not sure what the answer here is , but i feel for you.
good luck with what ever happens xxxx fem xxxx
im not sure if it makes it easier if they feel the same or not??
i have fuck buddies who i care deeply for but defo do not love and would probally hate them in a relationship, however there is one guy who i recently met who i want all the time, im keeping my cool and not letting on at all as i have never had this happen to me before, and im sure its not what he wants to hear. maybe its just lust , but i have thought to say not see him again incase i get head fucked but i just cant pull away.
good luck xxxxxxxx fem xxxxxxxxx
hi berks bex if you got feelings for the other guy which are stronger than the feelings fir your regular guy you must go with whatever your heart says or else you could end up resenting your other partner and start arguing for no reason at all or you could end up on your own even woirst im afraid hun only you could make your mind up on this one but be carefull as you dont end up resenting both i wish you well as its a hard choice but most of all enjoy life and have fun on the way life is to short treat everyday as its your last because one day it will be all the best les happy swinging x
Simple answer: That's the time to stop. It's natural, it usually happens, it's usually fantasy. Your regular partner is predictable - where's the magic and mystery in that? The trick is to use the experience of magic and mystery you get from swinging as flavouring for the love life with your regular partner.
There's other options of course, total disaster included. You could ask yourself some hard questions (the answers at this stage might not make any difference but . . . )
Do you really love your partner?
Do you want to risk everything (and going off with your new lover risk the possibility/ probability that the novelty will wear off soon)?
Do you want to make it work with your partner - if so, what are you going to do about it?
Is the swinging lifestyle for you? (It's not for everyone).
Human answer - you're in a bind and don't know what to do. All the good advice in the world will probably not mean squat, especially if you are gripped by passion and uncontrolled emotion. And who is anyone else to give advice? You might go against all common sense and it could turn out to be the match made in heaven (unlikely, but quite possible). You have to work it out yourself, but the scenario sounds quite common - it's similar to just having an affair. If you've a close friend who's been swinging for a while try talking it over with them.
Good luck {hug}
x
It sounds like what you are saying is all in your head right now. Unless you talk to the other guy you may well be imagining more than is necessary.
Unfortunately this is the 'other side' of swinging.
I'm not sure whether this is necessarily a swinging question. Surely this could happened anywhere where you would have met other people, with or without your husband - anywhere from a workplace to a tennis club.
But anyway, there are no easy answers - I feel for you, and hope that in time, with good advice from friends you trust, and taking time to think things over for yourself, you will reach a happy solution.
Mike.
youre like a kid in a candy store....youve tried some and want more.....
as a great couple were swinging with, say.......enjoy it while it's there...and when you leave...close the door..and leave it behind....
i think thats the whole point ...enjoying the moment....it's when you want the moment to last...or make up for what you have...is when things do start to go wrong...by judging what you have ...with what you had for a moment........it's just sex.....make it anything more....then you may as well be having an affair.....you dont need to swing to do that...
unless that was youre escape..route...and doesn't help when youre partner doesn't do it ...either.....because if he's not enjoying some part of it...then it becomes, all about you...
you could lose it all......is it worth it!....(hope i aint been too harsh)
lol....too late she's already been assimilated!.......resistance is futile.....
mmmm
In a case like this take notice of what your brain says and do not listen to your heart.
A Heart can be broken but the brain lives on.
Thats the best I can sugest.
Good luck whichever way you go. xxxxxxxxx
Fred
Hi all
Pete here (must get around to starting my own account on here)
Every now and then a thread like this pops up, and if I was being totally honest, I would have to admit that they do scare me a little.
I recognise that everyone has their own reasons for being a part of this lifestyle, and I suppose for the sigelies among us it’s a bit different, but speaking as a couple, we had to do some very serious heart and soul searching before we decided to commit to the lifestyle, and even then we got it wrong to begin with.
For us the swinging scene is an enhancement to our emotional relationship, it gives our physical relationship extra zest, and it helps us to make new friends, but underpinning all that is a massive raft of trust, love, and mutual understanding of our needs. To cheat on one another is just totally unthinkable.
Now in case you are thinking that I am coming over all holier than thou please believe me when I say that is not my intention, but if you are a couple into the swing scene, surely certain promises have to be not only given, but religiously kept?
I realise that we are all human beings, with all the weaknesses that are so inherent in our species, and that it can happen very easily that certain chemistry between two people, chemistry that can either grow with time, or be there instantly, the minute your eyes meet, but is that not exactly the time when you need that strong self discipline to turn away? To say to your partner, hey, I think we may be developing a problem here? And then do something about it?
As someone has already said, is the thrill of new excitement with someone you don’t really know as well as you know your partner, really worth throwing everything you’ve worked so hard for away?
The new excitement will quickly wear off and you might just find yourself in a place where you really do not want to be.
Sorry about the long ramble, just my honest opinion.
Xx
Pete
Extremely tricky situation and I feel for you.
I'm sorry if this seems unhalpful, but as a guy I can't help putting myself in the situation of both the men involved here and feeling much more sympathy for your current guy than for the 'other man'.
Your current guy has allowed/accepted your sleeping with other men. It will be a bitter pill for him if you use that freedom he has given you to fall for someone else. Is that what he signed up for?
Apparently your 'other man' can't - or won't - cope with you staying in the lifestyle, and you doubt your ability to conform to his ideal. Your 'other man' wants you to stop doing the very thing that enabled you to meet him. You are currently struggling to stay within generous boundaries, yet are considering submitting to much stricter ones?
If I was that other man, I honestly hope I would break it off with you for the sake of your current guy because I know how I'd feel in his shoes.
Again, apologies if that doesn't feel very helpful - just my thoughts which you are of course free to ignore.
darkeyedphil,very well said.
im actually single, in a ideal world id meet a guy that was in to the same lifestyle and we'd swing together, or singulaly but with knowledge.
i dont do jelousey, its a futile emotion and hurts only your self. i wouldnt if in a relationship ever go back to a guy outside of that relationship if i felt feeling's for them more than lust.
im talking a load of babble so ill leave it there.
good luck
xxx fem xxx
Strangely enough swinging can present even more stringemt rules and commitments than ordinary marriage. Detracting from the laws of swinging can result in even lower self esteem than bog standard cheating.
Hi berksbex,
Bear in mind that there are other ways of doing 'relationships' - Just because society tells us that we have to be monogamous, doen't mean that we have to be.
Obviously swingers are 'over monogamy', in the general sense of not being jealous about sexual matters, but there is another way to have relationships with more than one person which does include love.
It's called polyamoury (polyamory in the US). This is a way of living where relationships CAN exist between several people at the same time.
Some people find that they can love more than one person at a time, and some people can't. I don't know how helpful this reply is in your case, but hopefully it's food for thought.
Best of luck!
(and have met some nice guys through this wonderful web site :P )
I suppose I just want to talk to someone about it really.....and I can't talk to my friends because they don't know what I do. 
) but I can't. Is that selfish?
