update!!! am now in my new flat, so can accom...woohoo!!! & am looking to meet those who can accom & travel, or accom ONLY from now on...if you can't accom, what you hiding?

cna yuo raed this, if you can raed tihs, you hvae a sgtrane mnid too, i cdnuolt blveiee taht i cluod aulaclty uesdnatnd waht i was rdanieg, the phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to sceitniife rscheearch it dseno`t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit & lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae, the rset can be a taotl mses, you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm, tihs is bcuseae the haumn mnid deos not raed ervry lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe, azanmig...

right, if you're still reading this, i best tell you something about myself. Stocky build, long hair, goatee, hairy chest, shaved below, fairly dominant (that don't mean i'm a control freak) & open minded. i have a face photo on here & show face on cam in chat, so might see you in there sometime. you'll find i have a gsoh & tend to speak my mind, but we're all adults on here, aren't we?

i'm not looking for a long term relationship, but i do perfer seeing people more than just the once, easier to get to know each other & what turns each other on that way. but saying that, i do still do "one nighters" if that's your thing.

Want to know owt else, ask :)

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women are like supermarkets during sex...

"tesco" women scream "every little helps!"

"asda" women like their arse's smacked

"m&s" women will do two of you for £10

"sainsbury's" women like to try something new today

"lidl's" women are just cheap

will add more when i think of them lol

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things i DON'T want to hear on a first meet...

1, fuck, he's waking up, quick, more rohypnol...

2, now we have something else in common...chlamydia!

3, would you like to see my tits? well, they rolled under the bed when i took my bra off...

4, of course my husband doesn't mind, ask him, he's watching us from inside the wardrobe...

5, if you're going to keep screaming, i'll have to put the gag back on...

6, the voices in my head say you're very good looking, except one which is screaming "KILL HIM!!!"...

7, do you like role-playing? you do? cool, i've brought my dungeons & dragons game...

8, i hope you're not allergic to nuts...because now you've got your hand inside my knickers, you're about to find mine...

9, do you like kippers for breakfast? or would you rather i go shower?

10, (knock on window) is this your car sir? if you wouldn't mind getting dressed & stepping out of the vehicle...

11, you'll never find your cock where i've thrown it hahahahahahahaha...

12, i'm just cooking us some lunch...i'm boiling a bunny!!!

13, before we go any further, just let me change my colostomy bag...

14, would you mind if i wear this blindfold? only you were better looking when i was pissed...

15, oh don't mind the blood, that's just from where the zombie bit me...

16, yeah, i do like football...before the sex change, i used to play for chelsea...

17, i'm sooo sorry, i thought i was only going to fart...

18, before we get undressed, would you mind filling out this health & safety form?

19, why are you looking at it like that? they all have teeth, don't they?

20, would you mind not shagging me so hard, only you're making my ipod skip...

21, why do i have "TARDIS" tattooed above my fanny? stick your arm in & find out...

22, sorry, just got to send a quick ...how many "N's" are there in "minger"?

23, i hope you don't mind me showing up with no knickers on, just it makes it easier to scratch this rash...

24, can you do me up the arse? only i've not been for a week & need something to make my bowels move...

25, i don't normally jump into bed this quick on a first meet, only i've got to be at the GUM clinic in half an hour...