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Self perceptions

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We all know that no matter how stunnung a woman is, she is never completely happy with herself. Men don't seem to suffer from this affliction.
So my questions to you are ......
When arranging a meet, do you, or have you ever turned anyone down because you think you are not good enough for them and feel they may be disappointed when they meet you?
If so, is this your decision or should this decision be left to the people wanting to meet you?
not so much turned them down because I ain't good enough.....but do sometimes not ask or dare to ask, as you consider them out your league.
Not for that reason exactly. I do sometimes look at profiles and think these people are so appearance obsessed we wouldent get on. I often find I dont get on too well with those types of people.
Rose totally lacks confidence in all respects.. so if it were left to her we would contact no one .. ''all too pretty for us'' mad aint she?
Quote by tweeky
Not for that reason exactly. I do sometimes look at profiles and think these people are so appearance obsessed we wouldent get on. I often find I dont get on too well with those types of people.

Me too! I try to avoid couples profiles that have 'hot' somewhere in their usernames and I dont like people who describe themselves as 'attractive' as I think that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Quote by Funlovers2009
Not for that reason exactly. I do sometimes look at profiles and think these people are so appearance obsessed we wouldent get on. I often find I dont get on too well with those types of people.

Me too! I try to avoid couples profiles that have 'hot' somewhere in their usernames and I dont like people who describe themselves as 'attractive' as I think that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
bolt
Off to proof read our profile for the words hot and attractive lol
It is a self confidence thing. I know that when we get a messages and they're a good looking couple I do have this thing of "why would they want us?" I also look at the female half of the couple and if she's really skinny, I wonder why he would want me. I kinda think that if he's used to being with a skinny girl then that's his preference?? Now, dont get me wrong, I wouldnt class myself as a BBW or even as fat and I think my face is ok ..... but I have my empty baby bag!! lol
We dont go short of meets but we could play a hell of a lot more than we do, and with some really nice couples if it wasn't for me and my issues.
So should I be turning people away because I think that they may be disappointed when they see me or just think "what the hell, they contacted us!" ??
Quote by wild rose and the stag
Rose totally lacks confidence in all respects.. so if it were left to here we would contact no one even.. ''all too pretty for us'' mad aint she?

Yep as a box of frogs I'm afraid, Rose is beautiful and has one of the best smiles I've ever seen.
Jas
XXX
Quote by Funlovers2009
It is a self confidence thing. I know that when we get a messages and they're a good looking couple I do have this thing of "why would they want us?" I also look at the female half of the couple and if she's really skinny, I wonder why he would want me. I kinda think that if he's used to being with a skinny girl then that's his preference?? Now, dont get me wrong, I wouldnt class myself as a BBW or even as fat and I think my face is ok ..... but I have my empty baby bag!! lol
We dont go short of meets but we could play a hell of a lot more than we do, and with some really nice couples if it wasn't for me and my issues.
So should I be turning people away because I think that they may be disappointed when they see me or just think "what the hell, they contacted us!" ??

Ahh, now you're getting to it, I don't 'think' you should be turning anyone away because you see yourself as disappointing them and neither should you go to the other end of the scale and think 'they contacted us so we'll fuck em regardless'
Is is disappointment? or is it that you've set the bar too high and it's a way of weeding some out, a sort of defence mechanism?
Over time we've turned down and been turned down but as time went on and we lived out some of our various fantasies we found ourselves narrowing our search field simply because we knew what we wanted and what we were looking for...which for a time works but if you're not careful you soon find yourself refusing 99/9% of invitations and for the most trivial and perhaps unfair of reasons....which if allowed to fester does eventually bring you to a point where you pretty much stop playing because nobody suits you.
Thankfully we've recognised that we've been a bit too fussy (not to be confused with desperate) and although we still have our own standards we realised that by being so fussy we're missing out on what could be good fun.
We're not the most aesthetically pleasing to the eye (thats what Andy tells me :lol: ) and neither are we super fit and body beautiful...but what we are is secure in the knowledge that we're as good as the next.
J
honestly believe this could be the reason behind most failed attempts to meet..
shes too good for us , hes too good for me,why would they want us.... and so on .. this has the makings of an excellent thread and one close to our hearts..so i will move away before i ruin it
Ok I'm now thinking that I am coming across as very insecure and seriously lacking confidence.
I am a very confident person and I have a very outgoing nature. I need this for the job that I do and I do it well. In a party situation, I can be the life and soul of the party and am not afraid to get down and dirty in front of everyone. If there is a 'hot' couple there I have no problem approaching them and it usually pays off.
It's just meets where there is going to be us and them. If we agree to a meet then again, I am confident and have no insecurities. We have never had a meet where we've refused to play or been refused and we have met some pretty stunning (in our opinion) people. It's just initial contact and deciding if we want to meet them where I have a problem and have turned many a couple away who would sooooo get it!! (much to my hubby's disappointment) lol
It's not just me then?
Quote by Funlovers2009
It's not just me then?

Certainly not, we're right there with you and I'd hazard a guess and say it's much more in attendance than you think. In some ways it may even be 'normal' lol
J
Ok not entirely swinging related, but I went through my entire life at school and uni being too self conscious and crap to speak to women I found attractive, let alone ask them out.
Thank god for the internet where I can hide behind me screen and type to people (tis how I met my wife after all!).
I reckon that has transferred though to our swinging life as *Her* seems to organise nearly all of it aside from sitting in the chat room trying to get well known enough to have people approach me at socials, rather than have to make the first move!
dunno
*Him*
Quote by couplefunuk
Ok not entirely swinging related, but I went through my entire life at school and uni being too self conscious and crap to speak to women I found attractive, let alone ask them out.
Thank god for the internet where I can hide behind me screen and type to people (tis how I met my wife after all!).

Ditto
Well my eg Mr D's thoughts on this bearing in mind I dont have many thoughts as i tend to find Mrs D can do enough thinking for the both of us are,
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and people come in all sorts of shapes and sizes which is a good thing as it would be a pretty boring life if we were all the same, so what might not be someones cup of tea could well be someone elses wonder person or couple for that matter, I think this is what makes us all individuals and why there are so many people who like different things eg, what turns one person on could well turn another person off.
if a person contacts you via an email or a poke then there must have been something in your profile that they liked enough to send a wink or email so if i was to look at there profile and think hmmm there well out of our league and we dont stand a chance then we would never get anywhere , you never know until you try is my moto, whats the worst that can happen you meet up , have a drink and nothing happens.
Also on another note sometimes it dosent have to be about looks, there can just be a spark that one thing that you just carnt put your finger on about a meet that can be so sexy and make you go pwooorrrr lol after all the best sex organ on our body's is our brain and i for one like the people we meet to at least be able to hold some sort of decent conversation first before we do anything with them.
so my answer is if you see someone and you like the look of them or fancy them or whatever give them a go, speak to them in the chat rooms or email them, you only live once and were only human whats the worst that can happen....
and on that note (Funlovers) we fancy the pants off you lol xx
Quote by Double_d07
and on that note (Funlovers) we fancy the pants off you lol xx

Awwww bless ya .... not too bad yourself wink
Get a room u2 lol :lol:
ay up ive pulled lol
bambi why get a room when the outdoors can be so much more fun lol
and trust me..Bambi knows about the outdoors...photo evidence can be provided for a small fee !!!.... lol
Quote by brucie
people find their natural place. but remember, you cant polish a turd.

oh i dunno
Quote by deancannock
and trust me..Bambi knows about the outdoors...photo evidence can be provided for a small fee !!!.... lol

:kick: smackbottom :grin: (if you get any offers, i want half) :lol:
Quote by deancannock
and trust me..Bambi knows about the outdoors...photo evidence can be provided for a small fee !!!.... lol

Lol Dean, Put a stamp on the back of the picks and sent them to me as a postcard lol
I'll even pay for the stamps for you lol