Got home late tonight and as Alex is a bit under the weather and lying on the sofa ..........no tea was made. So looking at starving kids and ill wife I rushed into the breach to save the day.
Now what is in the fridge and cupboards that is easy to make. A bit of ham, pasta, garlic bread and soft cheese. That'll do.........a bit of Tagliatelle :thumbup:
Boil the kettle and get the pasta on the go, get the cheese in the saucepan and start stirring. Pasta coming along great, the cheese is starting to melt.......time to chop up the ham. Re-boil kettle to pour over cooked pasta when ready, check on cheese and stir...........forget the garlic bread so put that on a baking tray and put in the oven. At this point it starts going downhill. Kids come in to see dad cooking and take up positions at the table to watch. I am feeling real proud of myself for saving the day. Look up to see that the pan of soft cheese that hasn't been stirred for 1 minute has developed an air bubble.....that is getting larger as I am watching. Pick up wooden stirrer and press bubble to deflate it......then BANG!!!!!! Since I forgot to add milk the cheese has become the same consistancy as napalm. The cheese erupts out of pan in all directions. Up the wall, along the counter and in my general diection. It spatters my hands and my face, also a small globulet has flown in the air and landed splatt......right on my bald spot. FECKING HELL this burns. I start screaming and raise my hands to my head to wipe away the burning cheese.........unfortunately I still have the wooden stirrer in my hand which is still inside the cheese sauce......this brings a load of cheese out that then splatts on me further. I am effing and jeffing as I get more covered in this sauce. I now have a burnt hand, face and bald spot. The kids are in fits of laughter and I am red in the face and getting ready to blow. Alex gets off the sofa and comes in........she takes the scene in and shakes her head and walks away, that just says it all really.
Tea was served with me covered in scorch marks and chuntering away..........and to top it all off. The kids went and said........."It don't taste like mums"!!!!!!!!!
I nearly had two ex-kids, buried under the patio...........bloody critics
Dave_Notts
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Tagliatelle should carry a health warning
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Sex God
:rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao:Please don't ever change :giggle:
for Alex 
Sex God
dave, you really should have your own show....maybe under the name of frank spencer :haha:
Sex God
Quote by Dave__Notts
the cheese is starting to melt.......check on cheese and stir............ Look up to see that the pan of soft cheese that hasn't been stirred for 1 minute has developed an air bubble.....that is getting larger as I am watching. Pick up wooden stirrer and press bubble to deflate it......then BANG!!!!!! Since I forgot to add milk the cheese has become the same consistancy as napalm. The cheese erupts out of pan in all directions. Up the wall, along the counter and in my general diection. It spatters my hands and my face, also a small globulet has flown in the air and landed splatt......right on my bald spot. FECKING HELL this burns. I start screaming and raise my hands to my head to wipe away the burning cheese.........unfortunately I still have the wooden stirrer in my hand which is still inside the cheese sauce......this brings a load of cheese out that then splatts on me further. I am effing and jeffing as I get more covered in this sauce. I now have a burnt hand, face and bald spot. The kids are in fits of laughter and I am red in the face and getting ready to blow. Alex gets off the sofa and comes in........she takes the scene in and shakes her head and walks away, that just says it all really.
Dave_Notts
OK so can you tell me why the Tagliatelle needs a health warning?
Warming the Bed
it's the visual about it landing directly on his bald spot that kills me 
:lol:
hope the burns aren't too bad.
:lol:hope the burns aren't too bad.
Sex God
lol!
Thank feck it wasn't Lasagne, you'd have had an eye out...
Class!
Thank feck it wasn't Lasagne, you'd have had an eye out...
Class!
Sex God
Quote by tweeky
the cheese is starting to melt.......check on cheese and stir............ Look up to see that the pan of soft cheese that hasn't been stirred for 1 minute has developed an air bubble.....that is getting larger as I am watching. Pick up wooden stirrer and press bubble to deflate it......then BANG!!!!!! Since I forgot to add milk the cheese has become the same consistancy as napalm. The cheese erupts out of pan in all directions. Up the wall, along the counter and in my general diection. It spatters my hands and my face, also a small globulet has flown in the air and landed splatt......right on my bald spot. FECKING HELL this burns. I start screaming and raise my hands to my head to wipe away the burning cheese.........unfortunately I still have the wooden stirrer in my hand which is still inside the cheese sauce......this brings a load of cheese out that then splatts on me further. I am effing and jeffing as I get more covered in this sauce. I now have a burnt hand, face and bald spot. The kids are in fits of laughter and I am red in the face and getting ready to blow. Alex gets off the sofa and comes in........she takes the scene in and shakes her head and walks away, that just says it all really.
Dave_Notts
OK so can you tell me why the Tagliatelle needs a health warning?
OMG.. I feel I have been led up the garden path, for mine and my family's safety I went straight to the cupboard and throw out the tagliatelle. I thought then I could rest easy in the knowledge that we are all safe and sound.
Sex God
Dave... of all the people in the whole of SH... you are my absolute favourite, without a doubt!
Oh... and at the risk of stating the obvious... it's perhaps you who should come with a health warning! :giggle:
Oh... and at the risk of stating the obvious... it's perhaps you who should come with a health warning! :giggle:
Sex God
Dave ring for a home delivery take out service next time....
Sex God
:giggle: oh thats just soooooo funny ty for cheering my day up
Sex God
Quote by Cubes
Food safety is a serious issue! The NHS spends millions each year on fondue related accidents! If you don't believe me then Google it!
That's got rid of the gullible ones for a while! :giggle:
Did you know the most common thing people choke on is potatoes, its true. People bite into roast potatoes not realizing how hot they are inside then do that breathing in with shock thing and swallow the potato whole.
Enjoy your Christmas dinner :twisted:
Sexpert
I am sat here giggling about this thread, whilst nursing a burnt finger!!! Cheese sauce is an evil thing!! and so is sweet making...lol
I was making some tablet for Christmas pressies and got a glob of the sugar solution spat out of the pan onto my finger!!!
I was making some tablet for Christmas pressies and got a glob of the sugar solution spat out of the pan onto my finger!!!
Sex God
Quote by minxysub
I am sat here giggling about this thread, whilst nursing a burnt finger!!! Cheese sauce is an evil thing!! and so is sweet making...lol
I was making some tablet for Christmas pressies and got a glob of the sugar solution spat out of the pan onto my finger!!!
I absolutely love tablet. Do you have a recipe?
Sex God
Quote by foxylady2209
I am sat here giggling about this thread, whilst nursing a burnt finger!!! Cheese sauce is an evil thing!! and so is sweet making...lol
I was making some tablet for Christmas pressies and got a glob of the sugar solution spat out of the pan onto my finger!!!
I absolutely love tablet. Do you have a recipe?#
I could get you one tomorrow... my mum makes killer tablet. I don't like it though... makes my teeth scream! :giggle:
Sex God
Can you send it to me too please DG 
Sex God
Will do! :thumbup:
Sex God
talkinh of haggis i went to school trip to eddy zoo and there was a meal on to scranning this piey thingy bob was cany nice to la asked what it was haggis the reply from the basid teach any way for years later i kept thinking this was haggis 20 odd year i aint had haggis as the piey thingy bob was a ......scotch fookin pie la 
