WANTED - davej | Swinging Heaven

23 Sep 2004

Quote by neilinleeds
sorry dawn, it was an innocent typo.
i did of course mean 15 goldfish, not 5! i apologise profusely for the confusion. i mean Mr DaveJ Sir would have my guts for bleedin' garters were i to suggest he was only worth 5 little fishies now wouldn't he?
neil x x x ;)

15

: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?:
Oh Flucking hell Neil, you are so getting on my tits!

Thats it, I've had enough. I'm going now cos I can't cope that I can't keep you men happy :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
Dawn :silly:
<<<<< slams lid down on her laptop and walks away hanging her head in shame while wiping tears from her eyes>>>>

23 Sep 2004

Well I hope youre happy with yourself now Neil mad

Just look what yove gone and done
TUTS
<<FFS>>

23 Sep 2004

aw dawn come here :therethere:
i was only joking. don't take it so much to heart? come on, have a tissue. big blow! good girl! now come on dawn, you coming back into this thread? eh are you? that's better.
s'ok warwick, i think i talked her round. she can throw a right strop when she wants can't she eh? i dunno mate. i mean it was a bleedin' joke ffs! no sense of humour some people
neil x x x ;)

23 Sep 2004

Quote by warwick
And your point Easy?

I didn't think he was sharp at all. dunno

23 Sep 2004

Quote by easy
Goldfish explanation is here in the first 3 pages of the thread I think

Bloddy hell I'd forgotten just how funny that thread was .... crying with laughter now , crap day and a very welcome thread .. I no longer need to drown in vodka.
Have acquired some goldfish since this thread .... Im beginning to wonder if the theory that goldfish are taking over the world is coming true :shock:

23 Sep 2004

Quote by Calista
Bloddy hell I'd forgotten just how funny that thread was .... crying with laughter now , crap day and a very welcome thread .. I no longer need to drown in vodka.

Ooohhhh I just read it for the first time...... and I'm

:rotflmao:
It's what I would term a classic SH thread that one.... :giggle:
Shireen
xxxx
P.S. Warwick............

Quote by warwick
Do you think this threads gone a tad off the rails Mids please dont mention bleedin Parrots....Shireen ll be here any second now...and I reckon this threads gone montypython enough

I'm going to

:smackbottom: you for that!!

23 Sep 2004

Glad you enjoyed it Calista. I sometimes forget how good some of the threads are on here.
Anyway, back to the goldfishs attempts to take over the world, ours has vanished :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
I mean it's gone!!! Not in it's bowl, not jumped out of it's bowl and fklapped around on the floor, not hidden in it's shell or under a leaf I mean it GONE confused

:? :? :?
Think I'd better go and check our collection of kitchen knives to see if one of those is missing as well. :shock: :shock: bolt

23 Sep 2004

Easy,
i was gonna have a go about your previous comment about me not being sharp or something, but i'll let it go!
are you saying you have been so remiss in your responsibilities, that we now have an armed and dangerous goldfish on the loose? eh? are you? you forgot to put the lid back on the bowl didn't you. not only do the girlies hate it when you leave the lid up, it leads to deadly knife wielding goldfish rampaging through the innercities, slashing and burning and joyriding and stuff!
will you people never learn?
neil x x x ;)

23 Sep 2004

Quote by Dawn_Mids

Dawn :silly:

Lol Dawn - absolutely brilliant!!!!!!!!!
but.....
I want him ALIVE please :twisted:

23 Sep 2004

Quote by neilinleeds
Easy,
i was gonna have a go about your previous comment about me not being sharp or something, but i'll let it go!

:rude:

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Quote by neilinleeds
are you saying you have been so remiss in your responsibilities, that we now have an armed and dangerous goldfish on the loose? eh? are you? you forgot to put the lid back on the bowl didn't you. not only do the girlies hate it when you leave the lid up, it leads to deadly knife wielding goldfish rampaging through the innercities, slashing and burning and joyriding and stuff!
will you people never learn?
neil x x x ;)

Yes and no.. :neutral:
As a worying aside I've noticed that I've got Â£200 missing which is, coincidentally, just enough for a train ticket to Leeds and a tub of Virgin brand fish flakes. confused

I've also found a card with Davej's face on it and a telephone number at the bottom of the now empty tank. dunno

What's all that about then?
Unless Davej's started hiring really professional hit-fish :shock:
Neil GET AWAY FROM THAT TOILET MATE :shock: :shock:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

23 Sep 2004

Quote by Dawn_Mids
sorry dawn, it was an innocent typo.
i did of course mean 15 goldfish, not 5! i apologise profusely for the confusion. i mean Mr DaveJ Sir would have my guts for bleedin' garters were i to suggest he was only worth 5 little fishies now wouldn't he?
neil x x x ;)

15

: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?:
Oh Flucking hell Neil, you are so getting on my tits!

Thats it, I've had enough. I'm going now cos I can't cope that I can't keep you men happy :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
Dawn :silly:
<<<<< slams lid down on her laptop and walks away hanging her head in shame while wiping tears from her eyes>>>>
Hang on now wait a minute! Are we talking goldfish that can do the ironing - 'cos if we are then it should be no more than 10 FFS - there aren't that many left anyway! If it is washing up goldfish then we could creep up to 12 but even then I'm not sure.
Neil why don't you think out you specifications first eh???

23 Sep 2004

It is our destiny to save not destroy the poor little helpless goldfish on this planet.

Play today biggrin

Save Goldfish lol

:lol:

23 Sep 2004

Quote by easy
Goldfish explanation is here in the first 3 pages of the thread I think

OMG
half of the contributors here are certifiable, or should I say this place is full of comic geniussses
That journey was so surreal, I can see that assimillation will take a while but I am learning that resistance is futile.
Just need to adjust the levels to seriously deranged
jerry the merry

23 Sep 2004

Is VAT payable on Golfish rewards? If it is, may I suggest we raise it to Goldfish.
I understand Dave J is VAT registered, so he should be able to claim it back.
I've been thinking about which of a Goldfish to cut off. I can't think of any bits that the little blighters don't actually use while swimming round their little bowls. So, I suggest we tell them to 'keep the change. After all, it pays to keep in with these VAT people...

23 Sep 2004

Easy!
it better not be 200 bleedin' quid from leeds to manchester or i'm fooked tomorrow!
Tune!
if you think i've nowt better to do that calculate, to the exact <<<tut>>> and <<<ffs>>> the exchange rate for every single species of goldfish, whether they can do the ironing or not, well . . . . erm . . . i'm sure i have something very important to do somewhere! i'll get back to you when i find it!
Agricola!
please don't muddy the waters with VAT calculations cos i'm waiting to see this goldfish assassin bash it's brains out when it realises that i put the toilet lid down! more than me lifes worth to leave it up, and by a curious coincidence, it may just save me life! Ha! takes more than a goldfish to outwit me yer know!
<<< goes off feeling all big and clever carrying an imaginary carpet under each arm . . . >>>
neil x x x ;)

23 Sep 2004

Quote by agricola
Is VAT payable on Golfish rewards? If it is, may I suggest we raise it to Goldfish.
I understand Dave J is VAT registered, so he should be able to claim it back.
I've been thinking about which of a Goldfish to cut off. I can't think of any bits that the little blighters don't actually use while swimming round their little bowls. So, I suggest we tell them to 'keep the change. After all, it pays to keep in with these VAT people...

Excuse me but goldfish plus VAT is golfish. The fact that Davej can claim back the VAT means that we are then left with goldfish alwys assuming that upon apprehension the said Davej wants to release the taxable amount, which, quite frankly I doubt - he's got his head so far up his.....
Far better to go for a round figure as the reward and sort out the tax situation later.
I vote 10 ironing goldfish with ancilliary washing up skills as a minimum.

23 Sep 2004

Quote by neilinleeds
Tune!
if you think i've nowt better to do that calculate, to the exact <<<tut>>> and <<<ffs>>> the exchange rate for every single species of goldfish, whether they can do the ironing or not, well . . . . erm . . . i'm sure i have something very important to do somewhere! i'll get back to you when i find it!
neil x x x ;)

Too late already done! It's not the species that counts it's the skills set!!

23 Sep 2004

<<<<pokes her head in.......looks round........wonders what the hell she started but is too upset to care........wanders back out :cry: :cry: :cry: >>>>
Dawn :silly:

23 Sep 2004

Quote by neilinleeds
Easy!
it better not be 200 bleedin' quid from leeds to manchester or i'm fooked tomorrow!

Â£25 for the train ticket and Â£175 for the fish-flakes. I always wondered if they were genuine fish-flakes, ie flakes of fish confused

:? :? :? :?
BTW do you ever switch your MSN on?

23 Sep 2004

Quote by westerross
Is VAT payable on Golfish rewards? If it is, may I suggest we raise it to Goldfish.
I understand Dave J is VAT registered, so he should be able to claim it back.
I've been thinking about which of a Goldfish to cut off. I can't think of any bits that the little blighters don't actually use while swimming round their little bowls. So, I suggest we tell them to 'keep the change. After all, it pays to keep in with these VAT people...

Excuse me but goldfish plus VAT is golfish. The fact that Davej can claim back the VAT means that we are then left with goldfish alwys assuming that upon apprehension the said Davej wants to release the taxable amount, which, quite frankly I doubt - he's got his head so far up his.....
Far better to go for a round figure as the reward and sort out the tax situation later.
I vote 10 ironing goldfish with ancilliary washing up skills as a minimum.
Agreed on your latter points Tune (the was calculated on the original 17).
However, on reflection, FIVE fish would be plenty, providing you find a loaf of bread and a large crowd to go with them. I have biblical evidence that this equates to at least 5,000 meals. If we assume the average spent in MacRonalds to be a fiver, then this is Â£25K!! For that amount we could pay to get someone in to do the ironing ...
...(I hear that Mrs FC is looking for some extra income to pay for her new Moderator's hat...)

23 Sep 2004

Quote by Easy
BTW do you ever switch your MSN on?

only when i'm tarting! i can't do that multitasking thing. too many windows! ;)
anyway back on topic . . . . .
Agricola. it's all well and good quoting the inspired word of God, and believing that a handful of goldfish can feed the multitudes, but you are not the messiah, you're a very naughty boy!!
neil x x x ;)

23 Sep 2004

Never mind Monty Python - I believe you'll find it is the Goodies who know a thing or two about Ironing Goldfish

Quote by Bill Odie
Oh h' how I wish I could buy myself a pet flat fish,
But no-one wants to sell their sole,
A hake and a halibut would be very pally,
But you hardly ever see a skate,
That hasn't been mashed on a plate,
And so I'm ironing my goldfish, ironing my goldfish,
A big steam-iron on his face, I keep on trying 'til I get some plaice,
Ironing my goldfish, smoothing out his surplus fat,
Well I know it's rather cruel, but it's oh such fun,
Ironing my goldfish flat hey hey, ironing my goldfish flat.
I tried to use a rolling-pin, he only came out long and thin,
Then I thought if he was squeezed beneath - a small elephant a day
He'd look like a manta ray, but I couldn't make my goldfish squash,
'Til I put him in with the wash,
And now I'm ironing my goldfish, ironing my goldfish,
And now he's like a tobacco leaf, I wear him in my pocket like a hankerchief,
I'm ironing my goldfish, I use him as a table mat,
I know it's rather cruel, but it's oh such fun,
Ironing my goldfish flat hey hey, ironing my goldfish flat,
He's rather like a turbot with a shiny nose,
Oh - ironing my goldfish flat,
And that's that,
Splat,

23 Sep 2004

Quote by neilinleeds
BTW do you ever switch your MSN on?

only when i'm tarting! i can't do that multitasking thing. too many windows! ;)
anyway back on topic . . . . .
Agricola. it's all well and good quoting the inspired word of God, and believing that a handful of goldfish can feed the multitudes, but you are not the messiah, you're a very naughty boy!!
neil x x x ;)
Yeah but I'm sure with a team effort (think apostles here) I'm sure we could manage that and if Mrs FC can to the ironing - well done and dusted!
Five and a french stick it is then - brilliant.

23 Sep 2004

Quote by celticq
Never mind Monty Python - I believe you'll find it is the Goodies who know a thing or two about Ironing Goldfish

And now I'm ironing my goldfish, ironing my goldfish,
And now he's like a tobacco leaf, I wear him in my pocket like a hankerchief,

You know, I thought Davej had a nice orange hanky in his pocket at the last NW munch.... now I'm not so sure! :shock: :shock:

24 Sep 2004

Quote by easy
Glad you enjoyed it Calista. I sometimes forget how good some of the threads are on here.
Anyway, back to the goldfishs attempts to take over the world, ours has vanished :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
I mean it's gone!!! Not in it's bowl, not jumped out of it's bowl and fklapped around on the floor, not hidden in it's shell or under a leaf I mean it GONE :? :? :?
Think I'd better go and check our collection of kitchen knives to see if one of those is missing as well. :shock: :shock:

I found out where your goldfish has gone.
He got famous and went to live in warmer climbs.
Away from those bleeding siggy seekers.

24 Sep 2004

How the f did this thread ever get to this stage confused

:
certifiable the bleedin lot of ya lol

24 Sep 2004

Quote by Angel Chat
Never mind Monty Python - I believe you'll find it is the Goodies who know a thing or two about Ironing Goldfish

And now I'm ironing my goldfish, ironing my goldfish,
And now he's like a tobacco leaf, I wear him in my pocket like a hankerchief,

You know, I thought Davej had a nice orange hanky in his pocket at the last NW munch.... now I'm not so sure! :shock: :shock:
SEE NEIL I TOLD YOU DAVEJ WAS WORKING WITH THE GOLDFISH!
Just watch yourself mate. You've heard of the Sicilian Necktie, well you could end up with a goldfish kippertie. :shock: :shock: :shock:

24 Sep 2004

Quote by warwick
How the f did this thread ever get to this stage :
certifiable the bleedin lot of ya

Don't ask me dunno

I only put the bluddy wanted poster up and look what happens :shock:
It was all the males arguing the toss over how many Goldfish davej is worth. Personally I think we should have left it at 17 and I'm disappointed that some value him so little :cry:
Dawn :silly:

24 Sep 2004

YES 17 sounds good
BUT :!:
Would that be small or large Goldfish confused

:

24 Sep 2004

Oh FFS Re-Lapse don't you start as well

:smackbottom::smackbottom::smackbottom:
Dawn :silly: