Single Swingers, stop gap or lifestyle?

22 Oct 2006

Great thread! As a bi-sexual woman, I've always struggled with the monogamy stuff of tradional relaionships - by definition I was not having at least one of my needs met!
Outside of serious relationships I had fuck buddies and done threesomes but never thought of myself as swinger...until I joined this site and met so many like-minded people. I only felt 'able' to be who I truly was when single - and felt repressed when not....and I was never happy with that. This thread has helped me to realise that this 'behaviour' isn't/wasn't a stop gap, it's part of me, who I am and what I need.
As for the question about when do you tell, I had the same issue with telling a person I was bi. Over many years my thoughts went from 'can't tell them, I don't know what they'll think' and 'they won't accept it' to being confident in who and what I am and deciding that anyone who wanted to be with me had to not just know but accept me for who I was - and whatever that entails. But I never got that.... sad

I'm not hopeful that anyone 'vanilla' will stick around....and if they don't, then I know they're not right for me. I don't want to compromise anymore so I think my hope of being true to 'me' and being in a full-time loving relationship at the same time rests with swingers. And that's not all bad, you're a nice bunch wink

Horny

22 Oct 2006

Hi all
I think this time around swinging is a lifestyle, Ide rather have the look of horror and walk away than lie to people. It does help that I have confidence in my self and what I want these days.
Sort of discovered swinging by accident about 8 or 9 years ago. My GF of the time had cheated on me and to be honest I was suprised that it didn't bother me particularly, but it seemed to bother her and we split shortly after.
So I went looking for some NSA fun with fems, hooked up with several and had a good time. wink

One of whom was a lovely Bi lady who introduced me to mmf/mff which was great, really enjoyed it. I was open and honest and never hid my activities from the ladies I was seeing and it seemed to work well.
One of these became my wife, she wass't into the scene but appeared to have no problems that I had been in to it and she didn't want to join in so I became Vanilla for a long time. Unfortunately the wife never really let it go and threw accusations of cheating and sleeping with prostitutes about increasingly frequently, hence very nearly divorced and glad of it cool

So no I really don't think I would go back in to a vanilla relationship, I like to be honest and some people just can't handle that in the long term even if they think they can. Life is for living not just for paying the mortgage off.
Stay safe & have fun
T

22 Oct 2006

I am still working out the answer to this.
Have only recently discovered this site (and others of this nature but i
i like this one best)and have been questioning myself to how much i want to immerse myself in it.
I'm really impressed with the friendships and social activity's and the fact that it isn't all about a quick shag.
I really had no proper idea what swinging was until recently,when i have been asking myself what i want from life and relationships my curiosity is growing and i may be able to answer this question better in the future.

22 Oct 2006

Ido like this thread. biggrin

It's something I've been thinking and talking about a lot lately. I've been here two years now as a single, and have had an amazing time. I think at the start, I saw it as a stop-gap. The more time I spent here, the more I discovered who I was, how this worked for me, how these people were like me, how this attitude is how I want to be, how I want to think... the more I started to feel as though a vanilla relationship might not be that easy. I couldn't imagine walking away from this scene. I could sort of imagine just staying here socially, but obviously my putative SO would have had to accept that, and I could imagine that being an issue. I didn't worry about it too much because I tend not to worry too much about these things! lol

But I did wonder what would end up happening to me, in terms of forever-after.
I hadn't ever considered the possibility of a relationship with someone I met here, because I worried that I would settle for someone not-quite-right, just because being with them would mean I didn't have to give up swinging. But, as it happens, I'm now in a relationship with Marmalaid, who I met through this site. It's happened entirely unexpectedly, as so many great things do! We're in love, we're living together, we feel very strongly that we have a future together... and at the moment, we're not swinging.
We've talked about it a lot, and we want some space to just be us, for a while, before we think about swinging as a 'newbie couple' - because that's what we'll be. But reading Dammy and HLB's replies to this thread, I'm sitting here thinking 'Yes, that's us. That's what we want.' (I think you guys, and your relationship, are absolutely fantastic smile

) And I think, eventually, that's what we'll have. We will never leave this scene, we love it too much and have too many friends here. We don't know yet whether swinging will work for us, or how it will - whether we'll play separately or together or both, where our boundaries will be. Like any newbie couple, we'll discover that as we go along, with a lot of discussion and consideration and with the knowledge that we are already enough for each other - if we do end up swinging, that will be a bonus, not a necessary part of our life together.
But thanks, all who've replied to this thread, it has helped move my thinking along in a few ways. A very interesting discussion.
x

22 Oct 2006

Give Marms my best wishes hun.
Phredd :love:

23 Oct 2006

I can't add anything to this thread, but i want to say it has been great to read I love to hear people's opinions and experiences about the scene. We are still new to it adn learning so much every day by logging on here.
pink x

23 Oct 2006

Iâ€™ve made a definite choice to avoid vanilla at all costs. About five years ago I managed to get out of a relationship that I hated being in, but which proved very difficult indeed to break out of. Since that time I have not been able to consider a â€œtraditionalâ€ relationship as Iâ€™m shit scared of ending up in the same situation again. I found it very painful to see the effect that me not wanting to be in the relationship had on Herself â€“ she was desperately in love, I wanted out big time.
There are two specific reasons I donâ€™t want to be in a vanilla arrangement â€“ one, I never again want to make anyone feel as bad as I made Herself feel, and secondly I donâ€™t want to be as unhappy again, either. I know that logic says that the chances of being caught in the same trap twice are slim, but I just canâ€™t take that risk, and even 1% possibility is too much of a possibility.
So for the foreseeable future I canâ€™t see myself even considering a vanilla relationship, and am quite clear about that in my advert. Even five years down the line the fear of being trapped again is as strong as it was immediately after my escape. I donâ€™t know whether I will ever feel any different.
Fortunately Iâ€™m comfortable with my own company, as being the bog-standard single bloke the opportunities for meets arenâ€™t exactly flooding in, and there are rather long gaps between meets.

16 Nov 2006

Quote by Medic_1

Give Marms my best wishes hun.
Phredd :love:

Do it yourself, ya lazy get!
:D
kiss

17 Nov 2006

Not interested in a relationship, so thats my answer covered.