I've just had my three kids for the weekend, as allotted by the separation police. Now i'd have my kids every weekend if she'd let me but blimey would i give both arms for a conversation with an adult about now!!
My point is, that I see my kids during the week and do all i can to help because its a pleasure... how do the less fortunate care givers who have very little help and have to cope alone get along?
mark
humm if only alldads were gooduns and wanted to see their kids ehh.
i raised 2 completely alone, no family around, you just do cope cause you have to, some quiet and not so quiet sobs when alone. oh and work, great to see other adults who dont want to talk about nappies etc.
these days its alot better with childrens centres around.
xx fem xx
i guess this place takes the edge off that sunday blues.
its good that you see your kids, make the most of it they soon grow up.
xx fem xx
I don't think the blokes who have no involvement are real men to be honest.
I think the above is a bit of an unfair assessment as it depends on circumstances, I've known grown men cry due to access being denied after lies told by thier wives.
Fortunately I have never been in this position so I am unable to judge.
i actually think that it should not cost if either parent ha to go to court regarding gaining access to their children.
its disgusting that some people can not actually afford to go to court, now i know some will say if they really want to see the kids they will pay whatever it costs.
but seriousely you should not have to pay.
x fem xx
It insidious how these things are arranged in the UK. The law and the like sit amongst a family and work all sorts of destructive processes. One has to feel sorry for the entire family, because the result can often be worse than the initial problems.
Well said duncan.
The mother of my children and I arranged a divorce without a lawyer because we had witnessed the hate and damage caused by involving them. As a result we maintained a dialogue and our children have grown up with equal access to both of us and we all still have a cuppa and a family laff on the odd Sunday afternoon. Im convinced that wouldn't be the case if we had involved the professionals.
There are practical issuies that come along with this as well.
I did not see my kids as much as i wanted to begin with but then we were at real logger heads splitting things up.
Now we have a very amicable relationship and shes happy to take the kids as much as I want within reason.
My problem is I dont have enough room to look after them properly, I cant get a mortgage at the moment because my money is tied up in the house my kids live in, and i cant afford a deposit or rent a larger house.
I would love to have more access so would kids and ex but practcalities are not there.
OMG, I'd love some stimulation. haha
Im a single mum of two now..... and ironically with the slagging off of solicitors, im lpc qualified.
I went from being a 20yr old intelligent law graduate to spending 4 years singing baa baa black sheep, lol. Being 8 months pregnant doing my final exams with my first and 6 months pregnant doing my second degree. From being surrounded by ambitious, knowledge hungry like minded people to a full time housewife was a definate shock to the system.
But I agree, the childrens centres are fantastic and give alot of support and fun activities.
The week is hard, and I quite often moan about the stresses and struggles it brings, but Im very appreciative that I have had the luxury of spending this precious time with them when others have to leave their new bundles and go back to work.
The legal system definately needs a total wake up call as to fathers and the old fashioned stereotype that "mother knows best". Some of the mothers I come into contact with should not be allowed even supervised access to their chil;dren, let alone full custody and at the expense of the children who could be blossoming with their need for both parents being fulfilled x
and yes, whip, i can totally relate to being alone when being "together" in a relationship..........its more lonely than being single.
I don't think the legal system should serve the wishes of mothers or fathers in instances like this.
The needs of the children should ALWAYS come first. I think that is the ideal they work to, but the process is entirely skewed in my view.
Any parent worth their salt would entirely agree with this, over legal point scoring and petty squabbles with their former partner. For some of the more selfish, I always wonder if they want custody of their children because they want to be their guiding light in life, or simply to "get one over" their former partner. It's somewhat sick to see the legal system fully exploits this lucrative market for misery.
I've been the 'primary care giver' (utterly, utterly facile, trite and soulless words, but politically correct, so I am informed) for both our kids as I work from home alone most of the time. There are times when a life filled of soiled nappies, The Tweenies, removing porridge from the dogs fur and vomit from your own ears, drives you to distraction and you can long for any semblance of adult company. And I have had the support of a lovely wife throughout that entire time who always did her fair share when she got home, if not more so, making things much easier for me.
How some people cope alone is beyond me. But I have nothing but total admiration for those who do it successfully.
I know when I had the kids on my own, I felt out of the loop when it came to baby groups, or even taking the child to the shops or out somewhere. This is mainly because all the facilities for babies are female orientated. I couldn't go into the female toilet to change the baby for example (and there is no way I'd even contemplate changing a baby in a male public toilets) and although there are several baby groups in the area, they are all "mum and tots" groups. I'm a dad, so I felt really at odds even contemplating going along to these groups. I realise the balance is changing slightly now but that was my experience. However it is far removed from that of the single parent who has nobody to share the workload with and my situation was far easier on me than theirs is to them.
I can empathise with the OP - I used to feel that way sunday evenings too, though the pain has eased over time.
My ex still tries to confound and disrupt my access - even after 10 years of separation.
when she re-married, she got even worse and now has her new "champion" to support her in vilifying me to the kids and generally making things difficult.
I was advised by a circuit judge that I would have no problem getting a court order, but that he would advise against it unless the situation is extreme. He said he sees it every day, a court order ties you in to a strict agenda, which the females typically ignore, but scream blue murder if the male has the temerity to attempt to get a variation to accommodate exceptional circumstances.
I can't understand those who don't seem to want to know their kids despite there being no barrier. And I'm personally at the whim of a now controlling embittered bitch who would rather I just disappeared off the scene now she's had most of my money.
Heigh ho
