OK-a OK a you peeegs - I geeve up.
I've tried shooting everybody's boll***cks off and meessed
that's because in the 'real' world I'm Tune Essence.
Boy have I enjoyed being an obnoxious, chilli stinking, fart!
Must come naturally.
Thanks to everyone else who made it so much fun and especially ICE PIE for coming up with the idea - a real good'un.
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Quote by DAVlD BENT
Ok as promised off comes the clothes, give me some room eh. An ego this huge can't undress in this little space
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/images/avatars/102548431540293bca945dc.gif
And to think I was mouthing you off all day. Still I got the no Boll**cks bit right eh? eh?
MISSCHIEF Bluddy brilliant!
Quote by groucho
dont you guys worry I've word that old ugly could't hit a cows arse with a banjo so yer bollox are safe)
Yeah but I gotta seex bullets and a they only gotta 2 boll**cks. (None ina the cas ofa the David Benta! Ha!
Quote by groucho
Hey ugly when are you and that cowboy outa the village people gonna have your duel or has the french guy scared ya both with his floppy hankies (talking of which frenchie give one to that dirty no name to clear up his spit with)
Heya I speeta too. I beata olda 'shaved undera hees poncho' in a speeting contest down ole Mehico way bak een '64!
Quote by miss whiplash
Did someone metion bikes?
Anyone want their bell ringing or their horn squeezing?
Heya Meesa Wheeplasha you coma ride ona my crossa bara eh? Eet's nearly as beeg asa my peestol!
Heya deed youa doa the soundatracka fora 'The Good, Bad anda the Ugly' - lotaa wheepa-cracking going ona!
Quote by The Prisoner
I was rather hoping that Miss Bennett would have been here. She still hasn't had a ride on my bicycle.
Anda asa fora youa my fina frienda - you cana steek youra bika uppa youra penny farthinga. Eet's probably smooth eenougha!
You dona need bicycle cleepsa - you just gotta taka one froma your vowels heh?
Quote by Elizabeth Bennett
[
Senor Ugly
As for missing you, I had not noticed that you had departed. I did, however, notice a rather dashing gentleman (he did not give his name) who was most anxious to find you.
That pistol you are fingering - rather dainty - is quite amazing how small they can make them.
Miss E Bennett
Virginal Spinster of this Parish
Heya! Mees Bennetta,
Youa know a how to hurt a guy's feelengs eh?
<< mutters to heemself >> Weemin eh? Youa turn ona the charma and they speeta you outa eh? I theenk I shoota my Boll**cks offa he!
Quote by man with no name
I tracked yer here too, Ugly. You gonna come quiet? I'm in town for one day: then it's back to the High Plains. Make sure you're ready to ride by dawn (spits, lights cheroot)
I hear you bin annoyin' the ladies; should't a' done that. remember the Alamo...
Hey - man witha no nama - deed you know that Sheryl Crow put on a poncho - heh?
See ya!
Yep.
I gave it to her when she did a concert for the 'Rawhide' Reunion.
Come to think of it, she did a couple of songs that coulda been just for you shorty..
'Run, Baby Run' seems kinda 'appropriate' in your case
??
Heya you witha no nama! You reminda me ofa Oh Marie, who puta teen perfuma behinda your kneesa Hah!
Quote by lucrezia borgia
[Lizzy,
Pray tell me about this “Mr. Darcy†of yours, I believe I have not yet had the pleasure of his acquaintance. I suspect that if he is enough to make your heart go a flutter he is a very fine specimen of man. Please inform him I will be sending for him at some point during the day in order to familiarize myself with him.
Your dear and true friend
Lucrezia
Heya I'ma Darcy, Eli Darcy - I already a told youa - Geez. Hey I coma around an' see you tonighta Heh?
(Heya thata Lucya Borgia - she sounda lika the Lady Catherine de Burgha Heh?)
Quote by Elizabeth Bennett
He he, nice one Liz, can call you Liz can't I, feel like we are friends now.
You may call me Miss Bennett!
I feel we are aquanitances, not friends as yet.
Heya Mees Bennetta - don'ta touch that Benta bloka - he got no boll***s.
I stroka my Derringer and eet become a Colt Magnum .45 Magneefeeco!
Quote by DAVlD BENT
Heya Mees Bennetta - you feela faint cos you a mees me eh? I nowa loosen my chaps (stopsa tha chafing!) and then I loosen a the bodice - deal - OK? << fingers peestol >>
Look mate, I was here first, wait your turn ok.
