Swinging should be fun (not difficult) between people who share or agree similar tastes and preferences ... you could say they are "like-minded".
However, every now and then you get someone who isn't a match question your "preference" and throw the "Discrimination!" word at you.
Lets be clear - the 6 most common areas in life (in general) that people are discriminated on are:
Gender
Religion
Age
Disability
Ethic Origin
Sexuality
This forms the helpful acronym 'GRADES'.
I have lost count the number of times I've been approached (especially on email) by a gay/bi male wanting to play with me and I've turned down the offer, imagine if he then challenged me that I'm "discriminating" based on his sexuality - what then? I forfeit my personal choice and preference and play with him against will to avoid being discriminatory??
To be specific, some socials that I cannot attend:
* Couples and single fems
* Couples and couples
* Lesbians only
* Swingers age 35 - 45
* Indians for indians
One the one hand, I like to think in person (despite how bolshy I may be online) am a reasonable fellow that gets on and has a laugh with everyone (yes, even bi-males!) and so SHOULD have no problem attending such socials, ...
... on the other hand, I don't support any of those preferences and so should not be surprised if told "Err, sorry mate - you're sweet, but not that sweet".
Personally, I would defend to the death ANY swinger's personal choice - even WHEN it works AGAINST me. Its the basis of being "like-minded"
(Other wise in 5 years time, I'd FINALLY get to attend the 35-45's social, only to find it over run with 18-21 year olds .... grrrr!)
Ok, at the risk of being EXTREMELY offensive: I've just got off the phone to a female friend, and she could not seem to understand why I CANNOT Play with a 90 year old gay male. Suffice to say she hung up the phone on me as we could not seem to agree the post title.
dude i'm with you 100% before anyone says i haven't got a massive post count.
Why :- I only post when i something to say which wil help a thread or ask for an invite to which the answer maybe NO,the person arranging may not know me or the people who know or just not think i'll in with there're plans. I'm i dissapointed Yes but not upset every one has the right to say NO thank you and not be questioned to their reasons. As a single man you should expect more No's than Yes's..
People shouldn't this be about fun!!!
That's my 10 cents
In a case like this Ahabs, you're not denying anyone thier 'rights' in a basic Human Rights sence, nor in Employment Law or somesuch.
You are indeed expressing your personal choice on a social/sexual scale, as are they.
I don't think anyone can "demand" anything of you that you don't want to do, nor can you enforce demands on them.
lp
I would hasten to add that most (or all) of these areas of discrimination are not exhaustive - I know people that don't want to know with:
* Married
* Smokers
* Drinkers
* Non-car owners (yes, I got turned down by one!)
* Pet owners
* People with kids living with them
AGAIN, its their preference which I feel should be respected. A friend of mine was telling me of an experience at a club in the middle of playing with two (black) guys - one asian fellow (complete stranger to her) decided to join in: didn't ask, just "grabbed" her. She told him "sorry - black guys only". He stormed off complinging "discrimination!
What was she supposed to do? Abandon her preference to keep HIM happy?
...as for your lady-friend Ahabs... i'm not aware of the detials of what was 'allowed' for the gathering/activities of the evening, but I'd have thought it wrong for anyone to simply join in uninvited. No matter their race, unless stipulated beforehand.
lp
Well, that was assumed a given - you don't join in uninvited (even IF he had been a black guy at the time), either way, she wasn't rude, simply told him no and clarifying her preference...
Did he have a right to cry "discrimination!" ?
Would I have a right to yell "Sexual discrimination! Is it cause I is not gay?" If turned away from the Lesbians for lesbians social?
from what ive read in this discussion and yes i do have an opinion but im not goin to say it....cop out maybe... but your will never agree on this subject and it will just go on and on
Ahabs,
I have read all the meet link you put up, I do believe people’s preference should be adhered to.
This is just a suggestion as it stated that only people that are known or can be verified by another member will be able to come, would it not have been better to set up an invite only group, or a group people can apply too to be accepted?
Then you could have put it up in the forums there.
I think some people will always question other’s preference, and some would do it just to cause a stir.
Good thread Ahabs :thumbup:
As regards the visit to Chams-
The be all and end all to my mind, is that Socials are not run by S.H, they are the responsibility of the organiser, and you are within your rights to say "sorry you can't come to xxxxx with our group" to anyone, without giving a reason at all.
But if the organiser tries to give a reason for turning someone down, saying that the person wouldn't fit in because they don't fit in with the ethos of the night, then I think is where issues arise.
Because then a person might say, "well it doesn't matter that I am not black/gay/cd/Midlands room whatever, because I'm a lovely social person and I would enjoy the night anyway.
I'm not sure either side is wrong.
from what i can see this has all started from a single male who is not a regular in the room putting down for the black for white meet at chams or was it the white for black meet sorry i want to get it right dont want anybody jumping down my throat.
many years ago when i 1st started swinging with my ex husband the first ever thing we did before meeting people was go to a social to get to know people and decide if we actually wanted to go down this road. what would of happened if they said sorry your not regulars you cant come and nobody can verify you? as for the meet i did actually look at this. myself and my partner are both white and ive never actually been with a black man so i suppose to me a social would have been a good way to decide if i did wish to do this but after the flack in the forum and as we are both not regular room members i dont think i will bother
im saying the way i prefer to do things is to go to a social 1st im not saying its a right or wrong way im just saying its my way, ive been a regular in the mids room for a few years now and have chatted to people in great length then when ive actually met some ive found them not to be the same as in chat eg. rude, quite forcefull and a few complete knobs lol i just think for me actually meeting a person face to face is better than the chat room and before im hung drawn and quatered that goes for anybody of any race or colour.
i actually do know 2 people going lol
Right, so I take it preferences should be encouraged to be ignored for a preference-based social?
Where do I sign-up for all those couples and single fems socials I keep missing?