So, there you are, at the height of passion when the thoroughly familiar but totally unexpected rumble starts to make it way towards where it is not welcome.
What do you do?
Sex God
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Oral sex and flatulence.
Like the post...been their and done that...
TRY to keep it in, but sometimes it just escapes. I think you HAVE to give warnings though... I must add I DONT go that way if I have been eating beans/curry/tikka masala and the likes because beans will make me fart looking at the tin on the supermarket shelves! I have never met a women who farts by the way? Have they got some other degassing system to us fellas?????
TRY to keep it in, but sometimes it just escapes. I think you HAVE to give warnings though... I must add I DONT go that way if I have been eating beans/curry/tikka masala and the likes because beans will make me fart looking at the tin on the supermarket shelves! I have never met a women who farts by the way? Have they got some other degassing system to us fellas?????
Master of Sex
this is a disgusting thread... :shock: but funny :giggle:
thankfully, this has never happened to me..but then, im a lady, and i dont fart.
thankfully, this has never happened to me..but then, im a lady, and i dont fart.
When I first saw this post, I thought no, I cant add to it, I dont have that problem. :shock:
But I've just asked Mr novice!
ops:
Apparently, years ago, when I was very drunk, I did let one rip on him while he was 'down there'! :oops: :oops:
He said it was like a breath of fresh air in comparison.
:lol:
But I've just asked Mr novice!
ops: Apparently, years ago, when I was very drunk, I did let one rip on him while he was 'down there'! :oops: :oops:
He said it was like a breath of fresh air in comparison.
:lol: 
Sex God
What a gas! 50% Hold it in vs 50% Blame it on the Dog.
I always blame it on the dog 'cos the burden of proof is then on the accuser. The only trouble it is a bit of a give away when you play fair, give a warning and then try and blame it on the dog. Last time, I had to claim some telepathic link with our canine friend!!
I always blame it on the dog 'cos the burden of proof is then on the accuser. The only trouble it is a bit of a give away when you play fair, give a warning and then try and blame it on the dog. Last time, I had to claim some telepathic link with our canine friend!!
Orgasminator
Quote by willing but nervous
this is a disgusting thread... :shock: but funny :giggle:
thankfully, this has never happened to me..but then, im a lady, and i dont fart.
lol
A good tip is to have "NO SMOKING" tattoed on ones thighs. 1 leg reading so its is the right way up when standing and the other leg reading the right way up when in 69 position. i find this avoids embarassing 'Flashing' incidents and burn holes in the sheets if the lady is not drawing on a pipe of rough shag (hand rolled) at the time.
Sex God
Whence cometh this notion that the fairer sex farteth not?
Absolute poppycock, they're just a lot more clandestine about it, and for sound evolutionary reasons: The male of the species marks his territory, advertises his presence, attempts to deter invaders, generally makes a mess, you catch my drift (no apology for deliberate pun :P )?
The female on the other hand (now there's a thought with which to conjure) performs her ablutions secretly so as not to attract predators.
It is for this reason that a man - and only a man, is psychologically capable of proudly setting fire to his own noxious emissions.
(Useless fact #2,723 ©TalkBollox Inc. - Proprietor: I. C. Pie)
Absolute poppycock, they're just a lot more clandestine about it, and for sound evolutionary reasons: The male of the species marks his territory, advertises his presence, attempts to deter invaders, generally makes a mess, you catch my drift (no apology for deliberate pun :P )?
The female on the other hand (now there's a thought with which to conjure) performs her ablutions secretly so as not to attract predators.
It is for this reason that a man - and only a man, is psychologically capable of proudly setting fire to his own noxious emissions.
(Useless fact #2,723 ©TalkBollox Inc. - Proprietor: I. C. Pie)
ops: You know, I suffer from that one as well!
Your man is shagging you to three weeks before Easter - is stands to reason that certain biological processes are going to be 'disturbed'! So do you let it 'go' and have a tremendous orgasm or do you hold it on and fake one?
I've never solved that one satisfactorily.
:
Sex God
IF i was ever to fart.. this is hypothetical remember.....i would hold it in till the pain started.. then excuse myself.
however.. as i dont fart.. its not an issue for me!.
what i want to know is......... the other side of the story... what would you do if someone farted whilst u were down there???
however.. as i dont fart.. its not an issue for me!.
what i want to know is......... the other side of the story... what would you do if someone farted whilst u were down there???
Quote by well_busty_babe
however.. as i dont fart.. its not an issue for me!.
I have it on good authority (and more than one source, all confidential of course) that this is simply not true..... (think nw munch 2, marcuso's, funin's and Motel Munch)
they might not smell but they make a heck of a noise :shock:
Sex God
Quote by Lucifer
however.. as i dont fart.. its not an issue for me!.
I have it on good authority (and more than one source, all confidential of course) that this is simply not true..... (think nw munch 2, marcuso's, funin's and Motel Munch)
they might not smell but they make a heck of a noise :shock:
:shock: :shock: tell me the name and i will tell you a liar!!!!!!!!!
my GP will confirm i had an op to remove the farting mechanism from my arse!
Sex God
Quote by well_busty_babe
what i want to know is......... the other side of the story... what would you do if someone farted whilst u were down there???
Sorry to bring us all back to the Flatulata but this raises and interesting question about equality of the sexes - or more accurately inequality.
Think about it. This is probably why women claim not to fart at all - it's because the consequences for a bloke, who is sort of 'close in on the action whilst giving, are far more serious - I mean it brings tears to your eyes and there's nothing serious to clamp down on with your teeth :!:
A woman is at least 10 inches
(well I thought I'd try it!) from the offence and has the ultimate and instantaneous means of retaliation between her teeth.Equality for men I say. Big banana for whoever comes up with the best solution to this conundrum :!: :!:
Sex God
mrs davej says she never farts. ....Apparently her bottom occasionally sighs and giggles.
Sex God
Us Girlies don't do things like that!!!! 
:roll:
And the ones that say that they do...... ( don't believe you) nothing but flowers come out of you...
:D and smell lovely. :D :D :D :D
:roll: And the ones that say that they do...... ( don't believe you) nothing but flowers come out of you...
:D and smell lovely. :D :D :D :D Sex God
Quote by MrsFC
Us Girlies don't do things like that!!!!
And the ones that say that they do...... ( don't believe you) nothing but flowers come out of you...
mrs davej confirms this although its the oddest thing that since thongs have been fashionable, she occasionally whistles like the kettle!
Sex God
Quote by davej
Us Girlies don't do things like that!!!!
And the ones that say that they do...... ( don't believe you) nothing but flowers come out of you...
mrs davej confirms this although its the oddest thing that since thongs have been fashionable, she occasionally whistles like the kettle!
A bit of Air on a G-string then?
Sex God
Quote by Calista
I can't vote ......
none of my options is there ...
I would ask Morbius to move and wait a few minutes and then we carry on :shock:
It hasn't happened yet ... although threatened a few times :twisted:
Yes but what if he expresses undying love for you and that he never....never wants to leave your side - go on you'd pick one of the options then
:lol: By the way I'm expecting a full debate on the equality of the sexes issue raised earlier.
Quote by westerross
I can't vote ......
none of my options is there ...
I would ask Morbius to move and wait a few minutes and then we carry on :shock:
It hasn't happened yet ... although threatened a few times :twisted:
Yes but what if he expresses undying love for you and that he never....never wants to leave your side - go on you'd pick one of the options then
:lol: By the way I'm expecting a full debate on the equality of the sexes issue raised earlier.
LMAO ... no doubt he'll respond of his own accord shortly .... but I'd kill him if he did that to me and so never would to him .....
Sorry I still can't pick a choice LOL
Sex God
Quote by easy
Us Girlies don't do things like that!!!!
And the ones that say that they do...... ( don't believe you) nothing but flowers come out of you...
mrs davej confirms this although its the oddest thing that since thongs have been fashionable, she occasionally whistles like the kettle!
A bit of Air on a G-string then?
Happiness... is a cigar.... no, never mind. :D
Sex God
Quote by Ice Pie
Us Girlies don't do things like that!!!!
And the ones that say that they do...... ( don't believe you) nothing but flowers come out of you...
mrs davej confirms this although its the oddest thing that since thongs have been fashionable, she occasionally whistles like the kettle!
A bit of Air on a G-string then?
Happiness... is a cigar.... no, never mind. :D
AHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAMLET !!!!! :D :D :D :D
Orgasminator
... and bald head :giggle:
