`So which one is REALLY Elvis?`
Venusxxx
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The things kids say...................
ops:Ooo perfect thread, I was about to set one up about my little darlings. From my little girl when doing Dad stroke on head as she passed "Dad, I'm not a dog!" (She is 4)
As for my son (2) he came through tonight (he has a mild cold), we got worried when we saw what looked like loads of earwax. Putting all the lights on we cleaned out the ear debating doctors, painkillers, etc... Then we worked out what it was, chocolate. How he got that in his ear we don't know, but thats kids for you.
As for my son (2) he came through tonight (he has a mild cold), we got worried when we saw what looked like loads of earwax. Putting all the lights on we cleaned out the ear debating doctors, painkillers, etc... Then we worked out what it was, chocolate. How he got that in his ear we don't know, but thats kids for you.
Our 6 year old daughter was listening to the Beatles on the car radio. I explained that they were the Beatles,she then asked, if they were Beatles when they were young how did they turn into men when they were older!
On the anniversary of John Lennons death our local radio station played Woman, she asked ,well, if that man is dead, how come he is singing on the radio? :doh:
On the anniversary of John Lennons death our local radio station played Woman, she asked ,well, if that man is dead, how come he is singing on the radio? :doh:
From the 5/6 year old kids in my class:
Laura: "I'm going to my Aunties party tonight"
Me: "Is she married?"
Laura: "No she's a lesbian" then whispers "she's got a girlfriend"
Alice: "How come two ladies can't have a baby?"
Daniel: "How old are you?"
Me: "32"
Daniel: "Bloody hell I thought you were 40!!!!"
Jasmine: "Are you married?"
Me: "No"
Jasmine: "Have you got a boyfriend?"
Me: "None of your business"
Jasmine: "Arrrrrrr MISS HAS GOT A BOYFRIEND!!!" (Really loud around the class)
Laura: "I'm going to my Aunties party tonight"
Me: "Is she married?"
Laura: "No she's a lesbian" then whispers "she's got a girlfriend"
Alice: "How come two ladies can't have a baby?"
Daniel: "How old are you?"
Me: "32"
Daniel: "Bloody hell I thought you were 40!!!!"
Jasmine: "Are you married?"
Me: "No"
Jasmine: "Have you got a boyfriend?"
Me: "None of your business"
Jasmine: "Arrrrrrr MISS HAS GOT A BOYFRIEND!!!" (Really loud around the class)
My now 15yo girl when still young enough to need a child seat on a long journey somewhere.
"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with "f" (f mind; not F)
Mk II "Face"
A "No"
Me "Feather"
A "No"
Her older brother (by 3yrs) "Fags"
A "No"
This went on for about 20 minutes.
All " Okay A, we give in"
A "Fone, sillys. There" Pointing to my mobli in it's cradle on the fascia.
I still tease her about it now when I see her and she still says she remembers it.
"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with "f" (f mind; not F)
Mk II "Face"
A "No"
Me "Feather"
A "No"
Her older brother (by 3yrs) "Fags"
A "No"
This went on for about 20 minutes.
All " Okay A, we give in"
A "Fone, sillys. There" Pointing to my mobli in it's cradle on the fascia.
I still tease her about it now when I see her and she still says she remembers it.
My daughter H has come out with some classics ... most memorable are ...
She was about 3 for the first two ...
H: Mummy how does a power station work?
Me: Erm it's very complicated, ask Daddy to show you when we get home.
H: you don't know do you?
Me: Yes it's just very complicated
H: It's okay Mummy ..... we can't ALL be clever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
H: I know the French for yes .......... oui oui
Hubby: it's only oui oui for emphasis ... yes is simply oui ....
(few minutes elapse and you can hear the cogs turning in her head)
H if oui is is yes ... is the french for no .... poo?
Then at parents evening a few weeks ago ... (she's 7 now)
H: Miss my mummy's getting old.
Miss: I don't think she is H ...
H: Oh she is ..... you know she's almost old enough to be a Granny!!!!!!
(I'm 31 and she's the oldest!)
Kids ... :doh:
She was about 3 for the first two ...
H: Mummy how does a power station work?
Me: Erm it's very complicated, ask Daddy to show you when we get home.
H: you don't know do you?
Me: Yes it's just very complicated
H: It's okay Mummy ..... we can't ALL be clever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
H: I know the French for yes .......... oui oui
Hubby: it's only oui oui for emphasis ... yes is simply oui ....
(few minutes elapse and you can hear the cogs turning in her head)
H if oui is is yes ... is the french for no .... poo?
Then at parents evening a few weeks ago ... (she's 7 now)
H: Miss my mummy's getting old.
Miss: I don't think she is H ...
H: Oh she is ..... you know she's almost old enough to be a Granny!!!!!!
(I'm 31 and she's the oldest!)
Kids ... :doh:
(Background
Mk II's father was the most bigoted, homophobic racist I've ever met. Unfortunately, my son had to spend quite a lot of time in his company)
And my now 19 yo boy when he was just out of a kiddy seat on seeing two guys walking the down the street holding hands:
"Mum, Are they two of them gay c**ts??"
Mk II's father was the most bigoted, homophobic racist I've ever met. Unfortunately, my son had to spend quite a lot of time in his company)
And my now 19 yo boy when he was just out of a kiddy seat on seeing two guys walking the down the street holding hands:
"Mum, Are they two of them gay c**ts??"
I have probably said this somewhere else on the forum but here goes.
Child 'A' who was about 9/10 comes down stairs one Sunday morning.......
"mummy are you ok?"
Me "Yes sweetheart, why?"
A "Well I heard you making a noise lastnight"
Me "Did you sweetpea? What sort of noise"
A "OOH arrrrrrr yesssss oh God mmmmmmmmm"
Quick exit by Ian
Me "er............ er.................oh I think that was...........when I stubbed my toe on the bed"
We later went to my parents for Sunday lunch, yep, you guessed it. 'A' came out with the same impression over the roast.
*exit Ian and my Dad
After lunch my Mum gave me a right telling off about it and told me I should have known that when children get older you need to have sex on the settee and not up stairs.
JUST LIKE THEY DID :shock: Like you need to hear what your parents get up to :!:
Kids, you gotta love em
Dawn :silly:
Child 'A' who was about 9/10 comes down stairs one Sunday morning.......
"mummy are you ok?"
Me "Yes sweetheart, why?"
A "Well I heard you making a noise lastnight"
Me "Did you sweetpea? What sort of noise"
A "OOH arrrrrrr yesssss oh God mmmmmmmmm"
Quick exit by Ian
Me "er............ er.................oh I think that was...........when I stubbed my toe on the bed"
We later went to my parents for Sunday lunch, yep, you guessed it. 'A' came out with the same impression over the roast.
*exit Ian and my Dad
After lunch my Mum gave me a right telling off about it and told me I should have known that when children get older you need to have sex on the settee and not up stairs.
JUST LIKE THEY DID :shock: Like you need to hear what your parents get up to :!:
Kids, you gotta love em
Dawn :silly:
My eldest, when she was three, came down with chicken poxs. I put her to bed, she was grizzling. She was pointing at the particularly itchy spots wailing, and whilst I was tidying her bed she let out an awful wail, pointing to an especially large spot on her chest.
It took me a while to reassure her that the large spot which was upsetting her so, was in fact her nipple!
Venusxxx
It took me a while to reassure her that the large spot which was upsetting her so, was in fact her nipple!
Venusxxx
My 3 year old daughter came up to me one day and rubbed my chin (3 o'clock shadow)
daddy, are you growing a beard?
no, why?
you are all scratchy, if you grow a beard you will turn into Santa, i don't like Santa
(she freaked out at a santa's grotto when she was 2)
daddy, go and shave, I don't want you to turn into santa
bless.
daddy, are you growing a beard?
no, why?
you are all scratchy, if you grow a beard you will turn into Santa, i don't like Santa
(she freaked out at a santa's grotto when she was 2)
daddy, go and shave, I don't want you to turn into santa
bless.
Warming the Bed
My sister, who has 2 girls, related a story to me of when they were 6 and 8. She asked whre they were going...to which the youngest replied..."We're going outside to play the shagging game"...not wanting to draw attention to is...my sister then asked what that game was about...the youngest replied..."Its where the big one gets on top of the little one and goes...SHAG..SHAG...SHAG...SHAG...SHAG!"
:shock:
:shock:
Walking to school one morning my 5yr old was having trouble deciding if she wanted to be a princess or a ballet dancer when she grew up,eventually she turned around to me and said
"I think ill be a ballet dancer,ive never seen a princess who does ballet dancing!"
Classic,bless her,
Clare,xxx
"I think ill be a ballet dancer,ive never seen a princess who does ballet dancing!"
Classic,bless her,
Clare,xxx
The garage had become a little bit of a dumping ground, and it became time for a clear out.
I was accompanied to the local waste tip by one of the children. On the way back home I told him that the next trip would only be with two old bicycles, and a third trip would be needed with the rest of the rubbish.
"why don't you put the bikes on the bike rack and then put the rubbish in the boot, then you only need to do one trip".
FFS they never taught me common sense at school.
Ian_Mids
I was accompanied to the local waste tip by one of the children. On the way back home I told him that the next trip would only be with two old bicycles, and a third trip would be needed with the rest of the rubbish.
"why don't you put the bikes on the bike rack and then put the rubbish in the boot, then you only need to do one trip".
FFS they never taught me common sense at school.
Ian_Mids
Sex God
My Mrs and her mother went shopping and took our little boy with them. He spotted something he really wanted for about £20. My Mrs told him that if he really wanted it he would have to use the money from his savings to buy it.
He put it back
:? :?
They asked him why he'd put it back and he said "I'm not buying rubbish like that with my own money. That what your money is for."
He put it back
:? :? They asked him why he'd put it back and he said "I'm not buying rubbish like that with my own money. That what your money is for."
Sex God
this is one that happend TONIGHT! 
my daughter was doing the "whinging" thing when it was already past her bedtime... i lost my temper and told her "i am tired of this... get to bed now". she replied "if its YOU who is tired... why is it me who has to go to bed?"
... god help me when she gets to be a teenager!!!!
my daughter was doing the "whinging" thing when it was already past her bedtime... i lost my temper and told her "i am tired of this... get to bed now". she replied "if its YOU who is tired... why is it me who has to go to bed?"
... god help me when she gets to be a teenager!!!!
Sex God
unfortunately yes.. i do!!!!!
(still whinging lol)
she is probably older than you would expect her to be ...(she is eight!)
(still whinging lol)
she is probably older than you would expect her to be ...(she is eight!)
Warming the Bed
kids can say the funniest things and realey hang u out with out even trying 
:D Forgot one my delightful daughter came out with.
Busy ladies toilets in town centre, sharing a cubicle she went first and then I decided I needed a quick pee ...
Loud as you can imagine ... daughter said .. "Mummy, why do mummy's have fluffy bums?"
Cue hysterical laughter from next cubicle and we beat hasty retreat!!!!
Busy ladies toilets in town centre, sharing a cubicle she went first and then I decided I needed a quick pee ...
Loud as you can imagine ... daughter said .. "Mummy, why do mummy's have fluffy bums?"
Cue hysterical laughter from next cubicle and we beat hasty retreat!!!!
Quote by Marya
This afternoon I was sweeping the garden path and my 5 year old daughter asks if she can borrow the sweeping brush when I've finished.
"yeah sure ... what for?"
"For a bitch's womb" :shock:
I can't be certain but I think she meant 'witches broom'.
Oooooh pissed my self laughing! well not quite but i cried! LMAO
