It's easy enough to say yes to a meet, but what if you get there and you don't fancy the other person / people, and they show that they're very keen on you or just come onto you?
I have found in the past, when swinging as a single that I find it difficult to say no in person, and just went through with it regardless, so I became very fussy with my screening beforehand.
My OH is far more direct, and while it hasn't happened yet I know he'd just say no after drinks or something if it wasn't a go for him or I. At clubs he's able to say no to people if he sees that I don't like them, but I have let quite a few people I don't fancy grope me or touch me because I don't know how to say no and my OH hasn't seen.
It's not a big problem anymore, but I would like to know how others handle it?
We swing as a cpl for lots of reasons. one is strength of character..
I have no issues with being direct, much prefer honesty. I can do honesty when I wish to without being offensive,
i've stopped play once.. wasn't nice. would I do it again? hell yes, I don't have issues with telling people.. I find how they react often to be the issue, i would never dream of asking '' why aren't we suitable?'' or ''what's wrong with us?'' yet we get that all the time .. usually followed by abuse or some derogatory comment about us being soft swingers any way etc etc.. all very childish and just goes to reinforce our belief we have had a lucky escape.
If people still cant take no for an answer and we are together in a play room or here perhaps then id get ultra defensive and start seeing things way beyond the world of swinging and into a far nastier world we call sexual abuse and react accordingly.
staggy
brucie so do we .. but know of several occasions where we have heard this happen..
We do a lot of diving and I also instruct as well during bigger dives any person can call the dive any time with no explanation needed even if just feeling uncomfortable I know this is different but perhaps if that rule was put in place before hand I don't know mite help ? Not that we know a great deal as we are just looking to start out, just thought another prospective mite help
Surely if it doesn`t feel right then "no thanks" is the only way to go.
You can`t like everyone you meet, it doesn`t happen in everyday life that we all get on with each other and I think if you meet someone in the nsa context then it is easier still to say thanks but no thanks
I don't very often say no, but if I do I don't make any bones about it...if asked why? (it happens) I just say sorry it just isn't working for me ....even though I'm probably standing there with an erection I still get seperation from the unwanted party fairly quickly. Trust your instincts and be bold.
I was at a party and turned down a lady, she was drunk. To drunk.
It would not have felt right to let things go on.
if meet in a bar or simular situation, then I tell them about the 5 min rule.
About an hour in, I say i am going to the tiolet. I will be 5 mins...and not a min earlier. I tell them, that if they wish to leave, then no problems and no hard feelings. Equally if I don't return after 5 minutes I have gone. Once again no hard feelings. This gives all parties the opportunity to leave, and not have a confrontation or difficult and embrassing situation.
If you all there when you return, then you also all know, that all is compatible and you can move onto the next leg of the adventure !!!
Always worked well...for me !!
I think in clubs and at parties you just have to call it as you see it and be bold and just say "No thanks" or "We're good on our own at the moment". Mrs Fun and I have a number of phrases that have hidden meanings so that we can communicate in front of people and know where we both stand with the situation.
Private meets are a little more difficult. If we are visiting a couple, we have now started explaining in the old pre-meet messages to the couple that if we have not made our excuses to leave in the first hour of the meet (which is usually a drink, chat and relax time) that they can then be as forward as they like without fear of rejection. During the first hour Mrs Fun and I would have had our little secret conversation and know that each other is happy to play. We ask visiting couples to use the same sort of guidelines and that we will not be offended if they choose to leave early.
I just politely say that I don't think there's the right sexual/physical 'click'. I'd much prefer someone to say the same thing. Sometimes you can click online but when you talk on the phone or meet in person it just isn't right.
we are yet to have our first meet but we hope that if and when it hapens that we all get along and we do not worry to much about looks as we find that a bit vain. what we are looking four is that all of us get on.
