MY mother ( bless her) is very prone to muddling her words..i recount a couple of occasions that had us all in fits!!
before i start these are TRUE!! they actually happened
My mother is a devoted church goer and on wednsdays goes out with all the ladies on they're little trips in the summer, the ladies age between 40 and eternity!! so they are all on the bus talking about what they saw on t v the night before when mummy dearest pipes up with " well me and p****** watched a really interesting program on orgasms last night" this is greated with shocked looks and then peels of laughter, poor mum cant figure out whats wrong and then it dawns on here and has to explain she meant organisms..
The other day my mother came round with my father and i had to ask her to get some hair removing cream for my niece..my mother said oh...for her legs? and i had to say no, i think she wants the sensetive one for somewhere else..to this my mother said " i dont know whats the matter with them , dont they realise public hair is there for a reason!!" to say me and my father wet ourselves was an understatment..but she wouldnt back down, we told her she meant pubic hair but she swore blind there was no such thing and its public hair..in the end i said mum the only time its public is if you forget your knickers!!! then we all laughed our arses off..
mum does go a lovely shade of red sometimes!!!
ok so ive told you a few i have heard now lets hear yours!!!
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whats the funniest word muddle you have heard someone say???
Master of Sex
my little boy asked for...MC FUCKY TRIED CHICKEN ONCE.
Master of Sex
and i was at someones party once...i was drunk..and asked for .... kelly and jake...
( jelly and cake )
( jelly and cake )
Sexlightened
Trevor McDonald once got Kent Countryside the wrong way round on a live news boradcast. That was quite funny.
Tony Blackburn introducing the next song on live on R1
Wide Legged and Eyeless..... instead of Wide-Eyed and Legless (heck, that was a long time ago). Who sang it???
Oh an my son.....who was about ten at the time, asked for a pint of paralised milk instead of pasturised in the local shop.
My sister told me that her driving instructor said during a lesson that *her driving was erotic* she meant Erratic
xanaisx
Wide Legged and Eyeless..... instead of Wide-Eyed and Legless (heck, that was a long time ago). Who sang it???
Oh an my son.....who was about ten at the time, asked for a pint of paralised milk instead of pasturised in the local shop.
My sister told me that her driving instructor said during a lesson that *her driving was erotic* she meant Erratic
xanaisx
Quote by anais
Tony Blackburn introducing the next song on live on R1
My sister told me that her driving instructor said during a lesson that *her driving was erotic* she meant Erratic
xanaisx
Knowing driving instructors as I do I think he may have meant erotic :twisted:
I was once chatting about with a rather tall and leggy blonde who was our receptionist at work we got round to discussing the weather in Northern Australia....yeah she said they have a totally different climax down there don't they :shock:
Orgasminator
Not sure if this is the kind of thing we're taking about here but here goes
Mum, Dad, my bro and sis and I were all playing trivial pursuit tonight (circa 1984 btw!)..... anyway there was a question and it was: What is the lead female singer in an opera? Obviously as my brother is only 10 I thought I'd help him...... so I gave the clue P.... D.... and a few other bits of info that I can't remember now....anyway his answer was........... Pole Dancer!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
We all fell about laughing so much...... my dad was like "I didn't even know what one of them was at your age, have you been on the internet lately, son?"
Actually reading this back it may not seem funny for you guys.....guess you had to be there!
Mum, Dad, my bro and sis and I were all playing trivial pursuit tonight (circa 1984 btw!)..... anyway there was a question and it was: What is the lead female singer in an opera? Obviously as my brother is only 10 I thought I'd help him...... so I gave the clue P.... D.... and a few other bits of info that I can't remember now....anyway his answer was........... Pole Dancer!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: We all fell about laughing so much...... my dad was like "I didn't even know what one of them was at your age, have you been on the internet lately, son?"
Actually reading this back it may not seem funny for you guys.....guess you had to be there!
Quote by Benz2502
What about...
"Of course I love you!" or even "Course I'll respect you in the morning!"
The greatest muddle of words I ever used!!! I am sure they are meant to read...
"Cmon let me shag you!" and "Give me a quick legover and I'll be gone by morning!"
Paradise by the Dashboard Light????
Sex God
Only me1981 wrote:
I didn't even know what one of those was when I was 20! Erm, I think the answer was "prima donna"?
Mike.
anyway his answer was........... Pole Dancer!
I didn't even know what one of those was when I was 20! Erm, I think the answer was "prima donna"?Mike.
Sex God
Quote by Lovecommando
Wide Legged and Eyeless..... instead of Wide-Eyed and Legless (heck, that was a long time ago). Who sang it???
Wasn't it Andy Fairweather Lowe!
Yup Andy Fairweather Lowe in Amen Corner. We had a goalie who we labelled Wide Legged and Eyeless!
Sex God
I was up in the Lake District once in freezing November and I overheard a girl say:
"Glad I've got my willer wunties on!"
"Glad I've got my willer wunties on!"
On holiday in Scotland last year ... playing .
Picture the scene ... Me & Morbius, his sister & brother in law, his Mum (J) and Dad (C) They are very very religious and the "kids" all pretend to be clean living people ;) ..... anyway
We'd all had a few drinks except Morbius' Mum and she was quite sober .... his dad was the merriest I've ever seen and the other four of us were well and truely faking sobriety.
J picks a card ....... looks at us all and says .... "This is what your Dad is going to give me when we get back to our caravan!" Morbius' Dad spits his drink everywhere and we all dissolve into fits of laughter. Chaos ensues as the four "kids" roll around the caravan, C sits trying hard to stiffle his giggles and placate his wife and J can't understand what she's said!!!!
