Regular bashing (warning, may cause offence)

18 Jul 2005

:scared: Ok, deep breath, here goes:
Seems to me that there is a lot of regular bashing/baiting going on.
By this I donâ€™t mean in any sexual senseâ€¦although Iâ€™m sure it does go on smile

Iâ€™m not sure how this thread will be taken, Iâ€™ll probably come in for a lot of abuse. I'm not trying to cause offence....honest!
Since my return Iâ€™ve seen lots and lots of newer people join the Forum. This isnâ€™t a bad thing by all means as this isnâ€™t a closed community, itâ€™s for everyone but when some people start moaning after 1 or two posts it does become somewhat infuriating.
I usually try to refrain from making any remarks on the said threads as itâ€™s probably the reaction that they wantâ€¦. But it really is getting to the stage now where at least once a day there is a thread about regulars being cliquey or asking how to post an ad etc. I know everyone is there to help but if people just read the help thatâ€™s given we could all enjoy this place a lot more.
The simple conclusion to the problem is (in my humble opinion):
If you donâ€™t like the site, go away
If you donâ€™t like that fact that some people are regular posters on here, either become a regular poster yourself or go away
If all you want to do is bitch and moan that you canâ€™t find anyone to shag, either take the advice given or go away.
Quite a few of the newbieâ€™s come across as decent people who just want to get to know people but then a lot are also complete idiots who like causing reactions or who want a shag now or theyâ€™ll moan about it.
We are all adults, we all have the ability to read through the threads for advice or the stickies for a mentor (excellent idea) etc etcâ€¦.. Use the information that is around you and you may well see that the regulars tolerate you more.
All information that a new member needs to know is on the site so there should be no need to place pointless threads asking how to do this and how to do that, therefore giving the Mods more work to do. Iâ€™m not trying to be unhelpful but I had to learn and so did everyone else!
Iâ€™m not having a go either (though it may come across that way), Iâ€™m just trying to point out how Iâ€™m feeling right Iâ€™m rambling now so Iâ€™ll conclude by saying that I really enjoy being a member of this site and Iâ€™m not criticising how itâ€™s run or anything. For the most part the topics raised and discussed are interesting, funny, sad etc etc but there are the few who spoil it for everyone else.
:)

18 Jul 2005

You can breath now.

18 Jul 2005

:shock: has that been simmering for long

18 Jul 2005

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
All I will add (for now!!) is will everyone, regular or newbie, please read this:
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/15156.html

18 Jul 2005

No chance of a quick shag then, onlyyou1981 ?

18 Jul 2005

well said Kelly biggrin

18 Jul 2005

ok this is how i see it from my point of veiw as a newbie. joining this site is like starting a new job every1 else knows each other and gets on talking, sharing jokes about previouse experiances etc. as a new guy you are talked to politly but you still feal a litle sidlined, but as time progresses and you talk more to poeple if you fit in you are gradually accepted you meet more poeple you get freindlier with them, you form your own groups of freinds and join others, before you know it your one of the gang and you have the time of your life. until some new guy comes along asking dumb questions anoying you and you forget that was you not so long ago......

18 Jul 2005

A few months ago there was a lot of newbie and nerdy bashing. It seems very easy to do. The newbie declares they are either unhappy or make a complaint of some kind, usually very similar in all posts. Then the oldie moves in and sets up an argument.
There are some who can't resist working the opportunity for more than its worth. And unfortunately they are rather predictable and repetitive in their timing, and construction.
There have been some interesting debates involving heated discussion. So what, sometimes a good row gets results. Sometimes the point is lost in the baiting habit and a good intelligent conversation goes down the pan. Usually of the sort that would have benefitted the baiters the most.
Also, not everything is picked up. There have been some very good responses and arguments that just don't get seen by the other 'more experienced' posters. That's why I don't really agree with the concept of digging out an old posting. Sometimes things need to be discussed with the people at hand. That's what a real here and now conversation is anyway.
I don't think it is really malicious the baiting thing, just a bit boring and predictable.

18 Jul 2005

Quote by duncanlondon
I don't think it is really malicious the baiting thing, just a bit boring and predictable.

True.
Let the games begin. School hols are how many weeks away now?
Think I'll start buying the paper in to read instead rolleyes

18 Jul 2005

At least we have mentors now, newbees can ask for one and then bounce all 'silly' questions off them. Like having a friend show you the ropes, it works...

18 Jul 2005

Yeah... don't think its "regular-bashing" as such - just impatience at trying to break into a close-knit community. It takes time, effort and sincerity. Its not malicious, just frustration.

19 Jul 2005

As a "newbie" of 2-3 weeks, I have always tried to read as much as possible on here. I think that's the best thing to do. Read as much as you can, get a feel of what people are like, and then gradually start to post responses when you feel it's appropriate. It's like getting into any new circle of friends, workmates, etc. it's difficult, but you should ease in gently when you have found out what the etiquette is.
I do think that a group like this is difficult to get started with. I guess the nature of it means that we all tend to be a little uncertain when we arrive here.
My advice to any other new people would be:
watch...read...find out... think it through...then join in
the natives seem friendly enough so far smile

19 Jul 2005

That is a new way of looking at it, I hadn't thought of it like that.
I now have visions of people stumbling across a walled city, and instead of wandering round trying to find the front gate, where there are tour guides and hoardes of maps, leaflets about places to go and people to see, they just decide to bash straight through the walls. - and wonder why people get upset when they moan about how thick the walls are! dunno

Of course the walls are thick - that's why we built a bloody gate! rolleyes

We should call it 'The walls of Jericho' approach to joining a forum. :twisted:
*Kat wanders off to build yet another new pigeon hole in the SH post office called 'Joshuas'*
lhk
Kat
Kat edit - Another vision:
There is a party in full swing in the north wing of SH towers, right up against the city walls, much mirth and merriment and riotous discourse. When suddenly there is a loud rumbling and crashing, ornaments fall off shelves, pictures fall off the wall, dust and plaster everywhere. Is it an earthquake? Is the swinging world coming to an end? Is Jags shagging upstairs?
Then suddenly, a hole appears in the wall, and through it appears a begrimed and dusty newby. With a big smile on his face the newby announces:
"Lo, I am arrived ! "
Through the silence broken only by the sound of rabbits buzzing away to themselves and making patterns on the floor, seeming like living creatures trying to get away from the chaotic manifestation before them, the voice of a regular booms across the room.
"Why didn't you use the Bloody gate"
The smile crumples from the newbies face, like the last wrapping paper, from the last present given on the last christmas, on the last day of the world.
"There's a gate? I didn't think to look ..."
lhk
Kat

19 Jul 2005

Quote by KitKat
We should call it 'The walls of Jericho' approach to joining a forum. :twisted:
*Kat wanders off to build yet another new pigeon hole in the SH post office called 'Joshuas'*
lhk
Kat

So that's why I sometimes think I'm going deaf - it's all those bluddy (TM MISSCHIEF) trumpets blowing! lol

:lol:

19 Jul 2005

As a newbie, I say to my fellow newbies, quit the moaning, you are not going to make friends by whinging!
Give it time......personally a quick shag is not what I'm after, (although it would be nice :twisted: )
I don't fancy jumping into Bed with a perfect stranger, getting to know someone first make sthe experience 10 times better.

19 Jul 2005

A couple of weeks ago on the 'Moderator bashing' thread a suggestion was made that people who join the site should have a cooling off period of say a week before they can start posting. This would give the determined ones the chance to do all the reading they needed and would probably cause all the one-post wonders to buzz off before hit the one post mark - thereby saving the mods a lot of work and the rest of a good deal of irritation. The site remains free but you have to pay yer dues so to speak.
There are pros and cons associated with this but it could solve a lot of the problems. (If the cooling off period was the length of the school holidays lol

it might solve another aspect wink

)
(OK it was me that suggested it but I didn't want to seem too insistent)
What do people think of the idea?
Good thread Onlyme!

19 Jul 2005

right. I better be off for the week then wink

19 Jul 2005

Quote by westerross
A couple of weeks ago on the 'Moderator bashing' thread a suggestion was made that people who join the site should have a cooling off period of say a week before they can start posting. This would give the determined ones the chance to do all the reading they needed and would probably cause all the one-post wonders to buzz off before hit the one post mark - thereby saving the mods a lot of work and the rest of a good deal of irritation. The site remains free but you have to pay yer dues so to speak.
There are pros and cons associated with this but it could solve a lot of the problems. (If the cooling off period was the length of the school holidays it might solve another aspect )
(OK it was me that suggested it but I didn't want to seem too insistent)
What do people think of the idea?
Good thread Onlyme!

Tune that is a bloody great idea.
It would also mean that people would read threads and have an understanding of them.
MikeC

19 Jul 2005

Quote by onlyme1981
I know everyone is there to help but...

I'm not here to help, I don't think anyone is here to help, they just do, because they are like that.

Quote by Good Wood
As a newbie, I say to my fellow newbies, quit the moaning, you are not going to make friends by whinging!
Give it time......personally a quick shag is not what I'm after, (although it would be nice :twisted: )
I don't fancy jumping into Bed with a perfect stranger, getting to know someone first make sthe experience 10 times better.

Quit yer moaning.
Sorry, not much point to this post really, so what's new?

19 Jul 2005

marmalaid, was I moaning?? I don't think so. As for poinless posts here's another for you;
Pointless Post rolleyes

19 Jul 2005

Quote by KitKat

Kat edit - Another vision:
There is a party in full swing in the north wing of SH towers, right up against the city walls, much mirth and merriment and riotous discourse. When suddenly there is a loud rumbling and crashing, ornaments fall off shelves, pictures fall off the wall, dust and plaster everywhere. Is it an earthquake? Is the swinging world coming to an end? Is Jags shagging upstairs?
Then suddenly, a hole appears in the wall, and through it appears a begrimed and dusty newby. With a big smile on his face the newby announces:
"Lo, I am arrived ! "
Through the silence broken only by the sound of rabbits buzzing away to themselves and making patterns on the floor, seeming like living creatures trying to get away from the chaotic manifestation before them, the voice of a regular booms across the room.
"Why didn't you use the Bloody gate"
The smile crumples from the newbies face, like the last wrapping paper, from the last present given on the last christmas, on the last day of the world.
"There's a gate? I didn't think to look ..."
lhk
Kat

Blimey Kat, i don't use that many words in a week! look forward to reading your first novel

19 Jul 2005

Great analogy Kate.
'Use the bloody gate' should be the SH motto for the summer!
lol

:lol:

19 Jul 2005

Quote by Jags
Great analogy Kate.
'Use the bloody gate' should be the SH motto for the summer!
:lol:

I think we'd understand it, but say that to a newbie and confusion and riot will follow methinks!! :lol:

19 Jul 2005

Quote by angelnn66
As a "newbie" of 2-3 weeks, I have always tried to read as much as possible on here. I think that's the best thing to do. Read as much as you can, get a feel of what people are like, and then gradually start to post responses when you feel it's appropriate. It's like getting into any new circle of friends, workmates, etc. it's difficult, but you should ease in gently when you have found out what the etiquette is.
I do think that a group like this is difficult to get started with. I guess the nature of it means that we all tend to be a little uncertain when we arrive here.
My advice to any other new people would be:
watch...read...find out... think it through...then join in
the natives seem friendly enough so far

well said,new myself and enjoying the forum. biggrin

:D :D

19 Jul 2005

i think it was a very well thought out post... it will be interesting to see how many "newbies" heed the advice..... or whether the "bull in a china shop" approach is hear to stay.... biggrin

:D :D :D
sean xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

19 Jul 2005

As newbies ourselves we have never really had any bashing etc,
We think you just have to jump in feet first and go with the flow, the worst thing is when you post it's a bit scary but people just seem to get used to you. After a bit.
for e.g we posted on the for a giggle post about other peoples avatars, and someone suggested under us that dumbo had pink ear muffs did i take offence No
I just did not eat for a week and have broken my stairmaster :upset:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

19 Jul 2005

Quote by hotcoupleincar
As newbies ourselves we have never really had any bashing etc,
We think you just have to jump in feet first and go with the flow, the worst thing is when you post it's a bit scary but people just seem to get used to you. After a bit.
for e.g we posted on the for a giggle post about other peoples avatars, and someone suggested under us that dumbo had pink ear muffs did i take offence No
I just did not eat for a week and have broken my stairmaster :upset:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

Yup and Dumbo was an african elephant wasn't he?? :lol: :lol:

19 Jul 2005

is that a compliment as i can't remember which one has the bigger ears
Wish i could have been under you tune as it would have been a far easier one

19 Jul 2005

Quote by hotcoupleincar
for e.g we posted on the for a giggle post about other peoples avatars, and someone suggested under us that dumbo had pink ear muffs did i take offence No
I just did not eat for a week and have broken my stairmaster :upset:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

ops: erm.....that were me......erm....sorry! I was trying to be funny...i'll get me coat.... bolt

PS Good job I didn't say what I was originally gonna say.... ;)
PPS Nice tits though!! :rascal:

19 Jul 2005

Seeing as though I posted the thread I thought Iâ€™d add a few opinion to comments made.

Quote by niceguy27
ok this is how i see it from my point of veiw as a newbie. joining this site is like starting a new job every1 else knows each other and gets on talking, sharing jokes about previouse experiances etc. as a new guy you are talked to politly but you still feal a litle sidlined, but as time progresses and you talk more to poeple if you fit in you are gradually accepted you meet more poeple you get freindlier with them, you form your own groups of freinds and join others, before you know it your one of the gang and you have the time of your life. until some new guy comes along asking dumb questions anoying you and you forget that was you not so long ago......

Not like starting a new jobâ€¦. Much much worse! smile

Seriously thoughâ€¦like I said before, all the info is here to find. There is no need to ask â€œdumbâ€ (you said it) questions in the forum.

Quote by duncanlondon
I don't think it is really malicious the baiting thing, just a bit boring and predictable.

I donâ€™t think itâ€™s malicious eitherâ€¦. Probably a mixture of people either wanting to get noticed or not bothering to read.
Personally I think if people really wanted to make a go of things on here and stick around then they would read through the site, see whatâ€™s acceptable, see what help is offered etc etc and then ask a question if they still canâ€™t find the help or guidance theyâ€™re looking for.
I also know I have the choice whether to read the particular annoying threads or not but when the 1st page of the forum looks like an FAQ itâ€™s kind of hard to ignore.
Anyway, thatâ€™s enough from me, Iâ€™ve made my point.
Have fun, now.
biggrin