Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Forum
"Its about the bond formed between a little girl and a group of building
workers. It's allegedly true and makes you want to believe in the goodness
of people and that there is hope for the human race".
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building plot.
One day Willie Brunsden and a gang of building workers turned up to start
building a house on the empty plot. The young family's 5 year-old daughter
naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next-door and
started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the
builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a
sort of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay
envelope containing two pound in 10p coins.
The little girl took her "pay" home to her mother who suggested that they
take the money she had received to the bank, the cashier was tickled pink
listening to the little girl telling her about her "work" on the building
site and the fact she had a "pay packet".
"You must have worked very hard to earn all this," said the bank cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men
building the big house."
"My goodness gracious", said the cashier, "Will you be working on the
house again this week, as well?"
The little girl thought for a moment and said, "I think so. Provided those
c*nts at Jewson deliver the F*cking bricks"
workers. It's allegedly true and makes you want to believe in the goodness
of people and that there is hope for the human race".
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building plot.
One day Willie Brunsden and a gang of building workers turned up to start
building a house on the empty plot. The young family's 5 year-old daughter
naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next-door and
started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the
builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a
sort of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay
envelope containing two pound in 10p coins.
The little girl took her "pay" home to her mother who suggested that they
take the money she had received to the bank, the cashier was tickled pink
listening to the little girl telling her about her "work" on the building
site and the fact she had a "pay packet".
"You must have worked very hard to earn all this," said the bank cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men
building the big house."
"My goodness gracious", said the cashier, "Will you be working on the
house again this week, as well?"
The little girl thought for a moment and said, "I think so. Provided those
c*nts at Jewson deliver the F*cking bricks"
PROOF THAT THE WORLD IS NUTS!!"
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick??)
*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than "going blind!")
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of...?)
(Did the govt. pay for this research??)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And, the best for last.....
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(Do you think they have bad breath?)
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick??)
*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than "going blind!")
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of...?)
(Did the govt. pay for this research??)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And, the best for last.....
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(Do you think they have bad breath?)
TimmyBoy says, "My elbow hurts like hell. I better see a doctor. "
"Listen, don't waste time," said Forza "There's a diagnostic computer
down at Asda. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you
what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs
five pounds. . . a lot quicker and better than a doctor. "
So TimmyBoy deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Asda.
He deposits five pounds, and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis
elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will
improve in two weeks"
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
TimmyBoy began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some
tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. He then
hurries
back to Asda, eager to check the results. He deposits five pounds, pours
in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the
following:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better. and thank you for shopping at Asda.
"Listen, don't waste time," said Forza "There's a diagnostic computer
down at Asda. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you
what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs
five pounds. . . a lot quicker and better than a doctor. "
So TimmyBoy deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Asda.
He deposits five pounds, and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis
elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will
improve in two weeks"
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
TimmyBoy began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some
tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. He then
hurries
back to Asda, eager to check the results. He deposits five pounds, pours
in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the
following:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better. and thank you for shopping at Asda.
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into
a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a
fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your
teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at
the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way
hrough and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
your hand or head stuck in something
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who hashad their
arm broken by a swan
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on
an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of
wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
:D :lol: :D :lol: :D :lol: :D :lol: :D :lol: :D :lol: :D :lol:
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into
a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a
fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your
teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at
the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way
hrough and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
your hand or head stuck in something
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who hashad their
arm broken by a swan
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on
an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of
wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
:D :lol: :D :lol: :D :lol: :D :lol: :D :lol: :D :lol: :D :lol: A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blond.
He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You Know "he says, I've
heard that flights go quicker if you strike a up a conversation with
your fellow passenger. So lets talk. The blond who had just opened her
book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to
discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know'. how about nuclear energy?"
"OK" she says. "That could be an interesting topic, but first may I ask
you a question? A horse. a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff. Grass.
Yet, the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out flat patties
and the horse produces muffin shaped poop. Why do you suppose that is?
"The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't got a clue.
"So tell me" she says, "how is it you feel qualified to discuss nuclear
energy when you don't know shit?" :idea:
He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You Know "he says, I've
heard that flights go quicker if you strike a up a conversation with
your fellow passenger. So lets talk. The blond who had just opened her
book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to
discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know'. how about nuclear energy?"
"OK" she says. "That could be an interesting topic, but first may I ask
you a question? A horse. a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff. Grass.
Yet, the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out flat patties
and the horse produces muffin shaped poop. Why do you suppose that is?
"The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't got a clue.
"So tell me" she says, "how is it you feel qualified to discuss nuclear
energy when you don't know shit?" :idea:
Quote by bluexxxbump does noone seriously still go dogging around warrington,i am up for action tonite anywhwere around the area,is noone interested in a 20 year old single male,muscular build and 6ft 4,noone???? anyoneeee!!!
People do dog at Warrington, but obviously not tonight and not with you
I really do not see the need to post a reply like that,there are some seriously twisted people use this site...
