thursday joke time

22 Jan 2004

Tony Leigh and Lorraine Lee first started talking when they discovered they had the same surname. Tony liked her a lot, and soon they were an "item".
Then, one day, he went to work and found that a new girl had started working with him at his office. She was very pretty. Imagine Tony's surprise when he found out that her surname was also Leigh ..... Claire Leigh. He became infatuated with her and after a while it became obvious that she was very interested in him too.
Tony was faithful, though, and he wouldn't do anything with Claire while he was still going out with his girlfriend. He decided that there was nothing left to do but to break up with Lorraine. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Then one day they went for a walk along the riverbank when Lorraine slipped and fell into the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.
Tony was initially horrified, but soon a smile spread across his face and he burst into song .....
I can see Claire Leigh now .... Lorraine is gone....
_______________________________
coz yer worth it biggrin

22 Jan 2004

Groan................
lol lol lol
Alex x x

22 Jan 2004

Thanks for that Harry_n_Wendy, you've got me singing that to myself all day now.
Wonders how many others he could bug by making them sing it too :twisted:

22 Jan 2004

If you think that one's bad !
Gervais is waiting on a man in a posh London restaurant. "is the squid fresh ?" asks the man. "yes sir, if you walk over here to the tank, you can pick the squid you'd like and we'll cook it for you" explains Gervais.
The man looks into the tank, and is drawn to this lime green furry limp squid on the bottom of the tank. "i'll take that one" he says pointing to it. Gervais reluctantly scoops out the lime green furry limp squid from the tank. This squid had been in the tank for quite a while, and Gervais had become attached to the squid. He takes the squid into the kitchen and lays it down on the chopping board. Holding the meat cleaver over his shoulder, he looks down on the lime green furry limp squid, and no matter how hard he tries, he can not bring himself to killing the poor squid.
Hans, the German pot washer, turns to Gervais and asks "what's wrong Gervais ?" Gervais explains that he's become attached to this squid, and he can't bring himself to killing it. "it's ok Gervais" says Hans "I'll do it for you" Hans takes the meat cleaver from Gervais, raises it above his head, looks down to the lime green furry limp squid, and he just breaks down crying "i can't do it" he sobbs.
This just goes to prove "THAT HANS (that does dishes) IS AS SOFT AS GERVAIS, WITH LIME GREEN FURRY LIMP SQUID" Think about it !

:rotflmao:

22 Jan 2004

and I though Harry's joke was bad.
Someone ban brumlad from the forum kiss

Dawn :silly:

22 Jan 2004

Quote by Dawn_Mids
and I though Harry's joke was bad.
Someone ban brumlad from the forum
Dawn :silly:

sorry folks :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin:

22 Jan 2004

SORRY ! well in advance
steve
x

22 Jan 2004

Frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a Â£30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow Â£30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the f**k is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Steve
x

22 Jan 2004

ok someone ban me from the forum then cos I can't take any more banghead

Dawn :silly:

22 Jan 2004

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
rolleyes

:roll: :roll: :roll: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: lol

:lol: :lol:

22 Jan 2004

Who the hell got Ronnie Corbetts old joke book out? mad

:x
Enough! :cry: :cry: :cry:
I'll tell you what you want to know...... rolleyes

I can't take any more..... confused

Sorry Sarge - they bad joked it out of me - the enemy know our plans! redface

Fred
Captive in the bad joke thread!

22 Jan 2004

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date.
He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet. Why don't you have a seat?,"
Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do.
Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.
"Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it!"
Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby â€” so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat himself. "Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"
A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.
About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:
''Dad, it's called the twist!'' !!!
Sorry smile