So, as a new single guy to this site I have been browsing the pages and sometimes posting. This place has a story section which makes me happy! But obviously I'd like to stop lurking at some point and actually meet people (best way to learn is to do etc). I know that the absolute worst thing I can do is crawl onto other people's computer screens drooling and leering, so I suppose its really two questions:
1. Which is a better way to introduce yourself, signing up for a big meet/event and chatting face to face or hanging out in the chatrooms online and building up a group of people who feel comfortable with you around?
2. Do people tend to message someone they like and meet up offline first (i.e. for coffee!), or is there a sort of ongoing video conference between loads of people for a few months and then people pair off and go their seperate ways as and when it suits them?
Yes I've seen the adverts for meetings, but it kind of looks like jumping in feet first would only lead to mistakes and frustration. I want a handle on what goes on here before jumping straight in (which is weird, because thats like the opposite of what you have to do outside, but never mind). So, any advice?
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Quote by Godot
So, as a new single guy to this site I have been browsing the pages and sometimes posting. This place has a story section which makes me happy! But obviously I'd like to stop lurking at some point and actually meet people (best way to learn is to do etc). I know that the absolute worst thing I can do is crawl onto other people's computer screens drooling and leering, so I suppose its really two questions:
1. Which is a better way to introduce yourself, signing up for a big meet/event and chatting face to face or hanging out in the chatrooms online and building up a group of people who feel comfortable with you around?
I would say both work both individually and together but in reverse order of how you posted, it would probably be better to work your way in via the chatrooms, get seen, noted, profile read, speak to people and perhaps email a few profiles, comment on a few pics on profiles etc. Raise your own profile by doing so, and then perhaps consider one of the social events, if there are people attending that you've been speaking to then maybe mention to them prior to it 'be nice to see you at such and such' and go on from there.
Quote by Godot
2. Do people tend to message someone they like and meet up offline first (i.e. for coffee!), or is there a sort of ongoing video conference between loads of people for a few months and then people pair off and go their seperate ways as and when it suits them?
Yes I've seen the adverts for meetings, but it kind of looks like jumping in feet first would only lead to mistakes and frustration. I want a handle on what goes on here before jumping straight in (which is weird, because thats like the opposite of what you have to do outside, but never mind). So, any advice?
Not sure how other people meet but for me/us if we're chatting online and there is some sort of rapport then maybe a couple of exploratory emails to see if we're all on the same lines and if that works maybe a phone call with a view to a meet somewhere (socially, just a drink will do) and if that works then filthy fun in the boudoir or wherever at a point in the not too distant future.
Also, swingers clubs, sometimes hooking up with people met online and maybe arrange the first meet at a club and see how things pan out, I/we've met a couple at a swingers club and now we meet them at the swingers club as opposed to anywhere else, at least when we arrange a meet with them we know it's for all the right n filthy reasons.
Thanks for the advice. Appreciate the bit about arranging a meeting at a club beforehand. Seems like there would be more single guys then anyone else there and 'third wheel' would set it. Beside it's to make a rapport happen before you meet someone for the first time or too much can go wrong. I have met up with someone from online before but it was a more traditional dating site and you pm people to make contact. Live chat is a bit different obviously 8p.
Yeah, what toots said, (especially the socials bit) though I didn't read it all....well i wouldn't, I'm a bloke.
If you want to meet you have to be visible. If you won't post pics on your profile then you have to show your face on cam.
The cam is the better option, no better way to get picked up than by being on cam in the chatrooms.
Please be aware that these people just want to use you as a sex object.
If you want to meet you have to be visible. If you won't post pics on your profile then you have to show your face on cam.
The cam is the better option, no better way to get picked up than by being on cam in the chatrooms.
Please be aware that these people just want to use you as a sex object.
I know that the absolute worst thing I can do is crawl onto other people's computer screens drooling and leering...
quote]
Personally we don't mind the odd leer or drool, what we really can't stand is idiots sending us unsolicited friends requests like you have done. Our last piece of advice to you is to read and respect others profiles.
quote]
Personally we don't mind the odd leer or drool, what we really can't stand is idiots sending us unsolicited friends requests like you have done. Our last piece of advice to you is to read and respect others profiles.
Sex God
Quote by Godot
So, as a new single guy to this site I have been browsing the pages and sometimes posting. This place has a story section which makes me happy! But obviously I'd like to stop lurking at some point and actually meet people (best way to learn is to do etc). I know that the absolute worst thing I can do is crawl onto other people's computer screens drooling and leering, so I suppose its really two questions:
1. Which is a better way to introduce yourself, signing up for a big meet/event and chatting face to face or hanging out in the chatrooms online and building up a group of people who feel comfortable with you around?
2. Do people tend to message someone they like and meet up offline first (i.e. for coffee!), or is there a sort of ongoing video conference between loads of people for a few months and then people pair off and go their seperate ways as and when it suits them?
Yes I've seen the adverts for meetings, but it kind of looks like jumping in feet first would only lead to mistakes and frustration. I want a handle on what goes on here before jumping straight in (which is weird, because thats like the opposite of what you have to do outside, but never mind). So, any advice?
welcome to swinging Godot where everyone is different
suck it and see would be the order of the day, some will like what others hate.
chat rooms and socials seems to be the key with some quality pictures to boot
uninvited whispers are an absolute no no and always have been, although many seem to ignore this most golden of rules
our biggest bug bare would be that there are two of us!!! many single guys seem to think that by ignoring/dismissing the male part of a couple the female will still want to meet,this definitely is not the case and often seals the fate of a potential meet.
our only other niggle is patience the fact that we swing does not mean we shag everyone or anyone. even though we go to clubs house parties and socials we just don't play for the sake of playing.
uninvited whispers are an absolute no no and always have been, although many seem to ignore this most golden of rules
quote]
Think you might be confusing your personal preference with any general chat room rules 3. Anybody can whisper uninvited at any time if they so wish. Granted, there is a unwritten code, for some, that they should always be preceded with a request. And, as stated in our previous post if a request or dislike is stated in a users profile it should be respected.
Suspect that a majority of chatroom users across the board would welcome uninvited whispers as it happens!
Sex God
Quote by DirtynSquirty
uninvited whispers are an absolute no no and always have been, although many seem to ignore this most golden of rules
Think you might be confusing your personal preference with any general chat room rules 3. Anybody can whisper uninvited at any time if they so wish. Granted, there is a unwritten code, for some, that they should always be preceded with a request. And, as stated in our previous post if a request or dislike is stated in a users profile it should be respected.
Suspect that a majority of chatroom users across the board would welcome uninvited whispers as it happens!
sorry but this observation is based on talking to many many couples over quite a few years in the chat rooms,socials,house parties and meets....
meanwhile i think Your opinion would be based on the many years spent in the wilderness as a single male and not those more recently spent as a couple
whilst the odd whisper may be acceptable anything up to 30 uninvited whispers whist Liza is appearing on cam can and does become an annoyance and tedious which results in us either turning off whispers or the cam
as for asking to whisper first it's just good manners!!!
quote]
sorry but this observation is based on talking to many many couples over quite a few years in the chat rooms,socials,house parties and meets....
meanwhile i think Your opinion would be based on the many years spent in the wilderness as a single male and not those more recently spent as a couple
whilst the odd whisper may be acceptable anything up to 30 uninvited whispers whist Liza is appearing on cam can and does become an annoyance and tedious which results in us either turning off whispers or the cam
as for asking to whisper first it's just good manners!!!
An observation or opinion on uninvited whispers is fine but the way that you originally put it made it sound like it was a chatroom rule, golden or otherwise.
I didn't actually give my opinion of whispering. Always prefer to be objective rather than subjective, I think it almost always serves the issue or argument better.
Wilderness is an extraordinary word (or place) to describe the state of being single. Are you able to expand on that?
sorry but this observation is based on talking to many many couples over quite a few years in the chat rooms,socials,house parties and meets....
meanwhile i think Your opinion would be based on the many years spent in the wilderness as a single male and not those more recently spent as a couple
whilst the odd whisper may be acceptable anything up to 30 uninvited whispers whist Liza is appearing on cam can and does become an annoyance and tedious which results in us either turning off whispers or the cam
as for asking to whisper first it's just good manners!!!
An observation or opinion on uninvited whispers is fine but the way that you originally put it made it sound like it was a chatroom rule, golden or otherwise.
I didn't actually give my opinion of whispering. Always prefer to be objective rather than subjective, I think it almost always serves the issue or argument better.
Wilderness is an extraordinary word (or place) to describe the state of being single. Are you able to expand on that?
Sex God
wideeyed you have my thoughts and opinions make of them what you wish!
i have no desire to hijack the thread, i have given our opinions to the OP and shared what we consider our niggled experiences of single males as a long term couple on this site.
i have no desire to hijack the thread, i have given our opinions to the OP and shared what we consider our niggled experiences of single males as a long term couple on this site.
Quote by Lizaleanrob
wideeyed you have my thoughts and opinions make of them what you wish!
i have no desire to hijack the thread, i have given our opinions to the OP and shared what we consider our niggled experiences of single males as a long term couple on this site.
Portraying personal preferences as site rules is rather hijacking the thread and should be challenged. And your frankly, bizarre use of the word wilderness to describe being single does overshadow somewhat the everyday theme of the thread. Maybe you were trying to be clever but it does come across as condescending, arrogant and quite unpleasant to us.
Happy to take the discussion to a new thread for expansion if it suits.
Sex God
Quote by DirtynSquirty
wideeyed you have my thoughts and opinions make of them what you wish!
i have no desire to hijack the thread, i have given our opinions to the OP and shared what we consider our niggled experiences of single males as a long term couple on this site.
Portraying personal preferences as site rules is rather hijacking the thread and should be challenged. And your frankly, bizarre use of the word wilderness to describe being single does overshadow somewhat the everyday theme of the thread. Maybe you were trying to be clever but it does come across as condescending, arrogant and quite unpleasant to us.
Happy to take the discussion to a new thread for expansion if it suits.
for your benifit! but im sure others understand the concept of golden rules they are not site rules they are unwritten codes of conduct, manners and respect
but if you want my true opinion then you are trolling, as i am very sure you understand fully
and as such id rather not feed the troll
for your benifit! but im sure others understand the concept of golden rules they are not site rules they are unwritten codes of conduct, manners and respect
but if you want my true opinion then you are trolling, as i am very sure you understand fully
and as such id rather not feed the troll
quote]
Yes, absolutely on board with the philosophy. We are strong on conduct, politeness, manners and respect and have relatively zero tolerance of poor or shabby behaviour in relation to any of the above. Relieved to see that you have made clear that they aren't site rules, philosophical harmony prevails!
To be perfectly honest, had to look up trolling as wasn't sure what it meant. Seems slightly perverse to accuse me of it when I am merely seeking to ascertain what you mean by 'wilderness' in relation to being single. It is a very strange word and context in relation to being of single 'status' as most people are on here.
You have evaded the question twice now as well as attempting to deflect with Wikipedia definitions and your troll jpeg. Surely your unwritten codes would compel you to provide some kind of explanation of what you mean/meant by wilderness in the context of being a single person when somebody asked. If you regret using it or in retrospect think it was probably an inappropriate description just say so, no worries.
but if you want my true opinion then you are trolling, as i am very sure you understand fully
and as such id rather not feed the troll
quote]
Yes, absolutely on board with the philosophy. We are strong on conduct, politeness, manners and respect and have relatively zero tolerance of poor or shabby behaviour in relation to any of the above. Relieved to see that you have made clear that they aren't site rules, philosophical harmony prevails!
To be perfectly honest, had to look up trolling as wasn't sure what it meant. Seems slightly perverse to accuse me of it when I am merely seeking to ascertain what you mean by 'wilderness' in relation to being single. It is a very strange word and context in relation to being of single 'status' as most people are on here.
You have evaded the question twice now as well as attempting to deflect with Wikipedia definitions and your troll jpeg. Surely your unwritten codes would compel you to provide some kind of explanation of what you mean/meant by wilderness in the context of being a single person when somebody asked. If you regret using it or in retrospect think it was probably an inappropriate description just say so, no worries.
Sex God
The simple answer is; there are as many ways to use this site as there are active users making use of it. (If that makes sense). That depends on what you want as an outcome, what you're looking for.
If you want one 'wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am' type encounters then adverts, certain chatrooms, clubs meets, arranged meets, would be the way forward.
If you want a more 'friends with benefits' type encounters then using the forums, certain chat rooms, go to munches and socials or club meets, chat with people with no expectations showing your personality.
And learn to read signals.
LG. x
If you want one 'wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am' type encounters then adverts, certain chatrooms, clubs meets, arranged meets, would be the way forward.
If you want a more 'friends with benefits' type encounters then using the forums, certain chat rooms, go to munches and socials or club meets, chat with people with no expectations showing your personality.
And learn to read signals.
LG. x Hah, yes I have already felt the wrath of one regular. Thanks for the advice; at the moment life is busy but I expect I will be back soon enough.
The trouble with being a man is you have to do a lot of legwork. Some of which gets peoples' goat, but if you do nothing, nothing is what you get. Perhaps face to face is better than online approaches!
The trouble with being a man is you have to do a lot of legwork. Some of which gets peoples' goat, but if you do nothing, nothing is what you get. Perhaps face to face is better than online approaches!
Quote by Lizaleanrob
uninvited whispers are an absolute no no and always have been, although many seem to ignore this most golden of rules
Think you might be confusing your personal preference with any general chat room rules 3. Anybody can whisper uninvited at any time if they so wish. Granted, there is a unwritten code, for some, that they should always be preceded with a request. And, as stated in our previous post if a request or dislike is stated in a users profile it should be respected.
Suspect that a majority of chatroom users across the board would welcome uninvited whispers as it happens!
sorry but this observation is based on talking to many many couples over quite a few years in the chat rooms,socials,house parties and meets....
meanwhile i think Your opinion would be based on the many years spent in the wilderness as a single male and not those more recently spent as a couple
whilst the odd whisper may be acceptable anything up to 30 uninvited whispers whist Liza is appearing on cam can and does become an annoyance and tedious which results in us either turning off whispers or the cam
as for asking to whisper first it's just good manners!!!
When I first joined the site there was a rule laid down by the site when using the chat rooms that people had to ask in the open room if it was ok to whisper someone. The site then got rid of the rule without many members at the time being aware.
I joined here with a free and open mind to get to know more about swinging and myself and our open relationship and to indulge within the lifestyle.
I feel lucky I joined when good manners were shown and laid down by the rules of the chat rooms, I honestly believe I was very shy and naive within the lifestyle in the beginning and thankfully I have spoken to and met some great people if I were to join here today I would of been put off by the degree of bad manners I am shown now days.
Since the site lapsed on this rule, I personally have found a difference of approach from men.
Many see woman here as a commodity to say what they like to in whispers rather than show respect to them. In all honestly I have learned to ignore most of it but then get accused I am rude in not responding when they whisper me. When quiet often I am already chatting in the main room or sometimes talking or teasing a friend in whispers.
I believe it is bad manner to butt into someones conversation and expect their attention to be turned your way, I find this a very selfish approach and rude and to be honest not someone I would want to talk to within this lifestyle as I often imagine what kind of lovers they are by the demands they make to me when I am just showing my face while chatting on cam.
I do however sometimes get cheeky on cam when time at home allows then I have been know to respond to the cheeky comments. I would never respond to men's demands of me unless we have established a friendship and I have given them personal permission to do so. Normally that is established in whispers with friends. :wink:
So have good manners be polite have a laugh be cheeky establish friendships then who knows what you would allow a friend to do.
Sorry I only tell my friends those bits. :wink:
Sex God
Quote by Theladyisaminx
When I first joined the site there was a rule laid down by the site when using the chat rooms that people had to ask in the open room if it was ok to whisper someone. The site then got rid of the rule without many members at the time being aware.
Removal of that rule did cause a few problems in the chatrooms for a while. Personally we much preferred it back then, and since the rule was taken away we have switched whispers off permanently.
It makes you wonder why someone expects an answer to a unsolicited whispered 'Hi' when they can't be bothered to say 'Hi' in the main room. Would they walk into a pub and start whispering in strangers ears?
I don't think it's 'rude' of people to whisper unannounced or uninvited, it may be considered etiquette to ask first but if not asked and a whisper is received there is no obligation on the recipient to have to answer it, you don't even have to open up the tab if you don't want.
For me personally, too much attention is paid to the dynamics of whispers, it's a function, it works and it can be switched off by the user at any time.
For me personally, too much attention is paid to the dynamics of whispers, it's a function, it works and it can be switched off by the user at any time.
Sexpert
We don't mind the odd unsolicited whisper, if someone has been following the conversation in the chat room, has obviously read our profile and whispered something related to either then fine.
We don't reply to the "hi, I live down the road from you, do you want to meet?" ones and if we are engrossed in conversation in the room will politely say "in the room please"
But to get back to the original question, everybody is different! we do find that the socials are very good as it will give others a chance to get to know you.
In the chat room, if you go on at about the same time of day most times you chat, you will probably find yourself joining in and developing friendships quite naturally anyway.
We don't reply to the "hi, I live down the road from you, do you want to meet?" ones and if we are engrossed in conversation in the room will politely say "in the room please"
But to get back to the original question, everybody is different! we do find that the socials are very good as it will give others a chance to get to know you.
In the chat room, if you go on at about the same time of day most times you chat, you will probably find yourself joining in and developing friendships quite naturally anyway.
Sex God
Quote by Trevaunance
When I first joined the site there was a rule laid down by the site when using the chat rooms that people had to ask in the open room if it was ok to whisper someone. The site then got rid of the rule without many members at the time being aware.
Removal of that rule did cause a few problems in the chatrooms for a while. Personally we much preferred it back then, and since the rule was taken away we have switched whispers off permanently.
It makes you wonder why someone expects an answer to a unsolicited whispered 'Hi' when they can't be bothered to say 'Hi' in the main room. Would they walk into a pub and start whispering in strangers ears?
it was a good six months before we realised the rule had been removed like you trev we ended up turning whispers off when Liza goes on cam.
Sex God
Reading this, I only just know the rule was removed. 
Not that I go in chatrooms much anyway.... Once a forumite, and all that tosh.
;)
And Godot... keep posting, when you've stopped being busy of course, I like reading what you have to say. New blood is always welcome (and will always put some noses out of place too of course, no-one really likes change and newbies can sometimes unsettle the roost).
One bit of advice though, don't lean on the 'I'm only a bloke' or 'us blokes have to do more work'. That is an unspoken given. Although there are more single women here than there used to be, there are also far more single blokes too. Manners always cost nothing and can get you most things, but a bit of occasional cheek can get your foot in the door.
LG. x
Not that I go in chatrooms much anyway.... Once a forumite, and all that tosh.
;)
And Godot... keep posting, when you've stopped being busy of course, I like reading what you have to say. New blood is always welcome (and will always put some noses out of place too of course, no-one really likes change and newbies can sometimes unsettle the roost).
One bit of advice though, don't lean on the 'I'm only a bloke' or 'us blokes have to do more work'. That is an unspoken given. Although there are more single women here than there used to be, there are also far more single blokes too. Manners always cost nothing and can get you most things, but a bit of occasional cheek can get your foot in the door.
LG. x 