I just read a post in the reunion thread that made me feel sad.
“I am happily married and have been since I was 21â€
“I have had 5 childrenâ€
“I now do a job that any idiot could do simply because I couldn't afford the childcare if I had a 'real'
“I don't feel overly proud of my achievements,.â€
Sorry fluff I hope you don’t mind me quoting you here, but it reminded me of me with slight alterations
Married 22 years
3 children
Always worked odd jobs to fit in around the children
The last bit “I don't feel overly proud of my achievements†I have to ask why do we sometimes feel that staying at home raising children is seen as not achieving?
I for one will have to say I feel I have achieved what I set out to do and I believe you have too, that was to raise our children the way we have and be proud of the way we have done it, I guess life for you has been tough as in mine in finacial terms, but I don’t regret the way I choose to do it.
But it is funny as I get a feeling that you feel the way I do, we get to an age and feel some of society looks at us differently and the fact we are in our middle years have nothing to offer back to society that we have wasted all those years.
But hopefully we have given society people of the future to be proud of.
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
why do stay at home mums feel this way?
Sex God
Staying at home and raising a family be it by either a man or a woman is definately not to be considered an under acheivement....
Its often a thankless task that is overlooked by many yet is a vital one.....
My hat goes off to anyone who has done/is doing it..
Its often a thankless task that is overlooked by many yet is a vital one.....
My hat goes off to anyone who has done/is doing it..
Sex God
Quote by Ms_Whips
because it's the way some people make you feel. i stayed at home and ran two business' as well as working part time or taking my son with me for what was effectively a full time job. it made no difference though coz all most people could see was that i was a stay at home mum. i've had it thrown at me so many times that 'it's ok for for you with nothing to do all day except watch tv'. yep that's all i did with my time when i wasn't washing, ironing, cooking meals from scratch, paying the bills, making sure everyone was where they needed to be at the right time, school runs, shopping, fighting the csa, seeing to the animals, training, working.........and then i sat on my arse and watched tv all day coz the above only takes five minutes of the day to do
i certainly haven't done the things i had set out for myself. i have a career that isn't what i wanted it to be. i've done alot in the horse world that i wanted to do but not exactly what i wanted, more a compromise.
still, i'm happy with my boy and i'm glad i was there for him all the time he needed me. he'll be leaving school next year so who knows how much longer i have him in my life every day.
whips
First of all I think this is a well thought out post Minxy and thanks for raising it.
What Ms Whips said here struck a chord with me.
I am what people call a "stay at home dad". The reason? I am self-employed and have been since before my kids were born. It made financial sense for me to do the majority of running about during the working day as I had the flexibility too. However I still work full time (when the children were young I would look after them from until 5pm, and then I'd do a full days work from 5pm onwards until whatever time).
So to be described as a "stay at home dad" is mildly insulting to me in the implications that I simply elected to stay at home (and by default, sit on my arse and watch Jeremy Kyle and Neighbours).
I also tire of the time when I hear friends and family state, without malice, "well Mr R can do that because he'll be at home..." It devalues my work, it devalues me. It seems that only work at a place of work is valued by many. Working from home is seen as some token gesture to compliment the "easy option" of looking after children. Which is laughable. I have the lack of hair and blood pressure to prove different.
For a long time I believed the same. That to be accepted as a meaningful contributor to society you had to go and earn your place out in the big world. That's bollocks. You can contribute just as much at home and many people do. Some in circumstances far more difficult than my cushy number. Anyone who has done this gets my full admiration, support and understanding of how others sometimes misinterpret what we actually do.
That is, when we aren't fupping around on here all day long when we should be working! ;-)
I'm kind of a stay at home mum, I work 16 hours a week so I am home more than at work.
Do I like being a stay at home mum?. Sometimes I do sometimes I don't, yes it is rewarding being there for the first words, first steps etc but I personally need more fulfilment than just being mum. I enjoy my job, I enjoy having a few hours a week of not being just a mummy. Its all about finding the right balance. I do think being a stay at home mum/dad can be isolating if you don't put yourself out there and go to the mother and toddler groups for example. It is also good for my children to spend some alone time with their dad whilst i'm at work.
I don't think I have really answered your question, I don't think im an unachiever, I have two beautiful children who are mostly well behaved
and will grow into independent young ladies because of our imput as parents.
Do I like being a stay at home mum?. Sometimes I do sometimes I don't, yes it is rewarding being there for the first words, first steps etc but I personally need more fulfilment than just being mum. I enjoy my job, I enjoy having a few hours a week of not being just a mummy. Its all about finding the right balance. I do think being a stay at home mum/dad can be isolating if you don't put yourself out there and go to the mother and toddler groups for example. It is also good for my children to spend some alone time with their dad whilst i'm at work.
I don't think I have really answered your question, I don't think im an unachiever, I have two beautiful children who are mostly well behaved
and will grow into independent young ladies because of our imput as parents. I get
"as you are working from home today, can you.....?"
It doesn't matter what the "can you" is, but it will allways reduce the amount of hours that I can legitimately charge my clients for. So my hours / money go down and I will often get
"why did your hours go down?"
"because I was running errands for you!"
"as you are working from home today, can you.....?"
It doesn't matter what the "can you" is, but it will allways reduce the amount of hours that I can legitimately charge my clients for. So my hours / money go down and I will often get
"why did your hours go down?"
"because I was running errands for you!"
Orgasminator
Well spotted! :thumbup: I had the same feelings as you Minx when I read Fluff's post. I wanted to reach out from the computer and give her a big hug and a shake because in my eyes she is a winner and all the things she views as negatives are in fact big positives!
Quote by Steve
Staying at home and raising a family be it by either a man or a woman is definately not to be considered an under acheivement....
Its often a thankless task that is overlooked by many yet is a vital one.....
My hat goes off to anyone who has done/is doing it..
I second all of that Steve.
There should be far more parents staying at home doing a parents role.
In my parents day virtually all women stayed at home and looked after the kids.
Nowadays to many " latch key kids " around, coming and going as they please. We have one of those ferel toads living right next door to me. Father out all day and most weekend evenings, leaving the 13 year old to fend for himself. He has god knows how many of his mates round causing havoc.
For what it is worth I feel it was a sad day when both sets of parents went out to work, and then left their kids either " home alone " or let them fend for themselves until they came back home.
Any parent that deems to want to stay at home should be helped out big time via benefits of sorts, and should be encouraged to stay at home at least until the child reaches secondary school age.
Quote by kentswingers777
Staying at home and raising a family be it by either a man or a woman is definately not to be considered an under acheivement....
Its often a thankless task that is overlooked by many yet is a vital one.....
My hat goes off to anyone who has done/is doing it..
I second all of that Steve.
There should be far more parents staying at home doing a parents role.
In my parents day virtually all women stayed at home and looked after the kids.
Nowadays to many " latch key kids " around, coming and going as they please. We have one of those ferel toads living right next door to me. Father out all day and most weekend evenings, leaving the 13 year old to fend for himself. He has god knows how many of his mates round causing havoc.
For what it is worth I feel it was a sad day when both sets of parents went out to work, and then left their kids either " home alone " or let them fend for themselves until they came back home.
Any parent that deems to want to stay at home should be helped out big time via benefits of sorts, and should be encouraged to stay at home at least until the child reaches secondary school age.
Isn't that what income support and tax credits are for?
Quote by lyns
Staying at home and raising a family be it by either a man or a woman is definately not to be considered an under acheivement....
Its often a thankless task that is overlooked by many yet is a vital one.....
My hat goes off to anyone who has done/is doing it..
I second all of that Steve.
There should be far more parents staying at home doing a parents role.
In my parents day virtually all women stayed at home and looked after the kids.
Nowadays to many " latch key kids " around, coming and going as they please. We have one of those ferel toads living right next door to me. Father out all day and most weekend evenings, leaving the 13 year old to fend for himself. He has god knows how many of his mates round causing havoc.
For what it is worth I feel it was a sad day when both sets of parents went out to work, and then left their kids either " home alone " or let them fend for themselves until they came back home.
Any parent that deems to want to stay at home should be helped out big time via benefits of sorts, and should be encouraged to stay at home at least until the child reaches secondary school age.
Isn't that what income support and tax credits are for?
You only recieve them if you below a certain level of earnings with one working.
Thanks Minxy was going to say the same thing.
A lot of todays problems are caused by kids where there are no parents/parent about, either when they come in from school or....when the kids are on holidays.
I cannot think of many better things than a parent being at home full time.
I realise that some parents have to work for financial reasons but....I have known people to have a child in a two parent family, and as soon as the maternity leave is finished, they go back to work and leave the baby at a nursery. Sorry that is wrong and if it is because of financial reasons they do that, then don't have kids.
How anyone can leave a baby with a nursery baffles me.
A lot of todays problems are caused by kids where there are no parents/parent about, either when they come in from school or....when the kids are on holidays.
I cannot think of many better things than a parent being at home full time.
I realise that some parents have to work for financial reasons but....I have known people to have a child in a two parent family, and as soon as the maternity leave is finished, they go back to work and leave the baby at a nursery. Sorry that is wrong and if it is because of financial reasons they do that, then don't have kids.
How anyone can leave a baby with a nursery baffles me.
Orgasminator
They are putting the squeeze on lone parents and if I am not mistaken they expect you to be back at work at the child's 7th birthday now.
Quote by Theladyisaminx
Staying at home and raising a family be it by either a man or a woman is definately not to be considered an under acheivement....
Its often a thankless task that is overlooked by many yet is a vital one.....
My hat goes off to anyone who has done/is doing it..
I second all of that Steve.
There should be far more parents staying at home doing a parents role.
In my parents day virtually all women stayed at home and looked after the kids.
Nowadays to many " latch key kids " around, coming and going as they please. We have one of those ferel toads living right next door to me. Father out all day and most weekend evenings, leaving the 13 year old to fend for himself. He has god knows how many of his mates round causing havoc.
For what it is worth I feel it was a sad day when both sets of parents went out to work, and then left their kids either " home alone " or let them fend for themselves until they came back home.
Any parent that deems to want to stay at home should be helped out big time via benefits of sorts, and should be encouraged to stay at home at least until the child reaches secondary school age.
Isn't that what income support and tax credits are for?
You only recieve them if you below a certain level of earnings with one working.
No income support is paid when you have children and no other means of income.
You don't have to work to be in reciept of child tax credit either!. You have to work over 16 hours to be in reciept of working tax credits and you can earn an income of upto £52000 and still qualify for some. So their is help put there.
Quote by Tania
They are putting the squeeze on lone parents and if I am not mistaken they expect you to be back at work at the child's 7th birthday now.
If the child is 7 why does someone need to be at home all day?. I see no reason to not work within the school hours. I know it can be difficult to find childcare during the school holidays but it is do able.
Sex God
Quote by kentswingers777
Thanks Minxy was going to say the same thing.
A lot of todays problems are caused by kids where there are no parents/parent about, either when they come in from school or....when the kids are on holidays.
I cannot think of many better things than a parent being at home full time.
I realise that some parents have to work for financial reasons but....I have known people to have a child in a two parent family, and as soon as the maternity leave is finished, they go back to work and leave the baby at a nursery. Sorry that is wrong and if it is because of financial reasons they do that, then don't have kids.
How anyone can leave a baby with a nursery baffles me.
Are you saying nursery rather than childminder or are you tying the two in together???
I'm busy getting my child ready for school now oh and WORKING!!! I'll be back to this.......
Sex God
Quote by lyns
They are putting the squeeze on lone parents and if I am not mistaken they expect you to be back at work at the child's 7th birthday now.
If the child is 7 why does someone need to be at home all day?. I see no reason to not work within the school hours. I know it can be difficult to find childcare during the school holidays but it is do able.
