My eleven year old is sat at my feet in the study. She's taping tracks to play in the car, and in typical girlie fashion she has a neatly written list which is ticked off as each track is recorded on to the audio tape.
"Mum, what's an orgasm?" Parent falls off chair
"Do you mean orgasm or organism?" I ask - let's get our definitions right here, after all.
"Orgasm," she confirms.
Oh shit. Deep breath, how do I put this in a neat little nutshell? "It's the feeling you get during sexual intercourse."
"Oh." There is a singular lack of titillation, amusement or query in my young daughter's reaction here.
Parents awaits next question. Next question doesn't come. Parent cannot contain self further... "So where did you get the word 'orgasm' from?" Please say Science lessons, bugger she can't - they're doing plant repro.
"Kerr-rang!"
My turn. "Oh."
I tried the parental homily about not needing to grow up too fast, plenty of time for finding out all sorts of things, blah, blah. My daughter gazes at me, with eyes as old as time and innocent as a blue sky.
"Don't worry, Mum. I'll always be your baby, you know, even if I am growing up."
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Sex God
Ah, the joys of parenthood.
Don't worry. In a few more years you'll get your chance for revenge. Isn't mortal embarrassment in front of friends the primary purpose of the parents of teenagers?
Don't worry. In a few more years you'll get your chance for revenge. Isn't mortal embarrassment in front of friends the primary purpose of the parents of teenagers?
Oh so true DJohn.
The only problem we have is that our Kids are immune to embarrassment of that nature - after all they have had to endure Kat's humour all their lives.
However, their poor friends are not so immune, and have now taken to waiting round the corner so that they can avoid having to talk to Kat 
:lol:
Sappho, I saw this piece of advice a while ago 'get revenge on the kids, live long enough to be an embarrassment to them!'
Bless the little darlings, love 'em to bits
Kit
xxx
The only problem we have is that our Kids are immune to embarrassment of that nature - after all they have had to endure Kat's humour all their lives.
However, their poor friends are not so immune, and have now taken to waiting round the corner so that they can avoid having to talk to Kat :lol: Sappho, I saw this piece of advice a while ago 'get revenge on the kids, live long enough to be an embarrassment to them!'
Bless the little darlings, love 'em to bits
Kit
xxx
I have been told by a reliable source (my mother) that I once sat behind a pair of nuns on a bus and said in a VERY loud voice...
Mummy, can nuns have babies???
All the passengers went silent - the nuns backs went rigid with expectation...
My mother answered...
In theory yes, but not usually!!!
Cue the passengers and nuns sighing deeply at the same time.
She got an ovation too......
:lol:
Mummy, can nuns have babies???
All the passengers went silent - the nuns backs went rigid with expectation...
My mother answered...
In theory yes, but not usually!!!
Cue the passengers and nuns sighing deeply at the same time.
She got an ovation too......
:lol: Moment to remember:
While showing visitors round cattle, (then) young daughter in attendance, I was asked about breeding policy. Daughter, born to the ways of nature,and always ready to jump in with both feet, pipes up,' Oh, Dad and Mum don't believe in ordinary sex; they pay a man with a long thin thing to come and do it for them.'
She was, of course referring to the A.I.(Artificial Insemination) Man.
While showing visitors round cattle, (then) young daughter in attendance, I was asked about breeding policy. Daughter, born to the ways of nature,and always ready to jump in with both feet, pipes up,' Oh, Dad and Mum don't believe in ordinary sex; they pay a man with a long thin thing to come and do it for them.'
She was, of course referring to the A.I.(Artificial Insemination) Man.
Out of the mouths of babes Sappho......bless the little darlings.
I have a few similar stories but only one I will share this time........
On flying into my arms at the school gates after her first day at school, my daughter was so excited to tell me that she was so very happy that she had giblets in her new class.
I was overwhelmed at her joy and tentatively said "giblets darling, how nice, what are they like?" She enthusiastically pointed to the three children greeting their mummy.
You got it ..........TRIPLETS!!!
I will remind her of this story to my dying day!!!
Love
Wilma
x x x x
I have a few similar stories but only one I will share this time........
On flying into my arms at the school gates after her first day at school, my daughter was so excited to tell me that she was so very happy that she had giblets in her new class.
I was overwhelmed at her joy and tentatively said "giblets darling, how nice, what are they like?" She enthusiastically pointed to the three children greeting their mummy.
You got it ..........TRIPLETS!!!
I will remind her of this story to my dying day!!!
Love
Wilma
x x x x
We haven't quite got to the embarrasing questions yet....thank god.
However, a certain lovely lady from this very site has taught my two year old daughter to shout BUGGER, BUGGER, BUGGER! ........not really what my elderly (and very square) grandparents wanted to hear !!
:shock:
Love Fran
xxxxxxxx
However, a certain lovely lady from this very site has taught my two year old daughter to shout BUGGER, BUGGER, BUGGER! ........not really what my elderly (and very square) grandparents wanted to hear !!
:shock: Love Fran
xxxxxxxx
Recently my teenage daughter was chatting to her friend on the phone whilst I was chatting away on here. I heard her say, "Hold on, I'll ask my dad."
I thought she was about to ask me if she could go out that night but instead she said "Dad, can pre-cum make you pregnant?" :shock: :shock: :shock: 
ops:
I think my little girl is growing up !!! :lol: :lol:
I thought she was about to ask me if she could go out that night but instead she said "Dad, can pre-cum make you pregnant?" :shock: :shock: :shock:
ops: I think my little girl is growing up !!!
:lol: :lol:Well we managed to stop one of the kids looking down my top and telling guests to the house what colour bra I had on. Now he craftly comes for a hug then starts to wiggle about. Then he sorta jumps up and down.
