as a big fan of oral sex (particularly giving but also receiving) it does seem that women want it both ways (fnurr, fnurr - showing my age) ie they love the intensity of of oral intention then want you to switch all your focus to the physical cut and thrust when maybe your mind is elsewhere (so to speak)
my recommendation is to encourage a little reverse engineering - time spent on top is time well invested and fits in well with my lifestyle (plenty of time spent talking but not nearly enough on pelvic development - poor me!)
Jx