Excusa me - I shoot your boll***s offa eh? I'ma Ugly and I eata tha Chilli Huh!
Quote by Elizabeth Bennett
Gosh this bodice is tight, I am feeling quite faint.
Could one of you fine gentleman get me a glass of water please - No, not that champagne, I had some the other evening and I do believe I was on the verge of losing my virtuousity.
Miss E. Bennett
Virginal spinster of the parish
Heya Mees Bennetta - you feela faint cos you a mees me eh? I nowa loosen my chaps (stopsa tha chafing!) and then I loosen a the bodice - deal - OK? << fingers peestol >>
Quote by Eliza Doolittle
Elliooo ugly . a girl is not to be so forward in these matters . but where do ya fancy takin a girl for a nibble.
Heya my leetle Doll Eliza - that ees the strangest cockney accenta I hear for yeeears. Thees Professora Heeegeeens - he eithera crappa or he a no feeeneeshed hee's a joba. You a coma weeth mee and I teach youa proper Eeengleesh and I geeeve you a good mouthfula as well eh? Heh! Heh!
Quote by Cyrano de Bergerac
<<< goes off to check if pistols we're invented yet, for the sake of historical accuracy! >>>
erm............not sure ffs!
but anyways you never seen james wotsisface in the magnificent seven eh?? with a bit of a bloody knife against that bloke with the shooter, let alone a sword ffs!!! so your point is wot exactly???
eli you ugly personne.......
I pray you have a care! If you go on
My scabbard soon will render up its blade! :shock:who writes this stuff ffs???
<<< bit more hanky slapping, but in a slightly more aggressive way >>>
Heya 'spit-conque'! You donta knowa thata I wasa ina the Magneefeecent Seven. Old Coqueburn he no able toa chuck the knifa so Eli hava to do eet for heem as a doubla. Anywaya why you calla yours flies youra scabbard heh?
I theenk I recognise the style of the quotes een thees one (Neil?)
Quote by Cyrano de Bergerac
<< sweeps off his hat and bows with a flourish >>>
ahhhh eliza ma belle fille. i believe u ave already met mon ami le Compte de Cuiche at zee ambassadors ball?? ee was quite taken wiz your beauty as i recall, zo all that raining on the plaining waz ay leetle confusing???? un verre du vin, n'est-ce pas???
x x x x x
Oy sheet we 'ave (bit o' frenchy there eh?) no rain on the plain ina Mehico - I shoota your boll***cks offa eef you go for a my 'liza.... < thinks > I shoota the bol****cks offa anyonea that a moves a!
Quote by Cyrano de Bergerac
<<< slips quite out of character for a bit! >>>
now look man wi no name whoever you are. i just bloody well challenged ugly to a duel ffs, so you can just ride off into the sunset and leave the duelling to proper..erm......duellists, ok?? all very well going all slanty eyed and spitting, but there's ways and means, and they generally involve slightly effeminate carrying on with hankies or lacy gloves and stuff alrite???
<<< tuts >>>
or d'you want me to order up an extra coffin from the old guy??? hhhmmmm???
Okaya I gotta gun - you gotta sworda - whatsa tha oddsa??
oy big nose wots yur problem...we can sort it for a small price
Whatsa the oddsa then eh?
Quote by man with no name
I tracked yer here too, Ugly. You gonna come quiet? I'm in town for one day: then it's back to the High Plains. Make sure you're ready to ride by dawn (spits, lights cheroot)
I hear you bin annoyin' the ladies; should't a' done that. remember the Alamo...
Hey - man witha no nama - deed you know that Sheryl Crow put on a poncho - heh?
See ya!
Quote by man with no name
Scuse me folks. Anybody seem a grimy lookin' Mexican crawlin' round here? Me an' him got a score to settle. tell him 'Good' was here...and I'm leavin' tomorrow, so he'd better get his Mexican ass outa town, pronto..
Escusa me! But eeef you're offa tomorrowa whatta hava i gotta worry abouta - laya low and look under your poncho - Eh???
Quote by man with no name
OK Ugly, I've tracked you over a hundred miles of desert (spits and lights cheroot). I aint hangin' around here for more than 24 hours. So, you gonna be a good boy and come quiet or am I gonna have to lift my poncho??
You cana lifta youra poncho - but you forgeta I seen a under it - you shaved!!!!
