SH helpdesk assistant required - apply within.

5 Dec 2004

Lol
I would love the jobâ€¦.. consider my application forwarded.
Job applied forâ€¦..assistant to the homowanker.
Job description the going down of any â€œsteâ€™sâ€, redirection of cockies, joinging enablement, â€œendâ€ inspector and general dogsbody.
Salaryâ€¦..4 goldfish and a shag
Reason for applicationâ€¦. Where else am I going to get a job where I can dedicate my life to helping those less fortunate get laid?
As an foot note.. can I point out that the nearest spell chack can get to homowanker isâ€¦ hoodwinker! Is there something you want to tell us mark?
lol

6 Dec 2004

One way of being cheered up early on a Monday moning cheers for that biggrin

Now is there anyway we could take these people on and have a sticky of all the letters for a daily laugh

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:

6 Dec 2004

FYI: cockie is obviously a typo. You mean buggers. It is plain to me that this chap was eating jarred molluscs. Probably with a pin. (Or are they winkles?)

20 Dec 2004

Are you a bit bored Mark?? lol

20 Dec 2004

Quote by Mark
Are you a bit bored Mark??

As if! It's not boring going through the SH inbox, it's more a rollercoaster ride of despair punctuated every now and then with a derailment. Not boring at all smile

Anyways, I'm nearly up-to-date so there shouldn't be many more additions to be made to this thread today (he said).
So next time we send pics in then we know that theyll be amongst shall we say bollox confused

It almost makes me feel sane :shock: :shock: biggrin

20 Dec 2004

Well did you find that poor guy a swimming pool then?

20 Dec 2004

Erm, whats a homowanker!!

20 Dec 2004

Quote by Mark
I just received this email, and while I'm not certain we're going to be able to help the poor fellow (enough) I'm going to give you all a chance!
Subject: hello
From: (name withheld to protect the dozy)
To: Swinging Heaven
Date: Today 15:19:00
is there any swimming clubb in cardiff and the address please

Yip, just another day at the support desk rolleyes

Hands up if you want to see some more.
hahahaha Thats just so funny! C'mon it must have made you laugh at least!
Swimming club haha

20 Dec 2004

Quote by Silk and Big G
Erm, whats a homowanker!!

Keep up S or G, Mark is of course, did you not read the mans email?

20 Dec 2004

<hijack>
This has reminded me of something else I saw.
Tony Hawks, uk comedian, gets a lot of fan mail from people who think he's Tony Hawk (skateboarder).
He replies to some of it. Some of it is rather funny, in my opionion:

</hijack>

20 Dec 2004

Quote by zootle
<hijack>
This has reminded me of something else I saw.
Tony Hawk, uk comedian, gets a lot of fan mail from people who think he's Tony Hawks (skateboarder).
He replies to some of it. Some of it is rather funny, in my opionion:

</hijack>

You gottem the wrong way round, my lovver. But I guess you can't be as attractive as you are and be right all the time.

20 Dec 2004

Quote by Vix
You gottem the wrong way round, my lovver. But I guess you can't be as attractive as you are and be right all the time.

It's very clever of you to modify that quote there to make me look stupid.
smackbottom

20 Dec 2004

Quote by zootle
You gottem the wrong way round, my lovver. But I guess you can't be as attractive as you are and be right all the time.

It's very clever of you to modify that quote there to make me look stupid.
smackbottom

Ooooh! You little tinker!

20 Dec 2004

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

20 Dec 2004

<picks Mark up from floor, sits him on his swivel chair and wheechs him round a few times accompanied by two rounds of Frere Jacques>
THAT should perk him up a bit! lol

:lol: :lol:
Back to the emails now....
:P

20 Dec 2004

Quote by Mark
*loses will to live*

Even though (or maybe because of) I told you I loved you? :cry:

20 Dec 2004

I'd like to add my recent favourite before Mark deletes them all!!!

i want a copy of your rules you have really annoyed me and i might take it further
----- Original Message -----
< >
Sent: Sunday, December 19, 2004 9:22 PM
Subject: Re: (no subject)

This from some plank who broke the rules even though s/he had clicked to agree to them - and then wants US to send a copy????
lol

:lol: :lol:

20 Dec 2004

Quote by Mark
... dormez vous, dormez vous ... awww thanks for that Jags.
OK, rolling up my sleeves, there's only about 10 left - surely nothing odd hiding in there :uhoh:

My pleasure!
lol

20 Dec 2004

Quote by Mark
*loses will to live*

Even though (or maybe because of) I told you I loved you? :cry:

I thought you meant that was one of the weirdos you'd had to deal with!!!
:rotflmao:
Must have made my response seem rather odd then... redface

I've been slighted before. I can deal with it.

24 Feb 2011

I go back to this thread from time to time as it always makes me smile, many support tickets are from people that need help and we do our best, once in a while though one comes in that reminds me of this thread.
Having said that its not just support that turns up funny stuff like this, has anyone else come across something they'd like to share innocent

25 Feb 2011

Quote by st3v3
Having said that its not just support that turns up funny stuff like this, has anyone else come across something they'd like to share

Probably not Steve - they are all too busy proving the scientific correllation and differential between home and mobile phonebills, mortgages and council tax, and SH...in some other thread or two blink

Anyway - chop chop, quick to it, your site is 'dying' apparently, you'll be glad of these support tickets soon ;)

25 Feb 2011

Quote by st3v3
I go back to this thread from time to time as it always makes me smile, many support tickets are from people that need help and we do our best, once in a while though one comes in that reminds me of this thread.
Having said that its not just support that turns up funny stuff like this, has anyone else come across something they'd like to share

ooh maybe we should all go back n dig our best foot in mouth posts out... :twisted:
ours led to some great friends that are still around now.. wink

25 Feb 2011

:thumbup: good idea smile

26 Feb 2011

i like the idea of that too smile

- tag it on the end of this one or start a new thread maybe...? biggrin

26 Feb 2011

Single ticket to Nostalgia please.........

4 Mar 2011

Well I think it's quite reasonable for him to assume that Swimming Heaven would be able to help.

4 Mar 2011

My mate phoned me up to help him as he could not get sound from his desktop pc.
So I started with the usual question.
Me: Is the green plug plugged into the green socket
Him: What green plug
Me: The green plug that runs from your speakers.
Him: What speakers? Do I need speakers to get sound?
Me: Falling on floor laughing ma fat ass off. lol

Very true and yes he is a member on here too.

4 Mar 2011

Another one from same guy althou it was different day.
Him: My keyboard isnt working!
Me: Is it plugged in?
Him: I don't know I can't get to the back of the pc to check.
Me: Pick your keyboard up in your hands and walk back 15 paces.
Him : Ok Ive done that.
Me: did your keyboard come with you.
Him: Yep and there's a wire hanging down from it
Me: WELL ITS NO FUCKING PLUGGED IN lol

Thank feck hes not doing a dangerous job for a living.
Nae wonder a take a drink :lol: