Hi again all, when someone takes the time to write a more than one line reply to advertisers who say they are looking for solo males ..why cant they even send a no thanks??? it really bugs me that some times i spend a longtime writting out an e mail but then dont even get an acknowledment that they have read it?
I always try to make sure that im only writting to someone who is looking for" me" ie my age and description etc and dont pester ppl who are looking for younger or bigger/smaller etc..I make sure my pc is kept virus free so i am not sending anything other than the type of pic they have requested..
I just cant understand it..if anyone sends me mail in anyway apart from spam i at least send a reply even if it is no thanks
AHHHHHHHHHHHH that feels better now thats of my chest!!!
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why not even a curteous no thanks??
Warming the Bed
Hi hillage,
there is a thread about this in The Cafe called "help - letting them down gently"
I am the same as you, but remember, no-one is obligated to give a reply, and what soemtimes happens is when they say thanks but no thanks, they then get emails back saying 'oh go on! go on! go on!' etc.
I have had some thanks but no thanks, and let them know how much I appreciated it.
If you dont get a reply, dont worry, also remember us single males are way over subscribed(!) so jst keep plugging away and caryr on !
Gordon
there is a thread about this in The Cafe called "help - letting them down gently"
I am the same as you, but remember, no-one is obligated to give a reply, and what soemtimes happens is when they say thanks but no thanks, they then get emails back saying 'oh go on! go on! go on!' etc.
I have had some thanks but no thanks, and let them know how much I appreciated it.
If you dont get a reply, dont worry, also remember us single males are way over subscribed(!) so jst keep plugging away and caryr on !
Gordon
Just as we couples must not judge all single males the same, single males must not judge all couples the same. Some of us always respond. It may take a while to do so, but we will respond.
What we all have to do here is learn to take the rough with the smooth and not pre-judge anyone. If us pervs can't do this, who the hell will?
All the best in your search, hillage.
V
What we all have to do here is learn to take the rough with the smooth and not pre-judge anyone. If us pervs can't do this, who the hell will?
All the best in your search, hillage.
V
This is the most current thread on that topic
Click on it to read.
Click on it to read.
Sex God
Thanks, Jags! I suppose it's only fair now that I post a link to some of the rather pleasant responses we've received! 
~Reese!
~Reese!
:lol:
Sexpert
Hillage,
please dont assume that its only single males who are totally ignored. Many a time we have been approached by couple, sent a picture as requested, then been totally and utterly ignored. we are only too aware that we are not everyones cup of tea but we cant believe that we are not even worth a thank you for our time spent responding
We are always flattered when ANYBODY shows an interest in us and ALWAYS respond. There is a site out there which shows response rates for each advertiser. We find it an extrememly useful tool as we would never approach anybody with a poor response %
please dont assume that its only single males who are totally ignored. Many a time we have been approached by couple, sent a picture as requested, then been totally and utterly ignored. we are only too aware that we are not everyones cup of tea but we cant believe that we are not even worth a thank you for our time spent responding
We are always flattered when ANYBODY shows an interest in us and ALWAYS respond. There is a site out there which shows response rates for each advertiser. We find it an extrememly useful tool as we would never approach anybody with a poor response %
Quote by foxy30s_cpl
Hillage,
We find it an extrememly useful tool as we would never approach anybody with a poor response %
Sounds like an interesting feature. Although I think it oculd be false readings. For example as yourselves have probably found out couples recieve literally hundreds of responses on this site. With the majority not even bothering to read the ad properly and reply accordingly! Therefore I can udnerstand them ignoring those. However, for people that put a little effort in it would be nice for them to get a thank you but no thanks sort of email.
Personally I sent messages in reply to a couple of ads on here and received no response back. I don't really have a problem with it. Obviously I wasn't what they were after. However, where I did have a problem was when someone contacted me due to my ad and ignored my subsequent reply! I thought that was a little rude.
We nearly always respond to everyone who contacts us, I say nearly, because sometimes, we respond in as curteous a manner as possible and get a response back virtually the same which leads us to think... jeez, why bother!!!
Also, times when we don't respond are when blatantly, people that PM us obviously have not read our Ad where it explicitly states that we aren't interested in single males and that these replies will simply be deleted.
Granted, we've made a few exceptions to people that we've had exchanges in the forum, predominantly 'The cafe' or people that we've spoken to in the chatroom.
At the end of the day, genuine single guys who are respectful and non pushy will eventually find what they're looking for, you are outnumbered heavily but don't let that deter you.... there are plenty of willing women around, not just on SH, but everywhere.
Paul and Susie (Paul)
Also, times when we don't respond are when blatantly, people that PM us obviously have not read our Ad where it explicitly states that we aren't interested in single males and that these replies will simply be deleted.
Granted, we've made a few exceptions to people that we've had exchanges in the forum, predominantly 'The cafe' or people that we've spoken to in the chatroom.
At the end of the day, genuine single guys who are respectful and non pushy will eventually find what they're looking for, you are outnumbered heavily but don't let that deter you.... there are plenty of willing women around, not just on SH, but everywhere.
Paul and Susie (Paul)
Quote by loveswives
However, where I did have a problem was when someone contacted me due to my ad and ignored my subsequent reply! I thought that was a little rude.
HELL YEAH......... come to think of it... we've had 3 people who've done that, not to mention the 2 who didnt reply after we'd been on holiday!!!!
Sex God
This is all about expectations really . The people involved in swinging are no different to anyone else really , all of human life is here including the abrupt , insensitive , over sensitive , sarcastic and downright rude ones. When this question comes up (usually once a week or so) it always strikes me - have the guys involved ever dated in the conventional sense ? If so were they so shocked and confused when they asked that blonde at the pub for a date and she cut them dead ?
Like I say maybe the expectations are a little high just because it says 'swingers' at the top of the page . Take a chill pill , sometimes folk just cant be arsed to reply and after all it was just an e mail a few minutes of your life , if you ever get the reply you are really wating for ( or perhaps expecting ) itll all be worth it wont it ??
Peace G
Like I say maybe the expectations are a little high just because it says 'swingers' at the top of the page . Take a chill pill , sometimes folk just cant be arsed to reply and after all it was just an e mail a few minutes of your life , if you ever get the reply you are really wating for ( or perhaps expecting ) itll all be worth it wont it ??
Peace G
Sex God
Hehehehe Vix
Well personally I was propositioned by a sexy blonde and never looked back . Shocked and confused , no .but very much in love
G xx
Well personally I was propositioned by a sexy blonde and never looked back . Shocked and confused , no .but very much in love
G xx
Quote by Silk and Big G
have the guys involved ever dated in the conventional sense ? If so were they so shocked and confused when they asked that blonde at the pub for a date and she cut them dead ?
As someone who did pose this question when I first came to the forum, I'll answer... usually the blonde in the pub at least acknowledges your presence and says no. (Either that or she throws a glass of beer over you.) Besides, if she does cut you dead, at least she's saved you the effort of making a long and ultimately wasted speech.
I must say that I'm not the kinda guy who often picks up women in pubs, however, so I may be wrong about that.
Quote by Silk and Big G
sometimes folk just cant be arsed to reply and after all it was just an e mail a few minutes of your life ,
But those minutes do add up. I deleted my master list of people I'd tried to contact when I gave up, but IIRC it had about 120 names on it, and less than 10 of them had replied to me. Let's imagine that leaves 100 who didn't reply, just to make the maths super-easy. Now, let's say I spend an average of 30 minutes drafting each message. Sometimes it was more (especially in the early days), sometimes it was less (especially in the latter days). 100 messages x 30 minutes per message = 3,000 minutes = 50 hours, or approximately two full 24-hour days of writing messages that were never acknowledged.
Or to put it another way, if you work an 8-hour day it's 6 full working days lost. Say you take home £10/hour, that's time to the value of £500. (Of course, if you have a brain you get out of your chair, go to work and if you want to answer swingers' ads, do it in the evening. ;) )
I know people often have good reasons for not replying (too many people to reply to, scared of vindictive responses, etc) - I just wanted to give my perspective on what you'd said.
Quote by Silk and Big G
if you ever get the reply you are really wating for ( or perhaps expecting ) itll all be worth it wont it ??
Is it? How much is a meeting with swingers worth? The value isn't infinite... there comes a point eventually where the value of the investment will outweigh any putative returns you may hope one day to reap.
Sex God
LOL I really cant be arsed to go into that much detail :-)
I have to admit i have been astounded by the amount of replies that posing this question has got. I guess your all right in a way..as for the blonde in the pub at least she would tell me to sod off..i think you have it right in as much as we all expect other ppl to treat us as we treat others ourselves..me im the kind of person that always replies even if it is to say im sorry no thanks..
Yes i do go out and pull now and again..but the whole idea of this is that you can meet like minded ppl who are lookinfgfor simular things to yourself without all the hassle of dating only to find out later they arnt into the same stuff as you..or even worse those that say they are then, when you have arranged a meet suddenly back out ( my ex!!!)
I think for most of us single guys and ladies for that mater the ideal solution would be to look for swing partners ..we wouldnt necessarly sleep together but could pair up to meet other couples etc for fun..thus doing away with the problem of singles ..maybe we ought to have a new section for ppl seeking swing partners??? what do you think???
Yes i do go out and pull now and again..but the whole idea of this is that you can meet like minded ppl who are lookinfgfor simular things to yourself without all the hassle of dating only to find out later they arnt into the same stuff as you..or even worse those that say they are then, when you have arranged a meet suddenly back out ( my ex!!!)
I think for most of us single guys and ladies for that mater the ideal solution would be to look for swing partners ..we wouldnt necessarly sleep together but could pair up to meet other couples etc for fun..thus doing away with the problem of singles ..maybe we ought to have a new section for ppl seeking swing partners??? what do you think???
Sex God
Is it? How much is a meeting with swingers worth? The value isn't infinite... there comes a point eventually where the value of the investment will outweigh any putative returns you may hope one day to reap.
You gotta re read what you put there and somehow try and reconcile it with your heartfelt plea to my better nature . Cos from where im reading it , it sounds more like a business transaction than any form of human relationship ! Like I said a persons attitude to others colours their expectations , and their expectations of swingers colours their attitude to individuals.
Peace
Quote by Silk and Big G
How much is a meeting with swingers worth? The value isn't infinite... there comes a point eventually where the value of the investment will outweigh any putative returns you may hope one day to reap.
You gotta re read what you put there and somehow try and reconcile it with your heartfelt plea to my better nature . Cos from where im reading it , it sounds more like a business transaction than any form of human relationship !
Don't forget, I was responding to your comment about all the hard work being "worth it" when/if you eventually get the reply you wanted. But since I don't actually disagree with what I wrote...
The thing about a human relationship is that it requires two active participants... you can't have any kind of relationship with somebody unless they're having some kind of relationship with you. Sending someone an email in response to a photo ad doesn't constitute a human relationship; it's a plea for a human relationship. But either way, I think it's prudent when considering a course of action to carefully weigh up the pros and cons.
For example: having a baby. Pros: little bundle of fun, joys of parenthood, someone to love. Cons: sleepless nights, major life-restructuring, pregnancy, extra mouth to feed... Many people would say "Hey, having a baby is worth all those minor inconveniences" and who's to argue with that? Others say "I want to concentrate on my career and leave a family until later" or even "We don't want children", and again you can't argue with that either. I'm not saying people are wrong to make a decision either way - merely that they recognise there is an upside and a downside to each option, and make an informed choice in that context.
If you're saying a human relationship has infinite value, then by definition we should always be willing to go to infinite lengths to establish a new one. But I wouldn't and neither would you. We all have limits. If a girl keeps refusing to go out with you, eventually you have to stop buying chocolates and asking her. The cost - in terms of effort, emotional investment in someone who doesn't want you and emotional damage from continual rejection - eventually outweighs the diminishingly small chance that she might say yes next time.
