. It is as if we share one soul, one mind and one spirit; albeit in two separate bodies. Whatever she experiences, I want to be a part of - and, I sincerely believe, vice versa.
From what I gather, perhaps incorrectly, is that an "open relationship" is one within which one partner simply doesn't care whatever the other may be doing. This seems to imply a distance between the two, and I cannot imagine a genuine loving relationship persisting under these circumstances. Maybe I'm a bit romaintic and old fashioned, but I want to share in everything that my partner is thinking, feeling and experiencing...thus, for an experience (sexual or otherwise) with another to be separate for either of us is totally out of the question for me. Sorry if this goes against the grain of the typical "swinging mentality", but it's nonetheless what I feel within my heart.
~Reese!
Sex God
Quote by Reese
Calista~
I, too, am high on the red at the moment (a lovely Australian Banrock Station, to be specific)...although I have no painkillers and all of my wisdom teeth are intact (making for 33 total in my mouth). Back to the topic at hand, though: I don't consider myself a particularly judgemental person and truly feel "to each their own", but I simply cannot get my head around the idea of "open relationships". Granted, Vix & I fuck other people, but this is something we only do as a couple. To be honest, I couldn't abide by it any other way. It is as if we share one soul, one mind and one spirit; albeit in two separate bodies. Whatever she experiences, I want to be a part of - and, I sincerely believe, vice versa.
From what I gather, perhaps incorrectly, is that an "open relationship" is one within which one partner simply doesn't care whatever the other may be doing. This seems to imply a distance between the two, and I cannot imagine a genuine loving relationship persisting under these circumstances. Maybe I'm a bit romaintic and old fashioned, but I want to share in everything that my partner is thinking, feeling and experiencing...thus, for an experience (sexual or otherwise) with another to be separate for either of us is totally out of the question for me. Sorry if this goes against the grain of the typical "swinging mentality", but it's nonetheless what I feel within my heart.
~Reese!
Damn you for saying it so much better than me
I think that people's ideas of swinging vary so much that there is no right or wrong. Its what feels most comfortable and works for each individual.
Our opening up of the marriage stopped the risk of us shagging anything we could get our hands on... it took control of a very risky situation... she was cheating on me, I was retaliating etc, etc... Not so much of a problem for me, I was a big strong boy, but for Lorraine creeping about late at night often with strangers, was risky I felt... we felt, should I say.
No one person should ever claim to own another outright, marriage is a man made institute, it isn't a natural state, basic human nature often causes us to rebel aginst man made institutes doesn't it... If more marriages were opened up, the divorce rate would drop through the floor... The thing that causes divorce for infidelity is often possessive jealousy... not a wish to make a person happy, but a wish to own them outright.
Why get married, cos our parents like us to do such meaningful things don't they, and our kids like a stable family unit... cos the reception was bloody good fun... who knows.
No one person should ever claim to own another outright, marriage is a man made institute, it isn't a natural state, basic human nature often causes us to rebel aginst man made institutes doesn't it... If more marriages were opened up, the divorce rate would drop through the floor... The thing that causes divorce for infidelity is often possessive jealousy... not a wish to make a person happy, but a wish to own them outright.
Why get married, cos our parents like us to do such meaningful things don't they, and our kids like a stable family unit... cos the reception was bloody good fun... who knows.
Quote by Reese
Calista~
I, too, am high on the red at the moment (a lovely Australian Banrock Station, to be specific).
~Reese!
Oooh how spooky .... isn't it a delightful number ;) My bottle has run out now unfortunately
Your points are exactly what made me put the post in the first place. Morbius and I class our relationship as open with the definition of .... there are no secrets, we have complete trust in each other and communicate very very well (99% of the time), if we argue over something then we accept that we can't agree with each other 100% of the time and we also challenge the other's opinion/agreement/views regularly without feeling threat, jealousy or intimidation.
We accept that separate sex might not always suit us and when one objects then we both stop, but we totally enjoy swinging together too ;) for the same reasons mentioned by other people.
We call that an open relationship. we are very much in love and whilst we don't feel a threat or jealousy in the other partner shagging as an individual, we do very much care about that individual with regard to safety, emotional safety etc. In the same respect we have for each other we also respect/accept that others might not agree or feel they can accept it - and that's fine, but the reaction we have received from a few people ... ie absolute horror - why be married? reaction to ok are you free tomorrow :shock: assuming Yes will always be the answer.
I just wonder ... what is the accepted definition of an open relationship.
Quote by Calista
I just wonder ... what is the accepted definition of an open relationship.
I think that open relationship is a very general term to cover any relationship that is not sexually exclusive. It involves a commitment to each other but also an acceptance of sex with other people and an honesty about it. The degree to which this happens is defined entirely by the people in the relationship and will vary. In the same way that no two exclusive relationships are the same, no two open relationships are the same. I would say all the people who have posted here would be considered to be in open relationships by the majority of people, although you probably consider yourselves simply to be in a relationship. 'Open' is just a term that makes it easier to categorise people, don't think there should be an accepted definition otherwise we'll have to start categorisng all relationships.
I dont think we could survive a relationship where we dont have fun together...
I think the green eyed monster would rear its ugly head sooner or later and that would be that...
I am sure if we did have a relationship where we would have fun whilst apart then the missus would have invitations every night while I would be available every night..
Perhaps thats where the problem would be ..
But if it works for some then I can see no problem with it..
I think the green eyed monster would rear its ugly head sooner or later and that would be that...
I am sure if we did have a relationship where we would have fun whilst apart then the missus would have invitations every night while I would be available every night..
Perhaps thats where the problem would be ..
But if it works for some then I can see no problem with it..
Quote by steve-shireen
I am sure if we did have a relationship where we would have fun whilst apart then the missus would have invitations every night while I would be available every night..
But the missus wouldn't want to do it!!.... I would never even contenplate meeting someone without Steve nor would I consider different room fun... We do this to have fun together and not apart....
I dont consider myself a jealous person but after our first meet I did experience a twang or two.... We have come along way since then and have built our "rules" upon our early days....
As for the question of what is an "open relationship" well the answer would depend on who was answering.... If you asked someone in the "vanilla" world then it would differ from the answers on this thread.... We all perceive our relationships differently and as individuals we all have our own views on what we want from our relationship....
I think Dambuster said it perfectly..... Yours and at the end of the day that's all that really matters....
Shireen
xxx
Orgasminator
I personaly love the single lifestyle that i lead, however , if i met someone, and im not looking, i would certainly retreat from the swinging side of my life. Unless of course my new partner and i thought it would enhance our relationship.
Sex God
I believe that Del and i have a close closed realtionship. We open that closed door occasionally. Only when we are both present.
On occasions when we are at parties together, we don't mind either one of us having fun in a different room etc, knowing that the other partner could be present if they weren't busy themselves.
However, we feel that we couldn't have an "open" relationship, where one of us is sat at home whilst the other is off having sex with another.
Basically, we come as a package.
Gill & Del x
33 wisdom teeth :shock: :shock: :shock:
On occasions when we are at parties together, we don't mind either one of us having fun in a different room etc, knowing that the other partner could be present if they weren't busy themselves.
However, we feel that we couldn't have an "open" relationship, where one of us is sat at home whilst the other is off having sex with another.
Basically, we come as a package.
Gill & Del x
33 wisdom teeth :shock: :shock: :shock:
Sex God
Quote by Vix
33 wisdom teeth :shock: :shock: :shock:
I told him that is how it rread. Did he listen?
C'mon, he's a guy!!!
G x
Quote by xxdevil69
We don't have an open relationship.... We shag others but only in the company of each other because we enjoy watching each other with other people iykwim. Thats what really turns us on.. there'd be no point for us doing anything without the other there because we both enjoy watching the other one's reactions. (I hope that made sense)
Snap
Thats why we only do stuff as a couple,so no we dont have an open relationship in that sense. 
Casanova
Interesting thread, considering me and Mr Tiggs were discussing the same topic on new years eve, obviously we were rather drunk at the time. We also got a lot of very strange reactions. The couple of men we were chatting to were very much patting Mr Tiggs on the back and saying things like, "GO FOR IT", in a very manly manner. The couple of women were either shocked and said, GOD, I DONT KNOW HOW YOU COULD LET HIM!!!!! and the other one or two said very nicely, how much they admired me and admired the way our relationship is. Especially when I said that Ive watched Mr Tiggs play and I didnt take part, it was one of the horniest things that I had ever seen, and Mr Tiggs said the say about me.
Mr Tiggs and myself have always said, even before becoming swingers, that if the opportunity arose, ie, in a night club a girl or guy comes up to you and things happen, on the spur of the moment. You take them outside to their car and shag them, thats fine. But, If you arrange to meet them after by taking their phone number and calling them; then thats WRONG and we both class that as cheating. I know it seems a little mixed up but those are our rules.
As for the swinging side, even when me and Mr tiggs play alone, we still meet the person as a couple and both of us have to agree that its ok for them to play.
If I meet a fem for a bit of fun, we meet socially first, and Mr tiggs is present, if me and her like each other and Mr tiggs is ok with her, then me and her can play. But if he dont like then I dont play and that works the same for him.
There are certain people in our lives that I would never tell about our Open Relationship, because I know they would be mortified, I would get reactions like:
"You are only allowing Mr Tiggs to do this, to keep him"
Which is total bull S**t. We love our relationship the way it is, its healthy, exciting and very much alive.
Mr Tiggs and myself have always said, even before becoming swingers, that if the opportunity arose, ie, in a night club a girl or guy comes up to you and things happen, on the spur of the moment. You take them outside to their car and shag them, thats fine. But, If you arrange to meet them after by taking their phone number and calling them; then thats WRONG and we both class that as cheating. I know it seems a little mixed up but those are our rules.
As for the swinging side, even when me and Mr tiggs play alone, we still meet the person as a couple and both of us have to agree that its ok for them to play.
If I meet a fem for a bit of fun, we meet socially first, and Mr tiggs is present, if me and her like each other and Mr tiggs is ok with her, then me and her can play. But if he dont like then I dont play and that works the same for him.
There are certain people in our lives that I would never tell about our Open Relationship, because I know they would be mortified, I would get reactions like:
"You are only allowing Mr Tiggs to do this, to keep him"
Which is total bull S**t. We love our relationship the way it is, its healthy, exciting and very much alive.
I guess we have a different form of open relationship, if thats what it is, I shag around he dosnt, he know, he approves and he has the option to do likewise, but dosnt want to.
I wouldnt see anyone without him knowing who and where, but thats more a security thing than anything.
It dosnt cause any problems in the relationship because we both acknowledge that i have a higher sex drive than he does and that sex is quiet seperate to love. To us monogomy is an un natural state!!
Now what i dont understand is when people talk about "letting" their partner swing, it suggests too much ownership, too much possesion, i would never want to own anyone to that extent, please can someone explain this to me?
Why did we get married? Because 26 years ago thats what people did. Would we do it today? probably not but that is not because we have an open relationship, but because we arnt religious.
I wouldnt see anyone without him knowing who and where, but thats more a security thing than anything.
It dosnt cause any problems in the relationship because we both acknowledge that i have a higher sex drive than he does and that sex is quiet seperate to love. To us monogomy is an un natural state!!
Now what i dont understand is when people talk about "letting" their partner swing, it suggests too much ownership, too much possesion, i would never want to own anyone to that extent, please can someone explain this to me?
Why did we get married? Because 26 years ago thats what people did. Would we do it today? probably not but that is not because we have an open relationship, but because we arnt religious.
Our relationship is governed alittle by circumsatnces. A long term condition makes it impossible for my partner of 20+ years to swing but, after some soul searching and good discussion, licence was allowed for me to visit a decent club or two
It has to be kept to that however. its a clear boundary and so far has worked very well. A weekly escape, meeting people who are becoming friends (of a sort) is refreshing for me and gives her the security that it stays within those parameters. I am lucky, ill admit
I would also say that so far its somehow enhanced our relationship and she has been more comfortable with the scenario than she expected (although shes always been well aware of the Lifestyle). shes even ticked me off when ive not looked well enough presented!
I have always had a very high drive I would admit, but this is a far better outlet forall concerned than call girls, bar pick ups or illicit affairs. And i do have a swinging mentality, such as that is, by enjoying great affectionate enjoyable sex without any requirement for further commitment. (illadmit i like groups too! ) My love is solely for my partner...
