Okay, DG mentioned in a different thread that she has often considered a thread about fantasies. This prompted me to post this: I have no idea if this is what she was thinking of, but here you go...
I have many and varied fantasies. Some of them I have been lucky enough to act out and some will remain firmly in the fantasy realm. Some involve nameless, faceless folk and others are based on people and situations I know.
A lot of my fantasies involve quite violent sex: some with me as the "aggressor" (for want of a better word) and others with me as the "victim." Many involve me in situations that I would hate to find myself in if we were talking reality, and yet I find them sexually quite stimulating.
Also I find that I can be quite aroused by written descriptions of violent sex, but violence in porn is not something I really enjoy.
I'm always intrigued as to where such fantasies stem from: are they an outward form of some hidden inner desire or are they merely aids for masturbation, nothing more and nothing less.
I'd be interested to hear other people's views: are these common fantasies? Do you fantasise about things you find abhorrent in 'real life'?
Hmmm... food for thought and hopefully debate.
Nola x
Nail & head nola! :thumbup:
I'll be back when I've composed an essay! :twisted:
An interesting topic this one. Violent sex
It depends upon the context in which violent sex takes place. In reality the victim is usually powerless and has no say in what is happening to them nor has the power to stop what is happening. In the fantasy world in which you wish to act out these fantasies of violent sex the victim/subordinate partner has the power to say stop and expect it to happen. In the fantasy world there is also trust between the persons invovled otherwise it just isn't going to happen but is some thing that doesn't happen in the real world invovling violent sex.
As for myself I do sometimes fantasize about violent sex but in my mind wether I am the aggressor or the victim, we are all willing participants. I to like to read fictional accounts of violent sex knowing that it is just that fiction/fantasy and isn't for real and is written for erotic stimulation.
I can't bear to watch violent sex in porn films. Is it for real or just very good acting? I just don't know and I cannot decide to my complete satisfaction that the victims are willing and safe carrying out the plot. On a porn site I did see a woman in a BDSM video who looked extremely distressed and was crying wholeheartedly. I couldn't bear to watch and felt rather helpless that I couldn't stop what I witnessed. Promptly stopped the video.
For myself I can see no problem with violent sex in a fantasy context providing that the participants all understand their roles, the game play, there is trust, and above all can be stopped with a safe word if someones boundary is reached or crossed.
Hey nola, you put this bit down >>
Also I find that I can be quite aroused by written descriptions of violent sex, but violence in porn is not something I really enjoy.
I'm always intrigued as to where such fantasies stem from: are they an outward form of some hidden inner desire or are they merely aids for masturbation, nothing more and nothing less.
Are they not inextricanly linked in some way?the idea of violence in someones head is turned into violence as porn on film. What I find interesting is if it wasn't a poular choice of porn then it would fade away and become very "niche" market indeed. However most porn films i seem to watch especially from our LA cousins seem to involve some sort of violence in them.
OK the violence may only be spitting (only ffs I find that a real turnoff) into the face of most frequently in porn aimed at the straight populacewomen. I dont know if its the same in Gay or Lesbian porn but it would be interesting to hear.
The violence to me is even in things that others find maybe isn't violence Anal gaping the way porn depicts fisting choking and gagging(a real big in thing in porn it seems) even until theses girls spew or cry with the discomfort. This is mainstream it seems but for me I find it violent.
The fantasy type stuff I can sort of see being an attraction in the mind and maybe in the "controlled" situation though I must admit I once witnessed a porn flick in which this took place and I could not believe how real it was. The violence was brutal unforgiving and merciless the punches and the cuts looked real enough to me to make me destroy the video.
It would be interesting to hear from someone if they are brave enough to post who enjoys anonymous violence.
I started out with a clear cut agenda in typing this post but now i've sort of lost my way a bit but 'm going to post nonetheless.
I think theres a weird kind of contradiction in this fantasy, and obviously I generalise. Silky likes rough sex to a point, and has often mentioned near ' ' fantasies. However on closer inspection the erotic nature of these ideas almost always centres around the feeling of being to incredibly desirable to the other party/parties that they simply cannot control themselves and have to take you. Thats all fine and dandy except what is implicit in that also is the euphoria of having sexual power and control because of your desirability. Of course in its true meaning has very little to do with the victims control, and often very little to do with sex- centring more around violent dominance to assuage insecurities in the attacker.
I suppose the classic scenario often involves groups of men as this adds to the feeling of total sexual helplessness but it has to be said you can probably substitute 'helplessness' for 'responsibility' because the one thing that can be said for forced sex is that no matter how much you enjoy it , it was not your mind that instigated it and so you are not the one that suggested such filthy things happening.
So like many fantasy scenarios it is a very complex mixture, probably different proportions of each in each individual, involving at once a feeling of sexual desirability and control and of total abandonment and lack of responsibility. As long as the proportions of each remain in the right balance in the psyche of the fantasist its fun, but from what I have seen it isnt always an easy balance to maintain.
Whatever it is, it aint.
Peace
(did i go on too much again?)
I could write a mini-thesis on this topic, but I fear I'd bore you senseless.
Suffice to say the one difference between a fantasy and actual , is that in the fantasy you must have inordinate trust in the person you are with. That gives you the security to push your boundaries perhaps beyond where you would normally, but still retain the sense of being 'safe'. It is the acceeding to the demands of another, whatever they are and regardless of many of your own personal feelings which stimulate some, that feeling of helplessness, and being at the wanton beck and call of someone else, even if it is entirely manufactured. Of course to do this correctly, you have to understand your partner a great deal. You must know where, when and how to push them. That applies to the "victim", as much as the "aggressor".
The fantasy is about exceeding your own pre-defined limits on sex, it is about losing control and sacrificing your will for that of another, which in itself is hugely attractive for some. Actual is none of this, it is simply a selfish, loathsome abuse of power with no regard for he other person. In a fantasy while the notion is that there is a "victim" and an "aggressor", what you will find is that the aggressor is often inordinately careful and caring with their victim, even if they give the impression they don't. The actions of the aggressor will not be aimed at humiliating their victim, but turning them on. The actions may well be the same (cumming on their face, spanking etc), but the intention from one to the other is entirely different.
My one concern with this fantasy would be that it is misunderstood by one of the parties, namely the aggressor, be they man or a woman and that genuine harm may be done, whilst thinking this is all "part of the fun". This is where the lines become blurred and which is why I state you must have inordinate trust and understanding of all parties involved. There are ways and means around it "safewords" and the like, but sometimes even they can play a part in the fantasy and some people do not feel the need for them.
I've spoken to a few women who have had this fantasy. I've even played with one who told me I could do "anything I wanted" to her. She was very fond of being whipped with a riding crop, which initially frightened me and I didn't know what to do. I am a big fella, if I hit things, they tend to stay hit for a good while and not like it very much if they remain conscious. Therefore, to allay my fears, my solution was for her to show me how she liked it, by hitting me with it as she liked.
I learned VERY quickly. I also learned I could never be a sub. Well not unless you like crying and foaming at the mouth with threats of "do that again and I'll tie your tits to your toenails!"
We never got into the whole fantasy area and I don't think we ever would. I don't like the feeling that I am taking the power from any situation, I do love the feeling that I am being handed the power willingly by someone who trusts me.
All I can then do, is hope that I use that trust and power placed in me in a way which is mutually beneficial to us both.
So I can understand the whole " fantasy" idea (though I loathe the term with a passion), but I can also see a much more positive flip side of similar sexual acts but played out in a different and less threatening situation between two people who have enough trust in each other and understanding of each other to push the boundaries still further.
And yes this IS the short answer. Apologies for wiffling.
One of the best threads I've ever read on here was Darkfire's thread on this subject. I've tried & failed to find it many times.
Good call :thumbup:
I watched a programme years ago which I only have very vague memories of. It involved female bank robbers. There was a scene in which one of the women was tied up in a warehouse (willingly) by her boyfriend- it was immensely erotic.
I had tremendous guilt for even toying with the losing control- and the being used- element of sex. Then I got into a conversation with a friend. She'd been , but fantasising about forced sex is still her number one turn on.
I'll be reading this with interest.
My own view is that I am happy to do whatever my partner wants to turn them on, provided we both understand that. This includes 'hurting' them with the sole intention of turning them on.
If I actually hurt someone for real. I would be beyond mortified and I doubt I would ever do anything approaching that ever again.
That for me, is why the trust and understanding has to be so resolute. Flower makes an excellent point too, so many men shy away from the fantasy because if you go through the logical route of police questioning, you try proving it wasn't ? The only thing negating that is the consent of the woman involved. If she changes her mind, where is your defence.
As I say, trust is beyond important in these situations in my view.
Think I've posted on this thread topic every time it has popped up!
So as I've probably waffled on about before, this is my favourite, in fact probably my only fantasy.
It's probably getting to the stage where I almost need to be forced/pinned down/choked/slapped/thrown about etc in order to cum, and it is the 'non-consent' section in literotica that I go to first.
I've not quite worked out why I like it so much, I kinda like feeling 'smaller' like I can just be thrown about, I like the feeling of being 'used', i like the gangbang 'fantasy', but it will always stay just that, i also like the idea of being a good little girl who's taken advantage of, I suppose because I'm quite shy, and not very good at initiating.
hmmmmmmmmm
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Did I not mention the fantasies I have where I'm all aggressive and stuff - you'd better watch it! 
:therethere:
