What do you do?

4 May 2007

Hello

While doing the bitch work this morning, I got to thinking about the whole married/attached person playing away from home and wondered what the forumites opinions of this were.
Scenario to ponder
You meet a nice sounding male/female in the chatrooms and, after chatting regularly to the person decide to meet up. This person claims to be single. However, for whatever reason, you discover that the person is not infact single. Would you still go through with what you met up for or would you tell them to sling their hook? Honest replies please.

4 May 2007

Well I'm playing away from home... but I guess as I let people know this, this may not apply to me. confused

In Edit: I can't spell!

4 May 2007

Nope- they lied, simple as.

4 May 2007

Quote by winchwench
Nope- they lied, simple as.

Ditto
Surely this swining Lark has to have a basis on trust?
And.....Does lying make anyone horny?(added by Mrs Lost)

4 May 2007

I fell into that trap when we first joined the scene. I found out half way through our hotel meet :shock: but didnt have time to think about it so I didnt realise the significance of it (to me).
Im ok (to a certain extent) with the playing away from home bit as long as the person is up front and honest about it, I think confused

Well I think it depends upon the person that does it actually too, what feel I get for them. What their personality tells me about them.
Im starting to confuse myself now :? lol

louise xx

4 May 2007

Ohhh nooo not again. Will just keep quiet so no one wants to set me on fire bolt

4 May 2007

Quote by Lost
Nope- they lied, simple as.

Ditto
Surely this swining Lark has to have a basis on trust?
Exactly :thumbup:
We would swing with a married person and we do swing as singles but only if everyoneunderstands the situation and agrees to it biggrin

Swinging, its all about consent :thumbup:

4 May 2007

Quote by Dawnie
Nope- they lied, simple as.

Ditto
Surely this swining Lark has to have a basis on trust?
Exactly :thumbup:
We would swing with a married person and we do swing as singles but only if everyoneunderstands the situation and agrees to it biggrin

hear hear :D
Swinging, its all about consent :thumbup:

4 May 2007

Sling their hook!
I may not like the idea of someone playing without their partners knowledge, but one thing I detest is liars.

4 May 2007

Quote by louise_and_joe
Im ok (to a certain extent) with the playing away from home bit as long as the person is up front and honest about it, I think Well I think it depends upon the person that does it actually too, what feel I get for them. What their personality tells me about them. and maybe also what is expected from the meet?
Im starting to confuse myself now :?
louise xx

Think I understand what your saying Louise, same for us too I think. If we later found that we'd been lied to we'd feel as though we were also being deceitful and that would not go down very well at all!
Mr & Mrs G

4 May 2007

The thread appears to be getting into the standard cheat or not to cheat argument.
If I was presented with a cheat beforehand, I would swing, because its an opportunity to enjoy sex, which I would do because I liked the person. If I discovered a cheat subsequently, I would still swing because I would already be committed to having sex.
rolleyes

4 May 2007

Ive been on the receiving end. It is not nice to discover your long term partner has been on the scene and playing when your a vanilla.
So having been there i'd never play with anyone who had an oblivious partner at home.
love Fridays x

4 May 2007

When I first joined here, I played with a few married men. I didnt really have a view either way to whether it was right or wrong.
However, after meeting so many married, and together couples at munches and socials and things, I realised that you can have it both ways. And the married guys are just after a lay.
I however, do still play with one. When we first got together, I spoke to his wife on the phone. She was really nice, and explained that she doesnt have a sex drive, he does. And providing she doesnt get a pregnant woman on her doorstep, she has no issues!!!
And to me thats kinda what its all about. Honesty with everyone, that way everyone knows what they are getting, or not getting!! And hopefully no one gets hurt!!

4 May 2007

Couldnt give a onkeys either way tbh.
If your having fun then who cares?

4 May 2007

Quote by se7endriver
Couldnt give a onkeys either way tbh.
If your having fun then who cares?

The people who suffer if it gets found out. Like wives and children - or even single females who fall for 'single' men online. confused

4 May 2007

but they are not on here having this discussion so from the point of view of the forum postes i stand by my who cares if your having fun motto.
at the end of the day if you totally happy in your existing relationshop then you wouldnt be meeting others for intimate activities so from the outset somethings not right.
not wanting to start and argument im just stating my opinion.

4 May 2007

Quote by kazswallows
Sling their hook!
I may not like the idea of someone playing without their partners knowledge, but one thing I detest is liars.

:thumbup:

4 May 2007

Quote by se7endriver
but they are not on here having this discussion so from the point of view of the forum postes i stand by my who cares if your having fun motto.
at the end of the day if you totally happy in your existing relationshop then you wouldnt be meeting others for intimate activities so from the outset somethings not right.
not wanting to start and argument im just stating my opinion.

Not taken as an argument at all but I think Ill stick with FB on this one....ok at first glace it seems that it's ok and everyones having fun, but what about when the guy or gal who's cheating on their partener leaves their mobile at home one night and their other half looks in it.....then goes mental and starts calling the person the cheater has been seeing.....or maybe the other half might find out where they live and go round there etc etc etc.....definately not something I would want to happen to me so I am careful of who I play with.

4 May 2007

Fair point,
but like i said each to their own

4 May 2007

Quote by Angel Chat
Sling their hook!
I may not like the idea of someone playing without their partners knowledge, but one thing I detest is liars.

:thumbup:
Me too,
thats why i tend not to ask lol wink

4 May 2007

Quote by Kiss
Well I'm playing away from home... but I guess as I let people know this, this may not apply to me.

Exactly!
Surely the entire world on SH knows that Sappho and I are a couple (we even met through this site, for goodness sake). Does that mean we wouldn't play separately? No, not at all - though we haven't (yet!).
However, it WOULD be with the knowledge and approval of each other. If I was going to meet someone and they weren't totally convinced of this then I would offer them the chance of talking to Sappho first. Similarly, I would be happy to talk to anyone that Sappho was going to meet if necessary.
I strongly believe that a swinging relationship is much more honest than many 'vanilla' relationships. Playing behind each other's back is not necessary and, therefore, inexcusable.
Will

4 May 2007

Well I'd put them on the rack, then Id hang draw & quarter them and feed them to the seagulls innocent

4 May 2007

i really don't care what anyone's status is. if they've taken a decision they can live with, who the fuck am in to have an opinion on their choices?
what i DO demand is that they are honest about it with us / me. 'informed consent' is probably wearing thin, but so long as i know, i have the option to make a choice. i have no opinions on the choices they've made.
finding out you've just shagged a married man playing away from home? :shock: it's not their marital status that bugs me, it's the deception, and the having to deal with things you didn't knowingly enter into or agree to after the fact! confused

been there, done that, really didn't like it one bluddy bit!
neil x x x ;)

5 May 2007

Quote by se7endriver
at the end of the day if you totally happy in your existing relationshop then you wouldnt be meeting others for intimate activities...

Yes. Thats true. And painful to accept. Bringing it back to whatyalikes post, I'd hope that we'd agree that informed consent is the key. But that assumes that they tell the truth.
love fridays x

5 May 2007

se7en?
erm . . .
alright geezer!
you sure you're on the right thread here fella?
neil x x x ;)

5 May 2007

I have to get to know people before I can find them attractive. I have to like their personality as well as their physical form.
Unfortunately this means that I have to be friends with that person, so if a friend lied to me to achieve their own end then I'd be very upset.
I think Neil hit it on the head with his "informed consent". If I was offered the opportunity to play with someone who said they were married and that their partner didn't know I'd say no. I'd probably remain friends with them though.
I guess there's probably all kinds of reasons for being the cheater though. People who are unhappy with their marriage or relationship, people who's partner is unable to have sex for whatever reason, but I guess these people wouldn't have grounds to lie to the person they are playing with. It's people that are repeat offenders that really annoy me and I can't help wondering if they have a

5 May 2007

Quote by easy
It's people that are repeat offenders that really annoy me and I can't help wondering if they have a narcissistic personality disorder.

Very interesting read easy. I love wiki. Can lose hours on there. The following NPD traits definetley chime with my expierience of my ex.
requires excessive admiration
strong sense of entitlement
takes advantage of others to achieve her own ends
lacks empathy
arrogant affect.
love Fridays

5 May 2007

Easy? 100% agreement on the entire post! ;)
this bit though . . .

if a friend lied to me to achieve their own end then I'd be very upset.

very nearly verging on completely fucking devastated mate! evil

:evil: :evil:
caught in a lie i never knew bugger all about? confused

it really did quite piss me off bigtime! ;)
neil x x x ;)

5 May 2007

there is nothing worse than a liar, if you cant trust them to tell the truth, when can you ever trust thm for anything?

5 May 2007

Quote by well_busty_babe
there is nothing worse than a liar, if you cant trust them to tell the truth, when can you ever trust thm for anything?

Quite is the foundation of all types of relationships imho, play, friendship or partnerships.
love fridays