Trouble is its so expensive so working part time doesnt always cover the costs of childcare let alone provide extra income....
To get help with childcare costs the childminder has to be registered thus usually making them more expensive again...
Quote by Firelizard
Thanks Minxy was going to say the same thing.
A lot of todays problems are caused by kids where there are no parents/parent about, either when they come in from school or....when the kids are on holidays.
I cannot think of many better things than a parent being at home full time.
I realise that some parents have to work for financial reasons but....I have known people to have a child in a two parent family, and as soon as the maternity leave is finished, they go back to work and leave the baby at a nursery. Sorry that is wrong and if it is because of financial reasons they do that, then don't have kids.
How anyone can leave a baby with a nursery baffles me.
Are you saying nursery rather than childminder or are you tying the two in together???
I'm busy getting my child ready for school now oh and WORKING!!! I'll be back to this.......
I would say nursery rather than childminder, though if the child is under five, then I would say both.
I cannot see anything positive about leaving a very young child, in the hands of somebody else, just so as to go to work.
Sorry but that is my take on it, and no doubt will " offend " some parents, but hey.....seems I upset a few people with my views but I AM USED TO IT.
There is a nursery virtually right next door to where I work, and this morning I saw a Mother leaving her child who was just about walking, with them.
This Mother may have had to work but she looked very smart as she stepped out of her 08 plated Merc. Sorry but having kids is not a part time thing, certainly not when they are very young. They need their Mothers there with them.
Will wait for the backlash....for it's a coming I fear.
Quote by lyns
They are putting the squeeze on lone parents and if I am not mistaken they expect you to be back at work at the child's 7th birthday now.
If the child is 7 why does someone need to be at home all day?. I see no reason to not work within the school hours. I know it can be difficult to find childcare during the school holidays but it is do able.
Lyns I am a stay at home mum, my youngest are now 12 I choose not to find a proper job, much to the horror of a lot of society.
The reasons for this are I help manage a sports club all the work I do, I don't get paid but if funds were avalable I have been told should be on at least 30k I also organise events at the local school raising much needed funds to benifit all the children, and have run after school craft clubs for the children, I don't get paid for that either.
But most would say to me, what do you contribute to society?
If I got paid we would have a car that is younger than 15 years old, my children would know what it is like to go abroad but I chose not too,
Maybe I am being selfish to deny my children those things.
What staying at home also does for me is frees up weekends for us all to be with my children to see them enjoy the sports they love doing.
We are able to pick children up for sports events because their parents are busy working. I am able to see all the childrens faces when they achieve something they havent done before.
People will say I am a do gooder in a condescending manner, but I dont give a damn, as long as I am doing what I am doing and seeing the children benifit thats all I need to keep me doing what I am doing.
As for contributing anything to society I would leave others to decide.
Just next time you get paid an extra hour for being able to sent your children to a after school club, or your children join some sports clubs, just spare a thought for those that sometimes are working their socks of to make that happen.
I don't claim benifits we just about manage on our own income.
Quote by Theladyisaminx
They are putting the squeeze on lone parents and if I am not mistaken they expect you to be back at work at the child's 7th birthday now.
If the child is 7 why does someone need to be at home all day?. I see no reason to not work within the school hours. I know it can be difficult to find childcare during the school holidays but it is do able.
Lyns I am a stay at home mum, my youngest are now 12 I choose not to find a proper job, much to the horror of a lot of society.
The reasons for this are I help manage a sports club all the work I do, I don't get paid but if funds were avalable I have been told should be on at least 30k I also organise events at the local school raising much needed funds to benifit all the children, and have run after school craft clubs for the children, I don't get paid for that either.
But most would say to me, what do you contribute to society?
If I got paid we would have a car that is younger than 15 years old, my children would know what it is like to go abroad but I chose not too,
Maybe I am being selfish to deny my children those things.
What staying at home also does for me is frees up weekends for us all to be with my children to see them enjoy the sports they love doing.
We are able to pick children up for sports events because their parents are busy working. I am able to see all the childrens faces when they achieve something they havent done before.
People will say I am a do gooder in a condescending manner, but I dont give a damn, as long as I am doing what I am doing and seeing the children benifit thats all I need to keep me doing what I am doing.
As for contributing anything to society I would leave others to decide.
Just next time you get paid an extra hour for being able to sent your children to a after school club, or your children join some sports clubs, just spare a thought for those that sometimes are working their socks of to make that happen.
I don't claim benifits we just about manage on our own income.
Minxy.....as you well know I think you are a " tree hugging, knitting, cyclist "
but....on this occasion I back you 100%.I think what you have achieved is far more important than foreign holidays, or flash tv's.
Your kids will, when they get older, appreciate the things you have chosen to give up....for THEM.
My ex stayed at home with my kids when they were young, that is a choice we both made. It was bloody hard, and money was very tight.
But she picked them up from school everyday, she was there in the holidays, and now as they are much older..in their 20's with kids of their own, they appreciate the sacrifices we made, and both of them choose to be a full time Mother now.
Well done Minxy....I will never call you a " tree hugger " again. :wink: :wink:
Sex God
Quote by kentswingers777
Thanks Minxy was going to say the same thing.
A lot of todays problems are caused by kids where there are no parents/parent about, either when they come in from school or....when the kids are on holidays.
I cannot think of many better things than a parent being at home full time.
I realise that some parents have to work for financial reasons but....I have known people to have a child in a two parent family, and as soon as the maternity leave is finished, they go back to work and leave the baby at a nursery. Sorry that is wrong and if it is because of financial reasons they do that, then don't have kids.
How anyone can leave a baby with a nursery baffles me.
Are you saying nursery rather than childminder or are you tying the two in together???
I'm busy getting my child ready for school now oh and WORKING!!! I'll be back to this.......
I would say nursery rather than childminder, though if the child is under five, then I would say both.
I cannot see anything positive about leaving a very young child, in the hands of somebody else, just so as to go to work.
Sorry but that is my take on it, and no doubt will " offend " some parents, but hey.....seems I upset a few people with my views but I AM USED TO IT.
There is a nursery virtually right next door to where I work, and this morning I saw a Mother leaving her child who was just about walking, with them.
This Mother may have had to work but she looked very smart as she stepped out of her 08 plated Merc. Sorry but having kids is not a part time thing, certainly not when they are very young. They need their Mothers there with them.
Will wait for the backlash....for it's a coming I fear.
I "left" my son in a nursery from the age of 5 months, it wasn't to go out to work, I had him young so I went to college, part time at first and full time from him being 18 months.
I stayed at college until he started school. Looking back I'm not sure it was the best way to do things but I cant change that, nor can I take those qualifications away that I achieved.
I don't regret having my son young or going to college.
On another point, My mother has a 2 year old, He has split care in that he attends nursery but also stays with me normally a couple days a week, She went back to work when he was 9 months old. I can't say I wholeheartedly agree with him attending nursery though, His father/my step father earns a decent wage and with a few cutbacks/changing their mindset they could afford to manage without my mother working.
i work fulltime,im a single mum.
i ensure my children have quality time with me,i cook from scratch every day, i do everything at home/ around the home and have raised balanced happy high achievers.
i wont apologise for being a hard worker,im not rich,far from it,ive never taken a penny from a been independent since i was 15.
If a woman happens to have a good job that happens to pay good money why should she give that up if she has a child? just because she drives a 08 reg car, this does not mean if she got a older car she could walk away from her job ,and income, and future prospects to go on benefit maybe lose her home just so she can stay at home with her child.
the worset ones are those who stay at home to raise their children, claim benefit to do so but actually then ignore those children.
i feel being a good parent is the important thing. working or not.
no ones beter than anyone else we all have our own reasons for what we do.
if you a good parent thats all that matters.
xx fem xx
i ensure my children have quality time with me,i cook from scratch every day, i do everything at home/ around the home and have raised balanced happy high achievers.
i wont apologise for being a hard worker,im not rich,far from it,ive never taken a penny from a been independent since i was 15.
