Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Sumo
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 50
0 miles · Berkshire
Forum
Warming the Bed
Quote by joeboy69692000
Hiya Guys
Posted a few times but pretty new. Nothing really much happens to me as a single Guy but in the Last 24 hrs I have slept with 2 different Women had an Operation under General Anaesthetic in Airedale at Keighley and also had 5 pints of Lager and a Curry with 2 other girls I have never met before in Ilkley. Think I will have a lie in tomorrow.!
All checkable facts!
momma never said there d be days like this !!!!
luv mark
The question is what order was it in.....was the operation as a result of the 2 different women.......the plot thickens......
I'm sure we can all have a go at making up a story based on the facts above....best one wins a prize.......
Warming the Bed
Quote by fruity1976
Off to take my first assessment of the year in web development I think Ive studied enough (i hope!) in between severe bouts of hornyness dammit didnt get my tuesday shag this week have to wait till friday!!
Anyhoo pweeeeeese keep your fingers crossed not so much that Ill pass more that I wont shit myself in class although it would be great to get a 20/20 pass and whip all them guys asses
Anyhoo
Good luck...although I'm sure you won't need it
Warming the Bed
You can only regret the things you've done and so go out and give everything a go....having a regret over something is better than not having the chance to regret something.
Live life to the full, you don't know what tomorow might bring. This sounds a little deep/serious but it makes for a very enjoyable life...at least for me.
As for specific regrets......everyhting I have done makes me the person I am today, and if I regret soemthing then maybe i would'nt be the happy chappy I am now....who knows.
Live life to the full, you don't know what tomorow might bring. This sounds a little deep/serious but it makes for a very enjoyable life...at least for me.
As for specific regrets......everyhting I have done makes me the person I am today, and if I regret soemthing then maybe i would'nt be the happy chappy I am now....who knows.
Warming the Bed
Hope this cheers you up
A traveling salesman visits a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading, "Don't Miss the Amazing Goldstein!"
Curious, he buys a ticket.
The tent goes dark.
Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring.
There, spot lit in the center ring is a table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it is an old Jewish man.
Suddenly the old man unzips his pants, whips out a huge shlong, and smashes all three walnuts with three mighty swings!
The crowd erupts in applause as the elderly Goldstein is carried off on the shoulders of the clowns.
Ten years later the salesman visits the same little town and he sees a faded sign for the same circus and the same "Don't Miss the Amazing Goldstein."
He can't believe the old guy is still alive much less still doing his act!
So he buys a ticket.
Again, the center ring is illuminated.
This time, instead of walnuts, Three coconuts are on the table.
Goldstein stands before them, then suddenly unzips his fly and smashes the coconuts with three swings of his amazing shlong.
The crowd goes wild!
Flabbergasted, the salesman requests a meeting with him after the show.
"You're incredible," he tells Goldstein. "But I have to know something.
You're older now. Why switch from walnuts to coconuts?"
"Vell," says Goldstein, "My eyes aren't what they used to be!"
A traveling salesman visits a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading, "Don't Miss the Amazing Goldstein!"
Curious, he buys a ticket.
The tent goes dark.
Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring.
There, spot lit in the center ring is a table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it is an old Jewish man.
Suddenly the old man unzips his pants, whips out a huge shlong, and smashes all three walnuts with three mighty swings!
The crowd erupts in applause as the elderly Goldstein is carried off on the shoulders of the clowns.
Ten years later the salesman visits the same little town and he sees a faded sign for the same circus and the same "Don't Miss the Amazing Goldstein."
He can't believe the old guy is still alive much less still doing his act!
So he buys a ticket.
Again, the center ring is illuminated.
This time, instead of walnuts, Three coconuts are on the table.
Goldstein stands before them, then suddenly unzips his fly and smashes the coconuts with three swings of his amazing shlong.
The crowd goes wild!
Flabbergasted, the salesman requests a meeting with him after the show.
"You're incredible," he tells Goldstein. "But I have to know something.
You're older now. Why switch from walnuts to coconuts?"
"Vell," says Goldstein, "My eyes aren't what they used to be!"
Warming the Bed
Another amusing story to cheer you all up
This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's family and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!". Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!" Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have cancelled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.
His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends.....$32,000
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion...................$3,000
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui...............$8,500
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man..........Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD.
This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's family and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!". Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!" Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have cancelled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.
His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends.....$32,000
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion...................$3,000
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui...............$8,500
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man..........Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD.
