We are about to embark on our first threesome with a guy, and it will be very difficult to make it a truly equal experience. As a married couple we clearly have a very strong bond, and although we can have lots of fun with the guy joining us, he will be, on an emotional level at least, an outsider. I think that if a single male or female decides to be with a couple, they have to accept this. It is not the same as playing with another single. This does not mean that we will treat him with disrespect or make him feel unwelcome.
With so many single males responding to ads, I must confess it is easy to feel a bit arrogant, and superior. Do others sometimes slip into this trap?
We have played with couples before and that has felt a much more balanced situation
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Sex God
Quote by Tim and Lene
With so many single males responding to ads, I must confess it is easy to feel a bit arrogant, and superior. Do others sometimes slip into this trap?
uummmm . . . going by the occasional post on here, i have a hint of a suspicion that you sure wouldn't be the first!
Venusironknickersxxx
sorry hang on a minute . . . . .
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: . . . . . i thank you for your patience. now please do feel free to carry on with this sensible discussion! :P
neil x x x
p.s. venus? who called you that? just plain nasty that is. :P
Sex God
Quote by Venus
A single swinger deserves much more than that. I personally am not comfortable with 'using' an additional partner as a means to an end, but the post doesn't surprise me. I think many single people and couples see that inviting someone to their bed as some kind of favour, and bestowing this great honour equals the right of the couple to set the tone, not the do's and don'ts par se, but the general scenario.
It's insulting, it should be a three way sexual partnership.
Maybe that's unrealistic, which is why we haven't done much!
It is unrealistic. If you think about it, most couples on here have been with each other over many years and are aware of what the other person likes.
I think to expect someone else to come into the relationship as an equal partner in the whole or just part of the relationship is quite inconsiderate to the long term partner who has been there through thick and thin and will be once the single has gone home. With a couple situation you always have the other person to consider and it is not always easy to get that bit right.
There have been times when my partner has said maybe not and I've convinced them it will be ok. It causes so much upset and hurt in the long run, it is really not worth it. On the other hand if one member of the couple gets on better with the single than the other one, then its not going to work as well as it could for all sorts of reasons, so in that respect it does have to be a three way thing.
I don't think the couple should set the tone with the activites for the meeting. I think it is up to the single and the couple to both say what they are comfy doing and what they absolutely won't do. The rest is up for negotiation. However, if you focus on one aim at a time the likelyhood of things going wrong are minimised. Neither party feels "used" as they have contributed their wants, needs and desires into the arrangements. It is everyone's responsibility to not let things go further than they are happy with, especially the couple as they have another person there to look out for them.
I do believe the same consideration should be extended to the single by the couple so if the couple get carried away with each other, the single feels able to say "this wasn't what we talked about" and the situation can be resolved. I think that is why I am prepared to play with couples I know and consider friends more than random ones who might put me in a situation which may leave me unhappy or upset.
Gem. x
Sex God
Ok my thoughts on the subject.
First of all I am a single guy and I get very nervous even going to a non Playing Event e.g Munch or Social. I have been to a number of events and i have friends at such events but i still have the jitters.
I have played with both singles and couples and to be honest the level of the jitters for me anyway is the same for both.
In replying to adds i have done but tend not to do regularly due to number of timewasters. I tend to talk to people via the chatroom and via the cafe. As I prefer people soul than to what they look like.
MikeC
First of all I am a single guy and I get very nervous even going to a non Playing Event e.g Munch or Social. I have been to a number of events and i have friends at such events but i still have the jitters.
I have played with both singles and couples and to be honest the level of the jitters for me anyway is the same for both.
In replying to adds i have done but tend not to do regularly due to number of timewasters. I tend to talk to people via the chatroom and via the cafe. As I prefer people soul than to what they look like.
MikeC
I want to echo Venus' Dr. King moment, that is exactly how we feel too and so far that is more or less what we have experienced. Ok, we are still new to this game so that may not last. 
I do think, judging by the reactions on th esingles we have swung with, that it is a lot harder for the single person in terms of nerves but my lovelier half was very nervous too so maybe it isn't. As far as the girls needing less support than the girls is concerned I would say, from our experiences, that the opposite is true. The guy we invite around one evening was far more nervous - and admitted it - than either of the single girls we have met (even though he was more experienced in the lifestyle than either of them). I don't think it has anything to do with gender or possibly even whether you are single or a couple, I think it is primarily about the individual you are. After all, not all couples are supportive of each other in the way they should be.
H
I do think, judging by the reactions on th esingles we have swung with, that it is a lot harder for the single person in terms of nerves but my lovelier half was very nervous too so maybe it isn't. As far as the girls needing less support than the girls is concerned I would say, from our experiences, that the opposite is true. The guy we invite around one evening was far more nervous - and admitted it - than either of the single girls we have met (even though he was more experienced in the lifestyle than either of them). I don't think it has anything to do with gender or possibly even whether you are single or a couple, I think it is primarily about the individual you are. After all, not all couples are supportive of each other in the way they should be.
H
Not having swung as a single guy, I can only guess at what emotions they may go through. I would have thought that there is one pressure they must sometimes feel, the ability to perform.
In a contrived situation, the guy is usually expected to be able to “get it upâ€. I wonder if that is something that worries them beforehand?
In a contrived situation, the guy is usually expected to be able to “get it upâ€. I wonder if that is something that worries them beforehand?
Quote by little gem
It is unrealistic. If you think about it, most couples on here have been with each other over many years and are aware of what the other person likes.
I think to expect someone else to come into the relationship as an equal partner in the whole or just part of the relationship is quite inconsiderate to the long term partner who has been there through thick and thin and will be once the single has gone home. With a couple situation you always have the other person to consider and it is not always easy to get that bit right.
Hmmm, it wasn't meant to come across as pologamoury! If both partners are keen to give the single as much sexual exploritary reward as their partner, which long term partner is it being inconsiderate to? Mars and I certainly discussed it, and when he voiced this, I didn't feel he was being inconsiderate, in fact I was bowled over by just how considerate his sexual personality is. I was keen to play with the idea, and being able to cater for it is something I felt we deserved. It wouldn't happen unless I was able to be comfortable with the idea. A single person entering the bedroom is never going to develop the same kind of relationship the couple have, they will be going home at the end of the day, and can never be a part of the lovemaking (which is something we DON'T share) or history the couple have together, but as much as some single people feel that sharing intimacy with a couple can be a rewarding and profound sexual experiance, so too could the couple try to extend this to the single, especially if the couple quite get off on the idea, both of them
, that adds to the experiance we'd take away with us as a couple. Knowing that as a unit we were able to help someone else acheive a sexual moment which is important to them also.What is gained from the experiance can be very different for the couple but in our opinion, no less important just because the other has no partner, and knowing we could cater for this for another person adds to the excitement. It's about giving all involved equal reward in their sexual explorations, catering for what they want as much as another. The idea of just considering each others gain and not those of the single just turns us off.
I think it takes very good friends and the ability to develop a good threeway communication to cater for this, and we wouldn't dream of swinging with anyone until we both were able to relax with the other, after a year of being on the site, we are still socialising with people we are interested in (might have even shagged them by now if it wasn't for distance!)
Venusxxx
Another angle on the subject is single guys in clubs. It must be very difficult for them to have the courage to go an approach a couple. We have heard all about pushy guys in clubs but we haven't found this the case. Most stand around with a forlorn look in their eyes. We have been approach by a few and most have chatted politely but none have got round to asking if we were interested or not. May be they are waiting for a signal from us but we are crap swingers As we are quite shy 
As we are quite shy Quote by seagull69
May be they are waiting for a signal from us but we are crap swingers
Oh for the ability to say 'right everyone, kit off!'
Dunno about others here, but no matter how well we've all communicated, how well we all get along, there's always that moment when it's time to become hands on, and you dread the chance that as soon as you make the move, the reality is suddenly going to hugely disagree with someone, bit like work yesterday. I had to pull down a man's trousers, I made it clear what needed to be done, I communicated, but when those trousers actually came down, it was like a scene from the movie Rainman, when Tom Cruise was trying to get his brother on a plane :shock: :scared:
Should prolly make it clear at this point that the guy suffers from Alzheimer's, and I'm a nurse!
It's especially that first move point which makes me feel for the single person. Unless they are at a very high level of communication with the couple, they have noone to fall back on for reassurance.
Venusxxx
Quote by seagull69
We have been approach by a few and most have chatted politely but none have got round to asking if we were interested or not. May be they are waiting for a signal from us but we are crap swingers
We are very good at chatting to people at clubs but hopeless at saying the final "Do you want to play?" We get round this by playing in open rooms at the clubs where the norm is to just gently join in and then watch for a yes or no signal. In those situations the same tactics also work for the single guys.