If a woman happens to have a good job that happens to pay good money why should she give that up if she has a child? just because she drives a 08 reg car, this does not mean if she got a older car she could walk away from her job ,and income, and future prospects to go on benefit maybe lose her home just so she can stay at home with her child.
the worset ones are those who stay at home to raise their children, claim benefit to do so but actually then ignore those children.
i feel being a good parent is the important thing. working or not.
no ones beter than anyone else we all have our own reasons for what we do.
if you a good parent thats all that matters.
xx fem xx
Quote by fem_4_taboo
i work fulltime,im a single mum.
i ensure my children have quality time with me,i cook from scratch every day, i do everything at home/ around the home and have raised balanced happy high achievers.
i wont apologise for being a hard worker,im not rich,far from it,ive never taken a penny from a been independent since i was 15.
If a woman happens to have a good job that happens to pay good money why should she give that up if she has a child? just because she drives a 08 reg car, this does not mean if she got a older car she could walk away from her job ,and income, and future prospects to go on benefit maybe lose her home just so she can stay at home with her child.
the worset ones are those who stay at home to raise their children, claim benefit to do so but actually then ignore those children.
i feel being a good parent is the important thing. working or not.
no ones beter than anyone else we all have our own reasons for what we do.
if you a good parent thats all that fem xx
:thumbup:
Sex God
We are all different as people. Women that stay at home and look after their children are fabulous in my opinion. You need patience, organisation, empathy, patience, imagination, energy oh and did I say patience?
Me? I need to work. Not only do I need the money to survive (and no I don't have a mortgage, brand new car, flatscreen TV and the children do not have computers, electronic games etc etc or even mobile phones) BUT I need to work for my own sense of achievement and enjoyment. I have been doing my job since I was a child (16) and still am at 44. I am good at it and I love it. In the last 12 years or so I have reconciled it to family life by working from home. You have to be disciplined and very organised.
My children say they love me and they are happy that I work and that it makes me happy. Happy parent= happy children usually. My daughter even spent a day working with me on go to work with your parent day and she loved it and was surprised and admiring of what I do in a normal day's work.
Back when I had my first child in 88 I would have given anything to have been in the position to stay at home with my son. Flaming lucky I didn't!!! as his father turned out to be an alcoholic gambler who got worse and worse and had it not been for the fact that I hadn't left my career when I had him I would have been "the single mother on benefits struggling to make ends meet" that so often gets slated on here. As it was I left him, moved a long way away with my son and was able to get a job easily and quickly to support us (I was never paid a penny by his father). I admit a large portion of my wage paid a childminder at first as my son was not at school age but again my career was kept going and eventually I was (and am) able to make a good living (credit crunch permitting).
I have 3 children and have needed childcare for all 3. Of the 4 childminders I have used I am still very good friends with ALL of them and it has been 5 years since one was needed. I would never choose someone to look after my child without serious deliberation and listening to my gut instinct which believe me when you are a mother is strong.
Kenty I'm sure when you said that using nurseries for children was wrong you meant (in your opinion??)
Me? I need to work. Not only do I need the money to survive (and no I don't have a mortgage, brand new car, flatscreen TV and the children do not have computers, electronic games etc etc or even mobile phones) BUT I need to work for my own sense of achievement and enjoyment. I have been doing my job since I was a child (16) and still am at 44. I am good at it and I love it. In the last 12 years or so I have reconciled it to family life by working from home. You have to be disciplined and very organised.
My children say they love me and they are happy that I work and that it makes me happy. Happy parent= happy children usually. My daughter even spent a day working with me on go to work with your parent day and she loved it and was surprised and admiring of what I do in a normal day's work.
Back when I had my first child in 88 I would have given anything to have been in the position to stay at home with my son. Flaming lucky I didn't!!! as his father turned out to be an alcoholic gambler who got worse and worse and had it not been for the fact that I hadn't left my career when I had him I would have been "the single mother on benefits struggling to make ends meet" that so often gets slated on here. As it was I left him, moved a long way away with my son and was able to get a job easily and quickly to support us (I was never paid a penny by his father). I admit a large portion of my wage paid a childminder at first as my son was not at school age but again my career was kept going and eventually I was (and am) able to make a good living (credit crunch permitting).