Expanding a little, the club scene is definately not for all guys and is nothing like what is expected by most. You need to have acertain mature attitude (and patience sometimes!) to enjoy...and i would say that at a very rough guess (judging by what i would imagine from my cross section of normal friends would believe) about 5% of guys at most would comfortably fit into the swinging club scene.
It has to be kept to that however. its a clear boundary and so far has worked very well. A weekly escape, meeting people who are becoming friends (of a sort) is refreshing for me and gives her the security that it stays within those parameters. I am lucky, ill admit
I would also say that so far its somehow enhanced our relationship and she has been more comfortable with the scenario than she expected (although shes always been well aware of the Lifestyle). shes even ticked me off when ive not looked well enough presented!
I have always had a very high drive I would admit, but this is a far better outlet forall concerned than call girls, bar pick ups or illicit affairs. And i do have a swinging mentality, such as that is, by enjoying great affectionate enjoyable sex without any requirement for further commitment. (illadmit i like groups too! ) My love is solely for my partner...
Expanding a little, the club scene is definately not for all guys and is nothing like what is expected by most. You need to have acertain mature attitude (and patience sometimes!) to enjoy...and i would say that at a very rough guess (judging by what i would imagine from my cross section of normal friends would believe) about 5% of guys at most would comfortably fit into the swinging club scene.
Many moons ago in my 20's I had a very open relationship ie; he took the p*ss basically. It was very much on his terms and he would enjoy pushing my boundaries more because of that. I thought maybe this would affect later friendships/relationships but I actually prefer to think that it was my 'grounding' and that it stood me in good stead for how I look at things now.
Not in a relationship and don't know exactly what an open-relationship would mean to me as I 'am' now (age 33 lol) but I would guess it would be a lot about honesty and knowing your partner intimately enough.
Cathy x
Not in a relationship and don't know exactly what an open-relationship would mean to me as I 'am' now (age 33 lol) but I would guess it would be a lot about honesty and knowing your partner intimately enough.
Cathy x
well me and little miss are very open in our relationship, even though we dont really go out to pull other people, it has happened a couple of times.
we got together 3years ago and we are so madly in love with each other its sickening to some people. we we're/are very young when we got together (i'm now 24,she's 20) at first we were'nt open. but i got worried that i tied her down to young and didnt want her to feel like she's missed out on alot but didnt want to let her go and nor her for me.
and its just worked out great for us we have a fantastic sex life (still on our honeymoon period,if that ever ends).the only thing we've asked is to be honest with each other, which we are very much so.
if she fancies some one boy or girl great she can do what ever she likes and same for me and we will always be straight up about it. its only sex and a bit of fun we are young with raging hormones, who can control them?
not many of my friends are the same way and think i'm mad for not acting like i own her which i dont. i just know we can be like this cos we love each other and know we are made for one another, so wheres the harm when u have the trust?
we got together 3years ago and we are so madly in love with each other its sickening to some people. we we're/are very young when we got together (i'm now 24,she's 20) at first we were'nt open. but i got worried that i tied her down to young and didnt want her to feel like she's missed out on alot but didnt want to let her go and nor her for me.
and its just worked out great for us we have a fantastic sex life (still on our honeymoon period,if that ever ends).the only thing we've asked is to be honest with each other, which we are very much so.
if she fancies some one boy or girl great she can do what ever she likes and same for me and we will always be straight up about it. its only sex and a bit of fun we are young with raging hormones, who can control them?
not many of my friends are the same way and think i'm mad for not acting like i own her which i dont. i just know we can be like this cos we love each other and know we are made for one another, so wheres the harm when u have the trust?
We don't have an open relationship,everything we do we do together,i trust my partner with my life but if i felt she needed to swing without me being there that would mean something was wrong....does that sound right?....she has watched me with others and i have watched her with other people and thats what makes it exciting for us .....if that changed then maybe we would have to look at the whole picture and find out why?
Quote by da69ve
We don't have an open relationship,everything we do we do together,i trust my partner with my life but if i felt she needed to swing without me being there that would mean something was wrong....does that sound right?....she has watched me with others and i have watched her with other people and thats what makes it exciting for us .....if that changed then maybe we would have to look at the whole picture and find out why?
Isnt it strange how people see things differently? If my h/b didnt trust me enough to have sex when he wasnt there Id question the value of our relationship!!!
