For the last few months I've been having real problems with my daughter, and it all came to a very nasty head yesterday.
She started her first job last week, and seemed so happy and positive about it, making plans about what she was going to spend her first pay check on. Then yesterday I get a call on my mobile from her boss. He was worried as she had gone off for lunch and not returned, and he wanted to check that everything was ok. During the course of the conversation it became clear that she had been lying to both of us. She didn't turn in to work for two days last week, and I had apparently phoned up to say that she wouldn't be in because my father had had a heart attack. Considering I lost my father five years ago to a heart attack this didn't go down very well.
When my daughter arrived home that evening I confronted her about it, and she really wasn't the slightest bit bothered or sorry. I was so angry that I told her to get out, which she did.
It now seems that she is going off to live on a houseboat with a guy, according to what she's told her older brother, and as she is almost 17 there is nothing I can do about it. I'm just sitting here remembering the lovely little girl she used to be, and wondering where it all went wrong.
Sorry for inflicting this on you, but Pete is at work, and I need a hug :cry:
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Sunk In Misery Today
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Orgasminator
Oh dear... 
huggggggggggggggggggggggg...
huggggggggggggggggggggggg... 
Sex God
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[[hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I could say a lot about my step son when he was that age, and all the stuff he got mixed up in and did, but I wont.
All I will say now at 35 year old he is married and works.
Try to talk to your daughter if you can contact her.
I could say a lot about my step son when he was that age, and all the stuff he got mixed up in and did, but I wont.
All I will say now at 35 year old he is married and works.
Try to talk to your daughter if you can contact her.
Warming the Bed
Take heart from our experience. Our youngest went through all of that and more. Several years on, after a couple of false starts, she's now at university and doing everything right.
Hang on in there! Painful though it can be.
CB
Hang on in there! Painful though it can be.
CB
AWWWWW :therethere:
we were ony chatting in work today about what an emotional roller coaster it is bringing kids up!
Mine have all 'grown & flown' but it only takes one phone call or text message & i'm right back there ...........stomach chearning .....not sleeping etc
Feel for you Lissa..........
as my own mum said 'Kids who'd have em???'
But we still love them to bits.......that's why we worry !!!
we were ony chatting in work today about what an emotional roller coaster it is bringing kids up!
Mine have all 'grown & flown' but it only takes one phone call or text message & i'm right back there ...........stomach chearning .....not sleeping etc
Feel for you Lissa..........
as my own mum said 'Kids who'd have em???'
But we still love them to bits.......that's why we worry !!!
Sexlightened
:therethere:
I suppose as someone who has never had and never wanted kids I can't really contribute much, but having been desperately worried about a couple of friends in the past I can feel for you and know a little bit of what you are feeling now.
No doubt you'll read many posts saying how other people's sons and daughters did much the same, so all I can really say is "know that you are not on your own".
X
I suppose as someone who has never had and never wanted kids I can't really contribute much, but having been desperately worried about a couple of friends in the past I can feel for you and know a little bit of what you are feeling now.
No doubt you'll read many posts saying how other people's sons and daughters did much the same, so all I can really say is "know that you are not on your own".
X
Awww Lissa ((((hugs))))
I don't have a lot in the way of advice I am afraid
Talking is the best option but we all know how difficult that can be with teens :?
Lying about your Dad was out of order, but maybe she will realise this in a few days and apologise
Hope it all works out hun
Minx x x
((((hugs))))I don't have a lot in the way of advice I am afraid
Talking is the best option but we all know how difficult that can be with teens :?Lying about your Dad was out of order, but maybe she will realise this in a few days and apologise
Hope it all works out hun
Minx x x
:rose: :rose: :rose: :inlove: :inlove: :inlove: Instead 
Having read your post and thought a while, I figured I might share the following with you, hoping it gives you a of light at the end of the dark tunnel you are probably in right now.
As a teenager, I was dreadful. Bloody horrible in fact! Why my folks put up with it I am not sure. Love I guess! But I turned out okay in the end (apparently). I can look back now and appreciate what it must have been like at the time and be surprised I didn't get locked up.
So, while it doesn't excuse the awful behaviour concerning your Dad (that, and her reaction, took my breath away), it may well turn out that the pain and suffering you have right now, will one day be a dim and distant memory. Perhaps in just a handful of years, you will find a completely different person than the one you know now, standing before you with her new family making you proud as punch.
Though why I am saying this I am not sure. We have all been teenagers right? I wouldn't go back if you paid me (on the other hand I would at least understand how to text on my mobile phone) they were difficult days to deal with, but they didn't last forever!
Just a thought!....
Mean time, keep yer chin up it will get better!
As a teenager, I was dreadful. Bloody horrible in fact! Why my folks put up with it I am not sure. Love I guess! But I turned out okay in the end (apparently). I can look back now and appreciate what it must have been like at the time and be surprised I didn't get locked up.
So, while it doesn't excuse the awful behaviour concerning your Dad (that, and her reaction, took my breath away), it may well turn out that the pain and suffering you have right now, will one day be a dim and distant memory. Perhaps in just a handful of years, you will find a completely different person than the one you know now, standing before you with her new family making you proud as punch.
Though why I am saying this I am not sure. We have all been teenagers right? I wouldn't go back if you paid me (on the other hand I would at least understand how to text on my mobile phone) they were difficult days to deal with, but they didn't last forever!
Just a thought!....
Mean time, keep yer chin up it will get better!
My suggestion would be to turn it around into something positive!!
Maybe this is a tad radical...but, accept that your daughter has left home, buy a small gift as a leaving present....maybe something useful for her new home.
Tell her that you will always be there for her if she has any problems and can always come back if it doesnt work out for her. Wish her all the best and cross your arms. legs, fingers, toes that it really does etc etc etc
That way your giving a postive message, that shes a *grown up* can make her own decisions and mistakes and shes responsable for them. Your daughter will learn an awful lot about herself, responsibility, managing a budget (or lack of one), finding another job if need be, getting up on time, etc..
It could open the lines of communication back up between you so you at least know whats happening in her life.
Easy for me to say, hard to do in practice!!
What ever happens I know as a Mum (and Dads too) worry like mad..... both my children left home together when they were 16 yrs old! I was horrified and totally distraught but they wasnt a thing I could do about it. My daughter never ever came back home, my son did twice (still here
:roll: ). What it did was allow all three of us to eventually talk without any pressues and listen to what they had to say.... it turned out it wasnt actually anything I had done or said! Even though I blamed myself for a quite a while.
All the best....... hugs xx
xanaisx
Maybe this is a tad radical...but, accept that your daughter has left home, buy a small gift as a leaving present....maybe something useful for her new home.
Tell her that you will always be there for her if she has any problems and can always come back if it doesnt work out for her. Wish her all the best and cross your arms. legs, fingers, toes that it really does etc etc etc
That way your giving a postive message, that shes a *grown up* can make her own decisions and mistakes and shes responsable for them. Your daughter will learn an awful lot about herself, responsibility, managing a budget (or lack of one), finding another job if need be, getting up on time, etc..
It could open the lines of communication back up between you so you at least know whats happening in her life.
Easy for me to say, hard to do in practice!!
What ever happens I know as a Mum (and Dads too) worry like mad..... both my children left home together when they were 16 yrs old! I was horrified and totally distraught but they wasnt a thing I could do about it. My daughter never ever came back home, my son did twice (still here
:roll: ). What it did was allow all three of us to eventually talk without any pressues and listen to what they had to say.... it turned out it wasnt actually anything I had done or said! Even though I blamed myself for a quite a while.All the best....... hugs xx
xanaisx
My daughter is 17 and at times is a feckin nightmare. I have to lock away our booze in the garage or else she steals it and gets wasted in her room...........she shouts and screams at me if I ever tell her off about anything and tells me to 'feck off' - 'go and drop dead, I feckin hate you'. Even a simple conversation can quickly turn into a confrontation. She massively under achieved at school but I've always been cool with her and never made her feel pressurised. Her room looks like we've been burgled and there is a constant battle trying to get her to tidy up a bit........ there is moldy food, stagnant drinks and used sanitary towels on the floor which I'm sure is all part of the rebellion and to 'shock'.
It does make you pull your hair out and wonder where you went wrong.
Another day she can be the sweetest daughter in the world and a joy to be with but not very often!!
The comments on this post have helped me, hope they help you xxx
It does make you pull your hair out and wonder where you went wrong.
Another day she can be the sweetest daughter in the world and a joy to be with but not very often!!
The comments on this post have helped me, hope they help you xxx
I would like to give a huge thank you to everyone who has posted and pm-d me about this. Knowing that other people have been and are going through similar problems makes me feel less alone.
I had one really bad moment last night, when I was sorting through things in my daughter's room. I found a list she had made of all the things she planned to buy with her first month's salary. It made me cry, because she has thrown all that out of the window.
It has become clear to me now that we can no longer live in the same house. She is not prepared to abide by a few simple house rules, and I am not prepared to let her run riot and have no responsibility or focus in life. She has made her decision apparent by her actions, and I am not going to try to talk her round.
She is my daughter, and I will always love her, but it is time she found out for herself what being grown up and taking charge of your own life really means. She will be welcome to visit, and I will not cut off all lines of communication, but for the time being at least she will have to sink or swim by her own efforts. Only that way will she learn.
I had one really bad moment last night, when I was sorting through things in my daughter's room. I found a list she had made of all the things she planned to buy with her first month's salary. It made me cry, because she has thrown all that out of the window.
It has become clear to me now that we can no longer live in the same house. She is not prepared to abide by a few simple house rules, and I am not prepared to let her run riot and have no responsibility or focus in life. She has made her decision apparent by her actions, and I am not going to try to talk her round.
She is my daughter, and I will always love her, but it is time she found out for herself what being grown up and taking charge of your own life really means. She will be welcome to visit, and I will not cut off all lines of communication, but for the time being at least she will have to sink or swim by her own efforts. Only that way will she learn.
Quote by anais
My suggestion would be to turn it around into something positive!!
Maybe this is a tad radical...but, accept that your daughter has left home, buy a small gift as a leaving present....maybe something useful for her new home.
Tell her that you will always be there for her if she has any problems and can always come back if it doesnt work out for her. Wish her all the best and cross your arms. legs, fingers, toes that it really does etc etc etc
That way your giving a postive message, that shes a *grown up* can make her own decisions and mistakes and shes responsable for them. Your daughter will learn an awful lot about herself, responsibility, managing a budget (or lack of one), finding another job if need be, getting up on time, etc..
It could open the lines of communication back up between you so you at least know whats happening in her life.
Easy for me to say, hard to do in practice!!
What ever happens I know as a Mum (and Dads too) worry like mad..... both my children left home together when they were 16 yrs old! I was horrified and totally distraught but they wasnt a thing I could do about it. My daughter never ever came back home, my son did twice (still here
All the best....... hugs xx
xanaisx
I'd run with that too.. I think that is really good advice to be honest :thumbup:
Kids are all the same, selfish buggers and stubbourn but thats just them finding there feet.
A few things strike me here, a boat and winter...... Mmm Comforts of home may well ring in her ears but only if you guys are talking and sort of getting on.
Our daughter found herself a really class act, not going into detail but lets just say he was from the family from hell and then some, she was besotted and we hated it but the more we fought the more she resisted.... Then like some stroke of pure genius I decided to change him rather than her... made him get a job sort himself out look smart and think about his actions, all went well, we got on a treat for a short time till she got bored and dumped him! Result is a new total time waster in her life....... still can't stand him but maybe I'm just going to have to lol....
Its hard but good luck, blood is always thicker than water...
Mike xxx
A few things strike me here, a boat and winter...... Mmm Comforts of home may well ring in her ears but only if you guys are talking and sort of getting on.
Our daughter found herself a really class act, not going into detail but lets just say he was from the family from hell and then some, she was besotted and we hated it but the more we fought the more she resisted.... Then like some stroke of pure genius I decided to change him rather than her... made him get a job sort himself out look smart and think about his actions, all went well, we got on a treat for a short time till she got bored and dumped him! Result is a new total time waster in her life....... still can't stand him but maybe I'm just going to have to lol....
Its hard but good luck, blood is always thicker than water...
Mike xxx
Quote by Lissa
She is my daughter, and I will always love her, but it is time she found out for herself what being grown up and taking charge of your own life really means. She will be welcome to visit, and I will not cut off all lines of communication, but for the time being at least she will have to sink or swim by her own efforts. Only that way will she learn.
i think this sounds like a great idea. let her know that you will always love her and that you will always be there for her and then stand back. we all learn by making mistakes but as parents we want to try to protect our children from making mistakes not for them to get hurt. they have to do it themselves sometimes to really 'get' what it's all about. they wont listen if we rabbit on at them cos it won't mean much to them.
hope this helps,
c
I'm really happy to be able to post some positive news today. 
I've just seen my daughter, and met 'boat-boy', and he seems like a nice young man. My daughter is obviously quite happy and well, and will be coming for Christmas dinner. It still isn't easy, knowing your last chick has left the nest, but I am going to just stand back now and let her go her own way.
A million big kisses to all of you who have been so kind and supportive over the last couple of days.
I've just seen my daughter, and met 'boat-boy', and he seems like a nice young man. My daughter is obviously quite happy and well, and will be coming for Christmas dinner. It still isn't easy, knowing your last chick has left the nest, but I am going to just stand back now and let her go her own way.
A million big kisses to all of you who have been so kind and supportive over the last couple of days.
Quote by Lissa
I'm really happy to be able to post some positive news today.
I've just seen my daughter, and met 'boat-boy', and he seems like a nice young man. My daughter is obviously quite happy and well, and will be coming for Christmas dinner. It still isn't easy, knowing your last chick has left the nest, but I am going to just stand back now and let her go her own way.
A million big kisses to all of you who have been so kind and supportive over the last couple of days.
Aww Lissa that's great news
and I think you have made the right decision ;)Minx x x
Warming the Bed
I went through hell with my daughter, similar scenario to Lissa. we allowed her to go her way and stayed in touch. eventually we met "him" and in fact he grew into a decent guy as years went by. he finally convinced us he was ok when he became a biker. now we all go out on our bikes together . BIKERS RULE *
Jay
Jay
my surrogate daughter left a racing stables last yr to join the army
shes been top of her class all the way through and her Co is so impressed he wants her to apply for a NCO place at sandhurst
shes been back home for xmas, met all her old mates and now wants to jack it all in to go back to an 80 hour week out in all weathers earning a pittance with no prospects just to ride horses again
im heart broken and i dispair, but shes head strong and nothing i can say makes a difference
i wanted all the good things for her that i threw away, but shes hell bent on making the same mistakes
my empathy and big hugs xx
shes been top of her class all the way through and her Co is so impressed he wants her to apply for a NCO place at sandhurst
shes been back home for xmas, met all her old mates and now wants to jack it all in to go back to an 80 hour week out in all weathers earning a pittance with no prospects just to ride horses again
im heart broken and i dispair, but shes head strong and nothing i can say makes a difference
i wanted all the good things for her that i threw away, but shes hell bent on making the same mistakes
my empathy and big hugs xx
Sex God
Quote by winchwench
if you still had chicks, there would be no Grossglockner on the bike!
:shock:
Lissa, glad things have come together hun
It's always heartwarming to see a happy ending. 