Chewing gum can be removed from clothes, by placing them in the freezer. This is not recommended for treatment of chewing gum in the hair.
A public school teacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Home Secretary said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Met Police with carrying weapons of maths instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us," Reid said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x` and `y` and refer to themselves as `unknowns,` but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with co-ordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle".
When asked to comment on the arrest, The British Prime Minister , speaking from his holiday resort before the planes stopped flying, said, "If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Maths Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."
Every morning smile to your mirror, but why stop there? Smile to your kitchen table, to your living room sofa and to your iron board. Beware, don't smile to your dishwasher it may take it as provocation.
Better to give, than to receive (true only on case of infections)
1. Baking soda or vinegar leaves windows spotlessly clean. It also adds a shining lustre to tired looking testes, especially when used in conjunction with some emery cloth or an orbital sander.
2. Have a nasty stain that you can't get rid of? Why not wipe your arse properly or stop wanking in your undies? Failing that, jump into a communal Jacuzzi in a club and the bubbles and contaminant body fluids will probably dissolve your stained knicks completely.
3. Give a thong as a wonderful double Xmas present for sexy nights in, or to cut the cheese with to have with your glass of Port.
4. Be Green and save your anal douche waste. Farmers spray all kinds of contaminated, foul-smelling shite on their fields, so put it to good use on his carrots and let him save a few bob in diesel for his tractor.
Man with tool in woman's mouth may not necessarily be dentist
If you can't fix it with duck tape you haven't used enough
if you love lush bath bombs but hate the bits, tie them in a tight or stocking, all the loveliness none of the bits
dont waste fresh ginger, chillies, lime leaves, herbs, simply freeze as they are on day of purchase, apart from the ginger, peel that first, grates really easily when frozen
Tip of the day.....Blackstock Road
Perfect for all your recycling needs
x 
I had you down as more of a GQ or Country Life man myself 
:lol:
