Swinger? No I'm not.

7 Nov 2005

Right, Iâ€™m feeling somewhat confused with my life in general at the moment and wanted to share a few thoughts/questions with you all.
I admit Iâ€™m not a swinger. I donâ€™t think I ever will be a â€œproperâ€ swinger.
I have thought about such things recently as I feel a bit of a fraud for being here. I donâ€™t have the mindset that swingers have and could not see someone I love be intimate someone else.
My views have changed somewhat since being here but I personally still couldnâ€™t swing. Iâ€™m not by any means saying itâ€™s wrong, just wrong for me.
Iâ€™m here for now, while single, to be part of a community and meet people but only temporarily, how temporary remains to be seen but alas, it is temporary.
I first joined the site for casual sex, then progressed from the ads to the forum and saw that this place wasnâ€™t just about sex. There are a whole load of people here wanting and looking for different things, labelled as different things etc etc.
Iâ€™ve met some wonderful people here and Iâ€™m glad I came back when my relationship failed back in April. I have been here socially only since then, due to personal â€œissuesâ€ but I feel Iâ€™m ready to meet people again and I have a bit more confidence than before so while I am still single (which, lets face it, could be forever! lol

) Iâ€™d like to remain a member on here and have some really great times and experiences.
My questions are:
Am I any less accepted/welcome on here because I couldnâ€™t be a swinger if I had a partner?
Am I some sort of fraud because Iâ€™m only here for meeting people in a sexual sense while Iâ€™m single?
If I meet a vanilla partner, will I still be accepted here just socially?
Knowing I couldnâ€™t swing with my partner (if I had one), do I have double standards if I meet with a couple?
Iâ€™ve been a bit confused since I came back in April and even more so since I started going to Munchâ€™s.
I guess I just feel like Iâ€™m deceiving people or something or that I shouldnâ€™t be here at all as my mindset isnâ€™t right for what this place is all about....primarily for swingers!
Your thoughts are welcome.
smile

7 Nov 2005

I'm sure I wont be the only one to say this,but................
lots of people here,are here,purely because,its a relaxed,fun way to chat,have a laugh and relieve the stresses of everyday everyone who attends munches are swingers its a damned good way to meet some brilliant people who can become great new friends.
Pebbs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

7 Nov 2005

Quote by onlyme1981
My questions are:
Am I any less accepted/welcome on here because I couldnâ€™t be a swinger if I had a partner?
No, peoples desires and intentions change all the time. Wanting to be a single swinger is not a bad thing.

Am I some sort of fraud because Iâ€™m only here for meeting people in a sexual sense while Iâ€™m single?
You are no fraud if you are being honest about what you want and how you feel. There are a lot of people on here who in the same boat.
If I meet a vanilla partner, will I still be accepted here just socially?
Of course, there are plenty of people who are an integral part of the site but either dont swing any more or never have swung.
Knowing I couldnâ€™t swing with my partner (if I had one), do I have double standards if I meet with a couple?
Nope - Your standards are not their standards, if swinging as a couple makes them happy then being a part of that even though you wouldn't want to do it is not double standards.

Just my late night opinions, but I think anyone who is tolerant, friendly and looking open minded friendships is welcome here regardless of what they get up to behind closed doors (Or even open ones. :twisted: )
Roger.

7 Nov 2005

Quote by onlyme1981
I have thought about such things recently as I feel a bit of a fraud for being here.

Bad Onlyme!!!! smackbottom

Of course you're welcome on here, tis lovely having you around kiss

So no more of that talk ok :jagsatwork:
The site is extremely diverse, that's what makes it tick over so well. From the people that do not swing, are only here socially, but have a very open mind to happily accept that people do, to the people that are full on, ain't ever gonna quit have booked me orgies for the next 6 mths in advance cos would hate to have an empty diary, people - with a whole load of people in between :bounce:
If you do meet that someone special and you introduce em to the site, course they would be welcome too - an open mind and an acceptance of everyones lifestyle is the only criteria to join :happy:
So stop your fretting and carry on having a blast!!!
:kiss:

