Is swinging a stop gap for some people between vanilla relationships?
Are you looking for something more outside of swinging?
Is swinging something you find you can swing in and out of?
My curiosity on this matter has been raised from time to time - usually by comments and posts people make (and of course my own inner dialog).
Typical Examples:
I just wanted to say I am taking a break from swinging and this site as I have met a vanilla girl and she has agreed to go out with me….
Hi all I am back - my relationship in the vanilla world has died a death…..
These types of posts always made me think for a moment about what I would/could do in a similar situation. My conclusion to date is… I am actually not sure I could stop swinging.
Once upon a time (about a year ago) I considered a vanilla relationship but very quickly found myself thinking “how the fluck do I explain what I do as my recreational pass-time?†I knew I could not turn my back on the lifestyle I have grown to love - right now it is as much a part of me as the colour of my eyes.
Who knows how I will feel a year from now but right now I am sure about what I want.
I do however recall how I felt when I first discovered swinging - it was fun! But if I am honest I guess at the time I did see it as a stop-gap. Somewhere to have sex between sexual relationships in the vanilla world - though I have for many years and years had fuck-buddies in the vanilla world , so there were some similarities.
Anyway… I thought it may make and interesting discussion point.
Sorry it is aimed more at the singles - but I am sure there are some couples out there with some interesting view points.
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Single Swingers, stop gap or lifestyle?
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Good point hunni and not one I've thought about before. I'd talked about swinging with my ex but we never got around to doing anything about it so it wasn't until I became single again that I actually tried it. I think my main reason was as I'm on my own, I have the opportunity to try things I'd always wanted to without having to explain to an SO. Whether I'll carry on if/when I find myself in another long term relationship I can't honestly say.
Quote by PoloLady
Sorry it is aimed more at the singles - but I am sure there are some couples out there with some interesting view points.
Indeed.....Some couples add it to their lives as an escape and to add some extra spice....
I reckon there could be some interesting viewpoints posted on this one...
Ah - but it depends on whether people are prepared to sit and think for a moment about how they really feel and then be open enough to share their actual feelings in type. I appreciate it is not an easy type of thread to contribute to.
It would be nice if it didn't just drop off of the page like a brick.
It would be nice if it didn't just drop off of the page like a brick.
Sex God
I have thought about that as well when certain people have left..........and it is an interesting question........ i do wonder sometimes whether part of the decision is that they have talked about it to "vanilla" person and made a joint decision (in which case why not stay and just say you aren't swinging anymore... is the trust element not there????) or whether is it more a case of hiding that part of themselves from their partner.... and it was the quick fix,quick shag that people are after....
can you not make me think at in the morning.... my brain hurts now......
sean xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
can you not make me think at in the morning.... my brain hurts now......
sean xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Quote by PoloLady
Sorry it is aimed more at the singles - but I am sure there are some couples out there with some interesting view points.
Oh I'll have a go at this from a couples point of view.....
As a swinging couple getting into this life style was a way of living out all those fantasy's that we had both talked about for a long time. We have done almost all of what we came here for and enjoyed every minute of it but we are not great swingers and have talked about giving up being in the scene many times. Just seems that every time we say maybe thats enough, something else turns up that suits us both in some way and keeps us swinging.
Could we give up being swingers? I'd like to say yes but I don't think we could. We might stop for months or years but I don't think it is something either of us could give up for ever. We have some really good friends we have made here and I couldn't give those up, if one of those friends said "oh you never guess what we did at the weekend", I know myself well enough to know I'd be tempted again and so would Ian.
Its a once in a blue moon added extra to our damned good sex life that we could give up temporary but not permanent. For me, not Ian, I don't think I could ever be a complete 'vanilla' again.
If for some strange reason I became single, which is not likely, I wouldn't be looking for a 'vanilla' relationship, I would want one that allowed me to be a swinger at times.
I s'pose if I don't know the vanilla person very well, and he didn't know anyone I knew, then I've been inclined to be upfront about swinging from the start - from the limited experience I've had with that since I started on the swinging scene, the reaction has either been extreme curiosity, or horror 
Even before I started actually swinging, admitting my curiosity of it usually bought on the same result. Funny really, cos I've never had the "Woooohoooooooo :bounce: " reaction from anyone I've met off the swinging scene :?
Obviously the horrified people I didn't normally see again :undecided: As in cloud of dust in their wake :?
Now, if it was someone I knew and who knew people I knew - then it would be a different story :? I couldn't be so upfront, and doubt I would mention it......... So it's left with PLs quandary.
Would I be starting that relationship off as a lie by not saying anything? :? If we stayed together forever, would I never tell him about such a huge part of my life, whether I ever swung again or not? :? I know my mouth, and know that I would have to say something at some point before it all got mega serious - then the big risk of him being horrified, splitting up and him telling everyone I knew :shock:
Gawd, I don't know :? my head hurts thinking about it :?
Would I ever 'take time out' to vanilla date? Nope - if it was a time out thing, then you're presuming the relationship is going to be temporary - I wouldn't make such a compromise in that situation.
Luckily I met David on here
Trouble is, that brings a whole new dilemma, although along the same lines in some ways......... But what happens when I eventually want to give up the swinging lifestyle?? I know that I'll probably want to before he does, I've already made it clear that I won't be swinging forever (I doubt 
), but I would be fine for him to carry on - providing it wasn't every night of the week :shock: - a change in the relationship there, from doing things together to all of a sudden, separate hobbies :?
He prefers to swing as a couple than as a guy on his own, so will this bring up it's own problems?
I don't want to change the dynamics of our relationship, hence mentioning this early on. Would we be strong enough to last together without the reason we met in the first place? :shock:
I s'pose that once a relationship has developed - then swinging does become secondary. :dunno:
Have I answered this at all??? :? Taken me bluddy ages, people popping round, phone going and allsorts, can't remember what the bluddy ell I've put now :? I'm sure I had to go back and put it all in some sort of order, but can't remember the bluddy order I was thinking of :?
Even before I started actually swinging, admitting my curiosity of it usually bought on the same result. Funny really, cos I've never had the "Woooohoooooooo :bounce: " reaction from anyone I've met off the swinging scene :?Obviously the horrified people I didn't normally see again :undecided: As in cloud of dust in their wake :?
Now, if it was someone I knew and who knew people I knew - then it would be a different story :? I couldn't be so upfront, and doubt I would mention it......... So it's left with PLs quandary.
Would I be starting that relationship off as a lie by not saying anything? :? If we stayed together forever, would I never tell him about such a huge part of my life, whether I ever swung again or not? :? I know my mouth, and know that I would have to say something at some point before it all got mega serious - then the big risk of him being horrified, splitting up and him telling everyone I knew :shock:
Gawd, I don't know :? my head hurts thinking about it :?
Would I ever 'take time out' to vanilla date? Nope - if it was a time out thing, then you're presuming the relationship is going to be temporary - I wouldn't make such a compromise in that situation.
Luckily I met David on here
Trouble is, that brings a whole new dilemma, although along the same lines in some ways......... But what happens when I eventually want to give up the swinging lifestyle?? I know that I'll probably want to before he does, I've already made it clear that I won't be swinging forever (I doubt ), but I would be fine for him to carry on - providing it wasn't every night of the week :shock: - a change in the relationship there, from doing things together to all of a sudden, separate hobbies :?He prefers to swing as a couple than as a guy on his own, so will this bring up it's own problems?
I don't want to change the dynamics of our relationship, hence mentioning this early on. Would we be strong enough to last together without the reason we met in the first place? :shock:
I s'pose that once a relationship has developed - then swinging does become secondary. :dunno:
Have I answered this at all??? :? Taken me bluddy ages, people popping round, phone going and allsorts, can't remember what the bluddy ell I've put now :? I'm sure I had to go back and put it all in some sort of order, but can't remember the bluddy order I was thinking of :?
Whilst new to the site (relitively) I've been swinging with my ex long term partner since our early twenties with a close circle of friends so I hold views from both aspects.
The fact that I became single was somewhat of a mutual decision (we just grew apart due to me working away 6 days a week). The fact that I remain single is my choice for a multitude of reasons. However I've no idea when or if cupids bow is going to strike me in the arse so to speak or in fact with who it will be. However I'm resided to the fact that the lucky lady
may not be involved or want to be involved in swinging and I guess thats a bridge I'll have to cross at the time. My views at the moment are that I'd love nothing more than to settle down in a relationship and carry on swinging however if I do find myself in a vannila relationship and talking doesn't change that then thats fine with me. Please don't think I'm talking about making do with what i'll have as I'm not, it's more a case of I'm aware of the fact that I may just fall for someone who chosses a diferant passtime to me. However I know for a fact that if it's the vannila route I take I'll still stick my head in here as it's pretty obvious I get more form the site than just a place to arrange meets. 
The fact that I became single was somewhat of a mutual decision (we just grew apart due to me working away 6 days a week). The fact that I remain single is my choice for a multitude of reasons. However I've no idea when or if cupids bow is going to strike me in the arse so to speak or in fact with who it will be. However I'm resided to the fact that the lucky lady
may not be involved or want to be involved in swinging and I guess thats a bridge I'll have to cross at the time. My views at the moment are that I'd love nothing more than to settle down in a relationship and carry on swinging however if I do find myself in a vannila relationship and talking doesn't change that then thats fine with me. Please don't think I'm talking about making do with what i'll have as I'm not, it's more a case of I'm aware of the fact that I may just fall for someone who chosses a diferant passtime to me. However I know for a fact that if it's the vannila route I take I'll still stick my head in here as it's pretty obvious I get more form the site than just a place to arrange meets. Quote by sheddy
however if I do find myself in a vannila relationship and talking doesn't change that then thats fine with me.
This makes me then wonder... as I found myself wondering it some time back...
At what point do you start to tell them about the swinging?
Do you say so from the off before you are even sure it is really going anywhere?
Do you wait until you are sure it is a serious relationship - and then say BTW...?
Do you drop it in an over dinner conversation like a bombshell - which it will be to many people.
Do you make subltle suggestions and ignore mentioning you have already been involved?
It has often been said that swinging is an attitude, a way a person feels and thinks about sexual experiences (I used experiences instead of relationships so not to confuse with RL relationships) - is that something that can be switched off as a compromise to make a vanilla relationship work?
If you can switch it off - does that really imply it was not your lifestyle but a means to pass time until what you really wanted comes along?
If you can't switch it off - will you be heading out on a relationship path in denial?
Is it an easy compromise to make? Does it sit in the same boat as going fishing less or cutting down on trips to the pub?
Is it a compromise we should make, when someone has values that do not match our own? There are certain values (non-swinging) which we would instantly see the new partner as uncompitable if they did not share them? Is the swinging lifestyle not one of them?
Quite a few years ago my marriage folded leaving me as a single dad with a 7 year old not want to get involved emotionally at that time , so I got involved as a single guy in threesomes with married couples. Met some great people, had some good fun and learnt something that I had never seen in the vanilla world. Guys were offering me the greatest gift they had , their wives. I thought it must be wonderful to have a relation ship like that.
Met Ronda four years later, fell madly in love and gave up my swinging activities. Stayed in contact with some swinging friends socially and introduced them to Ronda . Six months after we began living together I bucked up the courage to tell her about swinging and my involvement in the scene.
One year after living together found out what it is like to share the greatest gift I have with other guys and couples WONDERFUL.
Met Ronda four years later, fell madly in love and gave up my swinging activities. Stayed in contact with some swinging friends socially and introduced them to Ronda . Six months after we began living together I bucked up the courage to tell her about swinging and my involvement in the scene.
One year after living together found out what it is like to share the greatest gift I have with other guys and couples WONDERFUL.
Quote by PoloLady
however if I do find myself in a vannila relationship and talking doesn't change that then thats fine with me.
This makes me then wonder... as I found myself wondering it some time back...
At what point do you start to tell them about the swinging?
I'm normally very open about myself from the start in relationships so I guess it's something I'd mention very early on, especially as I feel that the longer you hide soemthing the more effect it has when you do reveal it.
Quote by PoloLady
however if I do find myself in a vannila relationship and talking doesn't change that then thats fine with me.
If you can switch it off - does that really imply it was not your lifestyle but a means to pass time until what you really wanted comes along?
If you can't switch it off - will you be heading out on a relationship path in denial?
Is it an easy compromise to make? Does it sit in the same boat as going fishing less or cutting down on trips to the pub?
This is one thing I'm genuinely unsure of as like I said for the past 10 years or so I've been swinging so it's more so part of my life than any other pass time and one thing I'm worried about should I follow the vannila route is that I would be repressing my feelings and wants towards swinging. I'm not having a go at folk when I say that some may find the site during a period of being single in their lives and think it an easy solution to to finding a shag (we've all seen the posts) but if it's something you've been involved in for such a long time AND got so much enjoyment from is it easy to just call time on or in the long run can it ruin said vannila relationship due to repression. :?
FFS even I'm confused to what I want now. :? :?
I've been reading this with interest, being a relative newcomer to swinging and having had very few experiences, I wouldn't want to give it up before I know if it's for me or not, but I'd have to be honest with someone from the outset, which would make me think that having a relationship with someone who wasn't into it would be damn near impossible.
I'm confused too though, Sheddy, but then I confuse easily.
H.x
I'm confused too though, Sheddy, but then I confuse easily.
H.x
Sex God
I know you asked singles, but I will add something as Mr NWC did swing as a single before we met and was very honest about it at the beginning of our relationship. He never once asked me did I want to try it, but we did have some very nice, raunchy conversations about it. I knew some of the people he had swung with, and at the first meet, was suprised how 'normal' they were. After we had been together for a while, I suggested to him that we try it as a couple, and the rest as they say is history!!
Both of us are very open in what we want and know that if at anytime either of us had any doubts, we would stop immediately. We dont swing alone, but we do know that if we wanted to, we could and it would not be a problem for the other person, but it is just something we have never bothered doing (too much fun doing it together)
We dont swing that often, and are probably the biggest fake doggers in the world (we keep the car doors locked and dont let all the 'car park' join in) but when we do swing, it is a fantastic thing and is not something I would want to stop.
If for any reason we ended up single again, I would not want to stop swinging, and would probably carry on as a single girl (hope for obvious reasons it never comes to that) but as Sheddy said, if I did meet someone who did not want to try this lifestyle, then the relationship would have to come first and swinging stop. But ideally I would meet a swinger which lead to a relationship, rather than a vanilla who didnt want the lifestyle!
Both of us are very open in what we want and know that if at anytime either of us had any doubts, we would stop immediately. We dont swing alone, but we do know that if we wanted to, we could and it would not be a problem for the other person, but it is just something we have never bothered doing (too much fun doing it together)
We dont swing that often, and are probably the biggest fake doggers in the world (we keep the car doors locked and dont let all the 'car park' join in) but when we do swing, it is a fantastic thing and is not something I would want to stop.
If for any reason we ended up single again, I would not want to stop swinging, and would probably carry on as a single girl (hope for obvious reasons it never comes to that) but as Sheddy said, if I did meet someone who did not want to try this lifestyle, then the relationship would have to come first and swinging stop. But ideally I would meet a swinger which lead to a relationship, rather than a vanilla who didnt want the lifestyle!
I'd have to agree with NWC - if the right girl came along and she wasn't into it I'd probably stop, but these are the good years for me so it's an easy decision. It gets hard when you try and have relationships though, because honesty is rarely rewarded when it comes to shagging other people, unless that's how u met them in the first place
Thanks NWC - as I said I thought some couples would have some interesting veiw points.
This raises another question (to you all - not just NWC)
It is a 'what if' thingy.....
What if you found yourself in a new relationship and thinking you could start falling for this certain someone - a vanilla. Supposing you decided you would make the choice to put the lifestlye in the closet. In conversation they bring up swinging (through reading something or something on TV) and strongly express they think swinging is a perverted shit-hole of filth. They continue to explain they feel swingers or nothing more than people with the morals of a stray dog in the street - the women no better than free whores and the men are nothing more that perverted scum-buckets.
It is a bit like... could a devout Christian have a relationship with an out and out Atheist and it not at some point cause a problem?
Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
if I did meet someone who did not want to try this lifestyle, then the relationship would have to come first and swinging stop. But ideally I would meet a swinger which lead to a relationship, rather than a vanilla who didnt want the lifestyle!
This raises another question (to you all - not just NWC)
It is a 'what if' thingy.....
What if you found yourself in a new relationship and thinking you could start falling for this certain someone - a vanilla. Supposing you decided you would make the choice to put the lifestlye in the closet. In conversation they bring up swinging (through reading something or something on TV) and strongly express they think swinging is a perverted shit-hole of filth. They continue to explain they feel swingers or nothing more than people with the morals of a stray dog in the street - the women no better than free whores and the men are nothing more that perverted scum-buckets.
It is a bit like... could a devout Christian have a relationship with an out and out Atheist and it not at some point cause a problem?
Sorry back again as something has just come to mind. Since % of my swinging has been during a long term relationship with a loving partner the more I think about it the more unsure I become as to if it would actually be the same with someone else. The meets I've had since being single have been enjoyable to say the least however they have always lacked a
certain something for me personally and to be honest I'm unsure of what. My only idea is it's the regime of it as in shave, shower get myself ready go to meet have fun then go home.
Which is not how I found it as a couple as it was more a case of natural progression amongst close friends and there was no "start" or "end" to the evening as I always had someone with me to play with regardless.
My point would I find the same experiance with another partner if I did settle down again or am I resided to the fact that it's never going to be that good again.
certain something for me personally and to be honest I'm unsure of what. My only idea is it's the regime of it as in shave, shower get myself ready go to meet have fun then go home.
Which is not how I found it as a couple as it was more a case of natural progression amongst close friends and there was no "start" or "end" to the evening as I always had someone with me to play with regardless.
My point would I find the same experiance with another partner if I did settle down again or am I resided to the fact that it's never going to be that good again.
i reckon if you're close enough to your partner then you should be able to fight the swingers corner without it causing too much of a problem... if you've put the life in the closet you can reassure them you're not doing it but you can still see the viewpoint?
It's a tricky one because a lot of "vanilla" relationship difficulties stem from insecurity that the partner's gonna stray so you'd have to tread VERY carefully... or they'll think that you're gonna do it. On the other hand - though you may have stopped doing it, you can't denounce it just to please them.... can you?
It's a tricky one because a lot of "vanilla" relationship difficulties stem from insecurity that the partner's gonna stray so you'd have to tread VERY carefully... or they'll think that you're gonna do it. On the other hand - though you may have stopped doing it, you can't denounce it just to please them.... can you?
Quote by sheddy
My point would I find the same experiance with another partner if I did settle down again or am I resided to the fact that it's never going to be that good again.
Don't think of it as better or worse, just different. You can go on a skiing holiday and have a great time, and a beach holiday and have a great time, they both have thier place and you enjoy both for different reasons.
H.x
I think it was in the chatroom I was talking about this...
To sum-up what swinging is to me in one word - I chose 'liberation'.
Swinging has changed my life and I do feel totally liberated. I could not give that up or pack that feeling back into a closet for anyone. I know I can only express how I feel right now - and who knows what tomorrow brings and all that... but I have been in the situation where I have had to choose. More than once in fact - starting this thread and reading the replies so far has reminded me of some choices I have made in the past.
Because of what swinging means to me and what it has given me - I cannot fully comprehend how someone could say they would give it all up if someone vanilla came along. Swinging is part of my values and beliefs. I could no more pretand to love Jesus or Mohammed than pretend I had not felt and desire to feel this 'liberation' . But I do appreciate swinging is different things to different people.
As a devout Seventh-Day Eventist (an old boyfreind's mum) once said to me "May be God just hasn't touched your heart yet", then may be some of you who decide it would be easy to return to a vanilla lifestyle haven't truely had swinging touch your heart yet.
To sum-up what swinging is to me in one word - I chose 'liberation'.
Swinging has changed my life and I do feel totally liberated. I could not give that up or pack that feeling back into a closet for anyone. I know I can only express how I feel right now - and who knows what tomorrow brings and all that... but I have been in the situation where I have had to choose. More than once in fact - starting this thread and reading the replies so far has reminded me of some choices I have made in the past.
Because of what swinging means to me and what it has given me - I cannot fully comprehend how someone could say they would give it all up if someone vanilla came along. Swinging is part of my values and beliefs. I could no more pretand to love Jesus or Mohammed than pretend I had not felt and desire to feel this 'liberation' . But I do appreciate swinging is different things to different people.
As a devout Seventh-Day Eventist (an old boyfreind's mum) once said to me "May be God just hasn't touched your heart yet", then may be some of you who decide it would be easy to return to a vanilla lifestyle haven't truely had swinging touch your heart yet.
Sex God
Quote by PoloLady
....... strongly express they think swinging is a perverted shit-hole of filth. They continue to explain they feel swingers or nothing more than people with the morals of a stray dog in the street - the women no better than free whores and the men are nothing more that perverted scum-buckets.
It is a bit like... could a devout Christian have a relationship with an out and out Atheist and it not at some point cause a problem?
Being the awkward little shit that I am, I dont think I could even enter a relationship with someone who had such strong views about something they obviously knew nothing about. If something like this had been very well hidden from me (and views like this can be hidden) then I really dont know how I would react. I would like to think I would give them a bloody mouthfull and tell them to grow up, but if I really loved, cared for this person and didnt want to lose them, then I honestly dont know.
However, I would like to think that I would tell the person early in the relationship as Mr NWC did with me. But again, unless the situation ever came up, then I really dont know what I would do, this is just how I 'THINK' I would do it!!!!
Not an easy situation, and I do feel for anyone who is in this position. A 'ex-swinging' friend of ours gets married very soon and he has decided not to tell his new partner about his past. Personally, I dont think it is a good base for a solid relationship if they cant be honest about the past, as afterall, it is in the past! But who am I to judge, what works for one couple/single doesnt necessarily work for others!
I'll stop rambling now and go and take some more medication
:wink: When i met julie i took the decision after a few meeting to tell her that i had been to a swingers club in the past with my ex, I knew then how much i loved her, but did not want her to find out at later date and lose her,
I will admit i was scared to tell her but thought if we were to have a good and honest relationship it was better to have all the skeletons out in the open. She will admit at first she was shocked, but it did not spoil the relationship it enhanced it as she realized i was being honest and open wish her.
Now three years on we have our own home together, alot of love and yes we swing as a cpl
So for us being honest with each other worked.
J n B
I will admit i was scared to tell her but thought if we were to have a good and honest relationship it was better to have all the skeletons out in the open. She will admit at first she was shocked, but it did not spoil the relationship it enhanced it as she realized i was being honest and open wish her.
Now three years on we have our own home together, alot of love and yes we swing as a cpl
So for us being honest with each other worked.
J n B
Just reading back on this.....
Good God :shock: how deep was that getting.... I'm off for a shag to put the shallowness back into my life! :lol: :lol:
Quote by PoloLady
As a devout Seventh-Day Eventist (an old boyfreind's mum) once said to me "May be God just hasn't touched your heart yet", then may be some of you who decide it would be easy to return to a vanilla lifestyle haven't truely had swinging touch your heart yet.
Good God :shock: how deep was that getting.... I'm off for a shag to put the shallowness back into my life!
:lol: :lol: Quote by PoloLady
Just reading back on this.....
As a devout Seventh-Day Eventist (an old boyfreind's mum) once said to me "May be God just hasn't touched your heart yet", then may be some of you who decide it would be easy to return to a vanilla lifestyle haven't truely had swinging touch your heart yet.
Good God :shock: how deep was that getting.... I'm off for a shag to put the shallowness back into my life!
:lol: :lol:Hunni, you're getting so deep, it's scaring me now :scared: :giggle:
I dont think I would want to continue swinging if I became a single... For me personally swinging is part of our marriage and it's the trust that we have in each other that allows us to be (as PoloLady puts it) liberated
We have recently made the decision to swing alone if the chance comes along, and this is a huge step for us in our marriage. It enhances our brilliant sex life and also brings us closer together at the same time....
I wouldn't have considered swinging if it wasn't for some misheard comment a few years ago :lol2: but I wouldn't want to do it if I wasn't married to Steve....
I could give up swinging yes, give up the social side no.... I love the friends I have made, and there are times when I laugh so much I cry, and that is possible because of my swinging friends. :lol2:
Cracking thread PoloLady
Shireen
xxx
We have recently made the decision to swing alone if the chance comes along, and this is a huge step for us in our marriage. It enhances our brilliant sex life and also brings us closer together at the same time....
I wouldn't have considered swinging if it wasn't for some misheard comment a few years ago :lol2: but I wouldn't want to do it if I wasn't married to Steve....
I could give up swinging yes, give up the social side no.... I love the friends I have made, and there are times when I laugh so much I cry, and that is possible because of my swinging friends. :lol2:
Cracking thread PoloLady
Shireen
xxx
Master of Sex
Quote by PoloLady
I think it was in the chatroom I was talking about this...
To sum-up what swinging is to me in one word - I chose 'liberation'.
Swinging has changed my life and I do feel totally liberated. I could not give that up or pack that feeling back into a closet for anyone. I know I can only express how I feel right now - and who knows what tomorrow brings and all that... but I have been in the situation where I have had to choose. More than once in fact - starting this thread and reading the replies so far has reminded me of some choices I have made in the past.
I would agree with that, although I don't see a conflict with my faith, I also know a couple up here who attend Mass each sunday but are also swingers.
Since I came out as bi (nearly ten years ago) I have felt more at ease with myself and I have been more at ease in Swingers clubs and parties than I have at other places in my life - oddly enough I can feel totally out of place at a gay or predominantly straight club, but totally relaxed at a swingers club, although that might have something to do with the stigma that some gay and straight people attach to bi people.
