OK, whilst trawling another site I came across this thread topic, which to be honest had me spitting coffee over the laptop laughing, so I thought I get some fellow swingers views on theirEmperor Mong's Pronouncements:
It is three o'clock in the morning, and you have just come off stag. It is snowing and you are freezing and knackered. You get into your gonk bag and try to zip it up, but it gets stuck half way. You know you should try and free the zip, but a small voice in your head says, "You don't need to do up the zip! You will be quite warm enough. Just go to sleep!" This is the Emperor Mong speaking, one of the strongest and cruellest rulers in the universe. Needless to say, twenty minutes after you go to sleep you wake up freezing cold, and can't sleep for the rest of the night.
Over the years, The Emperor's pronouncements have made us make some of the most mongy decisions known to man:
Don't worry - If you just roll over and ignore it, that sensation from your bladder the size of a space hopper will go away. You will then be able to enjoy a full and restfull nights sleep. There will definitely not be the need for you to get up in agony in a short while having stayed awake while trying to ignore it
So, lets have it- what has The Emperor made you do?
Emperor Mong told me that if I fell asleep on my two seater sofa being 5'9' I would feel as rested as I do when sleeping in my own bed... (Sat Night a bit worse for wear)
Looks like Emperor Mong has only visited Splendid and I....
:violin:
Emperor Mong once told me that it was ok to clean the UPVC window frames with nail varnish remover. The window frames came up a treat but the jointing melted away :doh:
Dave_Notts
Emperor Mong once said to me it would be ok give a screw in a heater just a little tweak tighter, what he never mentioned was the two hours I would have to spend dilling out the sheered screw and re-tapping the threads
Do you know, I thought this was a reference to the Current Affairs Forum.
Erm...
Emperor Mong once told me that attempting to investigate a malfunctioning gas oven with a lighted match was a good idea.
Singed hair, a flash-over tan and two eyebrows less a little later I realised they'd been telling fibs.
EM - Might as well stay out and have another pint. You can get everything packed in the morning.....
EM - 'Go on, up here arse. She'll love it!'
EM - Keep driving, don't want to be late, there's bound to be a filling station in the next village.
EM - Go on its Sunday night, just have a couple more and WEwill both get up at six and iron your Kit mate.
I remember a time when I needed to visit the medical centre for some injections. Usual inoculations for some dump of a country I would be finding myself in, in the near future. As the kindly medic finished pumping my body with the concoction of drugs that would ward of Hepatitis, Malaria, Typhoid and Yellow fever or some such nasties, she reminded me that I was not to partake of heavy lifting, physical training or alcohol for the next 24 hours. At this point the dark lord, Emperor Mong turned up and whispered in my ear "Don't worry about that, the medics HAVE to say that, it doesn't matter if you have a beer tonight, the worse that can happen is you will get pissed quicker!"
As my departure from these shores in the near future entailed a protracted period with no access to any booze, I dutifully listened to the Emperor, and proceeded to go out on the lash that night.
Waking up in the shower, fully dressed and covered in sick and God knows what else, after what I was told was only a girls amount of beer, made me realise that EM was a tw@t!