7 Nov 2005

Rule number 1 round here is that nobody can force you to do anything you don't want to, with anyone you don't want to do it with.
If you don't want to jump into bed with me, then obviously I'm fine with that. If you don't want to jump into bed with anyone else in particular on this site, equally obviously I'm fine with that, and they have to be too. Extending that to not wanting to jump into bed with anyone from this site isn't much of a jump from there, to be honest.
We do have quite a few 'social-only' people round here, and they are always welcome - in fact I definitely prefer being knocked back on general principles rather than having my deficiences pointed out to me smile

As for wanting to be with just one person for the rest of your life and never experience group sex or the joys of a new partner ever again... sounds incredibly kinky and perverted to me, but it seems to be quite a common perversion, and while I personally find it a bit odd, I say live and let live! You might grow out of it eventually wink

7 Nov 2005

Quote by onlyme1981
Knowing I couldnâ€™t swing with my partner (if I had one), do I have double standards if I meet with a couple?

I agree with all the replies above and that's why I don't think you'll have any problems here. You're female and it seems in SH all females are welcome whatever.
I'm actually waiting for the SH righteous to jump on you about your comment above saying NOOOO if you have a partner and he's not swinging (and doesn't know you're swinging - presuming that's what you meant by saying meeting a couple) you'd be an abominable cheat and not welcome here etc. etc. (just use the search button for cheat and you'll see).
So my question for you Onlyme (if you don't mind me asking) is if you were to have a vanilla partner would you tell him you would like come here to meet with couples?

7 Nov 2005

Quote by awol
Knowing I couldnâ€™t swing with my partner (if I had one), do I have double standards if I meet with a couple?

I agree with all the replies above and that's why I don't think you'll have any problems here. You're female and it seems in SH all females are welcome whatever.
I'm actually waiting for the SH righteous to jump on you about your comment above saying NOOOO if you have a partner and he's not swinging (and doesn't know you're swinging - presuming that's what you meant by saying meeting a couple) you'd be an abominable cheat and not welcome here etc. etc. (just use the search button for cheat and you'll see).
So my question for you Onlyme (if you don't mind me asking) is if you were to have a vanilla partner would you tell him you would like come here to meet with couples?
I actually took it to mean that if she was swiging with a couple (Whilst single) but knew that she couldn't be a swinger if she had a partner would that mean she had double standards.
Maybe I am just optimistic but I assumed that she meant she wouldn't want to swing if she was with a serious partner - not that she would only swing behind his back.

7 Nov 2005

Quote by awol
Knowing I couldnâ€™t swing with my partner (if I had one), do I have double standards if I meet with a couple?

I agree with all the replies above and that's why I don't think you'll have any problems here. You're female and it seems in SH all females are welcome whatever.
I'm actually waiting for the SH righteous to jump on you about your comment above saying NOOOO if you have a partner and he's not swinging (and doesn't know you're swinging - presuming that's what you meant by saying meeting a couple) you'd be an abominable cheat and not welcome here etc. etc. (just use the search button for cheat and you'll see).
So my question for you Onlyme (if you don't mind me asking) is if you were to have a vanilla partner would you tell him you would like come here to meet with couples?
Oooh, I didn't mean it like that! redface

There is no way in this world I'd cheat on someone....I meant as a single, if I met a couple (right now, as a single), knowing that I personally wouldn't/couldn't swing when I have a partner, do I have double standards?
That stil probably doesn't make sense! I know what I'm trying to say but I can't word it any better!
Also, if I had a partner, I would tell him about the site, but I would only be here socially.

7 Nov 2005

Quote by rogerthedragon
Knowing I couldnâ€™t swing with my partner (if I had one), do I have double standards if I meet with a couple?

I agree with all the replies above and that's why I don't think you'll have any problems here. You're female and it seems in SH all females are welcome whatever.
I'm actually waiting for the SH righteous to jump on you about your comment above saying NOOOO if you have a partner and he's not swinging (and doesn't know you're swinging - presuming that's what you meant by saying meeting a couple) you'd be an abominable cheat and not welcome here etc. etc. (just use the search button for cheat and you'll see).
So my question for you Onlyme (if you don't mind me asking) is if you were to have a vanilla partner would you tell him you would like come here to meet with couples?
I actually took it to mean that if she was swiging with a couple (Whilst single) but knew that she couldn't be a swinger if she had a partner would that mean she had double standards.
Maybe I am just optimistic but I assumed that she meant she wouldn't want to swing if she was with a serious partner - not that she would only swing behind his back.
Thank you Roger....you put it better than me! smile

The whole reason for my thread was because I can't swing with someone I loved.... there is no way I'd go behind his back and swing with others and not let him see other people....now that is double standards!

7 Nov 2005

Quote by onlyme1981
Oooh, I didn't mean it like that!
There is no way in this world I'd cheat on someone....I meant as a single, if I met a couple (right now, as a single), knowing that I personally wouldn't/couldn't swing when I have a partner, do I have double standards?
That stil probably doesn't make sense! I know what I'm trying to say but I can't word it any better!
Also, if I had a partner, I would tell him about the site, but I would only be here socially.

Ahhh OK Onlyme (thanks you too Roger) so that makes sense (I THINK!) so it was my warped interpretation of your post then. My apologies.
Relax and enjoy Onlyme, you'll be welcome anywhere ;)

7 Nov 2005

Quote by onlyme1981
There is no way in this world I'd cheat on someone....I meant as a single, if I met a couple (right now, as a single), knowing that I personally wouldn't/couldn't swing when I have a partner, do I have double standards?

Would a straight man have double standards by advertising for a woman who wants to have sex with a man when he doesn't want to do that, himself?
How is your situation any different?

7 Nov 2005

onlyme? what ^^^^^ they all said!
if you had to be a hardcore "proper" swinger to be on here, whatever that means, well i think the membership would be very small indeed!
i stick around cos i love some of the people on here to bits, but as far as swinging goes . . . ??? a very occasional "when i think i've got my head round it all" thing. over the last 2 years . . . ???? dunno

i think that's pretty common, and it changes all the time?
neil x x x ;)

7 Nov 2005

You going no-where, biatch!
I mean, you're fine to stay and not play; you're fine to be a single swinger; you're free to come and go as you please, in whatever hat you may choose. Hypocrate? Not in my book.

7 Nov 2005

Quote by PeBbLeSDeMoN
I'm sure I wont be the only one to say this,but................
lots of people here,are here,purely because,its a relaxed,fun way to chat,have a laugh and relieve the stresses of everyday everyone who attends munches are swingers its a damned good way to meet some brilliant people who can become great new friends.
Pebbs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks for that. I guess it's all in my own head, the feelings of not being accepted because I'm not part of the mainstream or what the site was set up for.
I have met some brilliant people, some of which I class as true friends.

Quote by rogerthedragon

My questions are:
Am I any less accepted/welcome on here because I couldnâ€™t be a swinger if I had a partner?
No, peoples desires and intentions change all the time. Wanting to be a single swinger is not a bad thing.

Am I some sort of fraud because Iâ€™m only here for meeting people in a sexual sense while Iâ€™m single?
You are no fraud if you are being honest about what you want and how you feel. There are a lot of people on here who in the same boat.
If I meet a vanilla partner, will I still be accepted here just socially?
Of course, there are plenty of people who are an integral part of the site but either dont swing any more or never have swung.
Knowing I couldnâ€™t swing with my partner (if I had one), do I have double standards if I meet with a couple?
Nope - Your standards are not their standards, if swinging as a couple makes them happy then being a part of that even though you wouldn't want to do it is not double standards.

Just my late night opinions, but I think anyone who is tolerant, friendly and looking open minded friendships is welcome here regardless of what they get up to behind closed doors (Or even open ones. :twisted: )
Roger.
Thank you Roger.
It seems most people are tolerant and open-minded on here, which is one of the reasons I've stayed around. It is a brilliant community, sometimes people have gripes with each other but that's all part of life.

Quote by Missy
I have thought about such things recently as I feel a bit of a fraud for being here.

Bad Onlyme!!!! smackbottom

Of course you're welcome on here, tis lovely having you around kiss

So no more of that talk ok :jagsatwork:
The site is extremely diverse, that's what makes it tick over so well. From the people that do not swing, are only here socially, but have a very open mind to happily accept that people do, to the people that are full on, ain't ever gonna quit have booked me orgies for the next 6 mths in advance cos would hate to have an empty diary, people - with a whole load of people in between :bounce:
If you do meet that someone special and you introduce em to the site, course they would be welcome too - an open mind and an acceptance of everyones lifestyle is the only criteria to join :happy:
So stop your fretting and carry on having a blast!!!
:kiss:
Ok, just because you told me to, I'm going to stop fretting! lol

I know that the site is diverse and everyone on here is looking for different things, I'm glad that I can see that now and don't have to worry about not being accepted or any less welcome because I'm not a "proper" swinger.

Quote by neilinleeds
onlyme? what ^^^^^ they all said!
if you had to be a hardcore "proper" swinger to be on here, whatever that means, well i think the membership would be very small indeed!
i stick around cos i love some of the people on here to bits, but as far as swinging goes . . . ??? a very occasional "when i think i've got my head round it all" thing. over the last 2 years . . . ???? i think that's pretty common, and it changes all the time?
neil x x x ;)

:lol: I understand what you're saying completely. I change my mind all the time but I always make sure I'm not deceiving anyone and I try to not think about things too much because otherwise I think a thread like this is a good idea! :lol:
I know I'll wake up and want it deleted rolleyes

Quote by Vix
You going no-where, biatch!
I mean, you're fine to stay and not play; you're fine to be a single swinger; you're free to come and go as you please, in whatever hat you may choose. Hypocrate? Not in my book.

:lol: Thanks Vix
I've gone through a few stages of wanting to be here but thinking I shouldn't be, then being here to meet people, being here only socially and back to being here to meet people... it's all been very confusing but I'm glad I've stuck with it and stayed, like I've said, I've met some great people and hope to meet many more.
I'm not going anywhere, even if I do find a partner.... I'll still be here to talk bollocks and think too much and write silly threads... I wouldn't be any other way!
Thank you for your input everyone, I'm a lot more clearer on things now.
:kiss:

7 Nov 2005

Me personally cannot see any problem with you being here, as far as i can see your a genuine person, genuine as far as you are saying your only here for chat and not leading anyone one, so in my eyes thats fine.
How can you possabily see yourself as a fraud? if a couple wants to meet you then thats upto them, again your are open about what you want so can't see how you can be a fraud in anyway.
Many single peole swing till they find Mr/Mrs Right then stop its whats right for you, to many on here Mr/Mrs Right is someone they can swing with but to others its not thats your choice.
I shouldn't worry as i can't see how you are doing anything wrong, so long as we are honest about what we want, be it nothing but chat to a full blown orgy then we are genuine and welcome here

7 Nov 2005

As Neil said earlier if you HAD to be what is commonly recognised as a bona fide 'swinger' on here - there would be a greatly reduced membership. I certainly would not be here and neither would a lot of the people who have become friends. It would also not be the SH we know and love. It is the diversity of the membership which makes the place just what it is - a fully fledged community in it's own right!
You stay right here and stop feeling guilty or hypocritical!!!!!
You are part of the make up of this place just as is everyone else - swingers and non-swingers alike!

7 Nov 2005

As long as you agree to clean out the discarded beer bottles from the GFZ every Monday morning, generally keep SH Towers clean and tidy, oh and you remember to make the Big Black Dalec a huge coffee every morning so he doesn't get too grumpy, we'll let you stay. OK cool

:lol: :lol: :lol:

7 Nov 2005

This is great, I love it here so far, i'm also new and i'm really interested in gettin into it all!

7 Nov 2005

Onlyme... Hello.
What is it you want out of it???
You want to meet people.. Yes?
your social life is say 50 miles from your house...ie a drive there and back in a night.
but with SH you have the whole of the country at your feet..... also you can get rid of the gash before you think of meeting.... you can see what the person is like by reading the rest of thier threads within the site.... it's your choice.
To swing or not to swing............ you now have met someone via SH .... and you go to a munch... you don't have to join in... but you can... if you want.
You go to a party you don't have to drink ..but you can.
I've had a look at your advert..... and you are a red blooded female loking for a bloke... not a couple ..but a bloke. Not bothered about a one night stand.. but something a bit more.
You the same as everyone else who has put an advert into the site has laid out thier stall for everyone to see.......... you have stated what you want.. now people are out there window shopping..... some of them are right idiotswho reply and you can see that from the adverts.... and sorry to say it's blokes usually ..eg Couple looking for another couple... single blokes need not reply..... but the Richard Craniums still do...
Question........ Your advert, how many replies have you had???
How many worth while????
Are you a fraud......... like heck...
You say you don't want to swing....... so but you can still join in.. look at the phots of the parties etc... some remain fully clothed all the time... others are naked as they arrive... your choice............ and everyone accepts what you want.
Stay in here kid ... look around deleat the rubbish.. reply to what you want to reply to.. enjoy the comments from everyone... and put your twopenny worth in at any time.
look after yourself ..cos no one else will...
and stay in here and talk.........cos someone will listen and just to prove it how many have taken the time to reply to this posting on the site..... shows you are wanted.
See ya only me.... an see ya for a long time
Medownindevon
If we are both called ME are we from the same family??????????????????

7 Nov 2005

Onlyme, I agree with what others have said; you don't have to be a swinger to be here. If you leave us for a partner, you can always come back when you're ready. Just make sure you tell someone so we don't worry where you are!

7 Nov 2005

Quote by onlyme1981
My questions are:
Am I any less accepted/welcome on here because I couldnâ€™t be a swinger if I had a partner?

OK speaking as a member that's been here over 12 months and never swung I'd say no. There's always going to be people that are going to be a little less warmer to you because they're here to shag and if you don't they don't want to know, but on the whole the vast majority of the regulars are accepting, intelligent, tollerant people that just want to have a lot of fun either with clothes on or off. wink

Quote by onlyme1981
Am I some sort of fraud because Iâ€™m only here for meeting people in a sexual sense while Iâ€™m single?

I don't see why you'd feel like a fraud. There's plenty of guys trying to do exactly what you're doing, so what's the difference really?

Quote by onlyme1981
If I meet a vanilla partner, will I still be accepted here just socially?

Vanilla as in non-swinger? Hi, I'm easy and I'm still vanilla (wanna lick? :twisted: lol

)

You may find that ex-swinging/sexual partners get the huff with you because you've got a regular partner and they have lost a shag, but it's their problems and not yours.

Quote by onlyme1981
Knowing I couldnâ€™t swing with my partner (if I had one), do I have double standards if I meet with a couple?

As long as you're open and honest with everyone then I really don't see what any of the problems are. It's when you sneak off behind your partners back to meet a couple that problems could really start.

Quote by onlyme1981
Iâ€™ve been a bit confused since I came back in April and even more so since I started going to Munchâ€™s.
I guess I just feel like Iâ€™m deceiving people or something or that I shouldnâ€™t be here at all as my mindset isnâ€™t right for what this place is all about....primarily for swingers!
Your thoughts are welcome.

What's to be confused about? Live life, enjoy yourself and make sure that whatever you do makes you happy, even if it's only on a superficial level.
As I've said above, I've been here over 12 months (in forum terms that means I'm part of the bloody fixtures and fittings now rolleyes

:lol: ) and I've very seldomly been made to feel even slightly unwelcome, in fact I think it's been about twice by people that are no longer members and even then their comments were open to interpritation, but I chose to ignore the comments anyway.
You're always going to get people on the pick-up and if you're unable or unwilling then they'll just go and talk to someone else. In my mind it's their loss. I hope that the people I class as my friends here enjoy my sense of humour and my company despite the fact that I won't go to bed with them.

7 Nov 2005

Quote by easy
I hope that the people I class as my friends here enjoy my sense of humour and my company despite the fact that I won't go to bed with them.

That's it Easy - I'm going to have a strop now!!!!! rolleyes

That was said in jest btw!!!
I agree totally with Easy on this - those that don't want to know you because you are not a 'swinger' just aren't worth the effort anyway.
One or two have taken the huff with me in the past for this reason - but I can't say I have let it bother me for more than a nano second.
In my opinion, the best thing about this place are my non-swinging friendships which have developed.

7 Nov 2005

Quote by bluexxx
As long as you agree to clean out the discarded beer bottles from the GFZ every Monday morning, generally keep SH Towers clean and tidy, oh and you remember to make the Big Black Dalec a huge coffee every morning so he doesn't get too grumpy, we'll let you stay. OK
:lol: :lol: :lol:

you lucky sod!...............i have been wanting to do that for over a year now!.... you going to meet the BBD :shock: HUH!..!
Right i dont swing nooooooo i am a good girl i was only teasing you all really! rolleyes

Only me i hope you have got the picture now that you do not have to be a swinger to be in here at all.....i mean Easy and countist been here for over year now and they dont swing............ but i am not giveing up :twisted: :twisted:

7 Nov 2005

Iâ€™ve met you and I too thought you were lovely. You can only be a fraud by lying, and you obviously are not, so nothing to worry about.
Like most, I donâ€™t judge people by whether they are up for a shag with me or not, which is just as well really!

7 Nov 2005

its such a shame that you feel like a and Steve are what we call part time swingers,we do when it takes our fancy,which isnt all the time - far from hate to think that people only judged you by wether they could shag you or not.
easy was the first person who came to mind when reading your post and his reply couldnt have been better.
i hope you feel better seeing what peeps have put and everyone has their personal preferences and no one can fault you for that wink

7 Nov 2005

I don't think you're a fraud at all!!! You have been completely honest about what you're here for, if you are that worried about it why not put something in your signature - I have seen a few people do that over the past couple of years, put something like "Only here for the Social Side" or something like that, so people know what you're about.
But equally, if you don't want to do that then don't...... it's totally up to you.... biggrin

I would call myself a Swinger but perhaps not in the Conventional sense of the word as I don't have sex with anonymous people, I prefer sex with friends....although saying that, the word "Swinger" can be interpreted in a thousand different ways....so maybe I AM a conventional Swinger in MY interpretation of the word....
Anyway, what I'm trying to say, is that you're welcome here ANYtime hun and for whatever reason you decide you want to be here.....
That's just my inane ramblings on a Monday morning...LoL.

7 Nov 2005

Just enjoy yourself dear lady whether you consider yourself a swinger or not. wink

7 Nov 2005

Well what can I say - I read yer first post and thought 'Right I can answer these questions - I'm an expert!' But then I see everyone has answered them for me perfectly already - Roger being the first with a full and, as usual, spot on reply.
So what can I add - well you don't need me to say here what I think of you - you know that already.
But there is one interesting point about the attitude of swingers to non-swingers. Let's face it swingers are here primarily to satisfy their urge to swing (social side is often important but I think secondary) - so it is not surprising if they find non-swingers 'less interesting' - and usually that's as far as it goes - although sometimes it comes out a bit purple in some cases (I'll never forget a comment I received in Room 212! rolleyes

). I think this manifestation is also different depending on whether you are single or a couple and also whether you are male or female.
As a non-swinger you are at the more 'interesting' end of the spectrum if you are a single female and the other end if you are the male part of a couple.
Shit I've just depressed meself writing this! sad

7 Nov 2005

OnlyMe1981,
I think i understand why your feeling the way you do at the moment, As i've had similar thought's myself recently.
Since being here, we have only swung with probably only a handfull of people. To some people that might seem alot but to other's they have more than that in a week.
But, It's been just right for us, And that's what is most important. When we first joined here, we found out it was nothing like we thought it would be it's alot better, alot more social. Imho, That's why this site work's so well.
Now, I'm in a situation where i'm not going to be swinging for a while, And most people here know that, But i've found it has'nt made a difference, I am just like you still a great part of this amazing society, That make's this site.
smile

7 Nov 2005

Quote by westerross
As a non-swinger you are at the more 'interesting' end of the spectrum if you are a single female and the other end if you are the male part of a couple.
Shit I've just depressed meself writing this!

Bollocks - If you ever become un-interesting Tune then it'll be snowing in hell. biggrin