can I call you back = you inconsiderate bastard, coronation street is on.
I am discrete =
Don’t worry – I am a very discrete person.
Don’t worry – I’ll keep my gob shut – the wife would kill me if she found out.
You’re damn right I am gonna tell my mates that some guy let me get off with his wife!
Don’t worry – there is no way on earth I would admit to fucking you!
You've got a really sexy voice =
"You've got a really sexy voice"
"How could I have been so misled on the telephone"
I'm not swinging right now
- At least not with you, ya ugly bastard
- Only if you are verified
- I am a news of worms reporter
I am only meeting singles at the minute =
a - I'd do your wife but there is no way you are touching my cock!
b - I am only here for a quick shag.
c - I need a rest.
d - You are both mingers.
e - I am not up to much in bed and have no intent to put in the effort.
f - Do you have any more photos of the two of you at it.
g - I am scared.
h - bunny boiler alert!
Single-ish =
1 - I just wanna make it clear I am not married without saying I am actually single.
2 - This is actually a code for here are the ground rules.
3 - If I say this now it gives me an excuse for being unreliable.
4 - I hate saying single - it makes me sound sad, lonely and desperate.
Key words to look out for in mens ads...............and their true meanings:
40-ish..................................50+ at least
Adventurous.......................Desperate to try anal
Athletic................................Everything happens FAST!
Average looking.................Total minger
Educated............................Passed at least one GCSE
Emotionally Secure............Only looking for a one off shag
Free spirit...........................Only looking for a one off shag
Friendship first...................Really desperate and lonely
Fun.....................................Will fart whilst you are giving him oral and hold your head down
Gentle.................................Scared shitless
New-Age............................Does not wash
Old-fashioned.....................Doesn't know where the clit is and thinks womens orgasms are a myth
Open-minded..................... My wife don't let me do anal - I hope you do
Outgoing.............................Will tell all my mates down the pub that you were an easy slapper
Passionate.........................I may well cum quickly
Poet....................................Depressive
Professional.......................Will expect daytime meets at the Travel Lodge that my company are paying for.
Romantic.............................Will try to remember to go for the tits first
Social..................................Self obsessed
Wants Soul mate................Stalker/just saying that to ensure I get anal
Likes women of all ages....Totally desperate
"In all honesty..."
1. I really want you to believe this
2. I really want you to believe this (bloop! bloop! porky pie alert!)
"No disrespect, but..."
1. Prepare yourself for a right slagging off