I have 3 children and have needed childcare for all 3. Of the 4 childminders I have used I am still very good friends with ALL of them and it has been 5 years since one was needed. I would never choose someone to look after my child without serious deliberation and listening to my gut instinct which believe me when you are a mother is strong.
Kenty I'm sure when you said that using nurseries for children was wrong you meant (in your opinion??)
Sex God
Quote by Ms_Whips
fire i think you were in a very lucky position to be able to keep your career. from my point of veiw it gave you a freedom of choice that i didn't have. i wish i could have stayed on the path i wanted to but just didn't have the choice.
i envy those who get to keep their chosen careers and still have children. so long as the kids are happy and you spend the rest of your time with them i think it's great to be able to do what you want.
whips
I actively clung to it Whips as I knew that if I didn't then my son and I might have had a very bleak future with nothing to look forward to but daytime telly and benefits.
I agree with you it gave me the freedom to choose. Thank goodness as my future could have been very bleak without it.
Quote by Firelizard
We are all different as people. Women that stay at home and look after their children are fabulous in my opinion. You need patience, organisation, empathy, patience, imagination, energy oh and did I say patience?
Me? I need to work. Not only do I need the money to survive (and no I don't have a mortgage, brand new car, flatscreen TV and the children do not have computers, electronic games etc etc or even mobile phones) BUT I need to work for my own sense of achievement and enjoyment. I have been doing my job since I was a child (16) and still am at 44. I am good at it and I love it. In the last 12 years or so I have reconciled it to family life by working from home. You have to be disciplined and very organised.
My children say they love me and they are happy that I work and that it makes me happy. Happy parent= happy children usually. My daughter even spent a day working with me on go to work with your parent day and she loved it and was surprised and admiring of what I do in a normal day's work.
Back when I had my first child in 88 I would have given anything to have been in the position to stay at home with my son. Flaming lucky I didn't!!! as his father turned out to be an alcoholic gambler who got worse and worse and had it not been for the fact that I hadn't left my career when I had him I would have been "the single mother on benefits struggling to make ends meet" that so often gets slated on here. As it was I left him, moved a long way away with my son and was able to get a job easily and quickly to support us (I was never paid a penny by his father). I admit a large portion of my wage paid a childminder at first as my son was not at school age but again my career was kept going and eventually I was (and am) able to make a good living (credit crunch permitting).
I have 3 children and have needed childcare for all 3. Of the 4 childminders I have used I am still very good friends with ALL of them and it has been 5 years since one was needed. I would never choose someone to look after my child without serious deliberation and listening to my gut instinct which believe me when you are a mother is strong.
Kenty I'm sure when you said that using nurseries for children was wrong you meant (in your opinion??)
Fire....most things I say are " my opinion " .
I stand by what I said but....as always there are people like yourself that are an exception to the rule.
Everyone has different situations to deal with, as I did.
All I was saying that there are parents out there that COULD stay at home, but choose to continue working, which I think is selfish, if you really want to be a parent. Saying that I also understand that some parents/parent, have to go back to work, and peoples situations are sometimes like chalk and cheese.
I do not knock you for doing what you did, in fact far from it.
Sex God
Ok Kenty 
Even without my situation though I still feel that it is not selfish to want to work as long as it is done sensitively to your own children's needs. Obviously a healthy babies' needs are the same universally...warmth, food, love but as they get older you learn what your individual child needs from you and no two of your own are the same.
Looking at it from a parent's point of view for a second though. You may have built your career from 16 and then you have a child. That child on average will be dependant upon you for 18 years maybe a little more. No career will wait that long. If you were 23 when you had your child what are you going to do at 41 when you need to occupy your time with something you feel is worthwhile again. There are only so many times you can be a lady that lunches without getting bored to tears with it surely?
I thought that you were doing your generalisation thing and I get really irritated when you do that :)
Even without my situation though I still feel that it is not selfish to want to work as long as it is done sensitively to your own children's needs. Obviously a healthy babies' needs are the same universally...warmth, food, love but as they get older you learn what your individual child needs from you and no two of your own are the same.
Looking at it from a parent's point of view for a second though. You may have built your career from 16 and then you have a child. That child on average will be dependant upon you for 18 years maybe a little more. No career will wait that long. If you were 23 when you had your child what are you going to do at 41 when you need to occupy your time with something you feel is worthwhile again. There are only so many times you can be a lady that lunches without getting bored to tears with it surely?
I thought that you were doing your generalisation thing and I get really irritated when you do that :)
Sex God
Everyone's situation is different as to whether a nursery is right for their children.
In utopia of course, children stay at home with warm, nurturing, educational mum or dad until they go to school and quickly get top of the class. Nobel prizes beckon once they've left Oxford etc etc.
Truth is, many nurseries can offer far more to a young child than a parent can on their own. There is the socialisation aspect of learning and interacting with other children and adults, which is hugely important. There is the educational aspect, emotional aspect. A good nursery is 1000 times better for a child than a "bad" or even "average" parent at home.
The key is balance I suppose and what that balance is, depends on peoples circumstances. There is no right and wrong answer, it is entirely personal and people should never be judged for it.
To blame societies ills on absent parents is wrong. It is the absence of parenting skills that is part of the problem which is entirely different.
In utopia of course, children stay at home with warm, nurturing, educational mum or dad until they go to school and quickly get top of the class. Nobel prizes beckon once they've left Oxford etc etc.
Truth is, many nurseries can offer far more to a young child than a parent can on their own. There is the socialisation aspect of learning and interacting with other children and adults, which is hugely important. There is the educational aspect, emotional aspect. A good nursery is 1000 times better for a child than a "bad" or even "average" parent at home.
The key is balance I suppose and what that balance is, depends on peoples circumstances. There is no right and wrong answer, it is entirely personal and people should never be judged for it.
To blame societies ills on absent parents is wrong. It is the absence of parenting skills that is part of the problem which is entirely different.
Quote by Resonance
Everyone's situation is different as to whether a nursery is right for their children.
In utopia of course, children stay at home with warm, nurturing, educational mum or dad until they go to school and quickly get top of the class. Nobel prizes beckon once they've left Oxford etc etc.
Truth is, many nurseries can offer far more to a young child than a parent can on their own. There is the socialisation aspect of learning and interacting with other children and adults, which is hugely important. There is the educational aspect, emotional aspect. A good nursery is 1000 times better for a child than a "bad" or even "average" parent at home.
The key is balance I suppose and what that balance is, depends on peoples circumstances. There is no right and wrong answer, it is entirely personal and people should never be judged for it.
To blame societies ills on absent parents is wrong. It is the absence of parenting skills that is part of the problem which is entirely different.
Totally agree with you Res!
Parenting skills is a skill that is so far more complex than most other skills, as it is not an exact science. parenting is a relationship you can only draw on your own expierances and gut instinct it isn't like a subject that you can be taught to a high level and pass an exam on to show you have qualified. It is something we only find out how good we are when our children are parents of their own I believe.
Quote by Firelizard
Ok Kenty
Even without my situation though I still feel that it is not selfish to want to work as long as it is done sensitively to your own children's needs. Obviously a healthy babies' needs are the same universally...warmth, food, love but as they get older you learn what your individual child needs from you and no two of your own are the same.
Looking at it from a parent's point of view for a second though. You may have built your career from 16 and then you have a child. That child on average will be dependant upon you for 18 years maybe a little more. No career will wait that long. If you were 23 when you had your child what are you going to do at 41 when you need to occupy your time with something you feel is worthwhile again. There are only so many times you can be a lady that lunches without getting bored to tears with it surely?
I thought that you were doing your generalisation thing and I get really irritated when you do that :)
Whatever do you mean fire? :shock:
