well put sexkitten,
i also don't think i could have a relationship with someone who was not interested on swinging at all, as i can't imagine myself committing to someone and therefore never doing it ever again. saying that i'm sure that in any relationship there are periods that u don't actually do any swinging and it is just a fantasy between the two of you but i could never put myself in a situation that would stop me from doing it ever again. i just wouldnt want to be in a situation where my fantasies could never become a reality.
saying that, i guess u never know where lifes going to take you and maybe i might meet someone who makes me change these views, but at the moment i can't imagine stopping entirely.
well put sexkitten,
i also don't think i could have a relationship with someone who was not interested on swinging at all, as i can't imagine myself committing to someone and therefore never doing it ever again. saying that i'm sure that in any relationship there are periods that u don't actually do any swinging and it is just a fantasy between the two of you but i could never put myself in a situation that would stop me from doing it ever again. i just wouldnt want to be in a situation where my fantasies could never become a reality.
saying that, i guess u never know where lifes going to take you and maybe i might meet someone who makes me change these views, but at the moment i can't imagine stopping entirely.
Is it easier for a woman to tell a new partner about her lifestyle or a man. Having seen the horrified look on a guys face I'd have to say its easier for a man.
H.x
excellent thread polo.
i like you have often thought why do single people announce they have found love so are now leaving the site.
i have been single most of my life, i have had brief relationships and swung in some and to be honest the others did not last , probally due to having to surpress the sexual adventure side and i got bored. I would not cheat and therfore that ment i could not swing.
i have known people who will enter vanilla relationships, and they think cuse its love they can turn their backs on this lifestyle, and they then stray or feel a part is missing and thats sad.
ideally i would like to meet a man who i connect with deeper than just sex and have that vanilla relationship , but also be swingers.
im not very good with putting this over in text. sorry.
my sexual desires and drive are high . sex is sex , love is love, sex with love is great.
i do not have jelousey within me, it is friendship and sex that is shared. the love between a established couple is different.
like i said im not making much sense.
i am a swinger and always will be, i will not become vanilla, im not vanilla. i would get bored and feel surpressed. Do i risk never finding love??? probally but i can not change who i am, if someone loves me they will have to accept this is who i am.
im not looking for love i am happy in my life, work, etc, love would be the icing on my swinging cake not the cake. therfore i can have my cake and eat it.
xxxxxxxx lou xxxxxxxxx
The question is a bit like do you like country and western? It may depend on how each individual defines 'swinging'.
1 Swinging is playing about between relationships.
2 Swinging is a way of life and part of a relationship.
3 Swinging is somewhere in between.
Take your pick of definitions and then answer the question.
For us we have swung in have not yet swung out.
Interesting topic.
As a single it has thrown a lot of questions and I've sat here ages trying to answer them!
I used to think this lifestyle was just a stop-gap while I was between relationships. I've always had fuck buddies for that purpose and that is how and why I initially joined the scene.
I've been here nearly two years and during part of that time had a vanilla relationship so took a break from the site for a while. Once we'd split up I came back again. My ex was not interested at all in swinging, in fact he went mad when I mentioned the site so I decided not to push it further. At that point I could live without the lifestyle.
Now things have changed. I feel a lot more involved in the scene. Whilst I'm not the most experienced person I have done some things I never thought I would have the chance to. There are loads more things I want to do - in my own time. I enjoy my life a lot more now and I do feel liberated!
The fact is that this is now a way of life for me. I certainly couldn't cope without the social side of things and I can't imagine not wanting or being able to to try all the things I want to do.
I'm not sure I could have a totally vanilla relationship again, I couldn't behave myself enough I don't think!
I don't see why people should treat you any differently merely because you'r being honest. I'd say you had the best of both worlds if it works, which I hope for your sake it does.
H.x
Polo Lady on my first read I thought I can answer this. Having now read all the thread this is a really hard set of questions.
I came to the site to swing - I wanted to be really open minded and let pleasure take its course but I found out I couldnt do it as a single woman. I am totally open about sex and not afraid of anything sexually. The real fear was about becoming attached in some way emotionally and I have only just got my head around that one in the last few months. It takes a long time to get over a long term relationship and I had become conditioned to feeling negative and never letting anyone really get to know me - I swung from neediness to total indifference with people and thats no basis for swinging.
I realised early on ( 2 years ago ) that if I was going to swing it would have to be within a relationship as a couple not as a single female. This has nearly happened but it wasnt swinging it was being an exhibitionist in a small way at a club lol. I felt very brave but that moment it didnt last as it was not part of a long term relationship, just a friendship buddy thing I suppose.
I have frightened vanilla men by telling them I am on this site and I havent the energy to explain that one any more lol.
The only thing I know is that having read the thread the most important thing to me it seems is that a couple has to be very very confident of their relationship to make it work - I really admire Dawn and Ian and I am proud to have them as friends . They are solid, open, genuinally in love and have made it work for them. Thats exactly what I would want swinging to be for me.
When Morbius and I met, we pretty much immediately accepted that we could never be exclusive to each other, depsite all our feelings. He'd married young and only had one partner, I'd always been into long term relationships but enjoyed casual sex. We'd much rahter give each other the blessing to be careful than be told actually I've strayed and be broken hearted and it did take a lot of soul searching to give that "permission to shag".
I didn't want to lose him, but also realised that getting out of one long term relationship into another wasn't going to satisfy "wonderlust" so we worked out a solution. The swinging bit came along later and made a lot of sense to us, neither of us at this point had actually "strayed" and we'd been together long enough to be secure and be honest with each other.
We primarily swing as a couple, but also swing singly with the right people. Could we give it up ... probably not now. Could we go vanilla? most definitely no. If we did split up for some reason then future partners would need to have a similar view on sex and relationships.
For us it's not a stop gap, but is it a lifestyle? I honestly can't answer that .... it's not the be all and end all and sex together is still the most important aspect, we don't swing all that much lately and yet our social life is primarily socials/munches and drinks with "scene" friends.
Cx
Damn. I was planning on not having to think this evening.
I've not been here long but it sounds as if the two of you are very lucky to have found each other, that you care for each other and you are honest and open with each other. Who could ask for more in life? Be happy and be well.
H.x
When I first came here, I was a single fem , fresh out of a 12 year relationship and looking for fun, looking to explore things sexually and to indulge my 'bi-side'.
A few months in and I realised that I can pretty much take or leave the swinging side of all this, and what keeps me here is the social aspect, the like-minded, open people some of whom I condider to be true friends.
I never looked on this as a 'stop gap', although I did think back then that once i'd done a bit of experimenting and fulfilled a few fantasies, I'd be able to say Right, thanks very much, I'm off now. But I cant, and I couldnt when my partner and I got back together a few months ago. So i'm not in the 'between vanilla relationships' category either, as I'm already in one!
i'm still here, on the fringes perhaps, but here. I still 'play' occasionally , and intend to continue to do so as and when it suits me. My partner has no interest in joining me in this lifestyle in terms of swinging itself, although he's fully aware of it, has met a few of my friends and reads the forums and is getting more interested in the social side..... we'll have to wait and see.
Ideally I would be here as part of a swinging couple, and the more I get into this lifestyle, the more i want it. As a single here I have to say the experience has not been what I'd hoped - yes I've had lots of fun, met loads of people and unleashed my bi-side to the point where I know I can never walk away from that.... but i've also seen how , especially the single fems, are used & manipulated by some to gain 'status' or 'seal of approval' so to speak, and by others simply because we are 'single bi-fems' and not the 'person' if you see what I mean.
Aside from all that, I can say that the 'lifestyle'' - albeit more the social than the sexual is a big part of my life, and I cant see that changing. Being bi is part of who I am - I cant ignore that and just simply go 'vanilla'. Luckily I have a life partner who understands me, and gives me enough rope to enable me to have my cake and eat it
am sure one day though I'll probably hang myself with it.
I guess could go back to vanilla because niceandgentle hasn't actually done anything yet other than post on the forum so I'm a virgin(kind of!) :P
It is possible to find it all in one person,and also possible to allow others into the sexual aspect of such a long-term relationship.I think there are examples on this superb thread that point the way that more relationships will go in time,if our society can be become more accepting and more people dare to admit to and follow their desires together.
we read an article all about swinging, we were both :shock: :shock: blimey girl, we’re swingers. It was at this point that we started to talk about seriously getting into the scene, and a couple of years ago decided to give it a go. We had a slow start but as the months rolled by we became quite active and one of the main joys (apart from the great people and the great sex) was what it did for us as a couple, I remember driving home after a meet one night, how we just kept glancing sideways at each other, and every time we did a huge grin would appear on our faces, it has so enhanced our relationship, that’s what it means to us.
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: Probably just the thought is enough fer a 
) and if / when I'm going to get into a relationship with someone wonderful enough to be a father to my children...and what to I need to do to meet him...and could I give up swingling when / if I do....
