When I think back to my early days in trying naughty things the fear of meeting someone and not wanting to do anything made me a timewaster a few times. The thought of saying no made me chicken out but I'd leave it till it was to late to tell them because I desperately wanted and hoped to get over it in time. I would feel terrible for days after and not attempt another try for months sometimes.
SO I've come to accept that this happens and understand that some need more time and patience.
Nowadays if someone doesn't show I get in touch and tell them it's ok and when they are ready, to get back in touch. I also tell them I did the same at first but got over it.
I would have had less heatache if some one had said this to me.
I wonder how many of us chickened out once or twice at first???
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Timewaster or Nophobic????
That's a good point Hayley, it can be incredibly nerve wracking, especially the first couple of times. I nearly didn't go through with it when I went to my first party, if it wasn't for a very understanding and patient friend who came with me I may have spent the evening alone and crying in a hotel room! So thank you M if you read this, I had the most fantastic time once I got over my nerves!
It's a great point, well put.
We are not exactly first timers but we have always known the other couple for a bit of time before hand which eased the passage a bit (ooh err.....no pun intended!).
Those we plan to meet of the forum, we have at least got to know a bit about before hand but when we meet face to face it will be the first time and even as someone who personally doesn't really suffer a great deal from nerves, I know there will be butterflies, albeit excited ones but that is also part of the attraction for us.
The one thing I think is, as long as we all show respect and undertanding towards each other, then it will be easier to say No if need be at a particular time without anyone feeling hurt.
Dont make out you are something you are not, be upfront, honest and genuine. It's always stood me in good stead in day to day life and I dont see why it should be any different in this community.
We are not exactly first timers but we have always known the other couple for a bit of time before hand which eased the passage a bit (ooh err.....no pun intended!).
Those we plan to meet of the forum, we have at least got to know a bit about before hand but when we meet face to face it will be the first time and even as someone who personally doesn't really suffer a great deal from nerves, I know there will be butterflies, albeit excited ones but that is also part of the attraction for us.
The one thing I think is, as long as we all show respect and undertanding towards each other, then it will be easier to say No if need be at a particular time without anyone feeling hurt.
Dont make out you are something you are not, be upfront, honest and genuine. It's always stood me in good stead in day to day life and I dont see why it should be any different in this community.
When I first tried to get into the swinging scene, some 10 years back and before the internet was popular and making these things easier, I got a response from a lovely single lady whose ad I had responded to. When she gave me her phone number I, somewhat nervously, tried calling it. I was freaked out when a guy answered the phone that I hung up and never tried again! That's about as close as I've come to wasting anyones time.
Orgasminator
Noop not a chicken 
Sex God
Quote by zootle
When I first tried to get into the swinging scene, some 10 years back and before the internet was popular and making these things easier, I got a response from a lovely single lady whose ad I had responded to. When she gave me her phone number I, somewhat nervously, tried calling it. I was freaked out when a guy answered the phone that I hung up and never tried again! That's about as close as I've come to wasting anyones time.
About ten years ago, my sister placed an ad. She got a response from a seemingly very nice bloke and gave him her phone number, but he never called. She used to get these strange calls though, always when she was in the bathroom... I'd answer the phone and there'd be nobody there, just this sort of <clunk> sound.
Quote by Ice Pie
About ten years ago, my sister placed an ad. She got a response from a seemingly very nice bloke and gave him her phone number, but he never called. She used to get these strange calls though, always when she was in the bathroom... I'd answer the phone and there'd be nobody there, just this sort of <clunk> sound.
I've never chickened out but personal circumstances have forced me to review certain situations.
I'm nervous about getting back into swinging after recently coming out of a very public relationship through SH
i think I've been quite cautious as it takes time to get over any relationship, regardless of who ended it or how.
If I back out now, it's not that i don't want to, just that i'm scared! :shock:
I'm nervous about getting back into swinging after recently coming out of a very public relationship through SH
i think I've been quite cautious as it takes time to get over any relationship, regardless of who ended it or how. If I back out now, it's not that i don't want to, just that i'm scared! :shock:
for you MaryaIt can all feel like its all oneself,one sided but this thread shows everyone feels it in their own one thing thats a no-no is to just plain not turn cancel - thats always another all lead complicated lives,there can be practical reasons - and even if its a vibe/mood thing,we're not machines,its got to feel right.
Quote by roger743
If you're going to have an attack of nerves, that's okay, happens to everyone, but at the least you should pluck up the courage to let the poor sod know about it so they don't sit waiting for hours, or drop them an email to apologise afterwards. I mean, that's common courtesy, isn't it?
Fear is not a controlable thing and does funny things to you, when most of us started we didnt even have mobiles let alone email, there was nothing instant about it and fear grows if left long enough.
I also picked up the phone one time and explained how I felt, before i finnished the sentance was told "fcuk you then"
As an individual I try and understand now.
Quote by hayleyw2
I also picked up the phone one time and explained how I felt, before i finnished the sentance was told "fcuk you then"
Well, no argument that there's some pillocks out there.
Sounds like it was just as well you didn't go through with it!I mean, what is wrong with some people?
Sex God
We'd never canceled a meet before the one Vix mentioned above. In fact, despite our agreed assertion not to shag on a "first date", we've invariably taken all but one of our potential partners to bed within hours of our initial meet! 
I, too, feel really bad about canceling but it's something Vix & I took time to discuss a few days ago and we both agreed we weren't totally comfortable with the situation. Thus, I composed a polite, inoffensive e-mail explanation...but have received no reply as yet.
The one thing we don't want is to get a reputation for being time-wasters - we're quite the opposite, in most cases - so it's good to hear that others have had this experience as well...
~Reese!
P.S. ...still feel bad about it, tho.
I, too, feel really bad about canceling but it's something Vix & I took time to discuss a few days ago and we both agreed we weren't totally comfortable with the situation. Thus, I composed a polite, inoffensive e-mail explanation...but have received no reply as yet.
The one thing we don't want is to get a reputation for being time-wasters - we're quite the opposite, in most cases - so it's good to hear that others have had this experience as well...
~Reese!
P.S. ...still feel bad about it, tho.
Quote by MQ
Marya I'm gonna be terrified at the Teesside meet so if you want to hold hands that's ok with me
Absolutely, hunny! No need to be scared of that though, its just a social meet.
It's the pressure of meeting someone knowing that they have expectations (even thought they say they don't - come on, i know how it works!) that scares me.
I've had to turn someone down that I met and it was horrible. "I'm sorry, this just isn't going to work out" just doesn't cut it. He was fairly ok about it. If he hadn't been I could've played the "why send a pic of yourself from 15 years ago, then??" card.
I've had 2 no-shows by the same person (don't I ever learn??).
All of that put together is why i don't do meets and why I advertise as "not looking" then hopefully i can get to know people better and make better judgements.
It is really annoying to be 'stood up' but you do have to give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes. swinging can be a scary pastime.
