Steam Room

Tips for Resolving Conflict Online
What can be done to prevent unnecessary conflict in cyberspace? The following are tips for handling conflict online with respect, sensitivity, and care:
Don’t respond right away
When you feel hurt or angry about an email or post, it’s best not to respond right away. You may want to write a response immediately, to get it off your chest, but don't hit send! Suler recommends waiting 24 hours before responding - sleep on it and then reread and rewrite your response the next day.
Read the post again later
Sometimes, your first reaction to a post is a lot about how you're feeling at the time. Reading it later, and sometimes a few times, can bring a new perspective. You might even experiment by reading it with different tones (matter-of-fact, gentle, non-critical) to see if it could have been written with a different tone in mind than the one you initially heard.
Discuss the situation with someone who knows you
Ask them what they think about the post and the response you plan to send. Having input from others who are hopefully more objective can help you to step back from the situation and look at it differently. Suler recommends getting out of the medium in which the conflict occurred - in this case talking to someone in person - to gain a better perspective.
Choose whether or not you want to respond
You do have a choice, and you don’t have to respond. You may be too upset to respond in the way that you would like, or it may not be worthy of a response. If the post is accusatory or inflammatory and the person’s style tends to be aggressive or bullying, the best strategy is to ignore them.
Assume that people mean well, unless they have a history or pattern of aggression
Everyone has their bad days, gets triggered, reacts insensitively, and writes an email without thinking it through completely. It doesn’t mean that they don’t have good intentions.
On the other hand, some people pick fights no matter how kind and patient you are with them. They distort what you say, quote you out of context, and make all sorts of accusations all to vilify and antagonize you. Don't take the "bait" by engaging in a struggle with them - they'll never stop. Sometimes, the best strategy is to have nothing more to do with someone.
Clarify what was meant
We all misinterpret what we hear and read, particularly when we feel hurt or upset. It’s a good idea to check out that you understood them correctly. For example, you could ask, “When you said...did you mean...or, what did you mean by...?” Or, “when you said...I heard...is that what you meant?” Often times, what we think someone said is not even close to what they meant to say. Give them the benefit of the doubt and the chance to be clear about what they meant.
Think about what you want to accomplish by your communication
Are you trying to connect with this person? Are you trying to understand them and be understood? What is the message you hope to convey? What is the tone you want to communicate? Consider how you can convey that.
Verbalize what you want to accomplish
Here are some examples, “I want to understand what you’re  “I feel hurt by some stuff that you said. I want to talk about it in a way that we both feel heard and  “I want to find a way to work this out. I know we don’t agree about everything and that’s okay. I’d like to talk with you about how I felt reading your  “I hope we can talk this through because I really like you. I don’t want to be argumentative or 
Use “I” statements when sharing your feelings or thoughts
For example, “I feel...” versus “You made me feel...”
Use strictly feeling statements
Feeling statements include saying you felt hurt, sad, scared, angry, happy, guilty, remorseful, etc. In everyday conversations, we describe our feelings differently than this. For example, we say that we felt “attacked”, “threatened”, “unsafe”, or “punched in the stomach”. When the person we’re upset with is not present, or able to read our words, this is an understandable way to express the full depth of our feelings and experience. Generally though, these statements are not simply feeling statements because they contain within them unexpressed beliefs. For example, you believe that you were attacked by the person, not that it just felt that way. If you want to communicate with the person involved (or they can read your words), it is best to stick to simple feeling statements otherwise they will hear you as accusing them of attacking them and be angry or upset with you. Some people get confused why other people get upset with them when they think they are only expressing their feelings; usually in these cases there were unstated beliefs expressed which the person reacted to.
Choose your words carefully and thoughtfully, particularly when you’re upset
Do your best to keep in mind that the person will read your post alone. You are not physically or virtually present with them to clarify what you meant, and they can’t see the kindness in your eyes. They must rely entirely on your words to interpret your meaning, intent, and tone. This is why it’s important to choose your words carefully and thoughtfully. You can still be real and honest while being selective.
Place yourself in the other person’s shoes
How might they hear your message? To avoid unnecessary conflict or a lot of hurt feelings, it helps to take into account who you’re writing to. One person might be able to hear you say it exactly how you think it, and another person would be threatened by that style of communication. Think about the other person when writing your email or post. Do your best to communicate in a way that is respectful, sensitive, and clear to them. People often say, to do that feels like they’re being controlled and why shouldn’t they just write it the way they want to. Of course you can write it any way you want, especially online, but if you want to communicate with this person and have them hear and understand what you’re saying, it helps to think about how they will hear it.
Use emoticons to express your tone
In online communication, visual and auditory cues are replaced by emoticons, for example, smiles, winks, and laughter. It helps to use emoticons to convey your tone. Additionally, if you like the person, tell them! Having a conflict or misunderstanding doesn’t mean you don’t like the person any more, but people often forget that reality, or don’t think to say it. It may be most needed during a tense interaction.
Start and end your post with positive, affirming, and validating statements
Say what you agree with, what you understand about how they feel, and any other positive statements at the beginning of your email. This helps set a positive tone. End on a positive note as well.
The Paradox of Online Communication
Handling conflict constructively is hard at the best times, and it can be even harder online. It can take a great deal of effort, care, and thoughtfulness to address differences, tensions, and conflicts online. Paradoxically, some of the same things that contribute to heightened conflict online can contribute to peaceful resolutions as well. The internet is an ideal place to practice communication and conflict resolution skills. Just as the absence of visual and auditory cues, the anonymity, invisibility, delayed reactions, and neutralizing of status free us to say what ever negative thing we want, they can also free us to try new, and more positive communication styles and to take all the time we need to do that. As with any new technology, the internet can be used to enhance our personal growth and relationships, or to alienate us from each other. It’s our choice.

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*Gets steam cleaner out and blasts dust away*
:mrgreen:

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Yet another thread vanished into thin air....grrrrr.

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Yet another thread vanished into thin air....grrrrr.

Quote by foxylady2209
People getting all twee about swear words in adult situations - on here and in other places.
If you want to type 'fuck' then type it. Don't type fcuk or f**k. If you can't bring yourself to type it properly, find something else to use instead - that you can type.
Swear words don't break the AUP - it's the rest of the sentence that may do that. LOL
Fuck, cunt, bastard, bollocks - all good solid swear words. Not everyone wants to use them - but for crying out loud - twee is worse! I believe we can all cope with seeing them spelled out.

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typing out a massively long pm...then (because sometimes my pc fucks up) going to hi-light and copy just in case I lost it when I pressed submit, and highlighting and pressing 'cut' and losing the whole thing

Quote by Thebonediggers
typing out a massively long pm...then (because sometimes my pc fucks up) going to hi-light and copy just in case I lost it when I pressed submit, and highlighting and pressing 'cut' and losing the whole thing

Quote by tweeky
People getting all twee about swear words in adult situations - on here and in other places.
If you want to type 'fuck' then type it. Don't type fcuk or f**k. If you can't bring yourself to type it properly, find something else to use instead - that you can type.
Swear words don't break the AUP - it's the rest of the sentence that may do that. LOL
Fuck, cunt, bastard, bollocks - all good solid swear words. Not everyone wants to use them - but for crying out loud - twee is worse! I believe we can all cope with seeing them spelled out.

Quote by vodka_babe22uk
went all the way to a theme park yesterday only to be told you cant come in as you have no childern with you was really p***ed off so went shopping instead

Quote by Cubes
typing out a massively long pm...then (because sometimes my pc fucks up) going to hi-light and copy just in case I lost it when I pressed submit, and highlighting and pressing 'cut' and losing the whole thing

Quote by st3v3
Today was the same problem as Tuesday Night/Wednesday AM, the fault was on either on one of the front end swictches or one of the cables going into our rack, unfortunately faults in these areas aren't logged in the same way as the servers and we were unable to identify the issue until it happened with us directly monitoring the rack while it went wrong.
We have now isolated the area causing the issues and will be travelling up to the data center to replace the suspect switch and cable.

Quote by foxylady2209
Bloody migraines!!!!!! Temporary, not (in my case) indicating any underlying treatable problem, just pain I hear you say. But they fuck up my weekend just as effectively as an injury you can see or an illness you can treat!

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Rain! Lots and lots of rain when I have 5 loads of washing to dry on the strength of a sunny day and no other way of drying it!

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driving home from an early evening out to celebrate my daughters 11 a-b GCSE's i was pulled over for speeding. :sad: sad at myself for even bloody speeding in the first place.
it was actually being distracted by people flasing their lights at me i thought something was wrong with my car , got distracted and didnt notice my spead had crept up.
knew the copper thought it was a line.
:sad: hate feeling like a criminal
xx fem xx

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Bloody Sodding broken washing machine!
Any one know any quick ways of earning dosh

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This fiddling the benifits system,would concerned citizens not report such law breaking?