He tries to make my boobs wobble!! The more they wobble the more he screams with laughter. It took me a few times to work out what he was playing at, now it takes just one giggle from him and I know.
The questions have started.........
Why are Mummies boobs bigger than nannies?
Why do they wobble when you stir cake mix?
I guess he takes after his Father!
Dawn :silly:
He tries to make my boobs wobble!! The more they wobble the more he screams with laughter. It took me a few times to work out what he was playing at, now it takes just one giggle from him and I know.
The questions have started.........
Why are Mummies boobs bigger than nannies?
Why do they wobble when you stir cake mix?
I guess he takes after his Father!
Dawn :silly:
Warming the Bed
Hello everyone,
I felt i just had to add to this thread. Having 3 sons age rangeing from 5 to 13 and bringing them up on my own, Im dreading the day the questions are gonna start commin thick and fast. Me thinks it may have been wiser to have 3 girls.
Perhaps I can put the manly questions up on here and some of the nice gentlemen could advise on what to say when the time comes.
ops: :oops:
I felt i just had to add to this thread. Having 3 sons age rangeing from 5 to 13 and bringing them up on my own, Im dreading the day the questions are gonna start commin thick and fast. Me thinks it may have been wiser to have 3 girls.
Perhaps I can put the manly questions up on here and some of the nice gentlemen could advise on what to say when the time comes.
ops: :oops: 
Casanova
Hi scrumcioussue
Welcome to the Forum
I know how nice it is to get a response to your first post 'cos I am only new too !!
Cheers Dan xxx
Welcome to the Forum
I know how nice it is to get a response to your first post 'cos I am only new too !!
Cheers Dan xxx
I think i`m a lucky chap of my daughters are at the age where they can start to ask awkward it`ll be there mum thats gets all the questions.I`m so happy about thinking of her squirming around trying to answer them.
A friend of mine comes to the pub to meet his wife after work with their daughter aged approx Kitten are on the tele on one of the music little angel comes out with "They are all mingers they are" i was rolling up.
A friend of mine comes to the pub to meet his wife after work with their daughter aged approx Kitten are on the tele on one of the music little angel comes out with "They are all mingers they are" i was rolling up.
Sex God
Quote by DJohnParents don't stop embarrassing you when you're no longer a teenager. My mother manages to bring out embarrassing stories about me with frightening regularity :shock:! Mind you, she does have a fairly large canon to choose from :doh:. The latest occasion was as recently as Sunday
Ah, the joys of parenthood.
Don't worry. In a few more years you'll get your chance for revenge. Isn't mortal embarrassment in front of friends the primary purpose of the parents of teenagers?
ops: I am still recovering! 
Orgasminator
Quote by DJohn
Ah, the joys of parenthood.
Don't worry. In a few more years you'll get your chance for revenge. Isn't mortal embarrassment in front of friends the primary purpose of the parents of teenagers?
I was hoping so with my now 13yr old son, however apart from taking the micky at the way he covers himself up if I need to enter the bath room while hes in the bath, the little bugger is far to quick witted for me to out do him
He's already told me he's not going to bring his girlfriends home when he's older incase I embaris him!
BUGGA!!!!
Okay, okay, I know some people frown about it but when they are not your kids it is oh so funny!!!
I used to say "for gods sake" a great deal and my little boy used to go around saying "sake". Unfortunately his grandparents thought he was using it in the context of FFS!!
Don't you just love 'em?
Love
Wilma
BUGGA, BUGGA, BUGGA!!
Okay, okay, I know some people frown about it but when they are not your kids it is oh so funny!!!
I used to say "for gods sake" a great deal and my little boy used to go around saying "sake". Unfortunately his grandparents thought he was using it in the context of FFS!!
Don't you just love 'em?
Love
Wilma
BUGGA, BUGGA, BUGGA!!
I have two boys 10 and 7 and this is a conversation i overheard
Youger Where do babies come from?
Elder Women
Y how do they make them?
E the man puts his willy in the woman between her legs
Y err thats disgusting
E dont you want kids then?
Y yes but I think Ill get someone else to do that for me
Suitable I think for use at some point in the dear old mum has a saying " get your own back be a pain to your kids"
suitable amunition me thinks
PS hi to all very funny thread
Youger Where do babies come from?
Elder Women
Y how do they make them?
E the man puts his willy in the woman between her legs
Y err thats disgusting
E dont you want kids then?
Y yes but I think Ill get someone else to do that for me
Suitable I think for use at some point in the dear old mum has a saying " get your own back be a pain to your kids"
suitable amunition me thinks
PS hi to all very funny thread
slightly off topic .... my now 13 YO girl when she was about 8 referred to her vagina as her Fa Javelin, took us a while to work it out....
and boy do we tease still!!!
we do keep telling her we have the piccies but so far she does noyt believe we would embarrasss when she brings the boy friend round.... don't all parent's
teehee
Gmanxxx
and boy do we tease still!!!
we do keep telling her we have the piccies but so far she does noyt believe we would embarrasss when she brings the boy friend round.... don't all parent's
teehee
Gmanxxx
Whilst accompanying 60, or so, eleven year old boys around a farm we stopped to watch one of the farmer's men clipping the hind quarters of the -soon to lamb - ewes.
What is he doing ? Enquired the farmer of the Boys...
"Shaving the shit off their arses - Sir " answers one off the little darlings
..... Wanders off explaining to farmer that students are in the middle of Anglo-Saxon period in their history lessons..
What is he doing ? Enquired the farmer of the Boys...
"Shaving the shit off their arses - Sir " answers one off the little darlings
..... Wanders off explaining to farmer that students are in the middle of Anglo-Saxon period in their history lessons..
