Hi there,
Another 'newbie' here, just been reading your conversation and have to say that I agree with freckledbird.
I have been with my partner for a few months now and like yourself nunnian, was keen to try a mmf (amongst other things) but didn't think my partner would be interested in the slightest. I advertised on my own without any success at all and eventually gave up on the idea. However, whilst vey drunk I told my partner my fantasies and on new years eve we had our first mmm together. We now advertise on here as a couple and we are enjoying swinging together.
Give it a try, you might just be surprised!
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Rudeness in the chat room
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Quote by freckledbird
*gives up*
/sigh
Freckle my love I would give up. When myself and Mrpink joined the site it was through mutual agreement. After a couple of weeks of getting to know a few people on here Mrpink had second thoughts, so we obstained from using the site until we discussed it further. I have never had doubt in my mind that I wanted to swing, but mrpink did for a little while and because of this I would never go behind his back or swing on my own. As far as I'm concerned if your in a relationship, regardless of length or how serious, if you are on here without your partner knowing arranging to meet up with cpls or single people and actually going through with it, then its cheating, pure and simple.
Nunnian, Im sorry about the mini hijack of your thread, and myself and mrpink offer you a huge welcome to the site, far be it from me judge you on your reasons for being here, but I think you will find that genuine swingers may not be as friendly as you would like because of your partner not knowing about your interest in swinging. I think it is fair to say cheating is not liked very much on here.
The eternal honesty question! :lol: Kit and I took a long and hard journey on the way to swinging. We regard it as the harder option than either staying as we were, or having an illicit affair.
When a married bloke asked to swing with us, without his partners knowledge, it made us feel like we are his easy option. For us, it is not a matter of judgement, it purely and simply that it made something we felt proud to be able to do, a shabby little secret.
So we drew a line at 'no married blokes without partners consent'.
There are probably more on here that would disagree with that sentiment than would agree with it. It is a simple matter of personal choice.
lhk
Kat
Quote by pinkbubble(mr&mrs)
Nunnian, Im sorry about the mini hijack of your thread, and myself and mrpink offer you a huge welcome to the site, far be it from me judge you on your reasons for being here, but I think you will find that genuine swingers may not be as friendly as you would like because of your partner not knowing about your interest in swinging. I think it is fair to say cheating is not liked very much on here.
I have to say i agree. My hubby and i have an advert on another site the first person to answer was very nice and we hoped it would go further but as soon as he told me he had a girlfriend and she didnt know i told him i was no longer interested. After all i wouldnt like it done to me! :cry:
Ps welcome to the site anyway
Its human nature mate! I think this behaviour is common to most social groupings.
People gather together with a group of like-minded people they trust and are comfortable with. There is then a tendency to become wary of newcomers until they’ve ‘proved’ themselves by learning the jargon and showing they are OK by accepting the group’s norms.
Doesn’t matter whether it’s a football team or a work clique – they all work the same way.
Just be honest and be yourself is my advice.
On the point that you’re in a relationship and looking for outside fun. I can see why some people object to this, especially if your happy in your relationship, but it isn’t always as simple as it seems. A past girlfriend of mine was married and looking for ‘fun’ outside her marriage. When I got to know her better I learned that her husband hit her and that her need to have someone else was a step towards getting out of her relationship. She’s now separated and waiting for her divorce. Although she’s not finding it easy she at least isn’t being threatened in her own home.
And before someone says ‘its different, she’s a woman’ …. consider how many women mistreat their men (ducks quickly!)
People gather together with a group of like-minded people they trust and are comfortable with. There is then a tendency to become wary of newcomers until they’ve ‘proved’ themselves by learning the jargon and showing they are OK by accepting the group’s norms.
Doesn’t matter whether it’s a football team or a work clique – they all work the same way.
Just be honest and be yourself is my advice.
On the point that you’re in a relationship and looking for outside fun. I can see why some people object to this, especially if your happy in your relationship, but it isn’t always as simple as it seems. A past girlfriend of mine was married and looking for ‘fun’ outside her marriage. When I got to know her better I learned that her husband hit her and that her need to have someone else was a step towards getting out of her relationship. She’s now separated and waiting for her divorce. Although she’s not finding it easy she at least isn’t being threatened in her own home.
And before someone says ‘its different, she’s a woman’ …. consider how many women mistreat their men (ducks quickly!)
If my own experience of the Chat room is anything to go by, I'm not surprised the guy was put off.
I'm not what you'd call self-opinionated so I'm not pushy and anything I post in the Chat room tends to be a reply to somebody else rather than my own topic of conversation. Also, I have never gone in there and said something like "MSN me so we can cyber-shag each others brains out", nor have I ever done a PM to anyone in the chat room. I'm way too shy to do that.
Why then, was I told to talk out of my arse?
Note that I wasn't told that I was already doing just that.
There was no need for an insulting comment like that.
Frankly, it put me off the whole idea of having any fun in there.
I can get insulted just by staying home and telling my wife that her hair needs cutting.
Maybe it's just that some people can't hold their drink without having a pop at somebody for no reason whatsoever and newbies are fair game.
I'm not what you'd call self-opinionated so I'm not pushy and anything I post in the Chat room tends to be a reply to somebody else rather than my own topic of conversation. Also, I have never gone in there and said something like "MSN me so we can cyber-shag each others brains out", nor have I ever done a PM to anyone in the chat room. I'm way too shy to do that.
Why then, was I told to talk out of my arse?
Note that I wasn't told that I was already doing just that.
There was no need for an insulting comment like that.
Frankly, it put me off the whole idea of having any fun in there.
I can get insulted just by staying home and telling my wife that her hair needs cutting.
Maybe it's just that some people can't hold their drink without having a pop at somebody for no reason whatsoever and newbies are fair game.
Quote by nunnian
I take it Mr. Dee was not a welcome person....
Well to honest I went in the chat room 30 mins ago, said morning all and is anyone in from London... Not one reply and there was not many peeps in there. I will try again sometime.
ok mate I do know what you mean about that, but it changes
at first it may seem as tho you are being ignored, sometimes if the rooms quiet or fast it happens as well, as people start to recognise the handle tho they srat to respond more,
I t was my 3rd visit to the chat room before I had anything more than silence sent my way, yet I also was polite and curteous, I have now used the chatroom around 6 times and I do get to chat with people, they say hello, I say hello, we laugh and chat
its just breaking the ice that 1st time is all, yrt saying hya to a few as they join the room and that helps, people feel relaxed with people they know, and if you handle keeps appearing they feel as tho you have been around longer than you have and become more relaxed,
that dont mean go on a spammoring mission tho ( had to add that as a self defence, now the OPs wont blame me
) 
Sex God
So Kristof, what you're saying is, give it time and have a little patience. Most people would agree with that, I think. I was very quiet when I first went into chat but just kind of took it all in. I very much doubt that there is one nick, whether male, female or couple, that is welcomed with the red carpet treatment by members of the chat room when they first start going in. That doesn't mean that everyone is rude, it just means they don't know you; you have to get to know one another. After all, you wouldn't expect to walk into a pub you didn't know and expect all the regulars to come and say hi and for the staff to do anything but their normal duties, would you?
Bev
xx
Bev
xx
Sex God
Chatroom dynamics are what they have always been, in our chatroom and every other chatroom in the world. Busy rooms with lots of regular users are very fast-paced, very 'in yer face' and frankly, that's what it takes to get noticed. It's really not that different from walking into a crowded pub on a saturday night where nobody knows you. They're not deliberately disregarding you, they're just gravitating to their familiar groups. The thing to remember is that the established people were also strangers once. It does take time to become part of the furniture in a huge room like #SH, and it's not an effort I'm personally inclined to make - been there, done that, now using the T-shirt as a dish rag - but for those who persist, it has its rewards.
Ice
Ice
Firstly 
& welcome to SH nunnian,
The chatroom can be quite an intimidating experience if you are not used to it, like Frecklebird and Ice Pie (apologies if I missed anyone that said it as well) said it is a fast moving environment and most of the time it is difficult to keep up with the flow of the conversation, even for the well seasoned user
There will always be what appears to be a "clique" and that is not just in the chatroom. Alot of people that frequent the chatroom have already met at munches or other events and are like old friends. They can visualise that person sitting there typing away or actually saying what they have written. It is difficult to strike up conversations but rest assured that if you make the effort then you will reap the rewards. Now this does not mean that you will end up arranging a meet but it does mean that people will recognise you and therefore speak to you on a more frequent basis.
The topic of conversation doesn't always have to be about swinging, some of us were talking about our preference in cars last night :lol: The chatroom OP's do prefer the topic to remain a swinging one but as in life it is not possible to talk about just one thing all the time.
As for anyone being offensive of abusive, that isn't tolerated in the chatroom, the OP's are there to ensure that a pleasant and polite atmosphere is maintained and should anyone find themselves in the position where they feel threatened or abused then they can always turn to an OP for assistance.
Give it time nunnian and I am sure that you will find it to be a welcoming place, but as others have pointed out it's like walking into a new pub, you have to take the time and effort to make new friends.
Hope you enjoy your time here
Shireen
xxx
& welcome to SH nunnian,The chatroom can be quite an intimidating experience if you are not used to it, like Frecklebird and Ice Pie (apologies if I missed anyone that said it as well) said it is a fast moving environment and most of the time it is difficult to keep up with the flow of the conversation, even for the well seasoned user
There will always be what appears to be a "clique" and that is not just in the chatroom. Alot of people that frequent the chatroom have already met at munches or other events and are like old friends. They can visualise that person sitting there typing away or actually saying what they have written. It is difficult to strike up conversations but rest assured that if you make the effort then you will reap the rewards. Now this does not mean that you will end up arranging a meet but it does mean that people will recognise you and therefore speak to you on a more frequent basis.
The topic of conversation doesn't always have to be about swinging, some of us were talking about our preference in cars last night :lol: The chatroom OP's do prefer the topic to remain a swinging one but as in life it is not possible to talk about just one thing all the time.
As for anyone being offensive of abusive, that isn't tolerated in the chatroom, the OP's are there to ensure that a pleasant and polite atmosphere is maintained and should anyone find themselves in the position where they feel threatened or abused then they can always turn to an OP for assistance.
Give it time nunnian and I am sure that you will find it to be a welcoming place, but as others have pointed out it's like walking into a new pub, you have to take the time and effort to make new friends.
Hope you enjoy your time here
Shireen
xxx
Quote by satin
dont let the chat room snobs put you off this site :shock:
stick with it 99.9% of people on the forum are polite and understanding
if your not elite enuff you no chance in the chatroom
Oi.. i started out as a "snobby" chatroomer. and i'll chat to anyone. and always try and say ello to the newbies. i know how hard it was for me to get myself chatting to everyone.
main rule is to try and break into the main room chat. dont ask to go in to PMs all the time.
i know its a wierd time. but ive found the best time to use the chat is after midnight casue the room is slowly starting to calm down and you can get a word it.
Jiggle
i prefer forum's and written pm's / emails to chat rooms... chat rooms are too fast and give too little time for meaningful conversation other than quick one line quipps and piss taking... good fun if you arange a chat in advance with a couple of people... totally hopeless to make friends from cold calling.
on the married and cheating thing... everyone to their own... two of hubby's fav sayings... shit happens & all's fair in love and war.
on the married and cheating thing... everyone to their own... two of hubby's fav sayings... shit happens & all's fair in love and war.
Quote by Jo&Will
Does this site not welcome new peeps, beginners?
I'm really sorry to sound stupid but what does 'peeps' mean? is this a general term for people on swinging heaven? We are new to the SH chatroom and forums too!
Once again.... sorry for sounding silly! lol
Yes we do welcome new peeps (peeps = people). It's just trolls we don't like!
Quote by satin
dont let the chat room snobs put you off this site :shock:
stick with it 99.9% of people on the forum are polite and understanding
if your not elite enuff you no chance in the chatroom
What a ridiculous comment to make! Total B/S!Implying that snobbery and elitism in the chat room exists is very offensive to those of us that use it.
We do not ignore new users if they are courteous and follow the rules, but some insist on pm'ing without asking first (and there is a reason why they must) and then some get abusive when they are warned by the OPs not to do it again.
Most single guys that come into the chat room quickly establish themselves as genuine people and are accepted as such by the whole community.
Maybe a closer look to home is in order here.
Sex God
Quote by Wishmaster
dont let the chat room snobs put you off this site :shock:
stick with it 99.9% of people on the forum are polite and understanding
if your not elite enuff you no chance in the chatroom
What a ridiculous comment to make! Total B/S!Implying that snobbery and elitism in the chat room exists is very offensive to those of us that use it.
We do not ignore new users if they are courteous and follow the rules, but some insist on pm'ing without asking first (and there is a reason why they must) and then some get abusive when they are warned by the OPs not to do it again.
Most single guys that come into the chat room quickly establish themselves as genuine people and are accepted as such by the whole community.
Maybe a closer look to home is in order here.
I believe the chat room to be much better than it used to be... apparently
I think i'll add my thoughts...
I'm in the room most days winding people up and having fun...
but i wasnt always chatted to and its nearly a year since i've been here.
like any meeting of people you have to get to know them over periods of weeks or months and then meet them at munches etc.
If you come in again nunnian ...... look out for me (or one of my disguises)
and i'll talk to you...
as long as Matron will let me
I'm in the room most days winding people up and having fun...
but i wasnt always chatted to and its nearly a year since i've been here.
like any meeting of people you have to get to know them over periods of weeks or months and then meet them at munches etc.
If you come in again nunnian ...... look out for me (or one of my disguises)
and i'll talk to you...
as long as Matron will let me
Sex God
Quote by Wishmaster
dont let the chat room snobs put you off this site :shock:
stick with it 99.9% of people on the forum are polite and understanding
if your not elite enuff you no chance in the chatroom
What a ridiculous comment to make! Total B/S!Implying that snobbery and elitism in the chat room exists is very offensive to those of us that use it.
I don't see why it should cause offence. It's someone's personal observation, and it's an observation that has been made by a great many people. If a hundred people told me I was rude, I'd probably think it was a good idea to have a look at myself and ask what I was doing to make them think that.