It turned out after about 30 minutes .... her card said """""Coffee""""!
is a banned game for family get togethers now!!!!!!!
Picture the scene ... Me & Morbius, his sister & brother in law, his Mum (J) and Dad (C) They are very very religious and the "kids" all pretend to be clean living people ;) ..... anyway
We'd all had a few drinks except Morbius' Mum and she was quite sober .... his dad was the merriest I've ever seen and the other four of us were well and truely faking sobriety.
J picks a card ....... looks at us all and says .... "This is what your Dad is going to give me when we get back to our caravan!" Morbius' Dad spits his drink everywhere and we all dissolve into fits of laughter. Chaos ensues as the four "kids" roll around the caravan, C sits trying hard to stiffle his giggles and placate his wife and J can't understand what she's said!!!!
It turned out after about 30 minutes .... her card said """""Coffee""""!
is a banned game for family get togethers now!!!!!!!
Orgasminator
My cousin, when he was a little boy, once told his teacher he was bisexual. He meant ambidextrous. Get your head round that one 
: :?: :?:
: :?: :?: Orgasminator
Quote by MikeNorth
Only me1981 wrote:anyway his answer was........... Pole Dancer!
I didn't even know what one of those was when I was 20! Erm, I think the answer was "prima donna"?Mike.
Sorry.....I forgot to state the correct answer! Correct MikeNorth.....it was Prima Donna.
Well done :cheers:
Sex God
Only me 1981 wrote:
Thanks, Onlyme...and by the way, the answer to the question under your name is yes, of course we're all looking at you, I mean your avatar pic... :P :P :P
Mike.
Correct MikeNorth.....it was Prima Donna. Well done
Thanks, Onlyme...and by the way, the answer to the question under your name is yes, of course we're all looking at you, I mean your avatar pic... :P :P :P
Mike.
Sex God
Quote by westerross
I was up in the Lake District once in freezing November and I overheard a girl say:
"Glad I've got my willer wunties on!"
Hmm. I s'pose that's better than if she'd had her "wunter willies" on! :P
Orgasminator
Quote by MikeNorth
Only me 1981 wrote: Correct MikeNorth.....it was Prima Donna. Well done
Thanks, Onlyme...and by the way, the answer to the question under your name is yes, of course we're all looking at you, I mean your avatar pic... :P :P :P
Mike.
I feel this thread has been hijacked somewhat...... stick to the point MikeNorth! hehehe
I may have to change my avatar - not sure I can handle the recognition!
Sex God
Quote by Reese
I was up in the Lake District once in freezing November and I overheard a girl say:
"Glad I've got my willer wunties on!"
Hmm. I s'pose that's better than if she'd had her "wunter willies" on! :P
Mind you if she'd had her 'will he won't hes' on, she'd still be guessing.
I don't know if this is me or if I speak an alien language however today whilst in "Tesco" getting some food stuffs etc I was at the meat counter and asked for some "Green back bacon!" this to me is a pretty logical request,, knowing that "Green bacon" is unsmoked, named from a time where the butchers used to stain the pig skin with a "green" dye to ensure they were distinguishable,,, wen we ordered it the small lass behind the counter looked at me as though I was from another planet... didn''t know what I was talking bout,,,, in fact said we don't sell our bacon when it turns green (lol) and the senior helper with her was just as blank!
Am I weird or do they not educate people that work in a butchery the different types of joint and style of cooking etc.. you can even get prepacked with the term "green" written on it and on occassion the butcher himself will write it on the label where the bacon was stored... (Sorry I am waffling but it gripped my shit that I was looked at as the weird one when somebody didn't know a perfectly suitable expression
Am I weird or do they not educate people that work in a butchery the different types of joint and style of cooking etc.. you can even get prepacked with the term "green" written on it and on occassion the butcher himself will write it on the label where the bacon was stored... (Sorry I am waffling but it gripped my shit that I was looked at as the weird one when somebody didn't know a perfectly suitable expression
Warming the Bed
At the tender age of 11- I remember asking my mother what did " Trespassers will be prostituted" mean :shock:
Quote by Vix
Bloke in my mum & dad's pub telling me about his pending new twin grandchildren, proudly announces that his daughter-in-law finally got pregnant with "that HIV". (I did not have the heart to correct him.)
That is strange because according to the doting grandfather my neighbour apparently had her twins through "that there MFI".
Quote by Benz2502
I don't know if this is me or if I speak an alien language however today whilst in "Tesco" getting some food stuffs etc I was at the meat counter and asked for some "Green back bacon!" this to me is a pretty logical request,, knowing that "Green bacon" is unsmoked, named from a time where the butchers used to stain the pig skin with a "green" dye to ensure they were distinguishable,,, wen we ordered it the small lass behind the counter looked at me as though I was from another planet... didn''t know what I was talking bout,,,, in fact said we don't sell our bacon when it turns green (lol) and the senior helper with her was just as blank!
Am I weird or do they not educate people that work in a butchery the different types of joint and style of cooking etc.. you can even get prepacked with the term "green" written on it and on occassion the butcher himself will write it on the label where the bacon was stored... (Sorry I am waffling but it gripped my shit that I was looked at as the weird one when somebody didn't know a perfectly suitable expression
Slighlty off on a tangent, Benz but how about a waitress never having heard of Dijon mustard ???
Mind you, I need to get with the times. I asked a market stallholder for 30 bob's worth of apples the other week. None of the stall staff knew what I meant but I noticed a couple of "olds" giggling; then realised that maybe if I still think in 10 - 30 bob speak, I might be an "old" now???
Btw, you're not called Benz because you drink Benz are you ????
