My other half refuses to be sexually adventurous as she doesn't want to feel like a slut. Is this normal? I know that you lot are quite sexually adventurous so maybe you could give some advice, I don't want her to do anything she doesn't want to do, but at the same time I would like us to be a bit more outgoing in things.
Maybe the 6 black guys that I ordered for her birthday with 12" cocks was going a bit to far, I dunno.
Any advice? Tips? Offers for untouched black guys?
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Scared of feeling like a slut?
Sex God
Quote by Jawnathan
My other half refuses to be sexually adventurous as she doesn't want to feel like a slut. Is this normal? I know that you lot are quite sexually adventurous so maybe you could give some advice, I don't want her to do anything she doesn't want to do, but at the same time I would like us to be a bit more outgoing in things.
Maybe the 6 black guys that I ordered for her birthday with 12" cocks was going a bit to far, I dunno.
Any advice? Tips? Offers for untouched black guys?
Okay. Not entirely sure if this is a serious question or all a bit tongue in cheek?
If you are being serious then I would suggest that the bits of your original post I've highighted speak volumes.
If she really doesn't want to do something, you can't force her. You can't make her into something she isn't.
I would say that communication is the key. Talk. But hey, I'm crap at relationships so who knows!!
Not at all tounge in cheek, it just strikes me as rather silly when you have been together 2 years that a reason for keeping sex plain and simple is that you dont want to feel like a slut.
Shirely its ok to be a slut with a partner? I suppose it depends on your definition of a slut, but I mean surely its ok to act like a nympho with your other half?
/confused
Shirely its ok to be a slut with a partner? I suppose it depends on your definition of a slut, but I mean surely its ok to act like a nympho with your other half?
/confused
Quote by Jawnathan
An example, I brought her a platinum rampant rabbit, and she has never used it for this exact reason.
Despite all the girls at ann summers saying its worth every penny when I asked them about it.
At a guess I'd say it has a lot to do with her upbringing. It's not unusual for parents to instil in kids the idea that sex is wrong or dirty. As kids they believe this but as they grow older they start to understand that it isn't necessarily so but they then become torn between what they were taught and what they feel. That's where guilt arrives and starts eroding at any inroads into sexual freedom.
Unfortunately it's a long uphill battle to reprogram someone like that. A lot of the time it isn't possible and attempts to do so just result in total shutdown. Having said that it isn't an impossible task either.
The name of the game is slow steady steps at her pace. But know that no matter how much patience and effort you put into it you may find that you are hitting a stone wall. Only you can see how successful you're going to be.
Persuasion is NOT the name of the game. Introduce very slowly little things that increase the perceived 'risque' activities. Perhaps do it in a different room. perhaps in the car whilst it is in the garage. On the kitchen table. Whilst she is on the phone doing her best to keep a steady voice. You get the drift I'm sure.
I reckon it will be a long time if at all that you will get to the swinging stage if the example of the rabbit is anything to go by.
But you never know, it may just take one little thing to open her Pandora's Box and it'll be you asking her to back off
maybe you have different sex drives or incompatible sexual ideologies?
This can be a big problem and is something myself and miss srne have ourselves been through and still crops up.
The best way is like another poster mention, communication. If your not getting what you want discuss other ways that this can be achieved like compromise etc, if this isn't possible then maybe re-evaluate you compatibility and relationship. Seems drastic but better to seperate than you be unhappy and unfulfilled and she be feeling that she cant conform to you ideals and expectations??
This can be a big problem and is something myself and miss srne have ourselves been through and still crops up.
The best way is like another poster mention, communication. If your not getting what you want discuss other ways that this can be achieved like compromise etc, if this isn't possible then maybe re-evaluate you compatibility and relationship. Seems drastic but better to seperate than you be unhappy and unfulfilled and she be feeling that she cant conform to you ideals and expectations??
I’d agree with NolanD communication is the key. Not wanting to do something because of our self-judgments define a great deal of human inactivity. We judge and respect people by what they do, but we also judge and respect ourselves by what we do.
Everyone sets themselves limits, lines they won’t cross. Even on a liberal site like this everyone has boundaries which, if they were coerced into crossing might make them feel uncomfortable, abused and feel a loss of respect.
I think what your partner is feeling is totally understandable, and natural – and so I suppose you could say yes, it is normal. But remember boundaries are fluid there are some things I will never do, but many things I will only do when the time, people and places are right, and I feel safe. Keep talking, and listening.
Disclaimer: As an existentialist, I could of course be totally wrong.)
Everyone sets themselves limits, lines they won’t cross. Even on a liberal site like this everyone has boundaries which, if they were coerced into crossing might make them feel uncomfortable, abused and feel a loss of respect.
I think what your partner is feeling is totally understandable, and natural – and so I suppose you could say yes, it is normal. But remember boundaries are fluid there are some things I will never do, but many things I will only do when the time, people and places are right, and I feel safe. Keep talking, and listening.
Disclaimer: As an existentialist, I could of course be totally wrong.)
Sexlightened
i think you need to sit down and have a proper talk about this with her.
and maybe it isnt helping if you refer to such activities as being slutty.
try telling her you will love her no matter what and you just want to have some fun, and that whatever happens you wont judge her.
and maybe it isnt helping if you refer to such activities as being slutty.
try telling her you will love her no matter what and you just want to have some fun, and that whatever happens you wont judge her.
Sex God
Quote by red_dragon2006
i think you need to sit down and have a proper talk about this with her.
and maybe it isnt helping if you refer to such activities as being slutty.
try telling her you will love her no matter what and you just want to have some fun, and that whatever happens you wont judge her.
Oh no!
Jawnathan, talk to her. And talk some more. And then some. :thumbup:
Sexlightened
nobody likes to be judged!!
you know this! lol
you know this! lol
Quote by Jawnathan
Not at all tounge in cheek, it just strikes me as rather silly when you have been together 2 years that a reason for keeping sex plain and simple is that you dont want to feel like a slut.
Shirely its ok to be a slut with a partner? I suppose it depends on your definition of a slut, but I mean surely its ok to act like a nympho with your other half?
/confused
It's not ok if it makes you feel bad. She has clearly defined ideas of what's acceptable, and seems unwilling to push her boundaries.
Perhaps she doesn't enjoy sex- not saying you're doing anything wrong, but she could have had a very prudish upbringing which has left her feeling that enjoying sex is wrong. Like I did.
And don't call me Shirley.
Good luck with the talking :thumbup:
Casanova
This is the advice I gave someone in a similar situation once and he said it worked. You might like to try it.
When you have some time to sit down together, get 2 pieces of paper and 2 pens.
You write down 5 things each that you would like to do that you feel is missing from the relationship. (don't discuss while writing these, it is purely personal to the person writing).
She may come up with more hand holding or cuddling or going out for a meal, it doesn't have to be sexual. You can put in a couple of sexual things, but see if there is anything else too, like spending more time together, whatever.
Then you swap them and you both pick one or two things on the list and agree to do them. She may not pick what you want the first time, but once each goal has been achieved, you do it again and eventually she may pick the one that makes the difference.
Give it a go. It means she is still in control and is also getting something back in return. The important thing is that you do keep to your side of the deal though.
When you have some time to sit down together, get 2 pieces of paper and 2 pens.
You write down 5 things each that you would like to do that you feel is missing from the relationship. (don't discuss while writing these, it is purely personal to the person writing).
She may come up with more hand holding or cuddling or going out for a meal, it doesn't have to be sexual. You can put in a couple of sexual things, but see if there is anything else too, like spending more time together, whatever.
Then you swap them and you both pick one or two things on the list and agree to do them. She may not pick what you want the first time, but once each goal has been achieved, you do it again and eventually she may pick the one that makes the difference.
Give it a go. It means she is still in control and is also getting something back in return. The important thing is that you do keep to your side of the deal though.
Casanova
Quote by SXBOY
surely ..........
if you are comfatable with what you are doing sexually
( and its legal ! )
no one has the right to label you slut or otherwise
That's not the way it is though is it? Or we would all accomodate at home and have our faces on here.
As someone who is on the same journey as you, and been walking the path a good deal longer I can only say.
Take it slow and easy, do not push, if you push she will push back. You will end up having to cover the same ground again. Be honest, but not all at once. If you are with her for love, that is all that matters. If it is not love you are in the wrong relationship.
So, give it time, you may never have all that you want from her, but then again.
Travis
Take it slow and easy, do not push, if you push she will push back. You will end up having to cover the same ground again. Be honest, but not all at once. If you are with her for love, that is all that matters. If it is not love you are in the wrong relationship.
So, give it time, you may never have all that you want from her, but then again.
Travis
Quote by Jawnathan
Not at all tounge in cheek, it just strikes me as rather silly when you have been together 2 years that a reason for keeping sex plain and simple is that you dont want to feel like a slut.
Shirely its ok to be a slut with a partner? I suppose it depends on your definition of a slut, but I mean surely its ok to act like a nympho with your other half?
/confused
Whos she?
A lot of women I guess would feel like that, its a difficult dilema to be honest.
We all know what guys are like but women tend to have a few more morals. :shock:
Maybe thats not quite the right phrase to use, but I can understand where she is coming from.
All you can do is maybe a gentle nudge in the right direction as sometimes they need to feel ok in themselves first. Just a thought.
Sex God
Quote by kentswingers777
Not at all tounge in cheek, it just strikes me as rather silly when you have been together 2 years that a reason for keeping sex plain and simple is that you dont want to feel like a slut.
Shirely its ok to be a slut with a partner? I suppose it depends on your definition of a slut, but I mean surely its ok to act like a nympho with your other half?
/confused
Whos she? :lol
We all know what guys are like but women tend to have a few more morals. :shock:
I do hope you arent picking the poor guy up on his spelling
Morals? Wassat then ?
:lol: Quote by helnheaven
Not at all tounge in cheek, it just strikes me as rather silly when you have been together 2 years that a reason for keeping sex plain and simple is that you dont want to feel like a slut.
Shirely its ok to be a slut with a partner? I suppose it depends on your definition of a slut, but I mean surely its ok to act like a nympho with your other half?
/confused
Whos she? :lol
We all know what guys are like but women tend to have a few more morals. :shock:
I do hope you arent picking the poor guy up on his spelling
Morals? Wassat then ?
:lol: I was not...honest. It just made me chuckle. :lol:
Am sure you have some morals tucked away somewhere hel? hee hee
Sex God
Quote by kentswingers777
Not at all tounge in cheek, it just strikes me as rather silly when you have been together 2 years that a reason for keeping sex plain and simple is that you dont want to feel like a slut.
Shirely its ok to be a slut with a partner? I suppose it depends on your definition of a slut, but I mean surely its ok to act like a nympho with your other half?
/confused
Whos she? :lol
We all know what guys are like but women tend to have a few more morals. :shock:
I do hope you arent picking the poor guy up on his spelling
Morals? Wassat then ?
:lol: I was not...honest. It just made me chuckle. :lol:
Am sure you have some morals tucked away somewhere hel? hee hee
If I knew what they were, I may be able to tell you if I have some :lol:
Well we had a little chat about things last night, and she says that I am the only person she has ever felt worried about doing something wrong during sex she has never been concerned about this before, she says because I have more experience than her that she always thinks she is not good enough compared to the ex's.
At this point, I mentioned that she is the first woman to have given me full deepthroat and is able to make me cum without any involvement from me (handjob, blowjob)
She then out of the blue asks what happens at a swinging club, so I point out that people socialise and chat and if they click they might have sex, or they might just watch other have sex. She then asked if I would take her to one, but only if we did not have sex with other people there, I said sure, and she then got horny and jumped on me.......
so it continues........
At this point, I mentioned that she is the first woman to have given me full deepthroat and is able to make me cum without any involvement from me (handjob, blowjob)
She then out of the blue asks what happens at a swinging club, so I point out that people socialise and chat and if they click they might have sex, or they might just watch other have sex. She then asked if I would take her to one, but only if we did not have sex with other people there, I said sure, and she then got horny and jumped on me.......
so it continues........
Sex God
Quote by Jawnathan
Well we had a little chat about things last night, and she says that I am the only person she has ever felt worried about doing something wrong during sex she has never been concerned about this before, she says because I have more experience than her that she always thinks she is not good enough compared to the ex's.
At this point, I mentioned that she is the first woman to have given me full deepthroat and is able to make me cum without any involvement from me (handjob, blowjob)
She then out of the blue asks what happens at a swinging club, so I point out that people socialise and chat and if they click they might have sex, or they might just watch other have sex. She then asked if I would take her to one, but only if we did not have sex with other people there, I said sure, and she then got horny and jumped on me.......
so it continues........
Are you on holiday near Damascus??
.
Is being slutty a bad thing then? Maybe she thinks it is, you obviously don't (nor do I for that matter!). Your initial chat with her seems to have had positive results, so keep talking! Maybe, and this is just a suggestion - she feels more hesitant with you because she knows you're "the one" and doesn't want you to think badly of her for wanting to express her sexuality more? Let her know what a sexy woman she is, frequently! Just a thought.
Best of luck, and new adventures to you both!
Mrs F.
Best of luck, and new adventures to you both!
Mrs F.
i can understand where this posts coming from, even in the swinging scene women who are sexually open seem to get the 'slut' stigma, i hate guys who refure to woman as sluts and whores just because they arnt scared to go for what they want, even if its not ment in a nasty way, im well awear some people use this kind of chat as forplay etc but it still makes me cringe, i also think its kind of hard on here to admit you like lots of sex/people gang bangs etc and still have guys treat you respectfully, even tho we are only here for the sex i hate guys who talk to you like your just a hole to get their d**ks wet in and not like a person, i think thats why i stay away from the subject of what turns me on when i talk to men lol but if she wants to do something and is only holding back becaause of the 'slut' stigma i'd say go for it at the end of the day its only a word and if they people involved make you feel uncomfy you dont have to meet them again 
