Rejection, how do you eat yours??

11 Aug 2007

How do you handle the rejection that goes hand in hand on a site such as SH?
Inevitably not everyone will be everyone's cup of tea and there is always a chance the couple you have mailed will not like the look of you.
Now we realise that not everyone using the site is that concerned (by their own admission on their adds ie age size looks not important), by the way possible sexual/ swinging partners look.
We however are quite into physical attraction and do tend to gravitate our search toward adds that say "attractive, younger couple" etc or say that they are looking for "other attractive people" as we personally think that physical attraction is a huge part of our swinging meet ups!!
Now then, we consider ourselves in the "above averagely to very attractive" category (we are also very modest lol

) and we would not swing with people just because we got on with them, but thats a choice we make and cant really be criticised for, like we wouldn't criticise those that did swing with the attitude of "age,size,looks not important" we are all in here for different things!!
We have recently had a pretty shocking thing happen in our opinion, a couple we either mailed (or mailed us cant remember)came online and said "we have no photos only webcam" ok we thought, an said "stick the webcam on an we will put our pics on the side an have a fem/fem chat etc on the phone as we dont cam."
They said "we want u to SEND pics first" which we then thought oh yeah another pic collector ehy as they were clear on the side of the msn box!!!!
after a bit of confusion and a few, are u actually genuine type stuff and us getting negative vibes (does anyone else get them an u cant put ur finger on why?) we said "look we will ring u send us your number" to the reply "we are shy" we were just about to block and delete an Miss srne said "il ring an if its a bloke il tell him what i think of him", to out suprise a female answered an confirmed they were using SH :shock:
They then said we will put the webcam on an did so, just as the door went and our window cleaner (lovely bloke but could talk a glass eye to sleep) was there for his money for the windows........
when we came back upstairs there was loads of stuff on there saying "why did u turn off, why u ignoring us, what is ur fu*king problem etc etc etc" and a text on the mobile saying "why ignore us just tell us ur not interested for f*c% sake!!
i text back to tell them what happened and they returned with ahost of expletives too blue for such a "family website" as SH :lol:
Then online we got the same thing Fing this an Fing that,........
So to the actual point of the thread have u ever had anyone turn nasty if u have "rejected them" or not replied to a PM etc??

11 Aug 2007

I have never had the oppertunity to reject anyone rotflmao

11 Aug 2007

Quote by Srne
So to the actual point of the thread have u ever had anyone turn nasty if u have "rejected them" or not replied to a PM etc??

I have lost count of the number of times I have been called a fat, ugly, lesbian, bitch. I take pains to point out that am , in fact, bi :lol2:

11 Aug 2007

yes people have turned nasty,people who youve known for ages etc via chatroom and always had the crack with them,they suggest a date to meet and because of various problems and hardships you cant make the meet they freak out and go all "mintrel" why do people get so worked up about this? rejection online or via mobile is a lot easier than face to face so i just dont understand it all.

11 Aug 2007

Quote by BiWelshMinx

So to the actual point of the thread have u ever had anyone turn nasty if u have "rejected them" or not replied to a PM etc??

I have lost count of the number of times I have been called a fat, ugly, lesbian, bitch. I take pains to point out that am , in fact, bi :lol2:
So what's the accepted procedure if someone is this nasty? Is it classed as abuse, and therefore warranting of a pm to admin? Or do we just laugh it off?

11 Aug 2007

Quote by Cherrytree
...So what's the accepted procedure if someone is this nasty? Is it classed as abuse, and therefore warranting of a pm to admin? Or do we just laugh it off?

I'd personally give as good as I got. A brief slanging match via pm could be viewed as therapeutic by some people?
I'd probably only consider pm'ing admin/mod if they continued to be a regular pest and didn't take the hint.
Fee
XX

11 Aug 2007

Quote by Cherrytree

So to the actual point of the thread have u ever had anyone turn nasty if u have "rejected them" or not replied to a PM etc??

I have lost count of the number of times I have been called a fat, ugly, lesbian, bitch. I take pains to point out that am , in fact, bi :lol2:
So what's the accepted procedure if someone is this nasty? Is it classed as abuse, and therefore warranting of a pm to admin? Or do we just laugh it off?
That's a personal decision I think Cherry.
I get more abuse as a Chat Op, so maybe that makes me a bit more resilient? I have to be honest and say, I laugh most of it off. I don't have time to reply to every pm, but I try and respond either way to those who seemed to have made an effort. If I get an arsey reply I tend to move on and think nothing of it.I understand this may be easier for me than others, so if someone is abusive to you in pm, please report it to a Chat Op (names in purple) A Forum Mod (names in green) or Admin (names in dark red).
lol

11 Aug 2007

Quote by LadyFeeBee
...So what's the accepted procedure if someone is this nasty? Is it classed as abuse, and therefore warranting of a pm to admin? Or do we just laugh it off?

I'd personally give as good as I got. A brief slanging match via pm could be viewed as therapeutic by some people?
I'd probably only consider pm'ing admin/mod if they continued to be a regular pest and didn't take the hint.
Fee
XX
:thumbup:
Sounds good to me. I'm sure the majority on here are capable of dealing with twats via pm quite admirably without having to report each instance to admin. If it becomes an ongoing problem then report it.
With regards to rejection......I'd prefer a simple No thank you very much. I'm a big boy. I can handle it.
:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

11 Aug 2007

Quote by the_Laird
With regards to rejection......I'd prefer a simple No thank you very much. I'm a big boy. I can handle it.
:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Me to, then I sob and sometimes they take pity and hold me tight.

11 Aug 2007

If a person cant take rejection, then they really should stop and think why they are here
I have been rejected by people, it goes with the territory, there could be any number of reasons, but a no now, could be a "you got anything planned for munch" later on, because now the interest is known, a person can read posts, see them in a chatroom, see them at munches, and get a different viewpoint.
This is a community where no means no, thats not to say that its also never say never, just dont force the issue, there could be a change of heart

11 Aug 2007

Would love to say whats rejection... But its as said just part and parcel.. Happens, not that often thankfully but can and does happen to all of us surely.
We know we have had some very very difficult nights over the 'how the hell do we say No thank you to them' especially after meeting up and having a drink and a chat and even finding them truly lovely people but just nothing grabs you sexually.. Its hard but if done in a nice enough and honest way should never cause offence.. We are happy to take a No thanks.. so long as its polite and honest!
Mike x

11 Aug 2007

never got as far as rejection dunno

live in hope lol

12 Aug 2007

Quote by essex34m
If a person cant take rejection, then they really should stop and think why they are here

Agreed.

Rejection is part of life. You can get rejected in the vanilla world not every date you go on would be successful. You can get rejected for jobs and you can even get rejected by people who love you if they are feeling low for any reason.
Could you imagine a world where everyone said yes and was all smiley smiley... I would think it was very creepy actually. :lol:

12 Aug 2007

Quote by jaymar
If a person cant take rejection, then they really should stop and think why they are here

Agreed.

Rejection is part of life. You can get rejected in the vanilla world not every date you go on would be successful. You can get rejected for jobs and you can even get rejected by people who love you if they are feeling low for any reason.
Could you imagine a world where everyone said yes and was all smiley smiley... I would think it was very creepy actually. :lol:
exactly!! i agree with Jay..rejection doesnt just have on sites like this, jobs/ dates/ blockbuster telling you the last copy of the film you wanted to see is already out!! ;)
but my view is that the problem/ difference with websites like this is that as you cannot actually see the people you are talking to, sometimes the manners/ general politenss can be lost, and that is when people are rude..
which i personally feel is wrong...everyone on here knows what the 'crack' is, and when rejection strikes (more often than not in my case sad

) individuals should at least be nice about it to each other...being on a swinging site doesnt mean you will automatically say yes to everyone/ everything...think its a shame that some people find themselves in a position where they get abuse just for not wanting to meet someone..
its like minxy says really, she makes an effort with those who are nice/ polite in their pms...politeness doesnt cost anything!!
(rant over! :P )

12 Aug 2007

I get rejected all the time. You sometimes have to take it on the chin and accept that people have their own preferences, especially when you consider they may, or may not, have sex with you.
My only rule is that people should be polite, there's no need for rudeness we all have feelings. I find that being a black guy the options are much smaller than for most, and it's something that you have to accept. There's nothing wrong with someone saying "sorry not into black guys". That's honest. What upsets me most is when people don't even respond, and think ignoring someone is polite, or making snide or hurtful remarks is the way to show disinterest.
A simple "No thanks" will do. biggrin

12 Aug 2007

What I can't understand and don't like is people ignoring you, after you have chatted to them,via chat or phone or msn, maybe even met them, then all of a sudden they dont respond to you when you say Hi.
They blank you as if you dont exist, and I am thinking....why not just say, look I've had a think about it and I dont really fancy you, not interested in meeting, and dont even really want to talk to you anymore.
Although I'm not quite sure why lack of physical attraction should exclude friendly chats or exchange of pleasantries.
Or am I alone in wanting to make and keep friends on here, and it really IS all just about shagging other people on one nighters??

12 Aug 2007

Quote by Bonedigger
What I can't understand and don't like is people ignoring you, after you have chatted to them,via chat or phone or msn, maybe even met them, then all of a sudden they dont respond to you when you say Hi.
They blank you as if you dont exist, and I am thinking....why not just say, look I've had a think about it and I dont really fancy you, not interested in meeting, and dont even really want to talk to you anymore.
Although I'm not quite sure why lack of physical attraction should exclude friendly chats or exchange of pleasantries.
Or am I alone in wanting to make and keep friends on here, and it really IS all just about shagging other people on one nighters??

No not at all bonedigger we have loads of mates on here who we dont swing with and wouldn't consider getting sexual with, what i mean is the people who actively seek to swing with you......
As in, you Pm them or them you, you start to get into the "how are u, what u looking for?" stuff, they seem nice an u then ask for a pic or whatever, and they dont look your cup of tea. We insist on seeing a face pic straight away if its a swinging meet type of conversation as we need to know if we find them attractive an then if we like the look of them, we comtinue with the possibility of trying to sort out meeting up!! Those we dont like the look of we say "we will be honest and think that we may not be suited as u are looking for X an we are looking for Y" a little white lie but better to be honest about not wanting to meet up but not that you think they are unattractive to you, if you get my meaning??
We dont want to be cruel but dont want to lead them on also.
We primarily are here for friendship an the crack we have but also to find other people we find sexy to have some good nights with, but the friends are the ones we value most!!

12 Aug 2007

Quote by aj1980
its like minxy says really, she makes an effort with those who are nice/ polite in their pms...politeness doesnt cost anything!!

So then why did I get "fuck off you useless English slag"?

12 Aug 2007

I think the hardest kind of rejection is the one which Bonedigger touched on - the friendship rejection, when you are in close contact with someone who, for whatever reason, you may or may not ever swing with but you value them as a friend.
We can all understand that when we meet someone for swinging they may not find us attractive or may just not 'click' and that is part of life. Luckily we all like different things and I hope we all realise, we may not be everyones ideal swinging partner. Swinging rejection - be honest and take it on the chin. Better being rejected than having a disasterous meet.
What I find difficult is when you have been talking to someone for ages and ages, having a good old natter (and letting out all your little secrets), you meet them and have a good old laugh (and thought they were bloody scrummy :twisted: ), but then you never hear anything from them.
Have you disapointed them? Did they find you repulsive? Do they think your a boring old fart? You just dont know and that is the hard part, have you been rejected, or is it something else. You just dont know and the longer the lack of communication goes on, the harder it is to send a pm and ask if everything is ok. confused

12 Aug 2007

Is it considered shallow to only swing with people that 'do' something for you....attractiveness wise??
If it is then I'm afraid I have to agree with srne, I like to see face pics, as I have to know if I am physically attracted, as I think this plays abig part in sex...particularly from a womans poin of view, cos I think we women are more 'emotional/mental' when it comes to sex, as opposed to physical/animal instinct of men (not lumping all men into this bracket, before I get flamed...just my observations so far lol

I was told recently that being a swinger is just 'shagging' what do you need to see piccys for, but was too much of a chicken to put across my point of view. (note to self, take assertiveness classes :lol2: )
I once had a quickie after midnight meet with a single male....with no face pic......and when he got here, he looked just like my mums toyboy....who I cant stand, as he reminds me of Mrs Mertons malcolm, and I just couldnt do it.....god knows I tried, cos he was so polite and a gentleman, but I just did not find him physically attractive, and this had a serious effect on the sex.
Having said that, we all have differing opinions on what we find 'attractive' so what might float someone boat might not do it for someone else.
I wouldnt say I was in the least bit sexy, being a BBW, and I know big women are not to most peoples tastes, but there are some people out there that think I am.......so I cant be all that bad...can I?? :lol:
now Im gonna press the submit button before I chicken out of airing my views on a serious subject!!

12 Aug 2007

I agree with Bonedigger, but I think friendship was always part of swinging. Of course there has to be an attraction as well, but it should be physical and mental.
I thought swingers were more sophisticated than non-swingers. There's no reason why we can't build friendships as well as sexual encounters.
PS
Bonedigger you can be my pin up girl cool

12 Aug 2007

i have to admit i have never been rejacted by anyone not cause im anything special cause im not lol but cause i have never asked anyone to meet me, if i like someone i wait for them to ask me and if they dont i assum they dont like me so saves any embarrassment on my part lol but i have to admit i find it very hard to say no thanx to people i dont really like and i think the more you get to know them as friends the harder it becomes.

12 Aug 2007

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
What I find difficult is when you have been talking to someone for ages and ages, having a good old natter (and letting out all your little secrets), you meet them and have a good old laugh (and thought they were bloody scrummy :twisted: ), but then you never hear anything from them.
Have you disapointed them? Did they find you repulsive? Do they think your a boring old fart? You just dont know and that is the hard part, have you been rejected, or is it something else. You just dont know and the longer the lack of communication goes on, the harder it is to send a pm and ask if everything is ok.

When you just have a feeling that you weren't up to their expectations? You still chat to them, but the chat kind of skirts around the 'do you want to or not?' question. :cry:

12 Aug 2007

Quote by Freckledbird

What I find difficult is when you have been talking to someone for ages and ages, having a good old natter (and letting out all your little secrets), you meet them and have a good old laugh (and thought they were bloody scrummy :twisted: ), but then you never hear anything from them.
Have you disapointed them? Did they find you repulsive? Do they think your a boring old fart? You just dont know and that is the hard part, have you been rejected, or is it something else. You just dont know and the longer the lack of communication goes on, the harder it is to send a pm and ask if everything is ok.

When you just have a feeling that you weren't up to their expectations? You still chat to them, but the chat kind of skirts around the 'do you want to or not?' question. :cry:
i dont mind that its the ones who never talk to you again if they dont want to shag you or you them that bug me

12 Aug 2007

Quote by Freckledbird
When you just have a feeling that you weren't up to their expectations? You still chat to them, but the chat kind of skirts around the 'do you want to or not?' question. :cry:

Oh yes, I really do want to :twisted:
wink

13 Aug 2007

Hi being a bit naive to the swinging scene, and the dreaded single male !! but have been asked for pics to be sent and never recieved a reply (rejection ?? or collectors ?? ) but would never resort to verbal abuse, I have learned there are many different types of people on here and have to deal sensibly and an open mind and they may not have the same outlook as yourself.
Tony

13 Aug 2007

Yeah single guys do get a bad press, sometimes justified, but everyone should still be polite. Guys have feelings too.
I'm happy now I've got Bonedigger pinned to my wall biggrin

13 Aug 2007

What is this "rejection" word that you are on about?

13 Aug 2007

Quote by Happy Cats
What is this "rejection" word that you are on about?

HC, you're so attractive I suppose it's something you've never had to deal with lol

13 Aug 2007

Quote by Freckledbird
What is this "rejection" word that you are on about?

HC, you're so attractive I suppose it's something you've never had to deal with lol

No he just knows it by another word - Markz!
It is disappointing if you have built up a long-term association with someone and it all suddenly falls flat - especially if they fabricate some cock and bull story trying to blame it on you. If people don't fancy playing with you, why don't they just say FFS?
I guess the trick is to raise the subject earlier rather than later before you've invested too much capital in it and see if the feeling is reciprocated. That approach runs the risk of premature rejactulation though! :wink:
.